The Chaser Report - Enhancing The Enhanced Games

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

Dom and Charles are excited for the sporting event of the decade, the Enhanced Games! Just as they push podcasting to its extreme limits through doping, so too will these athletes. Right up until Charles finds a major flaw in the Enhanced Games ideology after thinking about it for two seconds.---VOTE OPTICS FOR A LOGIE: https://vote.tvweeklogies.com.au/Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, you remember that very sad period in the life of Shane Warren when he was given some sort of cold and flu medication, whatever, by his mum. Yes. And he got suspended for a year. Yes.

And all those test wickets he might have won. Yes. And all those, but actually, he probably had more sex, actually, in the year off. I forget that thought. But, you know, he got so many tests wickets, but he was second to marilliterin. Maybe he would have beaten marilliterin, but for the, you know, the cold and for the stupid doping rules, shut down a warning. But wasn't it that, because he just had knee surgery, right, and then stupidly, so, you know, like, and he had a miraculous recovery, didn't he? He recovered very quickly, but stupidly, and I'm sure he didn't take any steroids or anything like that.

But miraculously, he did accidentally get slipped by his evil mum, a diuretic. A diuretic. Which is, which was confusing because you take diuretics to mask the effect of taking steroids, right? Yes, to make yourself pee it all out more quickly. It flushes everything out of your system. So it was very confusing. But, I mean, I think I believe him that he didn't take steroids. He just had a miraculously fast recovery.

Well, wasn't it also that he was, there was the whole sort of weight loss thing. as well that he wanted to do. Anyway, look. That's right, yeah, because he said, oh, no, it was actually vanity. I wanted to be less of a bookup. I got banned from International Cricket out of vanity. Out of vanity, yeah, yeah. So, but the reason I'm talking about Warnie, may, God rest his soul, Charles.

God rest his soul. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it, that I don't cry about it, Don. It's because I think not only should Warnie have been able to compete that year. But imagine what Warnie could have done if he could have taken steroids legally, if he'd been able to build up his muscles and get as much rip on the ball as physically possible. And this is the mentality that brings us to the enhanced games. The idea that, well, in fact, the whole idea of the enhanced games apparently began with a wide article called drugs for everyone. And simply says, look, take what you want.

Let's see what is humanly possible. And rather than professional sport being a clandestine battle of doctor against doctor, what about bringing all that? cutting-edge science out into the open at an enhanced game. And you know that Peter Thiel is extensively involved, so it must be good. It must be good. Yeah. You know, you've got to assume that some level of athletes, especially at the elite level, take drugs, right?

But they just do it cleverly, right? And presumably that advantages rich countries and rich athletes who have access to the latest bleeding edge technology. Yeah, which lets them mask the steroids, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. So, and, you know, it's all peptides now. It's not actually sterile. Or whatever it is. Yeah, whatever it is. But, I mean, I will never forget the Lance Armstrong experience where we all thought, wow, he's so amazing.

And he's definitely not on drugs. He's just, like, he was Mr. Clean. How can you ever believe anyone again? No, exactly. And also, I kind of feel like Lance got a bit unfairly treated in the end. Like, I know that he had stories and everything, but he also did win lots of races that you and I couldn't win. even if we had all the steroids in the world. Yeah, he was recovering from cancer.

All this charade of being drug-free and clean and drug testing has been done away within the age games. Even if you disapprove of it, you're definitely going to watch it, don't you think? Like, I don't know, have you been talking about this with my son for weeks now, ever since they announced that it was on next year. So let's take an ad break and then get into detail because Wyatt, again, has written about this is pretty fascinating. It's going to be amazing.

A lot of this began with James Magnuson, the sort of bad boy of Australian swimming. You remember the guy who, he was the world championship in the 100 metres free. He famously won silver at, I think, the London Olympics and disappointed the nation because he'd been so arrogant. Well, what happened was, apparently, he was so confident that he was going to win the gold because he was a shoeing. He'd won everything. Is he went out on a bender the night before. and he was taking, what were they called, pingers? What are the pingers?

I don't know what they had. Which is like nitrous oxide, you know, those sorts of complete. The night before the limit? Is that true? Are you sure you're not defaming into it? Let's just quickly check. Look, anyway, I am absolutely certain this is on the record. All right.

Or at least we'll be on the court transcript record in the upcoming defamation case. I'm pretty sure he was taking pingers the night before. And that's why he actually was in, I think it's called respiratory. Deficit Deficit or something. I was reading about it the other day. Because, as you say, James Agneson has now decided that he's going to... Well, he's at the Vanguard and he basically said, if you put a million bucks on the line, because he was bored, he'd retired from assuming, he's commentating, he was put a million

bucks on the line, let me take whatever I want, I'll juice myself up and I'll break the 50 meters world record. Yes, yes. And I don't know whether you've seen a recent photo of him. Yeah. He's definitely juiced up. He's absolutely jacked up. And has he broken the record yet?

I'm not sure. Right. Because the thing is, the funny thing about, ever since these enhanced games have been announced, just random people, like not even famous athletes have been sort of hopping into the pool and showing off their swimming skills and doing amazing times, right,

even though they have no good technique at all, like terrible technique. Oh, that's right. The answer is no, someone beat him. Yeah, yeah. And the person who beat him has. It's no technique. Christiane and Glockamev is the Greek guy, that's right.

Yeah, there, yeah. And he just splashes. He's like, he's like watching a sort of, I don't know, a blender in the water. It's because he's evolved a dorsal fin with all the steroids. Is that legal? It's going to happen. The main game is going to happen next year in Vegas. It's going to happen in Vegas.

Peter Thiel's invested in it, as has, by the way, Donald Trump. So he doesn't like, you know, trans people competing in sport, but he's very comfortable with steroids and peptides and whatever else it is. Yes. People who've transitioned to To chemicals. Dickheads in the gym.

But the point is that I think the other thing is I'm just intrigued by something you said earlier, which is that James Magnuson was getting bored because he'd quit swimming. Yeah, he wanted to go back

to competing. My experience of swimming is that it's very boring. Oh, it's incredibly boring. Yes. But the point is... They're going up and down in a pool. But

This is why you do the quick ones that are only like one or two laps. Imagine being 1,500. So what he took was, it was reported in the Herald. He took testosterone to boost muscle mass and bone density. Yep. Peptides, BPC 157 and Timerson to speed up recovery. Yeah. And Ipermoralin and CJC 1295 to increase the release of growth hormone in the body.

And does he get like extra money for the fact that he's going to now cut 10 or 20 years off the end of his life? I mean, you'd hope so. So that was the first little... A million dollars doesn't have quite enough money to, you know, die early. Like, because that's bad stuff, right? Like, that's not... That's going to put pressure on his body. You think it wouldn't be good for your, you know, blood vessels and stuff.

I was talking to this sports doctor the other day who was saying the whole key with medical science nowadays is that you used to sort of know that everyone would live to about 80. Yeah. So your goal would be to sort of get the organ. through to being at least 85 or 90, but now everyone's living to, like, you've got to assume that everyone's going to live to 90 or 100 or whatever, and so you've actually got to overshoot enough so that your organs are still going at the age of about 110 as a doctor. So that's why everyone sort of, like by the age of about 40 or 50, everyone's sort of going, oh, you've got to look after your liver, you've got to look after your kidneys.

Because you're not even halfway on what they're aiming to sort of keep your organs going with. All this stuff, this fucks you, this fucks you in the liver. But also quite funnily, as Wyatt pointed out, as he jumped into the pool, this is earlier in the year, the extra 30 pounds, 15 kilos of muscle that he put on, weighed him down in the water. He wasn't aerodynamic, he wasn't sort of, he wasn't, he wasn't sleek anymore. Yeah, yeah. So that's why I sink in the pool, because of all my muscles. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, right. It's terrible stuff. So, anyway, this is going ahead. And so it's not just swimming, though, isn't it? It's a full suite of sports. Oh, of course. I mean, they're really getting into it. What are the best sports?

Sprinting. Sprinting will be amazing. Sprinting would be part of it. Do you think Australia will have a chance? Oh, it will. If we get young gout gout gout, gout. Yeah, so he's obviously... Get him on the growth hormones while he's still developing.

Well, he's still young. Yeah. I suppose that's what you do with the young athletes is you could represent the country and get Olympic glory. Because there's no rules. Well, maybe gout gout's too old. Are there rules? Well, this is part of the problem is that there are rules now.

Ah, damn. Yeah, it is very awkward, actually. One of the rules is that apparently you can only use substances that are legal in your country. And this is a big problem. Oh, well, we'll just move to the country where most drugs are legal. Yeah, I think we need to set up a little. Maybe we could buy Nauru for the enhanced games and make it into a sort of paradise thing. What would have the most, I think, Congo would probably have a fairly liberal.

Oh, you think? Yeah. Yeah. Drug. East Timor. I don't know. East Timor would have ethics with that. They're very, very ethical.

And so, look, it's been very hard for James Magnuson. He couldn't find a place to train because in order to train in Australia, you have to be drug tested, basically. Oh, I see. And so I had to go to America and do all this kind of stuff. And it was very, very challenging to get the whole thing happening. And one of the things that I like most about this story. And who would you, who would sponsor you? Because presumably brands don't want to be known as the cheat brand.

Like, oh, I suppose you get sponsored. but Ashley Medicine. Well, it says you that the reason they're happening in Vegas is only because Trump won. They've been very upfront about that. Because 1789 Capital Donald Trump Jr.'s investment firm, I should say, but it's all the same family. They've invested in it. And RFK Jr. takes enhancements himself, apparently.

He's very pro-human enhancement. So that's what they're calling it. They're calling it. It's actually just a new, it's the next generation and evolution. It's a Trumpian-style Olympic. games. So the article here, this is actually quite interesting. Yeah.

They added an article to their kind of plan that said, in competitions, organizers shall establish rigorous safety protocols, scientific testing and medical supervision to ensure that all enhancements are used responsibly, which I say, soft. Yeah, this is bullshit, man. Like, I reckon they should only be allowed to take drugs that are illegal in their country. Let's take some ads, pop some peptides, and come back and just work out with the full potential of this. I want an enhanced enhancement.

games. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. All right, I'm full of Benchoff. Let's fucking that. This is, it's very, it's very, it's very, uh, sort of makes you itch, doesn't it, this one? Oh, God, yeah. Bit twitchy. Bit twitchy.

Oh, I've got to pee every five seconds. So, okay. Charles, what's the full potential this idea? And sorry, I'll just put down this 100 kilogram weight. Yeah, yeah. And, uh, get back. I've just been bench pressing one of those giant bombs they dropped in Iran. Charles, I mean, I've got one word for you, which I think, like, sprinting.

What about wheels? Like, come on. If you're going to have enhancements to go as quickly as possible, I want fins for the swimmers. Yes. I want us to actually. And wheels. Like biomechanical. Yeah, I'm not talking about like shoot.

I'm not talking about roller skates. I'm talking about actually implants. Implants. Yes. Getting them modified permanently to your body. Finns. Yes. I'm talking about mermaids.

And my men. Yes. That's very good. Yeah. Wings. And for things like... It should be a flying race. For rifle shooting, you could get one of those neural implants.

Yes, neuralink. Where it actually, you know, it controls your brain so that you just shoot accurately every time. Yeah. I mean, they're going to be used probably in the military soon. So I won't have them for sports shooting. For sailing, I could imagine, you know, having evolving sails. Wouldn't that be great to have a sailor? on your back.

What about, for weightlifting, which I imagine is going to be one of the, I mean, that would be the most amazing. That's probably the most coveted gold medal of the enhanced games. Yeah. Some sort of like implanted electromagnets. Oh, yeah. It's going to make, the weight sort of levitate. I mean, you've got to give full credit to bodybuilding, because haven't they for many

years had the natural and the steroid using. Yeah, that's true. They've been enhancing for a very long time. A little bit more honest. Yeah. And sorry, can I just say, what happens if it's found out that somebody in the advanced games, enhanced games, has been cheating. How do you cheat?

I mean, no, no, but like the current rules, it's true, there are, there are. Yeah, by using illegal things. Substances. So they're going to find themselves. It's going to be the same problem. They're going to have the same problem. And also, it'll be a branding nightmare, right? Because their whole thing is where no limits, no rules, right?

Yeah. It's like personal. Liberty is what they're saying it as. Yeah, they'll catch somebody and then they'll have to sanction them. They'll have to go, no, you're not allowed because you're too strong. That's undermining the... I think they have to just go with the flow and just...

There's no rules. And have no rules. Like, if you're going to say, this is the no rules games, you're going to have no rules. And the great thing about this is that it coincides with the time in history when teenagers are already working out a lot. Like young teenagers, impressionable teenagers,

get them all they're young. Boys who, his bodies have. I mean, we were all worn not to do weights until we were, I don't know, 16 or something in the gym. Yeah. Because your body was still growing. And I still follow that advice. That's right. I followed that for a very long time.

But it's quite fascinating that teenage boys are into this. And this is exactly the time when they'll be tempted to do this. So all this publicity, presumably, is getting teenagers hooked on peptides. Well, my 16-year-old, we talk about this all the time. Like, it comes up with strategies for what he'd take. if he was competing in the enhanced games. What would it take? Well, peptides.

That's the huge thing. It's all about peptides. They're amino acids. Yeah, but what does it do to you? They're building blocks of life. Yeah. They put pressure on your kidneys, I think. It's the main thing.

What about springs, Charles? Can the basketballers have biomechanical springs? Yes. They could do monster ducks. They should. They definitely should. I mean, what are the hammer throw? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, maybe some sort of like. I mean, we don't have to go small, do we? I mean, for rifle shooting, couldn't you get a gun implanted? That'd be the ethical thing to do. What about just implant a treboshae? Yes, that's a great idea. And then, you know how you can, you know, if you're really short, they have a surgical procedure where they break your leg and then rebuild them so that you can be taller?

You can actually gain. That's a thing that's been happening. It's a thing. It's terrible, apparently, it doesn't work very well. and, you know, high chance of basically ending up with lifelong pain. But, you know, with Polvald, like, I'm thinking, can you just implant, like, Oscar Pistorius-style, you know, those biomechanical leaves? Oh, they're sort of, the blades. But do, like, I don't know, like a 20-meter blade.

A massive one for high jumps. It's a bit like, how would you get on the plane to get over there, though? You wouldn't need to. You'd put hydrofoils on the bottom. Charles, okay, I found a very funny little detail in this wide article about the enhanced games and I want to bring this just at the fore now because I've just checked it on the enhanced dot games website which is that they have a campaign going on to try and update Wikipedia. This is literally on their website.

They want people to update Wikipedia to, as they say, to not use archaic and harmful technology. And so they want Wikipedia to be unbiased and unprejudiced. And it says it says here, it's up to you as the backbone of the enhanced. movement to ensure they use enhanced inclusive language. So, for instance, they're trying to get any reference to cheating deleted from Wikipedia. And performance enhancing drugs is deleted as well. So the thing they hate most of all is the word doping, which is a slur. Yes.

So they want, it's a demonstration of science. It's a performance enhancement. Right. And so a world record is natural world record. Yes. And so you don't use cheated. Do you know what the term is? It's great.

You fought for science and bodily sovereignty. You know who else really wanted to bury the word cheating? Who is that? Warnie. Yeah, maritally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He fought for bodily sovereignty to put his body inside anyone else's body he wanted to. Good on him for that, Warnie.

Look, I think Warnie was, I mean, Warnie would have been amazed. Can you imagine enhanced games cricket, the muscles? The six is that hit. Yeah, yeah. Which he'd better bat grafted to you. I mean, imagine that. Imagine Glenn Maxwell with just a sort of bat permanently attached to his arm. He'd hit even bigger.

Fantastic. The wikis could have the gloves. Yeah. Just grow wider hands. It would be great. What an exciting new discrimination-free world this is. I just love the idea that they're victims in all this. Yeah.

They're taking on the campaign against. They've linked dozens and dozens of pages that they don't like it. And let's leave this on this thought. Scrub bigotry from Wikipedia. So they're the victims. They're the victims. Yes. In sport.

Yes. It's not cheating. No. It's sovereignty. They're sovereign citizens. Sovereign athletes. Charles, I can't wait for the enhanced games. Yeah.

No, I mean, this is the thing. Even if you really disapprove of it, you're definitely watching it. Like, it's going to be the best. And then somebody will die and it'll be really sad. But until that moment... But, I mean, but they'll be immortal in a sense, won't they? Yeah. Having one for bodily sovereignty.

Yeah, yeah. And they'll... Well, on Wikipedia at least, they'll be... Yeah, until the edits get reverted by it. And the page gets locked. But until that moment, they will afford a blow for freedom. We're from the Iconiclass Network. Catch you tomorrow.