The Chaser Report - Extra - Should we privatise Bondi Beach?

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

Should Bondi Beach become a private club that costs $80 at the door? Who would be allowed to enter? Are Covid-positive only parties a good idea or a terrible, terrible, terrible idea? Plus all the latest Chaser news headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Pauline Hanson has been deported after she failed the new citizenship test. Under the new guidelines announced by Alan Tudge this week, immigrants must have a workable knowledge of English. Pauline Hansen said she was appalled by the decision. I can leave my topic of conversation today. It's about squat toilets. You saying what? All this PC baguade out there, the Australian people look in us. Take it word for word what I said is that the deplorable anti-rise of racism, you know, racism towards the whites.

Americans have started to worry that a man who once suggested injecting bleach might be losing his judgment. Insiders say Donald Trump's declaration that he would resume campaigning showed he was dangerously unhinged. But a spokesperson for the White House said he was just as, same as he's always been. The fly who stole the show at the debate between Kamala Harris and Mike Pence has spoken out for the first time since he sat for over two minutes on the vice president's head.

The fly said that Pence was the biggest piece of shit he'd ever found. That's the latest Chaser News. Now it's time for a wrap-up of the rest of the news around the world with Charles, Dom and Nina. Thanks, Beck, and now it's time for... International Global News World Rounder. So our first story from today is from the Amalfi Coast of Italy. Or should I say the Amalfi Coast of Australia?

Because this week, I know, less exciting. But this week, club promoters sought permission from the council to set up an Amalfi Beach-themed club right on Bondi Beach in Sydney. Isn't that fantastic? So Bondi being one of the world's most famous beaches known everywhere, they went, let's name it after a coast. in Italy that looks completely different. Genius. And that nobody's heard of. Are you serious?

I've heard of it. Oh, the amount. Okay. It's the most, it's one of the most famous coasts in Italy. It's where they film the talented Mr. Ripley. So it's where sociopaths skill people. You know it's an even more famous coast.

Bondi Beach. Bondi Beach. Yes, but what could be better than adding, you know, that Malfi Coast with Bondi Beach come together. Oh, okay. A brilliant club. So the proposal said that club goers would be required to pay $80 for two hours of entry, and no, before you ask, this does not include food and drink.

It's just for the time. So they're just charging entry to Bondo Beach. Essentially. Nina, how much does it currently cost to go to Bondo Beach? I'm pretty sure it's free, although I don't know about parking. Anyway, but this is, I think, the main attraction. So it will take up 2% of the whole of Bonday Beach, and there will be a nice, fenced area erected around the club, so you won't have to mix with normies.

So the $80 is really, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, fee to get away from the scum of the earth. That's good, because that's like British backpackers. Yeah, and Kiwis. Yeah, all the Kiwis have been marooned here by COVID. Yes. But the Club of Motors says actually the socially distanced cabanas, which will be in the fenced off area and lounge chairs,

will be the only way to properly enjoy Bondi Beach in a guaranteed COVID-safe way. So it's actually for people's safety. Oh. See, now I know that that probably sounds really gross and you're being all like lefty and no and his public's. space about it. But look, VIP areas are good as long as you're inside them, right? Like, that's the thing. Yeah, exactly. I'm on board with this. You just got to get inside the enclosure. Well, so I just first question, before you go inside the VIP club, would you actually go to

this club? Like if it opened up, would you be interested in it? I would. Yes, I'd definitely go. Yes. I'm going to say yes from Dom as well. I would if I had 80 bucks in 2020. But I'm assuming I ever get a job again other than this one. Yeah, I'm so in count me in. If I'm our fee. If they keep job seeker, we're in. Great. Well, I have some bad news. You might not actually be let into the club because it has a very specific kind of clientele.

So we'll do a little checklist, shall we? Amalfi Beach Club's target demographic are aged between 25 and 45. So good news, Charles. You just made the cut. Yeah, great. So I'll be the oldest person there. Yeah, yeah. Which women find most attractive.

They like older men. I'll be the oldest man. So where did you read this? It's like, who wrote that? It's in creeps, digest. Yeah. Well,

firstly, but you have to, you have to fit a specific brief. So the organisers say that their male patrons will be aspirational professionals such as doctors, surgeons and members of the finance industry. So is that you guys?

Well, well, actually, Dom is a doctor. Are you serious? Yes, I have a doctor. Did you say he is a doctor or he needs a doctor? I have a doctor of creative writing.

I'm not entirely sure. That's the sort of unimplems. employed bozo that they're after. And I'm basically a professor of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I would say you're... And some of my jokes are surgically brilliant.

So, like, you could even say, I'm a surgeon. Others are dead on arrival. Well, I'd say that you're both aspirational professional. So I reckon you would actually make it in. We aspire to be professionally. So you're still in the running, but that's for men. For women, it's a little different. So the female patrons of this club,

ideally work in publishing, advertising, fashion, beauty and modeling. Modeling? In a strange tournament events, I actually cannot get into this club and you can, which is really weird and I hate it. But there is one more prerequisite for patrons and that's that they must have a high disposable income. So sorry guys, bab-bang. You're off the list.

See you guys in the free section of Bondi Beach. But good news, again, no one would ever be able to get in Anyway, because Waverly Council rejected the proposal. Woo-hoo! Thank God. But they rejected it for the months of December and January, so it might pop up again in February. All right. So speaking of selective clubs, a brand new type of exclusive party has come to Manchester in the UK.

Oh, great, another thing I'm not allowed into. Well, maybe you will be. You actually might be allowed to this one because there are no dress codes. There are basically no types of restrictions. There's not even a cover charge. You can get into these parties completely. It's just the norm core event that I've been waiting for. Like, my fashion sense and abilities are norm core.

So the core. And I keep waiting for it to become fashionable. You have to wear polo necks the whole time to get in. Well, you literally can wear in anything. There is only one prerequisite. And the thing you need to get into these parties is COVID. Oh, God. You need to have a positive coronavirus test in order to enter.

So it's for everyone. Well, that sort of bizarrely makes sense, though, doesn't it? Because, you know, if everyone's got corona, then... You might as well. You might as well. Just patch, it doesn't matter. You're all immune. Actually, you know, that sort of event has also spread to the US.

They had one at the White House the other day. Anyway, one freshman at University of Manchester actually claimed that it was a health and safety precaution. So COVID people were partying with other people and it was actually more safe that way. And another freshman said there are always invitations flying around on WhatsApp saying, come to flat eight, we've all got Rona. So these are university students. Yeah, so they're all in dorms having COVID-themed parties.

Well, they've all got herpes anyway, so why not add some corona to it as well? I guess so. COVID isn't technically a sexually transmitted disease, though. It's just a... Well, not yet. Not yet. But I guess what would you do if you had to choose between having a good time at university and getting coronavirus or just having a shitty time and staying locked up in your dorm?

What would you do? I'd probably be one of those unlucky people who didn't get corona and therefore couldn't go to party. And what you'd have to do is you'd have to fake your positive test. Yeah, you'd have to be like, he, he, I'm so sick. I'd get that message just by accident because they included you on the list unintentionally. And I'd go to the party and everyone would stay 1.5 meters away from me and not kiss me. So I wouldn't get coronavirus. Yeah, but that's just like every party you've ever been too dumb. Yeah, including my own wedding. What was with that? Okay, now let's go to Korea where K-pop group Black Pink have come under fire for their latest music video.

So the song is called Love Sick Girls. I've listened to it. It's a total banger. Highly recommend. And in the video, one member of Black Pink called Jenny is wearing a nurse's uniform that has a bit of a short skirt. It's not, I don't think it's that super short, but it's a bit of a short skirt. And this is upset the Korean Health and Medical Workers Union, who slammed the video for sexually objectifying nurses with claims that Jenny's attire is far from realistic. Which I guess is technically true, but they did start a bunch of hashtags like, hashtag, nurses are not costumes.

hashtag stop sexualizing nurses and hashtag nurse underscore is underscore profession. Yeah, although not grammatically correct, but still, yeah, nursing is. But surely you can't blame Black Pink for this idea. I mean, every Halloween, some idiots in a sexy nurse outfit, a sexy nurse outfit, a sexy non-outfit. Sex everything outfit. I think nurses are sexy because saving lives is sexy. No, okay. Anyway, but YG Entertainment, who managed Black Pink, actually replied to this and they said that they do respect nurses and that the controversial scene actually reflects lyrics in the song, which are, no doctor can help me when I'm love sick.

Yeah, I must say, Nana, I'm a bit offended. Having chosen to dress as a sexy nurse for this podcast, hearing that I'm, I'm denigrating nurses, in many ways I'm celebrating nurses and how they love short skirts, actually I see the problem. And also, what's wrong with being sexy? I think this is not a very sex positive story. No, I don't think it is either. And I was thinking, like, is there any other areas that Black Pink should dress up as to make them more sexy? Like, I feel like comedians have this reputation for the nerds.

Yes. We should do, we should write to Black Pink and see if they'll dress up as open micers. They could undo the decades of work that Dave Hughes has done in this area. Hashtaghtag puns are hot. The other thing about Black Pink is I do know a little bit about them. Comedians in cars getting hoddies. No, that doesn't make sense. That's good.

Word play is for play. That could be like hashtag, no? No. No. But try it. Anyway, that's all we have time for this week. Sorry, Charles. Don't leave on that low.

No one's going to listen to this podcast ever again. No, they will. If they have a guarantee that we keep cutting you off when the quality gets lower. Charles, thank you for not sexualizing comedians and specifically yourself hashtag funny is sexy dom no thank you for making comedians seem even more nerdy than we are already hashtag put your clothes back on furth anyways um that's that's us for today listen to more of our podcasts wherever you get podcasts or go to jason.com.com.com slash podcast for more podcasts. I don't know why I'm just plugging the podcast. Go to our Instagram, our Twitter, our Facebook and

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