The Chaser Report - Extra - Real Life Lightsaber

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

Dom runs through the global news headlines, including the newest event for the 2024 Paris Olympics, as well as the first ever real life lightsaber! Plus, Rebecca De Unamuno with all the news you can't trust. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. A man who spends most of his life posing for photos making cubby houses has questioned why he didn't get invited to an important global climate change summit. Scott Morrison, a do-it-yourself hobbyist who occasionally runs the country, said he was outraged that organisers of the summit thought he wasn't taking climate change seriously. Donald Trump has begun workshopping fresh conspiracies for his 2024 election loss. Trump met with his most trusted non-jailed allies at a conveniently located landscaping car park to run through his best excuse ideas, making this the most work he has ever put into planning for an election to date.

In the end, Trump is understood to have settled for reusing Hillary Clinton's emails again as the designated 2024 conspiracy. The federal government has announced plans to restrict Santa Claus to only being able to gift the kids of Australia cashless debit cards. The Minister in Charge, Anne Rustin, claims it will bring dignity to lazy children while also dealing a massive blow to the socialism that Santa tries to spread each Christmas.

That's the latest Chaser News. Check outchaser.com.com.com for more updates. And now here's Zoe, Charles and Don. Thanks, Beck, some incredible news around the world for this mini edition of the Chaser Report. International Global News World Rounder. Breakdancing is being included in the 2024 Paris Olympics aura, the breakdancing.

Dom, I'm willing to call this for what it is, which is completely racist. This is an absolutely racist idea, and I think it is appalling that breakdancing should be allowed anywhere near the Olympics. Everyone knows that white people have no rhythm. And so therefore they're completely excluded. Like, it's bad enough that, you know, we can't run very fast.

But, you know, at least that's not sort of a cliche. Whereas there's no chance that any white person will ever be able to win this competition. Yeah, but basketball's in the Olympics and white men can't jump. It's been there for a lot. What do you think, Zerike? Are you more pro-baked? Is anyone going to defend breakdancing in 2024? I mean, like, I find it hard to defend break dancing in any context,

let alone on a global sporting field. But, I mean, look, I guess it is what it is. I mean, what do you, like, do you, like, I didn't, I truly didn't know anyone's, I mean, maybe it's because I'm old and boring, but I didn't really know it was still a thing. Well, it's very athletic. I assume it must be a thing in France. You know how you go to France? And the 80s are still going.

Well, they have sort of like those baggy collared t-shirts and things like that. And that's the fashion and sort of... Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Just again, Charles, are you just informing us? This is your sartorial understanding of Parisian fashion. Please go again. Loose shirts. Okay, I just realized I walked into a minefield.

I'm just going to slowly back out of that. That was the minefield, not calling breakdown. The notion of Charles Firth insulting the French for their fashion. I just think, I just think, this is what I think is, if... Because I mean, you dress, you dress, I have to tell everyone if they don't know, you dress like a seven-year-old boy. Well, what do you mean? I've got shorts and a t-shirt on.

What's wrong with that? You wear, you always wear like a little baseball cap and, you know, a little like shorts and it's like, like you have borrowed them from one of your, your children. Yeah, a seven-year-old boy who can't quite get to Kmart just to go to Target. it instead. It is true that my 12 year old now just considers my clothes, his clothes, and he just, like he just

whenever I get a nice t-shirt, he just takes it. Yeah, well, it's because you spent so much time in Paris getting all the lovely loose t-shirts. I feel like though, there's going to be a great element of this breakdancing Olympics, which is comedy. I mean, generally the Olympics is not very entertaining. I mean, beach volleyball

is occasionally, you know, something synchronised, swimming, there's a few laughs at times. But breakdancing, is going to be, that's my first priority. Forget the swimming, forget athletics. I'm watching the break dancing in 2024. It is enormously entertaining breakdancing. I actually used to do break dancing when I was sort of six or seven years old.

I remember when Thriller came out and me and my friend Dave Parker, who lived in the house behind me, we just spent, we just spent, you know, months practicing all of Michael Jackson's mood. Could you do a back spin? Because back then, Michael Jackson. Erickson was a black man, but of course. Why are you making everything about race? No, we just aspired to be like him.

And it turned out he then ended up being very similar looking to us. Let's move on. Let's move on and back out of this whole topic of conversation. If the chaser gets cancelled because this don't forget, it was Charles and not me. All right. Now, someone has made an actual Star Wars lightsaber. And look, I know that for years there have been planned. plastic toy lightsabers.

It was kind of a light in them that lights up. No, no. This is a thing that can cut metal. It's a sort of plasma beam. Wow. It can do that. But the only thing is, like it looks like a lightsaber. It kind of extends in a beam,

but it has to be connected to a massive tanks of oxygen and propane. So the portability is not quite there yet, but it is an actual working lightsaber. I've just realized this segment, it's incredibly nerdy so far. Screw it. What do you think? Is there use for an actual light saber?

Sabres, is this a helpful domestic tool that's been invented by this massive nerd? Well, let's face it, I'm pretty sure there are at least three and a half billion man children out there who are definitely going to buy this as soon as they solve the whole large tanks problem. Like, I am definitely buying this. To do what? Well, for the kids, for the kids, to discipline the kids. But also, no practical.

to cut their lunches. They, well, what a great way to say. Oh, hold on, Hartley. I just need to make your lunch. Hold on. I'll just get out the lightsaber to cut it. Boom. Yeah, cut the lunches and the table that you're doing the lunches on.

And also, look, you know, I'm not sure I know who my father is, but I'll tell you what, I'd like to have a lightsaber handy in case I find out. Look, I mean, until about a year ago, I honestly thought it was a life, a light save. So, um, so I've got no idea. I'm like, I, I've never seen a Star Wars. Um, I got laughed out recently for, um, for referring to, um, a character, Jarja of the Beans. So, um, yeah, uh, won't, I probably won't be getting a light saber, but at least I know it's a B now and not a V.

This is a rare moment in the history of working with Zoe, which is done for a few years. I'm going to Saber, which I'm going to saver. whoops, which is where the joke was about her not knowing anything in being a bit of an idiot rather than us, Charles. This is so rare. I think you'd like Star Wars, though, especially all the breakdancing scenes in it. It's really good. Olympian, really.

All right, and finally, while we've all been dealing with the pandemic, as we know, it's very bad in the UK. They've just started vaccinating people. But there are Royal Highnesses, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Will and Kate have been on a tour around the UK visiting and encouraging health workers and they did this by train. They travelled around the UK for three days on a train

making surprise visits to healthcare workers on the front line to thank them. What do you think of the notion of Royal's travelling by public transport? Is that a welcome evolution? Was it like just a public train? It was just like there are other people on the train? or was it like... Was it a special royal train?

Yeah, it was a special royal train. We'll get to that. You know, they weren't just sort of crammed onto a commuter train standing up, you know, at 8 in the morning. No. The masks question, I've seen pictures of them wearing masks during the tour. So I think it certainly at some points, but presumably when they're in their luxury royal train, no, they weren't. I mean, so what's the question? Like, do we think they should be traveling by fancy royal train or what else do they travel by?

I don't know, fucking, like, space crown? No, I think that's crap. What do they do? They should do something for the British economy. It's struggling. They should just catch Uber's everywhere. Look, I don't know. I think there's something, even though, even though it's a special royal train,

which apparently runs on biofuel, it's a sort of show-offy, wanky Prince Charles project. I still like the idea of them just going on train. Like, just, I just hope it was as boring as a usual train jetty. I hope someone put their, you know, armpit in their faces and all that sort of stuff. stuff. They didn't, did they, though? Definitely not. What on their special royal train that they got by themselves? When I started preparing as I thought, isn't that a lovely sort of touch of the common person?

No, not at all. It's not at all. So, oh, so you read, okay, so hold on. So Dom, you read the headline, they got the train. And then you're like, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it in the podcast. Let's do it. And then you like skim the article like 10 seconds ago and you're like, fuck, I got it wrong, but it's still going to do it. I'd read a bit more deeply. What I want to know is if you were an overworked NHS Word, You'd been in a COVID ward making life and death decisions, working very long hours.

You'd probably contracted it yourself. How would you feel about them showing up to say, you know, well done, congratulations? Having traveled all over the UK first, presumably to other pandemic hit areas. To bring a new strain of the virus to your hospital. I mean, because I presume like royal fans would be touched and love it. Whereas other people would be like, just, no, I don't want to. take half an hour to have a cup of tea with these idiots. And Buckingham Palace was riddled with it, wasn't it? Charles had it.

Well, look, I don't think it's a bad thing. I mean, you've got to remember the Royal Family has survived 500 years by doing exactly this sort of shit. Like, you know, a whole lot of people go into battle and then after the battle, they go, oh, well done. Good on you. Good show. Yeah, we'll give you an award for that.

Well done. So I think it's very much. It's in keeping. It's on brand. Yeah, it's very on brand. And look, frankly, if you worried about whether they're going to get infected, don't worry, because they'll just get all the good medicine and survive. I mean, I was impressed that Prince Charles for the first time,

when he got COVID, you know, didn't use homeopathy. His favorite thing is. Oh, really? Did he actually had a proper doctor. Yeah, chicken. Finally, they've been criticized for two reasons because of this thing. There's been a lot of critics out there. Firstly, because it cost $50,000 for the three days.

For the three days. Yep. And secondly, because they broke the health advice against unnecessary journeys. People are suggesting this was an unnecessary journey. What's the view on that? Oh, God, I don't know. I mean, they just do what they want, don't they? They're so shit.

Like, why does anyone put up with, why do we have, we're still part of their monarchy? And they don't even come around on a, you know, they don't even go on the city circle. So do we just saw. You know what I think they should do? They should open up. Get on the light rail. I reckon what they should have done is they should have got one of their horse

and carriages or something like that. And just given doctors and nurses lifts to the, you know, to home and to the thing. Like they should have used all the resources that they've got. That would be useful. For good. You know, get into the sharing economy. Yeah. Well, William.

They could make, they could have made Buckingham Palace like a big, old COVID hospital. Plenty of rooms there. Probably lots of nice ventilation, big, big tall windows. Queen's not even there. She's been at like Windsor the whole time. And then instead of costing $50,000, they could like make $50,000.

It'd be really cool. Yeah, but that would be contributing to society of a meaningful way. It's just never going to happen. Very off brand. If you want more from the Chaser, check out chaser.com. You want ever like.

We're on Twitter, Facebook, all the usual social platforms. You probably know this by now after month. It's banging on about it. Catch you next time here. on The Chice Report. See it.