The Chaser Report - Earth's Vital Signs Are Not Looking Good

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Climate Change vs AI; which will kill the earth first? Charles and Dom discuss the world's best killers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. Now, look, I know that in the past we've been pretty gloom and doom about climate change, but I'm here today to tell you that there is some excellent news on climate change. Oh, great. That's the first thing.

And the second thing is you shouldn't spend all your time worrying about climate change because an expert this week has said that you should spend just as much time worrying about AI. So it's going to be one of those cheerful episodes that we do. But I've got some good news on the climate front, so don't worry. So, Charles, here is the big news in climate from the week. Scientists have come out. Pretty much most major climate scientists have come out and said together.

So people like Professor Craig Rucas. Yes, that's right. Yeah, yeah. They say that Earth's vital signs are worse that at any time in human history and that life on this very planet. Not just ours, but all life is in peril. They call for a rapid and just transition to a sustainable future. As though that's going to happen.

Here's the good news. Yeah, the good news is... I said there was some good news here. Apparently, there are 35 planetary vital signs. Oh, okay, right, yeah. So it's very comprehensive. There's a lot of evidence and data here. And is that things like the amount of oxygen?

I don't have the full list. But the good news is that only 20 of them are at record extremes. Only 20 of the 35. And that means, if you want to be glass, half full about it, or slightly less than half, 15 out of 35 are absolutely fine. Well, I imagine some of them we'd be going really well in, like the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. We've been at, we're at all-time highs.

I'm not sure that's one of the ones they track. Sort of helps the plants grow. So they look at things like greenhouse gas emissions, global temperature, sea level rises, human and livestock population numbers. So if we ate a lot of livestock, that would help. If we all had burgers, that would be enormously helpful. Well, actually, because of the impending. El Nino, what's been happening in Australia is all the cattle farmers have been selling off

their cattle desperately trying to offload them ahead of the drought. So go on and help a farmer by having a steak at every meal. Well, which is what, well, unfortunately, the one thing that hasn't happened, so the head price of cattle has dropped about 60% in the last 12 months. Unfortunately, for some reason, which nobody can work out, the duopoly that controls meat prices, which is Coles and Woolworths, hasn't dropped their meat prices by more than about 10%. Why should they?

Are you going to make them? But their cost price has gone down 60%. Yeah, Charles, they're businesses. This is their chance to make hay. They owe us nothing. Where else are we going to go? It's a duopoly. They don't need to make hay because they're killing all the cattle.

That's right. The head of the drought. Yeah, look, I'm not shocked to hear that. Majors if markets are operating like a cartel. That's what they're for. Charles, just stop being critical and buy shares. Yes. Oh, yes.

See, that's the thing. Stop complaining. Yeah, just profit. That's same with the rest of the. the economy. One of my friends actually said, stop complaining, Charles, just buy bank shares. Just start a hedge fund. And he said, that's the whole key to my success, Charles, is that my dad bought bank shares. And it was like, okay, great. What a winner. Yeah, so good on you. Okay, so there's some more details here. I'm going to focus on the sort of bad stuff just so we can

laugh it off. You know, many climate records have been broken this year. Let's just list a few. Global air temperature, ocean temperature. Antarctic sea ice. less than it's ever been. But it has been a wonderfully mild October. Oh, it's been wonderful, isn't it? And in July overseas, we had the highest monthly surface temperature ever recorded. Probably the hottest they think that the planet has been in 100,000 years. But the mistake, and I've been saying this to all the climate scientists, I know.

And, you know, all the people in charge. And the mistake you made was taking the sulfites out of the petrol. Yeah. Remember they did that about a year ago? Yeah. We talked about it on the podcast. That's why everything's at record temperatures, because there used to be this thin coat of sulfites that admittedly caused acid rain, but also reflected the sun's

light because it's white. It's a white sheen. And I think we should go back to just pumping the air full of sulphites. And acid rain's very good for buildings. It just sort of takes off the birdshed. Yeah, isn't that what it does? Yeah. What else have we got? Extraordinary bushfire season in Canada with unprecedented CO2 emissions, a billion tons, which is the entire output of Japan, just from one country's fires in Canada. I think Australia's got a good chance to get getting in on that action the next few months. Well, already, we've got some good bushfires going. Absolutely. So the researchers say, look, the top 10% of emitters are responsible for the almost 50% of global emissions. So it's all countries like Australia that are driving this. But I just

think with 15 indicators that aren't at crisis level. Yes, exactly. It's okay. No, it's fine. And if that wasn't enough to solve things, Charles, as we speak, Anthony Albanese is in the US with Joe Biden, saving the planet together. So, Joe Biden put $3 billion on the table for his green tech bill, including 1.3 in direct subsidies, 1.3 trillion, that's 1,000 billion, 3 million million. That's a lot of, why aren't we not, why are we not doing? By contrast, we put in two. Two billion. Two billion. Two billion. That's a lot. Which is only 1,000th of what America put in. Yeah, but America got that money from us, because we paid them for the submarines. Isn't that how it works?

Yeah, I mean, it's all the same pile, really, yes. I think America should thank us for turning up. And apparently Joe Biden scowled down our state dinner. So it's going to be more of an intimate affair, which saves, you know, climate emissions, all that cooking. That's right. All that finery and pomp and splendor. But, Dom, you know, what can we as Australians do about climate change anyway? Like, sure, we're the top exporter of fossil fuel coal in the world and second only to Saudi Arabia in

in terms of total fossil fuel exports. But what can we do? We can't change that. Charles, the solution is so close to home. I can't believe you don't know it. There's only one thing you need to do. Yes. Well, I think we're thinking about the same thing.

It's watching war and waste. Yes, that's right. It's single use grocery bag. Yeah, single use, plastic straws. Yeah, I am plastic straw. You can't get them anymore. It's deeply annoying. We've solved the plastic straw problem.

That's right. You can't find one anyway. I have to buy them out of the black market in order to keep using them. You know what I had to do? This is actually true, because I've got a, my five-year-old loves a straw, or she tends to spill things all over her uniform, etc. So I've had to buy, this is the solution if you're interested, because the Roocastle straws, as I call them, the paper stores are shit, right?

They last halfway through any drink. Oh, they're like... Absolutely terrible. They're like Craig's personality. They're disappointing as Craig himself. What you do, here's the way to beat Craig. Wet and flaccid. It's not just...

You could order, I don't know, from Ali Barbar or something, just get a million plastic straws. That'd be fine, just import those. Or you can buy. the reusable straws, the metal ones or the silicon ones, and then use them once and throw them out. It's expensive, but it's the principle of the thing. I want to use a straw once and then throw it away. Have you seen the metal straws? Yeah, we've got some. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Has anyone impaled their face on them yet? Oh, God, you're right. I should

probably get rid of them? They're incredibly. It's like having a knife sticking out of your drink. Because if you... That's true. Especially if you've got young kids. Yeah, which I do. Yes. So if my children and die empowered on a metal straw. Craig had better give the fucking eulogy. That's all. Look, look, your death wasn't in vain. It's a principle here. It would be a very charming eulogy. It would be very charming. And there'd be lots of coughs

all the way through. So that's what's going on. By the way, listeners, it doesn't matter that we're paying out, Craig, because he's actually in Rwanda at a climate conference at the moment. So... Did he go there in his canoe? Yeah, all the world's climate scientists have descended on Rwanda.

So Craig can you bash them. And this is absolutely true. He's giving the keynote address at the conference. Wow. Yeah, he'll be able to tell them what's what. Thank goodness they've got an expert to speak to the climate scientists. Look, good on him. Yeah, no, good on him.

I'm jealous. He's doing more than us. And it says here, this is some breaking news. Apparently Rwanda's released a few journalists recently. So if we're lucky Craig will get locked up. Craig is a journalist. He's there to spy on Rwanda and violate Rwandan sovereignty. You heard it here first.

We know him very well. Okay, so I thought Rwanda was quite a good democracy nowadays. You know, genocides tend to sort of make you a little bit sort of nicer as a nation I tend to find. Yeah, look, I'm paraphrasing a news story. It's probably fine. It's probably fine. Actually, this article was from 20 years ago. I don't care.

I just googled Rwanda arrests to see if there was any possibility of Ukraine getting locked up. That's in no way a properly worked through example. Anyway, so climate-wise, we haven't wrecked everything yet. still a few things we haven't destroyed. What we really need to get the climate changing, if we want to accelerate things, got to get some volcanoes going, because they can spew a lot of COs. Once you get a volcano fired up, I don't know, do we drop nuclear bombs in them? How do you make volcanoes erupt anyway?

So, I've looked into this. Yeah, of course you have. Best prank ever, hello. No, exactly. It is hard because it's seismic activity, right? So you can do it. If you place nuclear bombs on fault lines, Because they did a lot of research during the Cold War, both sides, both Russia and America, looked into, there was a whole plot which came out recently about placing things strategically along the fault line near San Francisco.

This is an absurd amount of general knowledge you're displaying in this episode, Charles, by the way. And the Russians were going to sort of do these little strategic nuclear bombs that would then cause a massive earthquake and get rid of San Francisco. But I think actually the Russians quite wisely win, well, San Francisco is just a basket case anyway. It's on a hair trigger anyway. It's going to bring down the US without us. You could probably just poke a bit of soil and start. A bit of a earthquake, yeah. But where would we need to have the volcano?

So brilliantly wide magazine, it turns out, actually looked at this in 2012. They wrote an article called How to Trigger a Volcanicor on Purpose. They don't think that nuking the kind of magma core would work. And apparently we've bombed lava flows to try and stop them. Oh, really? That doesn't work. That doesn't work. I'm pervious to that.

Oh, damn. So if you wanted to do it, there's a lot of theories about this. You could try to decompress the magma. So I sort of find a way to just squash it down and then it kind of bubbles over. Turns a bit boring. Yeah, what you could do is... I think you want nuclear somehow. It would be good to...

What you could do is manipulate the tides, apparently. That could help. Like, get gravity involved. You know that Australia is moving very fast. So out of all the continents, it's by far the fastest moving continent. That sounds like a factorferthy to me. It's, no, look it up.

It's something like 15 centimetres a year. Some extraordinary, maybe it's 10 centimetres a year. Which, you know, it's pretty, it's going to be too fast for 60% of the population. Well, no, but all, 10 centimeters a year, they're not going to like that. Already, oh, yeah, God, yes. Vote no. But already what's happened is they've had to adjust the GPS system once. Oh, really?

Because the GPS system keeps on getting out of alignment in the Australia. because we keep moving. Just to summarize, here's how you get a volcano interrup. You find one that's already got some magma intruding at shallow depths. Oh, yep, yep, yep. You want something that's prime, already ready to go. Okay, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You find a way to kind of get rid of the cork that's on the volcano. There's some pressure holding it down. So you kind of lift off the top layer. Yep. And then you get a whole bunch of water into it quite quickly, but not too quickly. So I don't sort of put it out. Yes. But enough to just shake things up and get it going up there.

So nukes don't do it. Okay. I've got to do more than that. I'll get rid of my nukes then. Yeah, you go. So, Charles, that's the first thing. After this, I'm just going to explain why climate's not the only thing we need to worry about. There's something else that is just as much of an extinction level threat.

And it's something we created. Oh, okay. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. So, the head of Google Deep Mind, have you heard of Google Deep Mind? Is that their AI thing? Yes, it's in the U, based in the UK, because they've kept it a long way away from America. probably. Demis Hasabas. So this is someone who's actually making AI and presumably his career

is staked on the success of AI. He says, even he says, AI risk must be treated as seriously as the climate crisis. Yeah, can I just intervene here, Dom? Yes. And say all these people are going, AI is actually the key thing, are actually all just tech pro billionaires and their functionaries who would far prefer some sort of threat that they themselves have come up with it's just basically projection it's just they see the power of AI and they go well we have to be worried about this because I created they're just narcissists right because if the planet's going to be destroyed anyway you'd much rather it be you that did it wouldn't you because then history would remember you yes and also I think it's like it's like sawdust it's sort of like pay attention to this

rather than the actual crisis that's going to suffocate it like at no point is AI going to suffocate us Well, unless you say, hey, hey, Google, can you please suffocate? Or can you please not suffocate us? Yeah. And it's connected to your... It'll misinterpret your request. It's connected to your air conditioning system. So what we need to do with Charles, I think there's a simple solution here.

And look, there are lots of reasons why we haven't got time to go into details about way. It's pretty obvious why AI is a potential thread, I guess. Oh, yeah. Because it'll be linked to all the computer systems and... It'll have energy groups. ...agency potentially. Yeah.

What we need to do is tell AI to devote all of its energy, or every AI around the world, get it to focus exclusively on solving the climate crisis. Oh, no. Then they'll both be triggered at once. We won't have to worry about which one's going to kill us. But isn't the whole problem with using AI to solve the climate crisis is that it will suggest solutions that involve killing people? Yes.

But that's the one concern is that if you take away the humanity of the... And the climate crisis is as much a democracy crisis. Because actually the problem is billionaires floating around the world, controlling the world's resources and refusing to do anything, you know, in the interests of humanity. And that's a control issue. That's not actually a we don't have the tech to do it. Yeah, of course we've got the tech to do it. We just don't want to. Yeah, exactly.

We're like the toddler screaming going, I don't want it. So centralising control even more in AI to do something whose main problem is the centralisation of control is not the way forward. Yeah, so we should just totally lock it in. to the planet. At least we'll know. It's like when you know, you get a terminal diagnosis and it sucks, but at least you know. It's like reading the end of a book before you get to the end so you know where you're heading. Yeah. So you heard it here first. The two of them will combine to destroy us. Yes.

However, at least you've got to check out this fantastic podcast in the meantime. We'll keep making it until the very last days when the oxygen finally seeps away forever. And that's a threat. Curious from Road. Part of the iconic class network by bank shares is apparently. great advice. That's the advice.