The Chaser Report - Extra - Bats, Cats and Sexy Fish

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

A giant, enormous golden-crowned flying fox is causing a stir because of its “human size”. It can have a wingspan up to a whopping 1.7m. A cat-whispering firefighter saved a cat in New Zealand. A woman claims she was a victim of “pure descrimination” when she tried to wear tracksuit pants to Fancy Restaurant called Sexy Fish and was denied entry. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update, with Rebecca Dayunamuno. Handwritten letters about the knifing of former Labour Prime Minister Goff Whitlam have finally been delivered by Australia Post, just 45 years after they were sent. A spokesperson admitted the delivery of the palace letters was slow, even by Australia Post standards, but said that the Queen should have paid extra for the Express Post option. A man who claims that masks make it hard for him to breathe will soon need a machine to breathe for him. The Melbourne man said the face masks make him feel like he's suffocating, which is exactly what he will tell doctors in two months' time when he is admitted to hospital.

Barnaby Joyce has announced he will be quitting politics to become a Melbourne security guard. The outspoken family man turned different family man said he had made the decision after learning that Melbourne's COVID outbreak was caused by infected people under quarantine, having sex with their guards. Mr Joyce said it sounded like the perfect job for him. That's the Chaser News. Check out chaser.com.com.au for all the latest updates. Now it's time to find out what's happening around the rest of the world

with Dom Knight, Charles Firth and Nina Oyama, who is filling in for Andrew Hanson while he's on paternity leave. Thanks, Beck. Now it's time for this. International Global News World Rounder. I'm Nina, and I'm with you. with Dom and Charles today. And first off, we have a story of prejudice coming out of Britain. So this week, a singer called Jess Glynn claimed she was a victim of pure discrimination

when she tried to wear a tracksuit pants to a fancy restaurant called sexy fish and was denied entry. Now, she was wearing tracksuit pants. Do you guys think she should have been let in? No, I think, you know, we are under COVID and everything like that. But standards are standards. And I think it's important. And if you're a stuffy restaurant, you want to maintain that level of stuffiness, and you've got to

maintain a bit of decor. This is, you know, we're in a pandemic, but you've got to have standards. I'm sorry, but there are rules to this sort of stuff. The restaurant made it very clear that the dress code was sexy fish. And if she didn't have some sort of amazing sort of luminous fish costume, no way of coming in. But I wonder if it was the track pants, Nina, or the fact that they were the same track pants that she wore for the past three months. Have you guys ever experienced discrimination for wearing?

track suit pants? Yes, I have actually. After I moved to house a couple of years ago, I didn't get around to unpacking my clothes for about six weeks. So I wore black trackies to work every single day. After about a month, my wife started really making snippy comments. I felt judged. Very judged. Well, I mean, I broke my arm last year. And for about six weeks, I actually couldn't get jeans on. So I had to wear track trackie dags. And everyone at work, all my colleagues, treated me with total contempt during that whole time. So there was actually, there was no change at all. I've actually found I am too big to fit into my jeans currently.

So I've been wearing tracksuit pants out a lot, but I bought like branded tracksuit pants from the internet. And everyone's like, okay, that's like cool sportswear. And I also bought these big chunky shoes. So now people are, you know, they're less disgusted and they're more impressed at how much I look like Billy Eilish. It's a look. Maybe that's what the mistake that the woman made,

at the London restaurant. She should have just said, no, these aren't tracky decks. These are sports pants. I think if you look at the picture, she's clearly wearing this dirty grey chapsuit pants and just a beanie and she looks not very much like a sexy fish. But do you think restaurants should still have a dress code during coronavirus? Not at all.

I mean, surely every restaurant at this point, their dress code is just thank you so much for being here and giving us your money. We are so great for like, wear a clown suit if you want. That's fine. and wear nothing as long as you keep your droplets to yourself. That's all we ask. Just be here and pay our salary.

I feel like the dress code right now should just be mask. Otherwise, if you're nude, it's fine just as long as you are covering your face. Anyway, now we're going all the way across the ditch to New Zealand where a cat whispering firefighter saved a cat from a tall palm tree. I know. It's like the cutest story ever. And the palm tree is genuinely like one of the tallest trees I've ever seen. the cat was lodged right into its branches. But what kind of training and qualifications do you think you have to go through

to be a cat whispering firefighter? What kind of training is involved there? Well, I actually know you've got to do a whole extra semester of cat whispering at firefighting school. It's very intensive stuff, actually. Well, I just wanted, I want to know what came first. I mean, was it a firefighter who thought, I'll up skill? Or once you've got that master's in cat whispering, there's not a lot of

options. I mean, you could be a vet, but that's a lot more work, or just be a firefighter and coax cats down. Although, you know, I've got to say I read the article because I was fascinated by this and I'm a little bit skeptical about the powers of the cat whisperer because it says the cat was lowered down by a cat whispering firefighter, oh, and the rattle of a box of cat biscuits. It is very contentious. I thought, well, maybe, I mean, he didn't say he could, you know, psychologically communicate with cats. He just said, he was a cat whisperer, which frankly, I am too. I've said hello to cats before.

I've been like, in a hush tone. That's pretty good. So you don't even need a cert three in cat whispering to do this talk. Yeah, you've got to get the RSA though. But I guess if you could mentally communicate with a cat, like what would you say? Well, I would want to just drive down the self-esteem because cats are so stuck up, aren't they? I mean, you know, you just say, oh, you're looking a bit tubby today.

Hey, cat. Oh. You know, oh, so you want to go out with those whiskers looking like that? There you. Okay. I think I'd be sort of suggesting to cats that they go up trees to keep firefighters busy. But the other thing, the other thing, kind of think of it, is you could actually talk to cats and get them together.

Wouldn't you get them to launch a class action against the movie cats? I mean, that has done nothing for their reputation. I think I'd get them to reenact the movie cats. Yes. Oh, my God. That's real cats. as actual cats. No, don't try it. Don't try it. We know how that ends. Oh, yeah. And lastly, what does the calendar for cat whispering firefighters look like? And do you guys know where I can get one?

Nina, I had to break it to you. It's just that guy 12 times. Different poses. And some of them just up a tree and you can't even seem properly. I think I'd rather have a calendar of cats who can talk to firefighters. That would be a bit cuter. All right. Well, continuing on the animal trend, we're going to head to the Philippines now, where a giant enormous golden crown flying fox is causing a huge stir because it's the same size as a human. And it has a wingspan of up to 1.7 meters. Holy shit. Like the other day, there were flesh-eating bacteria in the Mornington Peninsula. We've got biblonic plague in parts of China. And now there's a fucking human-sized bat. What is with 2020?

It's the best year ever. Why do you think people are so scared of this big bat, though? Like, it's a lot of people freaking out on the internet. Just actually, because it's a fucking human-sized bat, Nina. It's terrifying. I don't see a scary bat. I just see a friend. Yeah, I think, um,

look, I don't know if people are scared because after all these years of twilight, people would just want to have, you know, timeless romances with this bat, wouldn't they? Isn't that a dream come true?

Edward, oh, you sign like the sun. Actually, I'm sorry, Dom, but you have your twilight info wrong as a twilight expert. that vampires actually just sparkle in the sun and they run really fast,

but they do not turn into bats. And they're so hot. They're just so hot. Harder than the werewolf. Oh, man. I did rewatch that movie during quarantine. I'm not going to lie, we watched the whole series.

And it doesn't hold up at all. Yeah, just like on the day of release. Yeah. But I am team Edward. I just would like to put that out there. I'm not team Jacob. What do you think this bat did, though, just to get so big?

Like, how do you think this, Back to the big bat. Reps. The bat did reps. Come on. The bat was shredding for stereo, a music festival that was inevitably cancelled by the coronavirus. So you think it worked out to... Yeah, I think it's the...

Is there a whole species like this, or is this just the rock of bats? No, there is a lot of bats that are this size. Well, I assume it's their diet, isn't it? They probably eat babies or something. Yeah, they did actually... I've heard they've contracted a virus when one of them ate a human. human. Suck shit, bats.

We're giving it back to you. Maybe we should do that with all the kids. Because babies do actually huge vectors of infection. Maybe we should just put out a few babies for the bats to eat to get back at them. Maybe. What would you do if you saw the big bats? Oh, very simple. Just bring out the giant peach from James and the giant peach.

Take that bat. Leave me alone. I think I'd introduce myself and tell them that I well. welcome their place to the top of our food chain and I'm happy to help them whatever way they need. You pay a tribute. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. Well, that's all the stories from around the world this week. Check us out at chaser.com.com.com.com and we'll see you next time.