The Chaser Report - Extra - Dismembered Dummies

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Dom is here to take us through some of the non-election related new stories of the week, including dismembered dummies being used for Halloween decorations. Plus Rebecca De Unamuno is back with all the news headlines you can't trust!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Deunamuno. Doctors at the spinal injury unit of St Vincent's Hospital have expressed surprise after a patient grew an entire spine. The patient, former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, was entirely spineless until mid-last week, when suddenly he grew a spine, calling for action on climate change and less action in married ministers' bedrooms. Tina Arena has today accepted $10,000 to host a 5,000-person rally in her backyard after Rudy Giuliani mistook her for a football stadium. The latest stuff up comes just hours after he tried to book a press conference inside Paris Hilton. The Republican Party has put out a call to all Americans to put forward the very worst person they know to help

in the search for their presidential candidate in 2024. Current rumoured candidates for the Republican nomination include famed white supremacist Tucker Carlson, the guy who played Kramer on Seinfeld, and the Twitter account of COVID-denier who died of COVID, Herman Kane. That's the latest Chaser News. Now it's time for a wrap-up of all the other news with Craig, Charles and Dom. Thanks, Beck, it's time for our regular roundup with the world's least important news stories for a segment we call. International Global News World Roundup.

Along with me, we have Charles Firth and Craig Roo Castle and a couple of Halloween-themed ones this week. Guys, in California, in the past few days, a bear was seen going trick-or-treating, a large brown bear. It went on to a porch and grabbed a whole bunch of candy off the porch, which makes me wonder where the animals should just regularly be made part of trick-or-treating here in Australia.

Dom, have you been trick-or-treating in California? I was going to say, how do you know it's actually, a real bear, not either somebody dressed as a bear, just as a bear or as hairy as Dom. You need to, unfortunately, it's an audio medium, you need to know that I'm actually very hairy for that time. But yes, indeed I am.

So the bear just sort of wandered in, grabbed a whole bunch of stuff. I mean, is this a flaw in the trick or trekkotreading model where candy's left out? Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, is this, like, was he just, did he just see or she, did you just see what was going on and joined in? Or was this, like, somebody owned

the bear. No, it was a wild bear that smelled candy and just terrifyingly wandered into someone's house to try and track down the stairs. I hope they went, okay, we're going to trick you instead of giving you a tree. It is a good trick, right? Yeah, exactly.

I hope that presumably the fact they just left it out of the front porch, they're like, this would be safer for COVID reasons. Next minute, attacked by bear. But, I mean, what animals would you think would be a good place? part of Halloween. Like if we were going to add wild animals to the Halloween experience. You know what I've always wanted? I've wanted beached whales to flop up and do the Halloween thing.

Because it's about the right season. You know, they're coming down the South Coast. There's a big migration. So have we put candy like on the beaches? In Tasmania. Right, okay. It worked really well. All right, moving on to the next story here.

Look, to be perfectly frank, just a little glimpse behind the magician's curtain. The couple was pretty bad this week for any stories because the election was on. But I've got another Halloween story for you in Dallas, Texas. So this is a great thing. So an artist basically decorated his house. He had quite a large house. And he had several realistic looking dummies that he made to look like they'd been stabbed to death, hacked apart with a chainsaw.

And the most impressive one was just a dummy at the front of his house with a safe on its head and a giant pool of blood. There was also a wheelbarrow full of fake blood and just dismembered limbs. And I saw this guy. He did a very good job and he was called into the cops quite a lot. The police visited him multiple times. Do you think it's an appropriate display? That's really on the police.

See, I can understand his neighbours calling out multiple times. But if the police kept going back to check if it was a murder, then that's on them. But do you think this is the perfect crime? Like, don't you think if you were a serial killer? If you're Ted Bundy, you just go, oh, no, I'm an artist. Yes. This wheelbarrow full of human limbs. Yeah, so you just have one of them's an actual dead body.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, because the cops came and said at one point, they said, oh, this is cool, and I quote. So that would be perfect. Like out the back just in the sort of wood chipper. Yeah. That's the real one. No, no, no. And also, no, on display, I reckon you'd be bold.

If you're a serial killer, you want to show off your crimes, you just go, it's art. And the cops go, it's cool. And little do they know. That's an actual body. Yeah. That'd be cool. That's what I'm going to do that next Halloween. The only problem is the thing that gives you away is the bear that comes in

and starts eating one of the arms. What do you guys think of Halloween decorations? Like, do you get into the whole display? Yeah, well, you live right near me. Yeah. You've said, we decorate our house every year, yeah. But the neighbour two doors up from you is better than you. It's so much better than you.

But I think that that's because they're jealous of us. And so they need to sort of impress us. I mean, they had, my two-year-old was quite freaked out by their display. They had sort of, like, hanging corpses off, like, a sort of yellow-type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, made of rubber a few year old enough to know. And they do all the seasons. They're just extraordinary.

It's just efforts. Yeah. And did Charles have, because this is a tradition, and did Charles have just him and his underwear looking like he was drunk from the night before. Let me tell you about Anthony Aberdezzi. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty scary.

Particularly for the kids. And look, finally, while we're playing pranks and things like that, a Salt Lake City man's boyfriend said to him, look, it's your birthday. We're going to go for a nice, you know, you've got to dress up. You've got to dress up. And he threw him a surprise party, which was actually pitched as a funeral for this man. And so they had a casket, flowers, a flower, a. photo and everyone gave eulogies

and everyone in the group was told to treat him as though he wasn't there. So he sort of wandered around his own funeral like a kind of a ghost. Is that a cool idea or is that kind of... He didn't know that it was going to happen? No, it was a surprise. So he turned up and that organised his whole fake funeral for him. And they sort of looked through

him and... Yeah. No one acknowledged him at all and they just all spoke about him as if he wasn't there. Wow. And how did he react? Like, what was... Did he like it? Like, I hope were the eulogies nice? I think that. I think so. So, I mean, if it was one of us, they'd be horrible, right? Like, inevitably.

I think you thought it was romantic. But they're now married these two, so it clearly worked out very well. Ah, that's a gorgeous story. What do you think people will say about you at your own funeral, Craig? I've already prepared a whole of much. Yeah, yeah, I was going to say we should do our thing. Every year.

You know, bizarrely enough, I, the other day was cleaning up, and I stumbled across the wedding speech we gave at Andrew's wedding. and I gave, I think, Charles. Oh, my God. Did we speak at Andrew's wedding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're right. I just remember sobbing at Andrew's meeting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a lot like a eulogy. We did roast him a lot. Although not as bad at his own father, anyway. That's a whole other story. But, yeah, I mean, what's the appropriate thing to say? I mean, Charles, what would people say at your, I presume at your funeral he'd want them to make

lots of incredibly exaggerated claims about your success? In my will, none of you are invited to my funeral. Yeah, in my will, you're all invited, but you won't come. I know. I know. We'll sneak in. That'll be the challenge. But then what happened was after this big funeral, after this big fake funeral,

this whole production that they did, it then turned into a party where everyone acknowledged the guy and talked to him. Do you think that was a good idea? Did that ruin it by not backing the gag? It just seems like he now has going to have this kind of Jesus complex because he's got this like second coming thing. Like I came back to life. Yes.

It's terrible. Imagine thinking that you were Jesus. You'd have to be kind to everyone. Be horrible. I'm going to say at your funeral. Charles was in no way like Jesus. But like Jesus, I'm quite glad that he's dead. That's it for this mini episode of the Chast Report.

The main ones come out at the end of every week. Of course, you can subscribe. your podcast app, leave us a five-star review or somehow a six-star review if you can hack the system. And, of course, in-between times, check out the latest headlines at chaser.com. com. You can find our tweets on at chaser if the account's not suspended. And we're, of course, on TikTok, Instagram and all those other things.

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