The Chaser Report - Enhanced Drones

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

The world debut of the Enhanced Games has come and gone, with Charles and Dom finding themselves inspired by the results, or lack thereof. Speaking of underwhelming performances, there was a drone show in Sydney! But was it a missed opportunity for high art? ---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, a couple of very important bits of news to share with our audience this week. The results are in from the enhanced games, and I think we really need to go full circle on that. And Charles, the Vivid Drone Show, the much-hyped Vivered Drone Show, is back. Yes. A few little technical glitches.

I've got a theory on that actually. Well, Charles works out what his theory is. Let's take some ads and then we'll get onto it. Look, can we start with the Enhanced games? Because I know we've done a few episodes on this, but we haven't actually had the games. And I just think we need to circle back. Circle back, as they say in when economics lane. To James Magnuson, who people will remember was the spearhead of all.

I didn't even his idea to say, you know, if I had juiced up for a few years, I would set record. Do you know how he went? Have you seen the news? I did actually see the news this morning. He, well, I just saw the headline, but he came last. He came last despite, this is ABC report, despite having had to go on two years of supervised doping. He came last in the 100 metres, Charles. But did you see how he did in the 50?

Oh, no, I didn't say that. Yeah, because he was in the 50 as well. Oh, yeah, yeah. Last. But he was last in both. He earned 50,000 US dollars for turning up, which is not very much for two years of hard work. Yeah, for two years.

But can I ask, do you think the problem is he was too juiced up? Can you pay too just? Wouldn't you? Because I saw a photo of him. And he had sort of almost like gills. Yeah, he was way down. Yeah. And he's got muscles where you're not meant to have muscles.

It's just like, no, no, but just pushing through water with all that bulk. Yeah. Must be a bit hard. You mightn't have thought it through. So the supervised I think the supervisors, you might want to have a chat with them. They were both won. So who won? Yeah, who won?

Hulk Hogan Rick's... Rom, may rest in peace. Greg swimmer Christian Glockomee, won both of them. And in fact, and what was his secret? I don't know. He was doped.

He was doped. And he actually beat the 50-meter world record set by Australian Cameron McAvoy. So it actually did work. He set a new record if you ignore the drugs. And he got a million dollars. But I want to know his regime, Dom. Like, that's the... Because then we can all become that fast.

Isn't that the whole, that's the whole aspirational aspect of the enhanced games is you no longer have to be athletic. You don't go to the gym when you can put a needle in your arm. Or, you know, like, you know, you can just sort of cheat. He used an eight, here you go, he used an, oh, hang on, there's a catch. There's a catch. We talked about this last time. Oh, so he used an eight week. I'm just quoting AI here because it seems like the sort of thorough,

maybe that's how the enhanced game works at Magnuson's regime. He used an eight-week sophisticated medical doping protocol, so not two years. He only did eight weeks. And he wore a full-body polyurethane super suit that's been banned from official competition. So if he had not bothered doping, he had fiends on it as well. So there you go. One, 1.25 million he earned for winning. And the enhanced game says that we're here to stay.

Oh, great. So they were clearly also high on something. Well, so I'm going to announce that I will be competing in next year's enhanced games. Very good. You should. And start doping now. But I'm thinking breaststroke. Because I feel like no one will bother, you know,

you could be the only entry. Bulking up for breaststroke. What will the racine be? I don't think I need a raceme, do. You know what you could have? You could have sort of like zen wellness mantras in earbuds. You can actually wear earbuds in the pool. And just, just relax.

Alex inwardly. Who was that the rest stroke? The guy who, the coach of the Australian swimming team for years who used to stand, Laurie Lawrence.

Yeah, Laurie Lawrence. Could have him buzzing through my ears and I'd just be motivated. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Get, I get mine there. All right, so the enhanced games have been and gone. Okay.

And, yeah. Well, I feel like the Bivadrone show is a little bit like the enhanced games, isn't it? It's high tech. It's, um. Well, it's also been preparing for two years because just to set the scene before you analyze what happened, because I haven't seen the full story, is two years ago I went to the drone show. So people know Vivid's the big festival in Sydney with a big light shows on the harbour.

And Charles, I've never felt as scared as the last time I went to the drone show. So what happened was they did only about three of them during the whole the course of Vivid. It was on Saturday night. And I went in with my daughter, who was very small at the time. And we actually ended up sort of just going off to the side. and watching it. For people on the Botanic Gardens, we kind of went and watched it from above in a little sideways area.

Because there were so many people heading towards the harbour. And obviously there's rails. Right. And I was worried that there'd be a crowd crushed. Yeah. Yes. And I don't know if you've ever seen a drone show. Although, would you're...

It's not a great way to die. No. They're not that good. No. Yeah. You don't want to die for a drone. I mean, fireworks, for sure. If it had been easy fireworks, yes.

Or the enhanced games. Or the enhanced games. If they'd been, if Magnuson had been swimming in the harbour, if they'd got him racing. the seal. Yes. That could have been good. But no, we managed to survive. But they cancelled it the following

year and they've brought it back. Because it was so dangerous. Oh, because it was so big. Because of the crowd problems. Yeah, right. Okay. And so this year it's back, but they've cleverly put it just Sunday to Wednesday. So on the off nights, they're doing two a night and they're doing it at Darling Harbour that has a lot more room. Plus a lot of sitting

siders just won't go because it's in John Hover. Well, I might head down there tonight. Because you said Wednesday. It's on Wednesday. Yeah. Yeah. It's on to Wednesday. Yeah. But I gather there's been an issue, Charles, to do with the drones. Well, yes, I mean, it's very funny if you see the videos of it, which is it was going along and it was all coordinated and sort of just crazy how well coordinated it is until you realize that actually it's the way a computer programmer treats the idea of, you know, 200 drones or 500 drones, whatever it is, is a bit like a pixel. screen, which actually means that it's not really that impressive at all.

If you think about it in that way, you were in all of the joy. A screen controls like a million or a billion pixels or something like that all at the same time. He's just like 500. They'd probably get their iPhone out to control. Oh, is it programmed with Bluetooth? It probably is. Maybe they tried that.

Because things went wrong. And so what happened was, just at one point, is that all the drones were sort of co-ordinatedly rising up, they just all started sort of spitting off and falling down into the ocean. Right. Yeah, into Darling Harbour. Yeah, and I think it was like 80 or 90 drones ultimately splashed into the ocean. And then I think other ones just sort of like, I don't know whether they didn't know what to do or, you know, they were achieving consciousness and wanted to fly off.

But it also looked like other ones sort of lost their coordination a bit. And they plunged into the harbour, it looks like. Yeah, they plunged into the harbour. and they ended up having to call it off. Now, it's funny because I saw videos of it posted several times and people who didn't have any context to what the videos were showing, so it went, oh yeah, that looks like a fairly crap Jones show. You know, what's the problem with it?

It looks like kind of, you know, snow. Yeah. Fireflies falling or something. Which leads me to my theory, which is, so it's been the talk of the town in Sydney today. Oh, the failure of the drone show, you know, they've had to. cancel the next few nights. They're going to try and rewire. I don't know if you can get down there.

Yeah, they've got to reprogram it. No, exactly. And I don't think they even know necessarily what went wrong yet. Did they? I mean, my theory is that they just didn't charge the drones. That could be it. Like somebody, somebody left the charger off, you know, or something like that. I bet you that's here.

I bet you that is actually what they find out. Oh, yeah, we forgot to charge. Sorry, we should have charged the drives. I didn't plug it in. Doesn't happen with fireworks, Charles. Yeah. But my theory. is that what the organisers should have done in that circumstance is gone,

oh, look, last night in order to raise awareness of our wonderful drone show, we satirised the failing of a drone show. Oh, brilliant. And it was actually art. The failing, like, the dropping, like, and if you look at it as art, and the sort of dropping away of this high-tech thing that's supposed to be perfect into this thing that was still sort of spectacular, it was just more chaotic and sort of thing.

It's sort of like a post-modernness take on a drone show. It symbolises Charles the impossibility of truly controlling technology. Does the technology control us, or do we control it? Because the perfection of a drone show is boring. Like, the fact that... Look at this. Watch this video. I've got this video here. Look at the ABC News.

Oh, well, this is a... Well, podcasting is a famously visual medium. But look at the splash, right? Look at this drone that managed to find footage to the ABC. It looks like fireflies. But look at that big splash in the foreground. Yeah, that's good. That's much better than a normal drone show.

Exactly. I actually think this is, they should have said it was deliberate. Yeah. And future drone shows should involve dramatic splashes into the harbour. But also imagine it would have been the talk of the world if it had turned out that actually that performance was art. Right. Like if it actually had been sincerely art, the idea that you would do a drone show that pretended to fail is, is. It is definitely art. It is art or it's Russian hackers. I'm not sure which. But also, I like

the idea that it's Bluetooth. The Bluetooth links failed. They're like a world's first Bluetooth powered drones. Probably someone put on the microwave. Turn off the microwave. Someone was just in the crowd trying to plug in their iPods and they couldn't get it to link. The Chaser Report. Now with extra whispers. I mean, I don't want to dis drones because drones are great in lots of ways. Well, you know, They kill lots of Russians. That's what I was going to say. It's like kind of watching bombs dancing, isn't it?

When you're watching a drone show, it's a little bit of a sinister thing in a way. Yes, you're right. And you're kind of watching munitions? Do you think it's actually the military industrial complex sort of doing a soft sale? It could be. Maybe it's marketing and they're going, look how well these drones crash into things. You could be Australian, why are you getting Orca subs when you could just have drones that crash into things? Not necessarily, admittedly, Charles, to be fair.

Not necessarily the things you want them to crash into things. do? No. Possibly just random bits of harbour. But that in itself is the chaos of war. It is. It's the fog of war. It's the fog of war. Drones probably don't do well in fog.

So, I mean, I think the Chaser reports plans for a big drone show for our Christmas party this year. I think we're going to have to put those on hold. No, I think that's true. But also, I think the long-term future of these drone shows, because, you know, as you say, they're very popular. You know, but the whole expectation with the vivid, and I think the thing that vivid suffers from a little bit is because of it, because it's linked into sort of lighting technology. There's always an expectation that it will get better and better and better. Yeah, well, hasn't the drone show?

Changed that narrative. But I feel like we need to come up with an idea of how the drone show could improve next year. And I think we've got it, which is maybe next year they do attach explosives to each of the drones. Right. I think they should be crashing into each other in this sort of demolition derby. Yeah. Yeah. I think that could be really.

And they don't have to be big. It's sort of a combination of drones and firewood. We turn the drones into, have them exploding. Yeah, and maybe just get rid of the drone part and just have like exploding sort of bits of, you know, you know, firework. You could. You could. That would try they work. Well, Charles, we could plan that.

We could pitch to them. What about if the drones just sort of explode? Let's take over the contract. Or. Because this morning they will be looking for a new contractor. We could do that. Yes. Or we could just suggest they get exactly the same people that got it, did it this year.

not tell them the plan, they'll just do it anyway because they'll use the same programming and make them all crash. I'm not sure I'm up for... I just think they're boring. Like, okay, the drones make a picture in a coordinated way in the sky. No, that's what I'm saying is like the most interesting thing to happen at the drone show

is them failing. We just lean into it. And maybe this is something, because vivid's gotten very samey, all these things around the world. I mean, Melbourne's got a version of Vivid now. Canberra does. They're all doing sort of mini-vivis.

They need some more jeopardy. And that takes me to the, the most unpreachable bit of Vivid, which is the fire kitchen. You've got all these chefs with naked flames. And I just think that's what you want. You want flame throwers throughout Vivid. Yes.

And it keeps you on your toes. Add a sense of jeopardy if you could get barbecued alive at any point while walking along the light walk. Because we've all done the light walk. I've never seen anyone scorched alive, though. But also, the other thing can I propose is, the other dangerous thing to do with light is tanning salons. You have a whole of tanning beds.

Tanning beds are long. Actually, because it gets so cold. Yes. It gets cold. People would love the tanning beds. They'd love the tanning beds. And one in ten, you know, kind of has a malfunctioning. You stay in there.

It gets out. Fantastic. That's a very, because, I mean, tanning beds have been banned by a namby, pamby, nanny state now, haven't they? So there'd be lots of disused. You can't get skin cancer from tanning beds anymore. Yeah, so we line up a whole lot of disused tanning beds. And that'd be a vivid installation. And we could potentially put kind of copter blades.

on them, turn them into drones and make them crash into each other. I would love an aerial dance of tanning beds above darling Arbor with that crash into each other. That would be entertaining. That would be much better than the drone show. See, why aren't we just in charge of everything, Dom? Because I feel like every time we sort of pony up with our ideas, they're just better than the ideas of the namby, pamby. It's because you've spent all this time doing Wankanomics. And so you've infused the wisdom and approach of management consultants.

Yes. And I used to be one briefly. Yes. But Charles, I must say one thing. What? There's sort of two kinds of consultants in the world. There's a sort where they come in with a big report. And it's like, wow, here's a big idea to change everything.

Amazing. You haven't thought of this. Yes. And then there's a sort of the company that I used to work for. I said, oh, we don't do that. We have the ideas. And then we stick around and help you implement them. And actually achieve the results and genuinely drive change.

That was their point of difference. We don't want that. You don't want to do that. That's very boring. That sounds horrible. And things can go wrong with that, which it would be on your control, like the drone show. Like the drone show. Yeah.

So it's much better to sit behind a podcast, Mike, and just say the way things should be. Yes. And then when it happens, as we said earlier in the week, One Nation, now on track to become the opposition, you can just say, I told you so. Yes. Without having to do any of the work. Without ever having to. Yes, exactly. It's not as well paid.

No. Podcasting. We're the armchair critics of the, we're not the armchair critics. where the armchair sort of kings. Oh, sure. I mean, I don't know whether you've seen the chairs we're sitting in, no, Charles. We can't afford armchairs, but maybe that's something to aspire.

Uncomfortable, discarded chairs from UTS, former UTS law school. Kings. Well, I feel like we've solved all those problems. Yep. Yeah. Enhanced games. Yeah. And in fact, maybe we should get, what we should do next year is tie James Magnuson to a drone.

James Magnuson. Yes. No, James Magnerson should go and pick up. all the ones that are floating in Darling Harbour. He should be swimming underneath the drones. Yes. And just sort of avoid. Yeah.

That's very good. And bring them back. That's a good idea. Yeah, done. All right. Another problem thoroughly solved here on the Chase Report. Thank you for your service, Charles. We're part of the Aconiclus Network.

Catch you tomorrow.