The Chaser Report - Extra - Mini Robots Are Taking Over

Episode Date: July 26, 2020

Robots being deployed in fast food joints in Japan so that the workers taking orders can work from home. Comedians take over around the world and a tasteful discussion about the largest dildo in the world. Plus all the latest Chaser News you can't trust. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. A woman visiting her local bunnings who claims that masks make it hard for her to breathe will soon need a machine to breathe for her. The woman, who live-streamed her encounter on Facebook, said the face masks make her feel like she's suffocating, which is exactly what she will tell doctors in two weeks' time when she is admitted to hospital. Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has called for a new baby boom to spur economic growth, asking all Australians to go and get fucked. Mr Frydenberg said that people were probably used to getting screwed by his announcements, but that this time he meant it.

Iraq has deployed troops to bring peace and prosperity to the North American continent after the nation deployed thousands of forces to stabilise the region in the wake of recent political and social unrest. Asked how long the reconstruction of America would take, Iraqi officials said it would last exactly as long as it takes for them to fleece all of America's oil. That's the latest Chaser news. Check out chaser.com.com for more updates. Now it's time for a round-up of what's happening around the world with Dom, Charles and Nina. Thanks, Beck.

International Global News World Roundup. So we're going to head to Japan, where fast food workers can now work from home thanks to a new robot. Have you guys heard of this robot? Its name is Orihime, and it's actually, goes by she her pronouns. Got to know the pronouns. Yeah. Very 2020. And she's quite cute.

Actually, she looks a little bit like Wally and she's very small. I love this robot. Without knowing anything about it, would you work with this robot? I just want to understand. So you said that fast food workers can work from home. Does that mean that they're like controlling the robot as though or a video game? How does that? Yeah.

So they are controlling the robot and it means people can stay at home and they control her through the computer. and speak to customers and facilitate food orders through this little robot. Wow. So if you go to the drive-thru or whatever in Japan, you see the little robot and then you hear a voice going, would you like fries with that? Yeah. And if you go in store, they're just standing there behind the counter, are they?

I think they're so small. I mean, she's so small. Orihime is her name. Yeah, and she's so small and she just sits kind of on top of the counter and then you just speak to this little robot. So her feet are on the counter. That's a bit non-hygienic. Oh, she's so cute.

She's just showed us a photo of it. She's got a tiny little apron and a tiny little hat. And she's got a little hole in her forehead. Where the camera is. Just shoot bullets. I would totally work with Oriima. I think that, like, compared to working with Charles as I've been doing with the past 21 years, yeah, absolutely massive upgrade.

Yep. I would work with her over Dom any day. Yeah. And what kind of robot dracon you could build to make your life easier? Well, I was thinking, because I don't want one for the workplace. Like I quite enjoy my work, but it's for home life. That's what you want a robot for. To outsource all the hard work of emotional labour of relationship.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, do the whole chat to your son about how he's feeling nowadays and stuff like that or, you know, talk to your partner about how her day was or, you know, you know, checking on your parents every week. You know, all that sort of stuff. Just get the robot to do. That'd be unreal. Well, what are you doing in the meantime?

Are you just at home playing video games? Like, are you one of those, like those husbands on Reddit relationships that's just ignoring his family? No, I'll play Sims where you get to interact. When you build a different family and a better life. Yeah, exactly. That sounds good to me, but I can think of a different use case. which is sending the robot to parties to socialise the people.

And particularly when I was, when I was single, like a flirting robot that can actually talk to women for me and not be, like, not just be weird and sit in the corner crying. That would be an amazing upgrade, I think. But how would you then, would you then sort of slip in at three-quarters time? Do you think slip-in is that appropriate? Well, actually, that's a very good. The robot's like, have you met my friend, Dom?

But do you have to keep up the pretends? Do you have to keep on go, hello, I am the robot? Well, it would be very disappointing. But imagine if this very debonair robot like chatted you are, but it was really witty and said all the right things. And then at some point it segues into it actually just a terrible human being. Worst wing robot ever. Bug her off, I want the robot back, she slash her.

All right. Well, now we'll head to the Ukraine where a comedian named Vladimir Zelensky has just become president of the country. What do you reckon? As comedians, does this make you want to get into politics or? Oh, well, I think it's always good when, you know, comedians who, of course, have a career because their lives are so fucked up that they have to sort of do therapy on stage. I think that's a really positive thing that they then become, you know, global leaders. Well, the thing, the reason that he was so popular is actually because he played a president on a TV show. Right.

So he was the lead actor in the show. which was about a teacher who did a speech that went viral to his classroom. And in the speech, he said, I could be president. Give me one week in the chair and I'll show them. And then he does and he becomes president. And then the actor on that TV show became the actual president. That's amazing. I mean, that would be the equivalent of.

I suppose there's two ways this could go. Like you could elect Martin Sheen from the West Wing president. And he'd be lovely and sensitive and say all the right things. As long as Aaron Salkin was writing all of his words, He'd just be the best person ever and so kind and a bit of a drinking problem, a bit of MS, but otherwise awesome. Or it could be like electing the boss guy

from the apprentice as boss of the world. And I don't think that would go very well. Yeah, but that would never happen. Yeah, that had never happened. But apparently during his campaign, he actually said nothing about his policies. He just relied on viral videos, stand-up comedy gigs and telling jokes in order to get people to vote for him.

Wow, God, this makes me think, So, because there's actually quite a few comedians who've sort of made it now. Well, in Italy that happened. Is Beppe Grillo? Yeah. The five-star movement, I think. Al Franken, you know, was a senator and then wasn't because of a joke that went horribly wrong. It's creepy.

I've always thought Peter Dutton is probably... The ultimate one-line comedian. Yeah, he's like one of those Elliot Goblet-style deadpan comedians. That's why he's made it so far in Australian politics. It's just his dry sense of humour. Yeah, yeah. It's just so dry that everyone thinks it's true. No, I think he's evil.

But apparently people are not super happy about it because Zelensky is backed by a controversial oligarch called Colomoisky. I hope I'm saying that right. And he's like kind of seen as a bit of a controversial big tycoon figure that's bankrolling Zelensky. So everyone calls him Colomoisky's puppet. Oh, Nina, I don't think there's any chance that, you know, some idiot would get made put in charge of a country

and, you know, manipulated by someone sinister off hand, like, I don't know, Vladimir Pugent or like, that would never happen in the real world. Yeah, it's never, it's never, but I think it's quite funny because people who were interviewed about the election and said, it's like when you go to a cheap supermarket and all of the fruit is rotten and you rummage around to find the least rotten piece.

Wow, that's like the Labour leadership. Yeah, it's like Australian politics. Congratulations, Albo, the least rotten fruit. All right, and now to light a news in Las Vegas, where a man has stolen a one meter tall 23 kilogram dildo from a sex shop. I just wanted to end on this story because I think it's really funny. I'm very sex positive. I'm all to learn more about what's possible with the human body.

What's the use case of this thing? Is there a market? Is it one meter? It's one meter tall and it's 23 kilograms and he stole it. He shoplifted it. Yeah How do you steal that? Well, I'm going to be concealed it in an orifice.

No, no, no, no. The way you steal anything like that is you just put on high viz. You can get away with anything if you're wearing hivis. That's very sensible. Plus, you look like an actor in a dodgy porno. Just got to take this over here, love. But, you know, clipboard in hand, just take it out. Yeah.

It'd be fine. That's really smart. Maybe I should wear hivies. That's what teens should do instead of dressing like grandmas. They should just dress as tradies. I do want to get back to that question that Dom asked, which is what is the use case for a one metre dildo? Nina, do you have any thoughts?

Look, it's good to have goals. Okay. No, I have no idea. I think it's ornamental. I certainly hope it's ornamental. It would be a great conversation piece. Wouldn't it like, what the? I know where would you put it in the house?

Because you wouldn't want to put it right up front because that's very confronting. Did you put it in the bathroom? I think it had upset me because I sort of catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye and I think, oh God, it's Peter Dutton. Guess how much it was as well, the retail value. Well, I reckon it was what, no, it would have been one of these, it would have been very expensive.

It would have been something like $5,000 new. And it would have been like $5 used. One of those items that rapidly drops in value? I reckon it would be one of those items that would go up if you used because anybody that had a, you know, an orifice that size was surely to be part of the Guinness World Book of Records. As seen on that viral video. Yeah.

Although I do think... So how much was it? It was 500 US. That's a bargain. Yeah. We should get one. Where should I put it? I'll put it on the mandel piece.

Yeah. We'll put it in the podcasting studio. Wait a minute. We've got one here. Oh, no. It's just Dom. God, if I'm only, I was 23 kilos, that'd be amazing. Anyway, that's all we have time for.

And head to thechaser.com.com.com for the latest news headlines. We've hidden a giant Tildo somewhere on the site. Your job is to find it.