The Chaser Report - Extra - The Best of The Daily Mail

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

Dom brings us some of The Daily Mail's best headlines of the last week, which includes an incredible story of Karl Stefanovic's new haircut. Plus, Rebecca De Unamuno is back with all the news you can't trust.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. Struggling job seeker Matthias Korman has been forced to choose between paying rent and keeping jet. The former finance minister has been jetting around the world trying to find a job and says if he ditches his jet, it'll make finding a new job even harder. Meanwhile, Mr. Korman was forced to wait on hold. for eight hours to get his jet refueled by Centrelink. A spokesperson for Centrelink said that Mr. Corman had not filled out his doll diary properly and that the delay in refueling was therefore all his fault. Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced he will introduce a new Jet Seeker scheme

targeted at struggling former finance ministers. The news comes just days after job seeker Matthias Corman was hit with a $28 million robot debt bill. The bill was auto-generated by a Centrelink computer which had analysed his recent travel patterns and calculated his undeclared income based on that. That's the latest Chaser news. Check outchaser.com.com. For all the latest 404 error messages.

Now it's time for Charles, Craig and Dom. Thanks, Beck. Time for another mini episode. It's Charles Firth, Craig Rucasel. I'm Dom Knight and James Schleffel of the shovel is with us for these. And guys, I thought we'd run through some of the most prestigious news in the country because for quite a while now, the most successful commercial news website in the country. Do you know what it is?

Chaser.com.com. Do you know what it actually is? Shuffle.com.com. Oh, guys. It's the Daily Mail. Forget news. Forget Fairfax. The Daily Mail.

The leading satirical news is much more successful. Except for the ABC. They're the number two news website now, which is tragic, except you'll understand why I want I tell you about the news. So these are all currently right now headlines on the most. main page of daily mail.com. UK. That's right. They haven't bothered to even register in Australian website.

Carl Stefanovic gets a haircut in Sydney as his wife looks after their daughter. Okay. Right. Sitting in the salon chair in double bay, he wore a grey cloak and says as his hairdresser ran a comb and scissors through his short brown hair. Is that still the headline?

No, no, actually, well they should be, that would be a normal name of Daily Mail headplay. Well, I think the Gold Walkley's decided I like the idea that there's been some journalists camped out for years at that place, just waiting for him to come in. And they'd have to have a second journalist back at the house to check what the wife is doing. What's she doing? She's looking after the kid?

Oh my God, we've got him. I mean, to be fair, stalking Carlos Paparato had some pretty good payoffs for a while. Yeah, it did. I think it's probably time to stop reporting everything that he does. Moving on, amazing news from the baking section. Home bakers are now making delicious, Lamington reads. for Christmas, and they're very easy to make. All you do is you get a bunch of Lamington's like store-bought Lamingtons,

put them in a circle, put whipped cream between them, and put some fresh strawberries on top, boom. So, tonight's ask you question, were there any capitalised words in that headline? Yes. It lacked impact to me. Strangely, the word Lamington was capitalized, as was very easy to make. Okay. Because I was wondering how easy they were to make,

whether it was very easy or very easy. Yeah, capital, very. Okay. News, guys, news. I'm moving on. Channel 7's been apparently inundated with Aussie celebs desperate to appear on SAS Australia next season.

It's been a huge hit. Yes, I contacted them. Did you? Yeah. So celebrities and other people. And randos. What I like about this is apparently it's entirely unaffected by the massive SAS scandal.

No, it's because of that. They're like, oh, we can kill. Cross promotion. Actually, I would watch that if they're actually allowed to just shoot the dead wood. Yes. The dead wood. Oh, as in on the show.

On the show? Yeah, yeah. You must realize that in the actual essay thing, they weren't shooting deadwood. They were shooting innocent victims. I know, I know. But they thought of them as dead wood. Like, that's the whole horror of it, isn't it?

Oh, that's horrible. I've kind of ruined the segment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is more cheerful. Delta Goodroom has become the latest star to spend thousands, that's capitals, on a bespoke Christmas tree after Jackie O. Henderson unveiled her $5,000 masterpiece.

Turns out there's a zffield. a company making bespoke Christmas trees, rich people are buying them. Well, sucked into them, guys. They clearly don't know you can get for like 50 bucks at Kmart. Idiots? I've had the same one for 20 years. But did it come with silver berry sprays, champagne encrusted garlands and white icicles? This is the thing, is when people criticize rich people,

they forget that they use their money so wisely. Hmm. So, and so this. is what the unwashed masses read, is it? This is the most popular website. If you printed this instead of jokes, you'd be way richer, Charles. Right. And who, who read this?

Like, who goes, oh yes, I will choose to read that? Like, they're also banal. Anyone, well, firstly, because the Daily Mail has such incredibly long headlines, there's so many keywords, they come up in every single search. So if you're searching Jackie O and bespoke Christmas trees, you definitely get a candle with that. Yeah, it's exactly, which I was this morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what I like about them too is that, yeah, as you say, Craig, the headline pretty much says it all. You don't really need to read the article. As I will prove with our final story today, I'll read the headline. There are no capitals in this, strangely. What's in Warnie's Sexyland shopping bag? Shane Warren makes a mid-morning trip to an adult store in Melbourne after complaining is mandatory two-week quarantine.

That's the headline. It's good headline. So this is it. I mean, I've realised people only read the headlines. They've put every bit of news in there. And I've read the whole story. There's literally no more news, but there's photos of Warnie outside a Dildo store.

James, you've just come out of lockdown in Melbourne. Did you go straight to a Dildo store? My first stop, actually, was to a Dildo store. And I did see Shane Worn there, but didn't see what was inside his back. Also, Rudy Giuliani holding a press conference. You should have published it in the shovel, and then your ratings would have gone. And then I want to have got 40 million clicks by the sounds of it.

There you go. And is it a we dildo shaming now? Is that, are we? No, no, no. It's a celebration. This is sex positive. It says here Shane appeared in high spirits as he emerged from the raunchy warehouse, carrying a bag round full of treats, and I'm quoting all of this, to take home.

Good on your Shane. Good on your daily mail. And again, that is a big payoff. to the Daily Mail journalist that has to sit outside the sex shop every day. They go, oh, thank, fuck, Warnie's coming once. No, no, no, I'm so sick of this round. Mind you, that's every Monday, Tuesday and Monday.

Well, Craig, I think you're forgetting the Daily Mail's business model. What actually happened was that a herald's son, journal sat outside sexy land. Daily Mail stole the story and had a bigger headline. Got more clicks. Yeah, either that, or it's probably Warnie's publicist the game of the story. He's back, everybody.

and gentlemen, the most popular commercial news website in the country, don't forget to check out the chaser at chaser.com.com. The shovel at the shovel, is it.net or dot com? Dot com.com.com. Don't insult him. And... And chaser shop.com.

You can buy stuff from there. Is it like sexy lad, but for funny stuff? No, no. Oh, I should get into dildos. Maybe I should do a googly dildo just for Warnie. Googly. I think let's end this episode here. Ha ha.