The Chaser Report - Exclusive: Albanese's Leadership Spill Has Started

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

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The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, it's 50-50. It is level. Peter Dutton's commitment, his integrity and his vision, his positive plan for the future. Yes. Has been rewarded in the latest news poll. He is dead even with labour, 50-50.

You know what this means, Charles? No more voice. Well, it certainly means no more voice. It means Albo's got to go. That's what's happened. There's a slight chance of peter up and beating him at the next election, and that means see you later, Mr. Albanese. Or after this.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. I presume that the tumbrils are already on the way to the lodge now.

Labor doesn't muck around with this sort of thing. Oh, look, it's on. I know. The spill is on. Kevin Rudd tried to change the rules to make it slightly harder to dump a sitting promenital. No, no, it was actually Anthony Albanesey who changed those rules? I know Rudd was going on about it. It was like no more ruds, no more me's.

But it was Albao who led the charge. He led the charge. Well, that's probably good because it may save him yet. But 50-50 in the news poll. I mean, this has dropped dramatically. I think it's four points in two polls that they've dropped from. A very comfortable lead to 50-50. And we all know, Charles, you can't come back from that, unless you're John Howard several times.

Or any other Prime Minister in the last 25 years. You can't come back from this, Charles. He's toast, elbow is gone and it's all happened because of Peter Dutton's principled position on the voice which completely fit the hearts and minds of the Australian people. 60% of Australians will in lockstep with Peter Dutton in saying fuck that to the voice. And now the same 60% presumably are seeing something they like in the former Queensland cop. Well, I wanted to talk about two things. First of all is Peter Dutton's charisma.

Yes. But second of all is how listeners of this podcast are already across this, Dom, because I called it. You did. You've already called the election. I've called the election. And I called the polls slumping for Alba. I mean, it's as though you're the puppet master here, Charles. We should rename this, the Nostradamus report. Because the insights that you get from this podcast, you just can't get from anywhere else.

I mean, I went and put all the money in my bank count on Dutton after you called it. Yeah, that's right. And I've got 50 bucks on this thing. That's right. But let's get to the heart of the matter, which is, I don't think this is about Labor stuffing up. Right. I think this is clearly about people seeing what an inspirational and, charismatic leader, Peter Dutton is.

Oh, I couldn't agree more. It's not that Albo's made a huge mistake, other than the voice referendum, obviously, which is a huge mistake. And not being able to do the housing stuff properly or, and just completely taking his eye off the ball on cost of living stuff. Stage three tax cuts. Yeah. And also having that weird thing where he didn't push back on China when they injured

out our Navy personnel. That was strange. He was just there. It was sort of a bit of awkward timing. Biden was there. It was almost like the Chinese government was testing us by launching, if you're not across it, they were in the South China Sea. Australia was doing some military exercises in international waters,

and the Chinese send a sonar, what is it, a ray or something? It's not a sonar pulse. It's not quite freaky and scary, actually. Which actually injured some of, like, you know, injuring another army's troops or, you know, another Navy's troops, is essentially an act of... An act of war, I think, the term is. We're now at war with China. But the thing is, it was like done about four hours before Alba met with Xi Jinping, right?

And any person worth their metal would have, as a world leader to a world leader, gone, hey, Xi Jinping, you shouldn't injure our troops. Or canceled the meeting. Or canceled the meeting. Or canceled the meeting. But, you know, that would have been Morrison's approach, right, is to tear up all the agreement. Well, Morrison wouldn't have been at the meeting.

He didn't do diplomacy. He did sober rattling. But, you know, like, but even just, like, it might have been more powerful to actually just look him in the eye and go, mate, not on. Well, we don't know whether he did that or not because he refused to say.

Well, what do you think? Like, do you think if he had done that and said not on, he wouldn't have then said that to the world? I think he wouldn't have told us either way. If he'd done it, he wouldn't have told us. And if he hadn't done it, there's no fucking way he would have told us. Because he's trying to be the guy that fixes the relationship with China, because you know why. Because he wants to suck their ass.

I think, let's put a slightly more positive spin on that, Charles. I think he wants to try and repair the economy using China, as much as anything else. I actually have a theory that he browses TikTok too much. Oh. And the Chinese Communist Party are subliminally influencing him using their... Well, no, using their algorithm. Because that's the whole allegation is TikTok sort of subliminally influencing Westerners. Right.

And so I reckon him and his staff, because his staff are very young. Oh, of course, they're all on the talk. They're all on the top. They're all robots, aren't they? They're suddenly walking around. Mind control. Basically carrying out the wishes of Xi Jinping. Well, you know, there's one person that Xi Jinping couldn't buy, couldn't brainwash, couldn't influence.

Who? Couldn't stop it anyway. Peter Dutton. Peter Dutton. There's not a chance. Not a chance. Yes. I mean, I just can't see Peter Dutton being settled with anything, really.

No, logic, reason, arguments. He knows what he thinks. He thinks what he knows. And that's it. That's what you get. You get what you see on the tin with Dutton. That's the thing that people are coming to like about him. Yes.

And I don't know whether you've noticed, but just in the last few weeks, he's just started talking only in three-word sentences. Oh, that's a proven tactic. Which is actually, yes. It works very well. Stop the Boats was John Howard's three-word slogan. Ax the tax. Ax the tax was Tony Abbots.

What was, well, I think Malcolm Turnbull had a 20. word, three-word slogan. Yeah, his were more encyclopedias. Yeah. And then, and then Morrison, when, what was his one? I think he just did. He didn't do that. He, what he loved doing was endless press conferences that lowers into a sense of his three-word, his three-word slogan in the 2019 election, which where he won, was,

I'm not Bill Short. I'm not short. Which is actually, I'm not short. Pretty compelling case, actually. And then, that guy sucks. And then the mistake that he made. Which, like, is he didn't have a three-word slogan in, in 2022? Yeah, they just had it.

It won't be easy under Albanese, which, I mean, rhyming, it rhymes. It's too sophisticated for the Australian. Far too long. We don't do that. Yes. Cost of living. That's all that Peter Dutton is saying. And then that's it.

And, um, yeah, look, I think it's pretty much, we can call it. Now you, you've already called it. I mean, well, yeah, exactly. So now it's just about, you know, who should be, uh, in the cabinet. What are the retribution is going to be in Labor, And who's going to be the next leader of the Labor Party? Well, it's very easy to know who's going to be in the coalition's next cabinet. I mean, they've got the man ready to go.

All you need, all you need to run Australia is Peter Dutton, Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, everything else. Scott Morrison. He's got experience in every other job. He's got experience in every ministry. It'd be a waste of money. Yes. Getting more than two. I mean, Goff Whitlam had a two-person cabinet.

Yes, that's right. For just to quickly get some things over the line and get stuff happening, get stuff cooking. Yes. Many, I heard that the 11th podcast recently. And they pretty much made the case that once Whitlam appointed more ministers, that was the end, because his ministers were epically incompetent in most cases. Well, weren't they? It was Al Grasby ever a minister?

But the two of them put through all the big reformers before even everyone's got sworn in, pretty much. Yeah, yeah. So that's what we need. We need two-person ministry to get Australia back on its feet and to stop the boats. And they can just put a no in front of all the Whitlam reform. That no. Yeah.

And then, and just pass them. So instead of no-fault divorce, they would implement no, no-fault divorce. You see what you mean? You know, instead of free health care, which is what Willem did, they'd have no free health care. Well, that's already pretty much the case, is. Certainly education is. Free education, no free education. Forget that.

Absolutely not. And so I think the thing is Peter Dutton. No war. No-no-war. That's right. Bring on the war. Bring on the war. Peter Dutton's absolutely ready to go, isn't he?

I mean, he's just had laser-like focus. Yes. And the elites, Charles. It's sonar-like focus. Sonar-like focus. The elites Charles, with all their focus on reconciliation, welfare, trying to help people just because they've been historically disadvantaged. That's not where the Australian people are at.

The Australian people are at. Three words? Three words. Me, me, me. So what should that be his slogan? Yeah. Oh, you, you, you. Yeah.

Doesn't quite work. No, doesn't quite work. I think we need Crosby Textor on the line. We should get an interview with them. We should. We absolutely should. So what will it be, will it just be cost of living? Cost of living.

I don't think, it doesn't, it's not catchy enough. Money for you. It'll be like, it won't be just negative. It's got to be negative. It's got to be like X the tax, stop the boat. It's got to be something. Albo's got to go. No, that's too many words.

Way too many words. That's three words. Albo's got to. Albo, got a go. Oh, got a. No? No. No, no. No, it's got a, it's got a, it's got a, no.

What about like, Mr. Potato Head? Yeah, that's three words. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply.

Details at fizz.ca. The Chaser Report. News you can't trust. Charles, I don't know if you'd notice this about Albu. I'm going to shock. Thank you. All right. Okay.

Look, I don't want to, I don't want to raise it, but we've got to raise it. This is just where we are as Australia. Albo's friend, isn't he? Isn't it the surname? Albanesey, that's compared to Dutton, which is a good Anglo-Celtic name. Yes. Albanese, you know, isn't there some Francesca Albanese from the UN who came and lectured us? It's like, you can't trust an Albanese.

Did you? You can't trust Albanese. Yeah. That's it. You can't trust. Oh, wait, then, that's too many. You can't trust him. No, because that could be better, doesn't.

You can't trust Labor. Life too expensive. Labor's too expensive. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. It's, you're worse off under law. Yeah, that's what it'll be. It'll be, you can't afford labor.

Because the one thing we know about the... Can't afford labor. The coalition always pays off the dead, don't they? I'm right and thinking that. If we look back at the history of China politics, it's always been Labor that has the big surpluses and the coalition that pays them down. That's the vibe. Just because it doesn't.

actually line up with economic fact doesn't mean if you don't repeat it enough, it just becomes it becomes the vibe. Where's the downward pressure on interest rates, Charles? I reckon can't afford labour is the slogan for Dutton that will get him across the line. I mean, I must say, I can't believe we're doing the work for him. I must say that Bill Shorten, I can't believe they didn't make more of the bill you can't afford. I mean, come on. That one wrote itself.

So Peter Dutton, I mean, just look at him. I just see, he's like James Bond, isn't he? He's just so debonair. Yes. Such charisma. Yes. You can imagine him kicking back in his Queenslander bungalow. Yeah.

With a martini. And no, what, no foreigners. No foreigners. No, they wouldn't come in. Or indigenous people. No, Charles, you could have indigenous people. Don't get like that. They just wouldn't get any special treatment.

Yes. They certainly wouldn't get any treatment that recognize any, you know, legacy of dispossession. Yeah, I've got that. And long-term trauma and. Yeah. No. Certainly not an apology. No.

Or a treaty, no. But you get, he wouldn't kick him out. No, you just wouldn't give him anything special. Yeah, okay. Take the same number of canopades as everyone else, will you? That's what it would be like at the Dutton party? Yes, that's right. And then Just Interprice is the deputy.

Oh, yeah, I mean, that's the thing. And you can't, so you can't call him a racist when he has. He's got a. Just Indiprice. Indigenous. Of course. Deputy. Who's the, you know, far more charismaticist than he is.

Yes. So, Charles, who's going to be the new Labor leader? Why don't you call that? Well, I've got some insolice. word on this. Oh, of course you do. Yeah. Because it's already happening.

The knives are out. Oh, yeah. It's probably the spills, I'd guess, tonight. Tonight. Yeah. Well, I do a special edition if there's a spill tonight. Yeah. We've called it.

You caught it here first. Yeah. So what my sources are telling me is that Jim Chalmers is up for it. I mean, of course he's up for it. But does anyone, have we really learned who he is yet? Yes. He had a huge splash in the good weekend. Could you pick him out of a police line up?

I couldn't pick Jim Chalmers out of a police line up. What about Richard Marles, the deputy PM now? I mean, that... I kind of feel like if that happened, he is the Dutton of the Labor Party. I mean, the thing about Labor is they used to be run by faceless men. Now the front bench is full of faceless men. Honestly, I couldn't pick a, pick a Miles from a Chalmers. If we appointed Miles as Prime Minister, we would be at war with China within the hour.

That's all people. We need a government of national unity. We need Dutton and Miles out there stopping the sonar race. You know what they should do? They should get Penny Wong, make her Prime Minister, and then I think she's got three months constitutionally to get into the House of Reims. Is that because she's the popular, competent one? Well, no, I think it's because everyone would be too scared to vote against her.

That's true. Because imagine if, you know, she started running the place. Imagine the withering look should give you if you voted against her. I mean, you'd be scorned out of it. Yeah, you'd just go, no. But the overwhelming competence of Penny Wong, that would do nothing for the way. Labor, they choose, who is someone with absolutely no talent besides factional in fighting? Chris Bowen.

Chris Bowen? Yeah. It's also someone like Jason Clare, who just sort of parted along and no one's really thought about them for a long time. But they, yeah. I mean, he's got that, you know, white man confidence. Yeah. He's got the swagger.

I mean, I'll presumably be a white man. Oh, it's got to be a white man. Yeah. Coming after a foreigner like Albanesee. Yeah. You got to have a balance. Back to a white man without that sort of one incredibly small. aspect of diversity.

What about Tenya Blibiswick? Because all the polls show that she would definitely win in any contest. That's why they won't nominate her.

Yeah. Because they wouldn't be able to get rid of it. She'd stay. Of course, all this is complete fiction because of, you know,

like Albo's Pretorian Guard is like 10 troops deep. Charles, isn't the point, isn't the point of any leadership spill to insert

such a dead shit that you get closer? Like, you don't choose someone to win the next election. You choose somebody's going to that's how

right got the job. That's probably how, how Albo got the job. Certainly how Simon Green got the job. Yeah. I just went, oh, Simon or that all lasts for three months. Yes. And then they end up getting elected.

And Shorten got to run twice. Yes. Crazy stuff. So there you go. We've heard it. You've heard it here first. The government's over. The Prime Minister is done.

Peter Dutton is, well, he won't be the next Prime Minister of Australia, Charles. He'll be the next one to win an election. Labour will go through three or four interim leaders who will fail in the news poll in between now and the 2025 election. Will they not? They will, yeah. It'll be like a revolving door, won't it? Yeah, be like a Liz Truss.

Yeah. And Rishi Sunak is clearly on the way out as well. Yeah. No, will it be bad or will it be, won't it just be like it'll just get worse? I know, actually, before we started this podcast, Domina, I went, let's try and be a bit more optimistic. Oh, yeah. Because we've had a lot of, you know, downbeat episodes over the last, say, three or four years. I am completely optimistic, Charles, that Peter Dutton is the person that the Australian people want.

Like, post voice. Yes. That's where people's heads at. That's what news poll says. But then I think realistically, what's going to happen for the next 18th Martins is Albo is going to continue just thinking that he's got the chops because he won the last election and will just not change direction because he thinks that changing direction is a bad thing. And he'll get further and further away from being reelectable. You know what he could do? And then they'll just lose the election.

You know what he could do, Charles? What? I mean, he could do something about the cost of living. I mean, by first principles, labour, should be more likely to actually do something about that than the coalition. That's what they're built to do traditionally. I'm thinking more subsidies for landlords. Because that's what they did in the last budget to address the cost of living. All those poor landlords, you know, dealing with higher interest rates from their rent-seeking behaviour, you've got to, you know, like...

Extend negative gearing. Extend negative gearing. What about if you've got a second property, you can negative-gear your first property as well? I love it, yes. And what about stage four tax cuts? Stage five tax cuts. Maybe just eliminate tax for rich people. That's right.

Yeah. If you're on over 220, cost of living crisis is really hurting you the most. You're the victims. You're in the front line here. Yeah, because you've got the most money. So you've got the most to be taxed. Yes, exactly. This is good stuff.

Yeah. And also historically, millionaires spend more money each week than povos. And it's known. So they're the people who need tax relief. The money trickles down, doesn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah. Triggles down, like pee down a urinal wall. Which is why you should tax the provos more

because they need to get all this trickle down. And also, if they don't get taxed hard, they get uppity, don't they? Well, exactly. You've got to show them who's boss. They'll want some sort of a voice for poor people. Not much of a chance of that. Gary's from Road, we're part of the iconic class network, and this was an upbeat episode.

I think it was just downbeat, but sarcastic. Catch you tomorrow. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply.

Details at fizz.ca.