The Chaser Report - Extra - When is bread bread?

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Subway's bread is not legally bread. An artist has dumped carrots on a street in London. The house from Silence of the Lambs is up for sale. Plus a round up of more believable news headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. New South Wales Premier Gladys Berejiklian has announced an easing of COVID restrictions to allow up to 30 lobbyists in her office at any given time. The Premier said that from today, lobbyists will be free to walk right up to politicians and hand them a wad of cash, no questions asked, describing it as a return to normal. The government has announced it is renaming Border Force as Border Fass following the latest stuff up which saw New Zealanders

allowed into restricted lockdown zones across the country but the head of the new Border Fass defended his organisation saying they'd only ever protected Australia against imaginary threats made up by politicians about brown people so they are not used to dealing with an actual real-life threat. A new poll out today shows that Bluey's dad

is now the most trusted public figure in Australia. Polsters said they were unsurprised by the result and if anything were surprised it hadn't happened sooner. That's the latest Chaser news. Check out chaser.com.com.com for more updates. Now it's time for a wrap-up of what's happening all around the world with Nina, Charles and Dom. Thanks, Beck. Before we go any further, yes, I do have laryngitis, which is going to make this extremely pleasant to listen to. It's time for... International Global News World Roundup.

And let's head to... to Ireland now, Charles and Nina where the Irish Supreme Court has ruled that the bread used for Subway sandwiches cannot be legally defined as bread because it contains too much sugar. The dough is 10% sugar. So they charge your consumption tax. It's kind of like our GST doesn't get charged to regular foods. Does that make you more or less likely to want to eat at Subway? Well, it's technically a dessert now, isn't it?

So I meant you could do a bang, bang. You could eat at McDonald's. then he could get a Subway for a little dessert treat. Subway is the Pido guy place, isn't it? It's the guy. Yep. It's the one. He is 0% sugar.

Jared Fogel. Jared Fogel, that's it. Yeah. And so, yeah. I think that's why I stopped eating Subway was the whole Pito thing. So maybe, yeah, a bit more sugar probably does help. Well, maybe that's what he was doing. Like, he was in his van, like offering kids lollies.

But instead of lollies, they were just the bread. Yeah, because they technically count as lollies as treats. Look, I think the most unappealing thing about Subway is the fact that it builds itself as being all healthy and everything like that. And so I think it actually makes it better if you know that actually Subway is just as bad as everyone else because it's got all this sugar and you're not virtue eating. Oh, so it's actually a guilty of pleasure. So you're more likely to go there. Yes, yes. It's the KFC of sandwich shops.

Yes, exactly. They should just deep fry the bread as well. I'm just wondering. And put chicken in it. And get rid of the breast of the bread. Based on the earlier comments, what percentage of people do you think here's subway and immediately think that Pito? Do you think it's only comedians or do you think actually literally everyone in the world in the world?

Everyone in the world just goes sub-a-oh, yeah, the Pito guy. Yeah, Jared. He's a classic. Yeah. Now, I need... He's an icon. Yeah. He's a con.

He's actually just a plain con. That and the six-inch sub. That's the other thing that you... Oh, I don't know about six-subs. I know they have three for $2 cookies and refillable drinks. They do. So you can just go there with a cup any time and just get free sugary drinks. Really?

Yeah. Well, I used to do that when I was in high school. But does bread come out when you're looking for the sugary drinks? Yeah, I get the bread-flavored Coke. So I once nearly rented an apartment above a subway. And then I realized that it would stink of subway bread the whole time. Is that such a bad thing? No, it's the worst smell in the world.

Oh, I love that smell. It's terrible. And do you think it's the sugar that makes the bread taste so, sorry, do you think it's a sugar that makes the bread smell so either awesome, Nina, or rancid Charles and me? Yeah, no, look, I don't think it's got anything to do with the bread that smell. I think I once had a friend, this is honestly true, I had a friend who owned a machine company that sold smell machines to businesses.

And they're like expensive machines, they're like 20 grand, and businesses buy these machines, and they pump out an aroma. You think they choose that aroma? Yes, they choose it. Yes, it's not the bread at all. They're psychos. Yeah.

That's so good to know. I want it. Can you put me in touch with that person? Sure. I want that subway perfume, the subway. So do you think Subway should go in the direction of just go full out disgusting sugar or properly healthy? Like, it seems like they're a bit of Colomache, a bit of Column B. Well, I think one thing they should do is not employ Pitos.

That would be my first thing. And once they've sorted that. then, yeah. I'm thinking at this point, they probably need to rebrand. What should they call themselves to try and get rid of the stench of Fogel? They should call themselves...

I was going to say, they're called subway, like the trains. They should call themselves, I don't know, bus station. That would be way better. Because there's never been a pito at a bus station. All right, let's move on to London

where 32 tonnes of carrots were deliberately dumped on a street in London. If you just were walking through the streets of London and he saw 32 tonnes of carrots sitting on the street, what would you think it was? They are obviously trying to lure and catch a wild, a big, big rabbit. Yes.

Yes. That's it. You know how they have a megafauna in Australia. They actually have a megafauna in London and it's just all hairs and rabbits. And someone's going, duck hundin. Wabot hundon. Dug huskily webbit.

Wabot hunting. That's pretty good. I mean, the most obvious explanation for anything like this is, it's an art installation. Oh, no. A student at the very wanky Goldsmiths Institute of Art. Okay, let me guess what is it. What does the carrots represent? Penises.

It's penis. Is it really? No, no. Ging his penis. It's Prince Harry's penis or something. Is it? Ginger penis. Oh, my God.

It totally is. They shipped it to America. I don't think that's the way ginger's work. I mean, I think they have, I thought they have orange pubs, not orange dicks. Nina, you don't understand art. I guess you're a ginger, so you're the most qualified to talk about this. I mean, this is the only part of me that's remained ginger to this day. Congratulations.

I think you should get it checked out. I mean, the thing that I love about this, it's, like, it was either going to be something cheeky or something incredibly woke, and it's something woke. It's to protest food waste. He dumped 32 tons of carrots on the street to protest food waste. Are they like edible carrots or are they like off carrots? You'll be glad to know, Annie, that at the end of exhibition, the artist was donating 32 tons of carrots to animals to eat. So, wait a minute, this guy is wasting food to raise awareness about wasting food.

Yes, you hit on the strait. There's like climate protesters burning coal to raise awareness about the problems with burning coal. Yeah, all right. Yeah, but at the end, they donate coal for the animals to burn, so it's okay. Did you say they donate the carrots to animals? Yeah. What size are these animals? Yeah.

Like, I was right all along. It was a giant bunny is what it was. I think they should make it a permanent exhibition. Like at the tape, they shouldn't donate it to the animals. This is art. Yeah, they're, what's that? So shit. Isn't there like some artists that like put.

about McDonald's and then, sorry, I've been talking about McDonald's a lot. That's Chaz. Chaz used to put McDonald's in his bag for weeks, so I assume it was installation. I heard that. And I heard he also used to, like, drink half a can of croak and then put it in a bush and then, like, leave it for several weeks and then remember where the can was and drink. He did. The best thing was when he did that underneath a bin on a date with his now wife.

Anyway, what a catch. He was protesting recycling, I don't know. It makes sure the immune system's stronger. It's why he's never, he doesn't have to sleep. I've got a proposal for my own art exhibition. Yep. Which is, because one of the things that I want to protest is people eating octopus. Oh, yeah.

Because octopi are really intelligent. They are incredibly intelligent. Nobody should eat octopi, right? Yeah, I don't. I actually don't for that reason. We should not kill them. So what I want to do is I want to kill 32 tons of octopi and dump it in the middle of London

to protest against the killing of octopi. I want to kill 32 tonnes of art students. Although I think the government's already on to that. Anyway, speaking of killing, what a segue, speaking of killing, let's head now to Pennsylvania where the house owned by the skin removing serial killer Buffalo Bill in the classic movie The Silence of the Lambs is up for sale.

Are either of you keen to buy? Wait, is this like the fictional buffalo? Bill or like the person the real Buffalo Bill is based on? It's the place where they shot the movie. The Anthony Hopkins character. No. No, no, no, no. What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

Buffalo Bill's the guy who keeps young women in Wells and says, it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. That guy. The villain. Oh my God, are you dumb? Hannibal Lecter wasn't the villain. No, that's the amazing thing about the science of the lens. Charles, go and watch.

arguably one of the protagonists in order to participate in this high-browal conversation. It shows you what a bad husband I am because this is literally my wife's favourite movie. And I don't even know the plot. I don't think I've ever seen it. I think it makes you a bad white man. Like every white man I know is obsessed with Science of the Lambs and the fact that you don't know. I'm shook. Maybe I'm actually Asian or something.

You fuck a wish. Yeah, I think that's because, yeah, the idea that. creepy white men could somehow be interesting and artistic is something that we go for. So what do you think, Neenna, as the person in the conversation who knows what the movie is, frankly, I don't know if you were born when it came out, so I'm pleasantly surprised. Would you buy Buffalo Bill's house? Yeah, I would, just so I could put the lotion in the basket. No, I don't know.

It's a facade. It's not even haunted. Like, who gives a shit. And it doesn't have the creepy world. It's only $300,000 American dollars. It's a huge house as well. That's the really shocking thing about this. I mean, that is a bargain.

Yeah. That is, you couldn't find that in Sydney. You couldn't, yeah, what you should do is buy it and then commute to Sydney. Yeah, it's cheaper. It would have to dig your own creepy world, though. That's the only thing. And the owners finally, they're saying that if they don't sell it by Halloween, they're going to get a psychic to conduct a seance to try and get it sold.

Will that help, do you think? Ooh. I mean, it would be pretty funny if the psychic got in there and just no ghosts showed up. It's like when someone has a Facebook party and then invite a heaps of people and then like you're the only one that comes. We knew someone who actually had a party like that once, but anyway. It's true. So, I mean, my concern is they have the psychic and a seance and someone goes, I'm really

sorry, Buffalo Bill was a fictional character. It's not going to work out. Yeah. I mean, you've got to hand it to Americans, though, that they are good at marketing. Oh, yeah. I mean, we're talking about we're on the other side of the world. But that is advertising that, you know. You can't buy.

You know what they need to do? They need to kill someone in their house. And then eat them. With father beans and a kianti. Exactly. Or fashion their skin into a skin suit. Go and watch the movie. Sorry, but that's offensive.

No, but it's part of the reason Sonsal lands are so problematic because it's a bad display of transgender person. It is. So just kill them. Just kill them regular style. Cancel the movie. cancel the transaction, but to be perfectly frank, I was going to be absolutely up front. I wasn't bringing this to the table because it was silent to the lambs.

I was bringing it because it was a big house for under $300,000. You can catch more from The Chaser atchaser.com. The podcast is out. Several times a week, you can look at TikTok if you really want to. I'm going to stop talking now because my voice is broken. See you.