The Chaser Report - Extra - Free Trip to Hawaii!

Episode Date: December 6, 2020

Dom is joined by Charles, Zoe & James to wrap up all the International Global News World Headlines, including a great offer on a free trip to Hawaii! Plus, Rebecca De Unamuno is back with all the news you can't trust. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Deunamuno. The New South Wales government is considering legalising the possession of small quantities of recreational drugs, but the move has been slammed by the New South Wales Police, who say it will force them to come up with a new excuse to strip-search 12-year-olds. The federal government has denied it is secret. bumping stranded Aussies off the list of people who want to come home to make the numbers look better. A government spokesperson said it was unfortunate that large numbers of Australians could not be repatriated before Christmas, but that all available jets were currently being used to find Matthias Korman a job.

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has been slammed after two German tourists evaded hotel quarantine. The mix-up happened at Sydney Airport after a New South Wales police officer mistakenly thought the travellers were exempt. The federal government said it was clearly Daniel Andrews' fault for trusting the New South Wales government to do its job properly. That's the latest Chaser news. Check out chaser.com.com for updates. Now it's time for Charles, Zoe, Dom and special guest James Schloffle. Thanks, Beck.

Yes, it's time for one of these. International Global News World Round. With James Schleffel, Charles, So Notton Lodge and me, Dom Knight. Now, Hawaii is offering free trips for remote workers. They'll pay your airfare over there and a bit of accommodation. If you want to just head over to Hawaii and just do your Zoom calls from there, instead of having the virtual background, have a real beach background.

What an amazing scheme. Are you on board? I think I know a Prime Minister who's looking at this deal very, very closely. except he wouldn't want to work there, would he? Well, that's where he goes when he's neglecting his work, yeah, yeah. What do you reckon? Do you think it's a good, I'd do it? I think I'm going to do it now.

I think actually, from now. Why wouldn't you do it? Well, what's the catch? Because, I mean, Hawaii's quite expensive. That's the only reason I haven't been. I just don't understand why this is a question. Of course. Oh, COVID.

I mean, COVID? Oh, yeah. There is COVID. They have less COVID than the rest of the United States, which still means quite a lot of COVID. a lot. Yeah. That's not a good metric. That's not a good yardstick. I've got less than than the rest of the worst place. Yes. Yeah, we're slightly less fucked than the mainland. There is a little catch, which is that you meant to spend a bit of time like helping local

charity, startups, all that kind of stuff, like hanging out with actual Hawaiians. Would you be, would you be okay with that? Would you? Well, that's certainly real Scott Morrison out, doesn't it? Helping people. Mate, I don't, I don't do a startup. Yeah. No, but it's a strange deal, because I think their tourism industry is so screwed. They're kind of like, well, just by coming here and spending money on like Hawaiian shirts and, you know, relays and stuff. I'm just worried.

Yeah, I've got some concerns, um, to raise. Like if Charles goes over there, I just don't think you should be really helping anyone with their startup. That's true. I just feel like the judgment isn't there. You'll get them all. You'll just take them to the casino and tell them to put it all on black or something. No, my business, you'll give them some terrible advice.

My business track record is unimpeachable. Yeah. Just like Donald Trump's performance is president. So, yes, all the merchandise on the whole island will just, you probably haven't been across this, but in recent episodes of the podcast, we've discovered that all of Charles's merchandise ideas for this year have been fatally flawed in some incredibly major fashion.

So you have made that conclusion even before you've heard about his like mugs that all broke and all that stuff. Do Hawaiians need toilet paper? Because I've got quite a lot of toilet paper left. 8,000 rolls, too precise. You could use it as a raft of a sort. Couldn't you just sort of get over there? Why are you, sorry to sidebar, and I apologise to listeners who know,

but I must ask the question, Charles. Why are you creating merchandise? That's a great question. We've asked about the flaws in the merchandise. Do you think, sorry, just a question, do you think that there is a great public demand for Charles-based merch? I think Charles is constantly looking for new and unusual ways to lose lots of money and he's found a niche in coming up with new merchandise ideas

and each of them has its own story. Look, I'll fiss up. It actually wasn't greed or, you know, business that actually impelled me to become, to go into merchandising. It was mainly to just annoy Craig because, you know, it's all a whole lot of waste. It's just crap plastic from China, basically. Okay. That's a good cause.

I can support that. That's honourable. Yeah. I can get behind that. So there you go. So Hawaii is a possibility. That's good to see. Moving on to other random news from around the world that caught my eye.

The Canadian Army, in its considerable wisdom, has promoted a polar bear to the rank of honorary master corporal. It was previously honorary corporal, and it just got the big up to honorary master corporal. What do you think? of polar bears being in the Canadian Army? Is that a sensible strategic move? Do they commit war crimes when they go to Afghanistan? Well, I don't think you send a polar bear to the Afghani desert. So no, that's probably a very good point. That's probably why they've, yeah, it's very niche though. They're only going to be in kind of icy war zones. Are there a lot of wars up in the arts? Well, in Canada, I suppose, quite a lot. It's probably probably the go-to,

like, forget your horse. I've got the Mountie. but further north, now, polar bears. Who would want to invade the North Pole? Like, who? Well, there's a lot of presents made up there. There's a lot of stuff being made up there. And the polar beers. Fritiqued.

Help. Yeah, well, I mean, Donald Trump wanted to put a pipeline up there. So you could strap the pipe to the back of the polar bear. I just feel like we've been a little disparaging to the polar bear. I mean, he was clearly performing his duties extremely, as corporal and met every single KPI and was therefore promoted to master corporal. I don't know what either of those

words mean. I suspect the Canadian was it Army or Navy? It's the Army, yeah. I just assume Navy because that felt more polar bears but anyway, that's fine. Maybe a late career change for him. But I assume the Canadian Army just don't really do much.

That's true. We're all assuming it's a token appointment rather than based on excellent performance in the field. But no, the task that they've given Juno the polar bear, I should explain in more detail, is to be an Arctic ambassador to raise awareness of climate change. Oh, we're all aware of climate change. Yeah. I mean, what's going to emerge sooner enough, though, is that Juno's, you know,

someone's going to mine through Juno's Twitter and they're going to find, you know, back in like 2009, he had these climate denial tweet and he's going to get totally cancelled and that'll be that. And he'll only like white polar beers. Yes. Yeah. It's a milkshake duck right there. Absolutely.

And look, speaking of cancellation, which I know you're an expert in, it's been a bad week to be a homophobe in the news. Oh, yes. Tell me about it. No. A member of the school curriculum board in Hackensack, New Jersey, who was anti-gay and lesbian and LGBT content being added to the curriculum to be aware of these issues,

had to resign. After being caught, taking part in a Zoom call while in the toilet, there are 150 participants who saw her relieve herself, including school children from the district in question. Did nobody, you know, think to say, hey, by the way, we can see you, like, as she was doing it. Like, it seems to me a fairly involved process to go into a cubicle and then relieve yourself.

Maybe they just thought she had one of those fluffy things on the mic. So they could hear this sort of... Sorry, don't need to explain. That sort of stuff. And just misinterpreted. Oh, I see. Yeah. Sorry, that was cut that out.

That was revolting. It didn't work. Oh, that's staying in. That's absolutely staying. You just, this is all about not cutting things out. That's interesting. I mean, my argument is that that's, it's educational. I mean, that's biology training, isn't it?

Right there. No, Dom, that's just being pervy. Don't say that. But, yeah. That's gross. Yeah. Okay, maybe that bit we can cut it. Oh, damn it.

I don't do the cutting out. Do you think she should have resigned, though? Is that a, I mean, it's obviously a mistake or a very specific fetish, but probably a mistake. I mean, she should have resigned for being a massive, sorry, should have resigned for being a massive homophobe. And it's a shame that she also had an indecent exposure accidental situation. How mortifying. Yeah. I feel terrible for her, even though she is a homophobe, but also, you know, un-exended.

It's horrible that she's a homophobe. If I, I, I think I'm going to defend her. Like, you know, I don't defend her right. to be a homophote, but I do defend her right to accidentally go to the toilet and not be sacked. Like if that happened to me, guys, if I was on the toilet right now over Zoom, when we do record the podcast on Zoom, it's a clear and present possibility as we work together. Like if I just suddenly going, you know, you wouldn't want to fire me, would you? In different industries though, Charles.

I mean, that's good content for you, I think. Yeah, that would be an improvement in the quality of your comedy. I mean, I would think the real question is like, you know, if why, this is just their punishment for not firing her for being a home fob. It's like, what do I have to do? Just get me twit out. Like, what is it going to take? All right.

So case two of the homophobe getting a bit of trouble. And I want your thoughts after this on whether this is a worse or better situation. A stridently anti-gay member of the European Parliament, MEP, from Hungary, was forced to resign again after the police raided. a 25-man orgy that he was part of. And the reason that they rated it was not that it was a gay orgy, but that it breached Belgium's strict COVID rules, the European Parliament's in Belgium.

The orgy was too many people involved. I love it. Good call? I love the technicality of it. It's just fantastic. But mind you, I would go to a grave. Like, they'd go to my grave. You know, I'd put on the epitaph, you know,

the idea got arrested for having too many people in an orgy. Like, that is, that's the anecdote you'd tell for the rest of your life. That's legendary status. Yeah. More difficult to spin if you've been a long-term anti-gay campaigner, I suppose. Yeah, but aren't, isn't every anti-gay? Basically, every homophobe in the country, I'm sure, in the world, are just gays who are closeted, isn't it? Like, because that's the only reason that you would ever be homophobic, isn't it?

Because you sort of go, oh, my God, you know, a man getting with a man, oh my God, oh, my God. That's so tempting that we've got to ban it. We've got to ban it. Because if you're straight, you just go, oh, yeah, whatever. If they want to do that, that's great, but I don't really understand it. Or is that too binary of me to... It's pretty binary. Yeah, okay.

Homophobes are not a monolith Charles. They're a diverse bunch of people. There's a spectrum. There's clearly a spectrum. The intersectionality of homophobes is, you know, is really something. Yeah, okay. Now, okay, so he should have had to resign. My question is, should the police have let this go

if the 25 of them were all wearing masks? I mean, if they were having a safe orgy. Yes. Well, where were their masks? I mean, over the face to stop the aerosols, everything else is fair game, isn't it? If you got the N95 mask on. I don't know.

No, I think you can transmit it through other bodily fluids, okay? Definitely. That's why they keep finding it the sewage. That is a good point. Yeah. All right. So not a COVID safe orgy, unfortunately.

Now, another issue which emerged, and see if this seems plausible, there were drugs in his bag, but the MP said he hadn't taken any. Would you find that convincing? Well, yes, because they were still in his bag. Yeah, he was just saving them for later. If I have drugs in my bag,

let me tell you, if I have drugs in my back, I hand on heart, I have not yet taken them. That is factually correct. The thing I I love about this story is that as a member of the European Parliament in Belgium, he had complete diplomatic community he should have been able to walk out of there

just going up, I can have all the orgies I want. I've got to be a special passport. And so why didn't he use that loophole? Shame. Where did he go with his career? Like, what's the next step for him? Do you think? Well, probably the priesthood.

Yes. Good point. There's enough hypocrisy there to get a good priest to, sorry, what you say? Oh, no, I was just, I was just thinking about other careers, a barista. That's great. Well, maybe a drug dealer. If he's got all those drugs, it's an obvious thing to do. Just sell them. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He knows a lot of people. I don't think I'd know 24 other people to get around for an orgy. That's true. Imagine inviting people to an orgy and say. Yeah. The logistics It's one of those Facebook events And you're invited to the orgy

And you can see like three other people are going And you're like, fuck, I can't say yes yet I've just got to wait for a couple more people That's depressing None of them show up I wonder if people have been having Zoom orgies This is like the dinner party Senator of the Zoom dinner party

Maybe the Zoom orgy's taken off Yeah, I don't know about you Yeah, that's not what this is, is it? Because it sucks. Awful us on Instagram, Twitter, all the usual places, or just randomly enter our Zoom orchi. I'll tell you what, this is not going on my avatar. Yeah, it's on your LinkedIn though.