The Chaser Report - Extra - Mayonnaise Ice Cream anyone?

Episode Date: July 12, 2020

Heinz has released a range of ice cream mixing kits – you can produce ketchup ice cream, barbecue, mayo, salad cream, and something called saucy sauce cream, which sounds fairly graphic. A man in Wisconsin received a postcard from his parents which they'd mailed 16 years earlier. A teen inventor has developed a watch that reminds you not to touch your face. He released it after both his parents got Covid. Dom Knight asks Charles Firth and Andrew Hansen: do you think this would work? Plus Rebecca De Unamuno delivers the latest Chaser news headlines. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. Scott Morrison is under fire for drinking beer at the footy while Victorians were stuck at home. But the Prime Minister has dismissed concerns he's out of touch. Asked, was Victoria bitter, he said no, it was to his new. The government has launched a new app to help single people cope with the quarantine law. The new app allows frisky singles in quarantine to search for a guard within a 100 metre radius of their hotel room. One user says the app helped him catch the love bug as well as something else. President Trump has surged in the polls after he donned a thick black face mask for the first time since the pandemic began.

Polsters say the poll bump is mainly because nobody can hear him underneath the mask. That's the latest Chaser headlines. Check out chaser.com.com for updates. Right now, here's a round-up of the rest of the news around the world from Charles, Andrew and Dom. Thank you very much, Rebecca Day, Unamuno. Dom Knight here with news gurus, Andrew Hanson and Charles Verth to catch up on some of the latest headlines. International Global News World Roundout.

And let's head to the UK where it is summer over there, a lovely summer. I mean, apart from the COVID-19 that's everywhere. But other than that, it is delightful. and Hines, the beloved purveyor of sauces and mustard and so on, has released a range of ice cream mixing kits. So you get this, they give you sort of a plain vanilla ice cream and some of their sauce, and you get a special spoon

and you can mix it all up for delicious Heinz sauce ice cream. The options are ketchup, barbecue, mayo, salad cream and something called saucy sauce cream, which sounds a little bit graphic to me. What do you think of this though? And Andrew, you're an ice cream connoisseur. Are you Jonesing for ketchup ice cream as we speak? Look, I love ice cream, and I particularly love Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

And I think this just proves that Heinz should not be in the ice cream business. I mean, I think these are terrible, terrible suggestion. Ketchup ice cream. I mean, the thing about Heinz ketchup that strikes me is that you would, well, first of all, it's far too sweet to make ice cream out of. You'd have to tone down the sweetness of the ketchup, I think, with some lemon juice vinegar to make it at all tolerable. And look, and saucy sauce cream,

I'd be avoiding, I would be steering well clear of that. Who knows who's producing the saucy sauce, especially in the UK. I mean, it could be, it probably comes out of some Tory MP. Mr. Hines, you've done it again. Saucy sauce does sound like something about Jimmy Saville, wasn't it? It does. I reckon there'd be some pervy politician producing saucy saucey sauce. Roll Ferris is still alive, isn't he?

I can just imagine Boris Johnson having a party river and put saucy sauce on each other's butter. They would. It's exactly what they would do. So, all right, this is the first concept, sauce-based ice cream, I can see you're skeptical. Are there other sources that would make for better ice creams? Is there a synergy here that's been missed, do you think, Charles?

I looked down that list, and I just thought, hang on, where's the North Croatian cabbage salad sauce? You know, and more importantly, the central Croatian potato salad sauce. Like, they're just obvious emissions. They'd be crowd pleases, wouldn't they? Yeah, they'd be crowd. Yeah, people would go, oh, yes, now I understand why you're releasing such a ridiculous sort of ice cream kid.

If you just have a few mainstream tastes in there, you see what I mean? I mean, I honestly think they've missed out on a hot English mustard ice cream. Well, they have, haven't they, don't they, they've missed out on that. They've missed out on a soy sauce. ice cream? I mean, there are so many missed opportunities. I'll tell you a really weird one that would taste great. Vanilla. It'll never take off. Over to the States. Now, a man in Wisconsin received a postcard from his parents, which they'd mailed 16 years earlier. They had a thing of going on a trip every year, and they'd always send their son a postcard from wherever

they were. And I just wonder, after 16 years, whoever found it and sent it on, should they have bothered? Do you think? I mean, hasn't the horse bolted? to say, I don't know, what's the statute of limitation? Ten years? No, I think they agreed to deliver that postcard and they, so they were obliged to deliver it. I mean, I presume that they gave as their excuse for delivering at 16 years late, that it was COVID-19 related. COVID may lead to delays. Yeah, the postal service has been overwhelmed for the past 16 years. What do you think, did the post office do anything for him to say thanks. I mean, what compensation do you get after something's, you know, 15.9 years late?

Dom, I don't see, I don't see, there's no need for compensation. They delivered the package. Contract is complete. That's it. That's, that's job done. It's, I mean, and 16 years, like, that's pretty good compared to, say, Australia Post at the moment. So that's actually... It's very good. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. No, I'm with you, Charles. Look, I mean, if they were going to offer something, you know, maybe, maybe they could say, look, it's a bit late, but they could offer him another postcard. Well, that brings me to my last question,

which is, I mean, the idea of sending a postcard with that tiny amount to write on the back, it seems quite quiet now. But are we missing anything with postcards? Is there a charm to them? Is there some experience that we're missing out on from... Yeah, we are. It's the unfinished message.

What I miss about postcards is whenever I try and write one, they have no room to write anything except for the address. And then you're sincerely, Andrew Hansen. There's no room for an actual message on a postcard. And this is what I miss. It's the brevity. You don't have to say anything on a postcard at all because there's never was any space on them, was there? Isn't the message always sort of a subtext that says sucked in, you're not on holiday here?

Well, we've replaced that with social media. And finally, look, we're all trying to make the best of things during COVID, trying to stop it from spreading. And a teen inventor has a wonderful contribution to this. He's invented a watch that reminds you not to touch your face. If you wear it and your hand comes towards your face, it vibrates and says, no, no, don't do that. Don't touch your face. And he released this product after both of his parents got COVID-19. Some might have argued a little bit too late.

But he wants to help other people. Do you think that will work this watch that vibrates if you try and put your hand near your face? Oh, excellent. Yes. Yeah, this is a great idea because I find it so hard not to touch my face. And my nine-year-old son actually has this amazing ability to not touch his face in public. Wow. Yeah, and he also will tell you if you're about to touch your face.

He's sort of a little bit like the watch. I actually want to get him into the gifted program at school because he's so, I mean, that's a sort of superhuman quality. So I think this watch is a brilliant idea. Look, I think it's a very good, I mean, I'm impressed by your nine-year-old son's restraint, especially at the age of nine, because, you know, you're always touching your face. He was picking at your face and stuff.

Picking your nose. And that sort of thing. I think this watch sounds amazing for one-armed people. Not so good for people with two-armed. It does seem a flaw, doesn't it? I mean, unless you buy two watchers, you know, look, maybe you buy, you're supposed to buy two watches and wear one on each wrist. Is that the idea?

He's clever, isn't he? Because he's invented the world's only watch that has to be purchased twice. That's true. Now, the Navy came up with it. I don't know what you think of it. It's called the Vibe Pro. V-Y-B-P-R-O. Is that a good...

The Vibe Pro, I thought that name was already taken by something else. I'm just wondering if perhaps something he's missing in his marketing campaign. Yeah, that's a device that reminds you not to touch something else. No, isn't... I mean, that's brilliant because I know my wife will want to buy two now. What would your advice be to this teenage inventor? I mean, you were a bit of a teen business prodigy, Charles. What should he be doing next?

Well, I've actually, I've got a really good idea for a watch. Hear me out here. What about a watch that tells you the time? Nah, never work. No, that's as stupid as vanilla ice cream. The Chaser Report, less news, more often. That's all we got time for on this mini episode of The Chaser Report. Don't forget, though, that the main one comes out on Friday,

and there's another one midweek as well here. Don't forget to subscribe in your podcast app of choice. Write a review, if you wish. And at any point in time, you can check out the latest chaser news at chaser.com. com. There's Facebook, there's Twitter, there's Instagram, lots of ways to stay in touch too. Big thanks to Mike Liberally for producing all this from his lockdown postcode in Melbourne. Good on your mic.

And we'll catch you next time right here on the Chaser report.