The Chaser Report - Extra - Weddings in the Time of Corona

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

We all know weddings are difficult during this period - if they can happen at all, there are strict limits. But one couple divided their guests into groups A B and C – so, invited, backups, and backup backups, and told them which group they were in. Dom, Nina and Charles discuss whether this is a good idea. Plus, the famous Venice gondolas have reduced their capacity - not because of Covid, but because tourists have gotten fatter, and some boats are taking on water. Domino's is giving away 100 free pizzas to women called Karen. And Rebecca De Unamuno with all the latest Chaser news you can't trust.. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. A SWAT team of Sydney Siders has been deployed to Melbourne to help them adjust to living in a city where fun is banned. Under stage four restrictions, Melbourneians are confined to their houses and unable to go out at night, which makes living in Melbourne almost exactly like living in Sydney during normal times. A man that has always called kids too soft has had a tantrum about wearing a bit of cloth over his mouth. When asked for a comment, the man said that he was too busy as he had to go to the shops and pick up some cold and flu tablets

for a nasty coffee picked up somewhere. Columnists from News Corp have demanded Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews end lockdown so they can go back to complaining he isn't doing enough. In a new clickbait rage article out today, Andrew Bolt claimed the new Stage 4 Lock could be dangerous to the business of writing clickbait rage articles attacking everything Daniel Andrews does. Mr Bolt said Daniel Andrews should stop doing so much to stop the coronavirus so that he could

go back to writing about how Daniel Andrews needed to do more to stop the coronavirus. That's the latest Chaser news headlines. Check out chaser.com.com.com. For all the latest news you can't trust. And now here's a roundup of all the other major stories from around the world with Charles, Nina and Dom. Thanks, Beck. This is one of our mini-eps that we do twice a week.

The main app, of course, drops on Friday. And it's time for this. International Global News World Roundup. A whole bunch of fresh news stories for you all, Charles and Nina. Now, weddings are difficult during this period. It's a tough time to get married. Even Princess Beatrice had to get married. Strangely, she left her dad out of the photos.

I don't know what that was all about. But look, there are strict limits on who can be your wedding at the moment. So what one couple did to deal with this is divide their guests into groups A, B and C. So A, we're definitely invited no matter what the limit is. B was backups and C was the backup to the backup. Now the thing is they sent out the invitations and told everyone which group they are into. Like, well, if your group C don't book the babysitter yet, group A, we definitely want you there no matter what. Group B, yeah, a little from column A, a little from column C.

Do you think that's a good strategy for dealing with this situation of like a hard limit of 40 or whatever? You tell people what group they're in. Well, yes. But the mistake they made, I think the crucial mistake they made was telling people. I think every wedding you sort of have the people who are, you know, the backups. I have a secret.

I've never been to a wedding. Really? Yeah. Because all my friends are slots. No, I'm kidding. Because that's a joke, obviously. We just, none of us have got married. Mid-20s, you don't know enough Christians.

The only people I know who got married at your age were Christians. True. And also, I went to a selective school and just everyone's really professional. No one's gotten knocked up yet. Right. Yes. They're all making six figures working for the big four. When you're in your late 30s, it's just going to be non-stop.

I can't wait to be honest. Because I love free booze. And to my knowledge, that's the main thing with wedding. It is. That's all that they're for. I mean, we did this, right? In some ways, you could argue that this myth, of A, B and C is, is polite, though, isn't it?

Because it means that, you know, if you're a B-list, you sort of, you know to save the date, ish, ish, save-ish the date. And it's sort of, and it's also, it's just more honest, isn't it? Like, if you're a C-list, you sort of go, you probably agree with that assessment. I mean, we all did it, didn't we? I mean, for my wedding, there are people who had to come there,

and then people invited kind of late in the piece. Yeah, because it didn't get to me. unfortunately. That's the whole thing with weddings is there's this whole social dance. Yeah, I was actually planning to bring that up, Dom, and I'm actually quite insulted. Half the people at any given wedding are there only because you're sort of obliged to invite them. There's only about six people at my wedding.

I had about 150 people at the wedding that I actually liked out of everyone. Was Dom one of them? No, not even my wife was one of them. But yeah, because maybe what they should have done is had like, instead of group A, B and C, like group A, one and alpha or something, so that everyone felt like they were in the top group. Yes. I reckon they should have been called best friends, best friends forever,

and best friends five ever. And that way you would have just, you would have nailed it. Your wedding is going to be amazing. Can I be best friend five ever? Whatever that is. I think you're just best friends forever. Sorry. I think we're going to be D.

There's best friends by there and then there's D. And then there's work for them on a podcast. So, heading to Italy now. Wait a minute. We didn't get to the best part, which is what would you do if you were on the sea? What would you do? Hang on. Yeah, okay.

So what would you do, though, if you got the wedding invitation like this? And he said, look, there's A, B and C, your C. What do you do? after that. Clearly what you do, you've got to go around and start knocking off the Bs and the A's, don't you? They just... Oh no, I cut my losses. I'd be like blocked and I'd mute them on all social media and I would never speak to them again. You would, except that a day or two before, like, everyone's free all the time now because of COVID. Yeah. If someone said, hey, you can come to the party.

Look, I'm sorry, I know you're be offended, but there's booze. You'd just be like, yes. Yes. That is true. That is true. And you wouldn't even mind if you like, if you broke some stuff are made a scene and, uh, you know, hit on the bride as happened in one wedding that we're aware of, um, should I go to more details about. You wouldn't matter because your group's tea, so they started it. They started it. I love it. Let's head to Venice now, uh, in Italy, of course.

And, uh, look, a popular tourist destination, the gondolas of Venice, the little, the little boats that they, they pole around. There's a pole and a guy in and striped shirt singing to you for, you know, as you go along. And, uh, but they've reduced their capacity. They've cut the numbers. I think it's from six down to five. The reason it's not COVID or social distancing is because tourists are getting fatter.

And an industry rep told a local paper, I love this quote, that going forward with over half a ton of meat on board is dangerous. What do you think? Is that a sensible solution in Venice? I think they should take the meat off the boat and then they could fit even more people on.

I don't know why these boats are carrying big slabs of meat. Butchers squandler, yeah. I think they should have gone down the American path, and just as people grew bigger, make bigger vehicles. So just have a sort of SUV of gondolas. And then they could say, we're going to need a bigger boat. Oh, I like that. From Jaws?

That's a movie from the 80s. I'm not sure if you guys were around. Yeah. I think that's a great idea. It was actually from the 70s. Was it actually? 1979. Oh, it was close.

I was close. But look, this is a problem. I heard on the news just this week that we've been putting on weight, like, on mass, so to speak, during COVID. No one's been exercising. Yes. What's going to change? Do you think rules will change post-COVID because we're all such fatties?

Is that why they've reduced the capacity on the buses? Because the buses now only take 22 people per load. So it's because we're so fat. Yeah, because it can't take more than one of us. Yeah, it could be. That makes sense. I mean, but to be fair, they have stopped us going out on walk. I guess we can go out on walks, but then you've got to wear a mask.

But why would you? Yeah, that's true. And also, I've done the whole of Brighton. So boring. Now, speaking of putting on weight, Domino's, this is an interesting marketing move, they're giving away 100 free pizzas to women called Karen. The idea, you know, we'll reclaim Karen. It's got a bad rep lately.

So if you go to Domino's, show them your driver's license, you can get a free pizza. My question to you, should some Karen's get free pizza just because other carons have behaved badly, is that fair? Well, hang on. I just want to go back to the driver's license things because real Karens would identify as travellers.

So already it's a problem. It's right. But no, it doesn't make any sense because you do know that Karen's aren't called Karen. Like most Karens. Like, Karen is the original Karen, right?

Like, all the people who've been yelling at Bunnings warehouse people and Kmart people, they're not actually called Karen. Surely, some of them are. They're called K. Harry.

No, they're like, they've just got normal names. It's just like the, so it's a very confusing thing that the Dominoes have done, haven't they? Well, but presumably they think that actual Karen's have been stigmatised. Oh, stigmatised. And they've had to suffer. Right. They've been oppressed. In the same way that we look down on you, Charles, because of Prince Charles.

But doesn't this therefore suggest that they're actually, they're sort of siding with the Karen's? and they're very, they're at risk in this environment of being immediately cancelled from all platforms if they were to do that. In fact, in some ways, this is the first sort of step and into a long domino effect, you'd like to say. But also, there's an obvious flaw in the system, so which is that if you have this system open,

surely Karen's will come to the dominoes refuse to show their ID. I have to speak to the manager. And they get a free pizza anyway. That is genius. Actually, that encourages more carons to act badly so other carins can benefit. Just take one for the team.

So I feel like we're going to have a Karen pandemic. Yeah, it's a snowballing Karen. A Karen team. But aren't we all Karen sometimes? I mean, we've been stigmatising this sort of behaviour and appropriately so, but hasn't everyone just chucked the little hissy fit at some point? And, you know, when you have child?

And then videoed it and uploaded it to YouTube and proudly proclaimed it. No, no, I don't think we have ever, have I, I don't think I've ever done that. You haven't ever got stroppy, Charles, have you not been to the pub with yourself. Do you know who you're talking to, Dom? Do you know who you're talking to? I'm meant to see your boss right now. And that's it for this mini episode of the Chaser report.

You can check out chaser.com. You can check out chaser. Where Charles is actually the boss. Or you can check out the chaser on TikTok, on Instagram. Or just remember when we used to be good back in the mid-2000s. Catch you next time.