The Chaser Report - Every Inch Counts at the Winter Olympics

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Dom's been avidly watching the Winter Olympics and learned of a strange new way that ski jumpers are gaining an advantage over their competition. Meanwhile, Charles has set his mind on an unorthodox new country to take the kids on the next family ski trip. Plus, should sports have more death?---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s super-yacht upgrade fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigle Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Jayser Report with Dom and Charles. Now, Charles, we promised to talk about the Winter Olympics and I am uniquely uninformed when it comes to Winter Olympics. This is not going to be, we promised that we do some more research this year. This is not going to be one of those episodes. I'm terribly sorry.

The Australian who had three hours to prep on a thing that he'd never done. Yep. And then he did a 1980 degree turn on a snowboard. That's very good. It was amazing. Like he nailed it and he got through. I mean, you do want to. And I don't want to cast any aspersions on Winter Olympians because I'm sure there are many people there

who've grown up on the slopes and spent their whole life. Yes. But we've got to acknowledge that the Winter Olympics is vastly more niche than summer, right? But do you think that's true everywhere in the world? Like, that's definitely true here because the best we've got is like Threadbow and Falls Creek. It's like a tiny handful of people in Threadboh. Yeah. And we get like, oh wow, we've got 20 centimetres of snow cover.

Wow. That's probably like five kids living in Threadbow Village. Meanwhile, Japan this year had, I noticed on their snow fields, they had 4.5 meters. Yeah, that has a deadly amount of snow. Yeah, 45 people died of, in the ski fields this year. year. But they're then backed up that statement with, but they are very safe. Like that's obviously like...

Just follow directions apparently is to the idea. So look, it's sort of like their attitude to dying on the ski fields is like our attitude to sharks. It's just like, oh yeah. You know, it's going to be, you're going to have some sharks. You're going to have some sharks. All right. So look, in a moment, we'll delve into their Winter Olympics because although I don't

know much about what's actually happened. And in particular, look, if there's been Aussie gold since we recorded this, You're not going to hear about it. Let's be honest. But I've found some curious facts about the Winter Olympics. Let's get into that after the ads. Right. So, Dom, just before we get into those facts,

just is it, like, I answer the question. Like, are the Summer Olympics in Australia, like, is the way that being rich, the way we were treated the Summer Olympics is really mainstream. If you live in, say, Norway or, I don't know, We're somewhere with lots of snow. There's a very tiny... Sweden or like 5% of the world.

Yeah, or Switzerland doesn't... So maybe in those places... Or Kazakhstan. Because Kazakhstan have snow. Oh yeah, that's apparently... There's no snow in Borat. If you want to go skiing, apparently... Really?

The hot tip is if you don't want to do Japan... Oh, it's getting so crowded. Yeah, exactly. The steps of Kazakhstan. I'm seriously considering taking the kids skiing in Kazakhstan. Okay, you go ahead. I don't know how to get in because I'm not like... to go to China, so I'm thinking...

Are you not allowed to go to China? Yeah, my fucking wife has written a book where she interviews all the Hong Kong and it's going to be too dangerous to go. But apparently you can get in via Iran. Oh, okay. The Axis of Evil's going to sort you right out. No, and this is what I think about with the Winter Olympics. I mean, in Australia, here's the thing is, I always wonder about with sport.

Is it a sport so niche that you're just not going to, like ordinary people with the ability of that sport are just not. going to find out, right? So we all know if you're a fast runner, you will find out if you're good at running or not. Like, I know that I suck at running. That's always been the case. Yes, yes. Every kid in the world knows whether they're fast at running or not.

So the best runners will rise. Swimming, yeah, there are some places where I remember, what was that swimmer called? Michelle Robinson, I think it was from Ireland, who won gold years and years ago. I remember them saying that there were no Olympic pools in Ireland at all. There wasn't a single 50-meter pool in the whole country. So where did she? I assume she learned overseas, how to do, not do a tumble turn in the middle of the race.

Did she keep her running out of breath halfway through? But yeah, but we went to Olympics. That's the thing. There's so little of the world that has snow, right? Yeah, but I imagine. I mean, you can forget about most of China and India. That's half the world's population almost right there. If you discover your extremely good polishing things,

then you go, I'm luge. I'm luge. Oh, I thought you're going to say, Curling. Like, this is my example. Sorry, curling, curling the one. How do you, how does anyone ever? How does anyone ever discover that there is.

And this is my hypothesis. Is it the average person? Yes. And this is going to be very insulting to all of our curling listeners. It's quite possible for the average person. You, Charles, might actually be good enough at curling to get into the Olympic team. Are you, you right. It could be naturally talented.

Quite good at sweeping. Yes. He is swept in your time. I sweep all the time. Yeah. I actually watched a great video on this today by a YouTuber when I was. lying at home, bought out of my mind, who's done this whole thing about the physics of curling,

and it is actually hugely interesting and weird how it works. But just to be clear, what it is, you slide a polished granite... Look, just stop listening to this podcast now and go off and watch that video on curling. So you're sliding a... I can't remember, I'm a female science YouTuber, it's great. You slide a polished granite stone,

like lawn bowls. You've got to get into a sort of target space. The granite only comes from one island. off the coast of the UK Only one island has the perfect granite for this stone And one manufacturer Makes all the curling stones in the wall I think that's a made-up thing Apparently

Who came up with it Was it the say I don't know Stone Masons of that island It's a close shop Who realised But I thought that they were electronic this year The curls are all electronic Yeah they've got little...

Oh they might have sensors on them for position Yeah so if you pass the line Yeah And you still get your hand on it They've brought Hawkeye to curling. It goes red. Are you serious? The little, there's a light on the top that goes red.

Yes. And that disqualifies that curl. So you've got to slide with, through the handle on the top, the metal handle. You've got to go right up to the line before you're going to release. I think it's taking all the majesty out of the sport. That's right. And you've got to give a little bit of spin. That's the whole point at the end.

And then. And they did try bringing in slow motion replays. Oh, wow. It was far too slow. They'd just speed it up. The sloth in Zootopia. And then there are the other team members. There's one team member whose job it is to shout from what I've had.

You'd be a world champion. You're one of the loudest men in the world. I honestly think if shouting were a sport, you would definitely be an Australian representative. So there one person shouts about what to do. Another person slides. And then there are two people with the brooms. And you can actually control where it goes by virtue of which direction you sweep in. So it's not quite as dumb as it looks, but it still is exceptionally dumb.

But my point is, you or I, probably not me, but you or I could be amazing at this sport and not even know it. And not know it. Because we haven't tried. Or Luz, you point? Like, who's sliding down a half pipe, a frozen half pipe and skeleton where you're doing it head first? I reckon you'd be good at luce, because you're good at lying down. I am good at lying down. Yeah.

Yeah. I couldn't do skeletons. I wouldn't do head first. But I think feet, I have no use for my feet. No, yeah. Upper body is all I need. That could be very good. But this is my point.

The scandos, yes, if they're any good at skiing or something, that they'll probably find out or skating. Yeah. Was, and I don't want to insult him here, but was Stephen and Bradbury the best possible skater that we had? I think he grew up with his parents running ice rinks or something. I can't remember. Right.

Yes, exactly. Like, there might be... You might have been very dapper at ice dancing. Yeah, exactly. Who can say? So, all right, let's take some ads. I've got some Olympic facts for you. Okay.

I must say there's probably a lot more bravery in the Winter Olympics than there is in the summer one. Because so many of the sports are incredibly scary just to even exist. Just have a point to it. Otherwise, you're just skiing down a mountain, right? I have two extremely extreme things people are doing at this year's Olympics. And the first is, this is from the BBC. I could barely believe it, Charles. But I'll read you this headline from BBC news.

how penis injections became a Winter Olympic talking point. This is apparently what's happening. The World Anti-Doping Agency is getting involved because of the scourge of penis injections. I want to put it to you, Charles. Who is doing this and why are they doing it? So just to guess, can I guess that it's actually injecting the penis to be smaller so that your suit is more aerodynamic? It would be like a ski jump or something.

I'm very impressed. To get rid of the bump, which would create a... Because if you know anything about fluid dynamics and the way air moves across the surface. So in the way the electric cars don't have handles. The smoother it is, the better, right? So what you want. Regular steroids? Because don't they make your penis shrink?

No, you've got exactly the right sport. I'm actually very impressed. It is ski jump. Oh, well, okay. But you've actually got the opposite. Oh, they want a bum. They want a bigger bump. And why does it give you, why does that give you lift?

So I'll look into the information here. So this is according to build the German newspaper last month. Jumpers have been injecting their penises with a higher loronic acid before being measured for their suits. And this is, it's not banned in sport and it can increase circumference by one or two centimetres. What did the wives think of this? You're probably very proud. So what this is? And so what, I mean, is this anything to do with performance in the sport?

Is it? No, it's going to be ski jumping. Because you have a larger, if you've got a larger penis when they measure you, you've got a larger suit. The bigger the suit, the further you go. If you've got a 5% bigger surface area, you go further. But it's not 5%? No, no, this is the hilarious thing. It's probably 0.01 or something.

But they're still doing it. Because it's just every. Every, every, I mean, every extra interest. Which counts, right? I love the excuse. Size matter. Like these people who discovered that there's a 0.000.001% advantage. Oh, well, we'll have to make my penis bigger.

So before the start of the season. So hang on, hang on, hang on, just for our listeners. And just so I can write it down just for research. What was the name of the drug that makes your penis bigger? Hyuluronic acid. It lasts for 18 months, apparently. Oh, right. And this has been done before, apparently.

So how do you spell that too? Exactly. So just look for BBC News. It's full of these stories. So at the start of each season, they'll give you a 3D body scan, including the crock. And the crotch height of the suit must conform to the athlete's crotch height. And for men, for men, they'll add three centimetres.

Just because it's a standard thing in the sport, apparently. So there's a suit tolerance of 2.4 centimetres. Right. To the male suit. And apparently he's there. So that if, you know, you find yourself, you know, attracted to somebody. Yes. Shortly before,

you don't get, you know, like, terribly constricted. It could be right. The slack. I mean, I think this takes me back to Ben Lexon and the winged keel. I think that's what it. You're getting more direction. Yeah. In the... That's what's going on. That is

great. That's fantastic. In fact, in August, two Olympic medallists, Marius Lindvick and Johann Andre Fofang accepted three months suspensions because of some suit tampering. Now, I imagine and they're there at the Wendland. So they got a suspension for the dick being

too big. Just before. So if you're in the Athletes Village, Malaya Cortina, look them out. It's just go... Marius Lindvig and Johann Andre Forfang. That's a punishment I'm going to have to take. Everyone knows... Oh no, everyone will know about this problem.

How embarrassing. Take one for the team. So that's the first extreme thing that's going on. Okay. And this is the second one, Charles. It's pretty extraordinary. Now, you know, We all know people who've been gone into terrible skiing accidents.

It's a really dangerous sport. Yeah, well, there was that French woman just on Monday. Getting airlifted off. A lot of horrific incidents have happened. It's really shocking. Which is why it's possibly the case. And this is from the Wall Street Journal. Only the best sources for you, Charles.

Oh, it seems a bit unwise that the downhill ski slope is known as the ribbon of death. Yes. This is in Stelvio. And so, yeah, the Wall Street Journal says, this is the headline. of death is the most petrifying ski course in Olympic history. And so the aim is not just to win a medal, but to not die apparently is the aim. Right. Because it's actually largely made of ice.

And even I know that you can't ski very well on ice as opposed to snow. There's three and a half Ks of these massive surfaces, which has been described by one former skier as a grey ribbon of death. Well, that doesn't sound. So, but, so, and why? why do they allow it? Like what's the what's the thrill?

Look I'm no expert here but one of my friends who is Italian was in I think in Cortina just before the game started said things had been slightly underprepared

so they may not have got the feet of so I mean to give an example there was a guy who tried 13 months ago a French really potential medalist went on a trial run flew in the sky

crashed into the hard snow, skidded down the mountain, and was rushed to surgery for a brain injury. Oh, my God. And so this, I mean, you potentially heard it here first, unless you read the Wall Street Journal. The grey ribbon of death, Charles. This could be terrible, but also it'll rate. Yeah, terrific television.

It's going to rate. I think NBC is going to really enjoy this. Red Bull are going to start sponsoring the Olympics. Well, apparently at the beginning of it, it's just this, it's a vertical drop. called Turbo Road. And then there's at the end of the vertical job,

there's a jump that catapults you 150 feet in the air. And then there's a sheet of frozen water. Apparently it's so icy that you can actually look, you could do your hair in it. It's that reflective. So that is what's going on.

There's no point in any point in the race down where you can even take a breath. It's just ice, ice, ice the whole way down. So I've got to say, impressive stuff. In much the same way that speed skating, the Stephen Bradbury event, I interviewed him once years and years ago.

Yeah. And I have to confess, I didn't do the most thorough preparation for the chat. I watched his video where he won. But speed skaters have horrific injuries all the time. Yes, yes. He had like various tendons, maybe his eyes, like sliced through. Yes. Because they're all wearing razor blades strapped to their feet

and going around this circuit at high speed. What we need to do is bring that level of fatality and injury. Yes. To the summer Olympics. See, this is the whole problem. This is... There's no jeopardy. There's no...

Like, Winter Olympics has it all in terms of jeopardy. But duds sports. You know, there's that event. You want to have... Like, it should be diving, but then, like, pressure, like, into... Like, diving into a whirlpool. Or there's...

Just put the bullsharks from off the coast here into the diving pool. Yes. I mean, this is the... I'll bet you, the 50 metres freestyle would be faster if there was a bullshel. That's true. I mean, you know the Winter Olympics, Biaflon. Did you used to play that winter games video game when you were a kid?

I used to play that. And it's the only way I know what biathlon is. It's the weird event where you've got to ski along and shoot stuff halfway through. Yes. I mean, that would be a great addition to the road marathon. Yeah, the marathon. You just got to stop and shoot stuff halfway through.

And the triathlon, make it a quadathlon. Yes. And I mean, I don't want to see people killed, but survival of the fittest. Yeah. Pick off the contenders at the back. of the pack. But also, Charles, thinking of curling. Curling's the one sport that doesn't have this.

If those granite things had bombs in them. Yes. And the one... Yeah, the jeopardy was real. If you didn't get it into the house. Every time it hit another one, boom. Yes. That's what curling needs at a degree of...

All right. Well, we've solved sport. Yeah, we solved sport. It just goes to show that when people talk about the traumatic, you know, brain injuries in sports like regular. League. Yeah. Clearly, maybe there needs to be, maybe rugby league would go global if there were more of it.

Yeah. What they should do is rename rugby league as a Winter Olympics sport. Actually, rugby league on skis, down the grey ribbon of death. Yeah. Would be very, can you imagine the chip and chase? A bit of rifle. Yeah, I was still not going to watch the Winter Olympics. Yeah, that's right.

Okay, we're part of the Iconaclass Network. We'll catch you tomorrow.