The Chaser Report - Elk Dundee | Aleksa Vulovic

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Charles Firth celebrates his birthday by recounting to Aleksa Vulovic and Lachlan the time he went 'elk bugling' in Utah. No elk were harmed in the making of this podcast. Also be sure to wish Charles a happy 65th birthday on Twitter! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report for Wednesday the 21st of September. I am Charles Firth and with me today are Alex of Lovic and Lachlan Hodson. Hello. Hello. And I'm still actually at L.A. Airport. I know yesterday came from L.A. Airport, but in a few delays and I'm still here 24 hours.

You're still not going to let us ask about why they've been holding you there for so long. This is not relevant for the podcast. Well, as I say, you'll read about it in the court hearings if they ever get unsealed. All right. Anyway, Charles, might I say that you're looking not a day over, what's your Wikipedia say again? It's 65. What's the secret to this youth that you've got, Charles? You're looking mighty young today.

Is there anything special? For listeners who don't know, it's my birthday today, and Lachlan is an asshole. And even before we knew each other, he would go and modify, edit my Wikipedia, like a stalker, really, and bump up my age. But people use that. People look up my Wikipedia, you know, when they're introducing me and things like that. And people think that I am the age that I'm set on Wikipedia. And it's now 65. You're an asshole.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, born in 1965, Charles. I'll fix that. I'll make my worse. That's what you're almost worth. Oh, yeah. So that means, that means... 57. Because I'm actually 47 today. But that's good if you say I'm 57, because people just always comment,

oh, you look really young for your age. Like, James Schle, this is true. James Schleffel, who's the editor of The Shovel and who I do lots of shows with, I met his mom. And she was like, he's so young for his age. I'm so good for a 57-year-old. So I'm happy. Was his mum single?

Is this situation? Well, you know, cut that. Now, coming up on the show. As a birthday favour, I will cut that one. Coming up on the show, I'm going to talk a little bit about what I've been doing because I kind of feel, I've been in America now for over three weeks, and I kind of feel like I've become a little bit of.

a local. I've been in Utah, guys, for the last couple of days. Utah? Have you ever been to Utah? No, no. That's a Mormon capital of America, right? Look, people say that, and that's because it's true, but it's very weird, but I kind of feel like I'm a bit of a local now, actually, because I have actually, I spent the day today, I went out elk bugling. I went elk bugling. Sorry, are you saying bugling? Elk bugling, which is very popular amongst us,

Eutons, as we like to call ourselves. Yeah, so I've been elk yuling. Please enlighten us, birthday boy. What is elk? Is this something that only... I don't know. Is this something that only the 57-year-olds are into now, or... No, I think that's just an American joke.

They're fucking with the foreigners, you know. They're just like, oh, here's this thing. You just got to lower two. an elf when I first heard that's what we were going to go and do I didn't have my suspicion that it was some sort of weird

Mormon sexual manoeuvre but no no no it's a it is a common thing to do and I'm so glad you ask I'm very surprised that you don't know what elk bugling is but yeah I too

had my suspicions so anyway so I went went out into this sort of tundra basically in the mountains in park city which is just just out of Salt Lake City in front met up with this very earnest guy called Michael right well I'll call him Michael well because that's his name and so so I got told that I'm going to go elk viewing and what we did is we me and another Australia I was with another Australian we went in up into the tundra into these mountains and up dries this other guy in a four-wheel drive and he looks really professional he's got this sort of

like he's got hiking boots on and things like that but i couldn't tell whether he was sort of the steve irwin of utah or the russell quoit of utah because like he he was really serious like and he was going okay we're going to go elk bugling now you know this is it's time to hit the road that elk are majestic animals and he gave us this whole brief about now you know they can be dangerous. They aren't dangerous animals. They're not considered dangerous. But if you are really stupid,

you can actually be, you know, like charged at by an elk and they will flip you in the air. Whoa. And we were with the whole other kids as well. And they were like, and I couldn't work out whether it was like a performance. It was sort of like a Steve Urban style performance or whether it was the sort of true thing.

The one thing that I would say about him, was, even though he had all this professional gear on, he did also have bright pink socks and a little bum bag attached to, like, his, so it was really hard to tell. But, you know, you don't know, like, maybe that's what Steve Irwin of Utah's wood dressing. So anyway, we're walking along with these kids up this mountain, right, to go and find the elk, right? And the whole thing is, you've got to find them, right? And this guy has all these amazing tools in his little bum bag to work out how to find the elk, right? Because he explains, you've got to stay upwind of the elk.

He said, you know, what is the one? He said, kids, what is the one sense that elks have more than any other, right? And they were all from Utah. They all knew the answer. They can smell. They've got a really good smell. And it's like, that's right. So we've got to stay, oh, no, we've got to stay downwind of them, that's right.

We've got to stay downwind of them, right? And he gets out this little bottle, this little white bottle, and he shakes it up. And then he presses the bottle, and out comes a little puff of, like, powder or smoke or something. And he goes, see, now we can tell which way the wind is blowing. It's clever. He's just going, and this is my Australian friend and I, we're just, we're going, you know, like, wetting our fingers and just going, why wouldn't you? can just tell that it reeks of the uh which way it reeks of that crock dundee like skit where he yeah he looks up at the sun and then he's watch and then he goes yeah it's about

yeah it's exactly right the chaser report now with extra whispers so we kept going and then we go a little further on and then he turns back to it suddenly and nothing has happened like there have been no elk so far and then he he just sort of yells at everyone and goes okay from now on everyone's silent okay cool we weren't really chatting anyway and the kids were terrified because he was so serious

he was just the most serious person about being quiet ever right and even I'm slightly terrified right and it wasn't being unfriendly he was just like you know he was just so intent on seeing elk

that day right and it's sort of like everyone's now in the bugling mood, right? Like, you're just going, okay, I'm in for some elk bugling now. Like, everyone was quiet. And we go on a little further, and we came across, on the track, this little black, very, very black, shiny black spider, right? Quite large.

And I was like, oh, this is interesting. And I sort of get out my phone and try and work out what it is. And he goes, yeah, I think that's a black widow spider, but I don't really care about that because we're interested in elk today. truly like we hadn't seen an elk in like 45 minutes they would just been walking along this fucking track it was the one interesting thing and i can tell you now utah is a boring landscape it's fucking full of tundra do you know what tundra are like not trees they're just like shrubs they're just really and he goes oh no this tundra is really fascinating because you know this this shrub that looks like nothing that could be like 200 years old right

That's how amazing I like to think that Michael's frame of reference is purely elk related So he sees the black widow spider And goes, oh, that spider there That's got twice as many legs as your average elk I think you guys I think you guys are maybe being a bit too mean to Michael

Maybe this is just a Utah thing Like were all the children also Like not paying any attention to the spider either Oh no they were pretty They like the spider, yeah I'm sorry. Look, no, no, I mean, it is true. They were sort of six and seven-year-olds.

So as soon as they were told, that spider's not interesting, they did sort of get into line. I think they'll be learning the Utah way still. So we get to the top of the hill, basically. And then we look down, and he goes, there is a whole lot of elk right in front of us. Right. And you're going, there is no...

There is no elk in front of us. I can see down this hill. There is no elk, right? And he said, no, they're hiding in all those trees in front of us. What? And you're going, I don't think so. Like, the trees are pretty pathetic. They're tiny little trees.

They're about the same size as me, right? So we start walking down the hill. And this is the point at which I say going, wait a minute, maybe there is something in this elk thing, right? Because we get to this sort of patch of land inside the shrubbery that it had all been just flattened, right? And it's quite large. It was like 20 or 30 meters in diameter of just flattened land.

And he turned around and goes, this is where they've been. They've just been here. And they've flattened all this land. It's going, what the hell is this? It's like a UFO who had flattened all the tundrum. And then he reaches into his bum bag and he gets out this little flat semicircular disk. And he puts it in his mouth. And he.

And he goes And he goes And I swear to you It sounds like this Like that Right Right And that's

It's what it does And then We wait for about Two seconds And then in the bushes We hear the exact sound Come back to us Right

Like There was an animal in there Making the same sound Back then Now that's cool I don't know what you think elk sounds like. What do you think elk sounds like? What would you guess?

Until I have just spoiled this anecdotes by telling you. I'd assume it sounds like a cow. Like it just makes a moot noise. A bit of a moose kind of thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, no, no. But it doesn't. It sounds like what I just said,

I can't really say it too many more times because I'm... Oh, you wouldn't be the first person making those noises in Elis. I thought it sounded a bit like, uh, bomb, bomb, there's a bomb. No, anyway, so then it's going, so that's female responding to this mating call, I'm the male, right? That's so me. We're bugling, right? And then, and he goes, this is perfect.

This is absolutely perfect. We're downwind of them. They have no idea what's going on. And then sure enough, he then points, and you can see this, one elk who had just responded, obviously, eating a bush, right? about 20 metres away, right? And I go, oh my God, that's it, this is the elk, that's the elk, right? And he goes, oh, no, that's not an elk.

That's not an elk. This is an elk. The male elk is just behind the other, yeah, that's right. That's right. That's not an elk. This is an elk, right? And sure enough, over the course of the next 30 seconds, we see, like, dozens of elk all coming past, right? And he's going, nah, this is nothing, this is nothing, right? And then this fuck off, massive, like 500. kilogram male elk with the most astounding antlers you have ever seen just trots on in

and through like majestic like I can't tell you how amazing these animals and they all just they trot through it and they're looking at us and they're confused and he's going see we're downwind they don't they can't smell us they have no idea they're not going to charge us because they just don't know what we are and then he bugles again And then, you know, one of the, and then the male gets a bit irritated with this, you know, other male bugling the sort of thing. And he sort of tells all the females with him, like the 20 other females or so, to just sort of come with him. And then they charge off and sort of thing. It was by far the best elk experience I have ever had.

Like, I am an elk bugling convert. If you want to ask what my favourite elk-based sport is, guys, it is elk. bugling okay yes elk bugling shits on all the other elk

base sport and the answer is was he a Russell Coit or was he a Stephen he was a fucking Steve Urban

wow of elk he is the elk bugler of Utah so well that's yeah so anyway

point is everyone who's listening at this podcast has to go to Utah right now and check out

the elk it's fucking incredible I'd suggest they don't do that. This story came across completely different to me as a single male on the dating apps. If I heard a mating call and I came out to see another fucking species of a person just like looking at me, like a monkey in pink socks and a bum bag, it's hard enough out

there. And now you've got just these groups of people making mating calls for no reason. That's just really mean. And you are right. The elk swipe left and they literally did. They walked off to the left. I've got to be honest with you with Charles. I think I'm starting with Alexa more on this one because when you said elk bugling, I went to the trustworthy news source, Urban Dictionary.com

and put the term here. So when you were talking about made calls, I really did think there was going to be a twist ending here. Elk bugling. A form of bestiality where one person will get bored of riding their mount and instead will strap themselves below and for late

while encouraging the mount to continue running. That's awesome. Yeah, I mean, that happened afterwards, yeah. Yeah, that was in the car park afterwards. It was very enjoyable as well. So, Charles, will you be, is it safe to say that you'll be running elk tours around Australia when you return? Yes, I will.

Yes. So you can go to elk chaser.com for more details. Our gears from road microphones, and we're part of the ACAS creator network. Catch you tomorrow. No, we won't because it's public holiday. Oh, special announcement, special announcement. Yeah, I don't think, because I think it would be sacrilegious.

It would not, it would dishonor the queen if we put out an episode on Thursday. It would practically be regicide if we, if we put out an episode tomorrow.