The Chaser Report - Extra - Would you let Siri replace judges?

Episode Date: July 5, 2020

It’s been revealed that Hollywood director Christopher Nolan doesn’t allow chairs on set. Amica is a new website that allows divorcing couples to avoid the courts, and have an artificial intelligence program divide their property. Scientists have figured out how to spray on a touchscreen. So you can now have a touchscreen that’s any shape at all, rather than flat and rectangular. Plus all the latest Chaser headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno. 
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The Chaser Report, Global World International News Headlines Update with Rebecca Dayunamuno. Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has come under fire after he placed nine public housing blocks under hard lockdown, detaining thousands of innocent people. Peter Dutton has called for Daniel Andrews to be immediately made Prime Minister. Kanye West has announced on Twitter he will be running for President of the United States at the end of the year. Experts say he is the least qualified person ever to run for the US presidency, in a signal he is likely to win the election. Former girlfriend of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, Galane Maxwell, has been arrested and placed under protective custody,

including a CCTV that will monitor her for exactly 23 hours a day. Meanwhile, former Prime Minister John Howard has written a glowing character reference for Maxwell, who has been accused of covering up sex abuse for years. Mr Howard said Maxwell was a lively conversationalist, and went on to detail Maxwell's high intelligence and exemplary character. The royal family has apologised to Meghan Markle for its treatment of her since she married Prince Harry. The Queen said she was deeply sorry and offered her a free driving tour of Paris to make up for it. That's the latest Chaser news. Check out all the latest updates at chaser.com.com.

Meanwhile, here's a round-up of everything that's happening in the rest of the world with Dom, Charles and Andrew. Thank you, Rebecca de Unamuna. What wonderful headlines, and I've got a bit more news for you right now. International Global News World Rounder. This is lovely to have you with you here, but this little cheeky extra chaser report. It's Andrew Hanson here, and I'm joined by my newsy experts. Charles Firth and Dom Knight. I hope you're ready, guys.

Look, it's been revealed that Christopher Nolan, the Hollywood director. Now, you know, Christopher Nolan, he's directed Memento and The Dark Night. movies and Inception, very complicated movies and big, big production values. Well, it's been revealed that there's something he doesn't allow on set. And that thing is chairs. He will not have a chair come within Cui of one of his movie sets. And this is absolutely fascinating to him. Look, why do you think he has this rule?

Well, I presume it's to prevent politicians from coming on. the set because politicians are only ever interested in seats, aren't they? Oh, red card, red card. You're banned. Dom, why no chairs? Do you think he's the kind of, you know, intense guy who likes standing desks and then decided the entire production has to have that approach? But the other thing I was thinking was, like, in the Dark Night Rises,

Batman could so easily have gotten out of that giant pit prison if you just had a few chairs. And I think there's all kinds of plot holes that could be easily fixed with chairs. Like in Inception, if there are enough chairs, Leonor DiCaprio might have been able to realize whether he was asleep or dreaming. Just take a tip on a chair.

Well, he could have at least just sat down to just think about it for a minute, couldn't he? But I presume that the chairs are for the crew and everything like that. He wants everyone to be on their feet, right? So that it breeds a sort of environment of bitterness and resentment towards Chris Nolan. I actually, I quite like this thing.

I'm thinking of bringing in a no-chair policy in my household, just to keep all my kids on their feet as well. I think it's a good way to sort of assert your authority over a space. You could have the family dinner or just standing around. Yeah, exactly. Watch TV in your feet. Yeah. Yeah, look, there's something to be said for it.

I mean, should we extend this rule beyond Christopher Nolan movies, do you think? I think so. I mean, the people who've bought Virgin, Virgin Australia are trying to think about how to compete with Qantas. And I think a standing flight, I mean, you could fit so many more people. And it'd be way more exciting. The tiniest bit of turbulence, everyone would start falling over like dominoes. It'd be wonderful. Yes.

I mean, I think we do have a sort of, for too long our economy has been run by the chair industrial complex, hasn't it? I mean, there's just chairs everywhere. There's this obsession with generating chairs for things. You know, pubs, schools, cinemas, they all have chairs in them. And I think we've just got to start saying no, like no to chairs. I don't think we need chairs anywhere. Well, remember in the 90s at pubs, they only had annoying stools you couldn't possibly sit on because they were too uncomfortable.

Yes, see. We've got to go back to that. Bring back the glory days of the stool-only pubs. Yeah, great, I'm with you. I'm with you. Or maybe, I mean, I suppose the other. thing you can do is introduce like those sort of chairs that are fashionable in cafes at the moment which are made of metal and they're really cold on your ass and rock hard and they're

so awful to sit in that you'd rather stand yes maybe we need more of those like cinema chairs should be like that yes yes the dentist's chair i mean should we get rid of dentist chairs i'm thinking standing dentists that's a very good idea yeah patient to stand up now just hold still while I, you know, do this drill. Why haven't they developed standing motorbikes yet? Exactly. Exactly. I think they're called scooters.

They have developed them, haven't they? That's true. Segways, segways, I think they're called. That's a standing motorbike, isn't it? I mean, you know, I suppose the other obvious question to ask about this, of course, is what if we went the other way? Are there any jobs or situations, Domi, that would actually benefit from more chairs? Well, I think cafes.

I mean, whenever I go to a cafe now, I actually sitting near, I want about 10 chairs between me and the next person, so I don't get COVID. But maybe orchestras could use more chairs for social distancing. So in the violins, you've just got a huge flurry of chairs. Oh, just empty seats.

Like the orchestras you mean is kind of spread out five times wider than we're... I know where they need to have chairs, which is cricket games. Like, I reckon the fielders, especially, you know, you know, people at backwards square leg and third man and everything like that, they should be allowed to sit down on a chair. Totally be allowed to just sit down on a chair.

Warnie could have spent his whole career in a chair. Like Warnie could have just sat there and chucked the ball from a chair. They should have been allowed to bowl from a chair, I think, Warnie. I mean, he had a tiny run up. If he had one of those office chairs on wheels and just sort of ridden it down to the crease and down his leg spin, he still be playing to that. I mean, remember when Steve wore got that 200 at his last test in Sydney? Do you remember that?

That was amazing. But afterwards, he looked totally exhausted. If he'd been able to sit down while he was batting, it would have been, it wouldn't have been exhausted. He could have got 200 or 300. But you'd get a chair before wicket dismissal. Well, even with the runs, I mean, you should be able to have a little sit down at the other end before you run back in cricket.

Or just a wheelchair. If you go like a speedy. electric wheelchair or something. You're one of those mobility scooters? Do you run back and forth? Maybe motorbikes. Maybe actually... Or a motorbike or a Segway.

I think we've revolutionised cricket. V8. There's not enough V8 in cricket. All right, let's get a little load of this one. There's this new website, and this allows you to get divorced a bit more easily than you could before this website existed. This is good timing with COVID, because apparently the divorce rates have absolutely

spiked as everyone spent time with their loved ones and discovered that don't get on. Suddenly remember what they're like. But, you know, it's called amica, I think, a mica. I don't know how to say it. And what this website does is it helps you to avoid going to court at all if you want to get divorced. And the really cool thing is it divides your property using an artificial intelligence program. Oh, God. So AI. So rather than, you know, some person figuring out how to split up the, you know, who gets the heirlooms and the toothbrushes. It just gets worked out by AI. I mean, Charles, do you like it?

Well, by Siri. I'd love to say Siri divide up your house. I want the nice table and be like, I heard you want the horse stable. You have been awarded the horse stable. It'd be the most frustrating thing. It'd be so frustrating. you'd probably get back together again just so you didn't have to go through the process.

It's actually a genius. It's genius. Domby, what do you think of Siri or Google Home figuring out your divorce? I think, I mean, I can only imagine, because from what I hear, this is always a very protected and painful process. And I think surely it will take longer

with artificial intelligence in the mix because anything where AI is involved, yeah, I only had what you already had on this, sorry, it was just... Look, I agree with you, Don, though, because, like, I've just gone through a divorce and we used this AI thing and I ended up with a house,

I ended up with a house, but it was a house in Sydney, Ontario. Because fucking Siri gave me the house in Sydney, Ontario. Now, also in technology news, finally, finally, we've been waiting for this. Scientists have figured out how to spray on a touchscreen.

So, you know, what I mean is instead of this touchscreen being flat, and rectangle-shaped, like it normally is, the scientists have figured out a way that you can kind of, you know, get like a sort of aerosol and just go, and spray a touchscreen onto any surface, no matter what shape it is. Now, do you think this is a good thing, Tommy?

What uses can you foresee for a shaped touchscreen? I love the idea of a cot that's just a touchscreen and put my daughter in the cot, and just have a video of data coming and giving her a big cuddle on the middle of the night, so I don't have to. I think that would be wonderful. I mean, in some ways, kind of a scary cyber prison, but in other ways, it might me look like a better dad.

You know what, you know what this is actually going to be used for? I guarantee you, it's going to be a touchscreen for your fridge. I bet you a million dollars that the only application that they work out is, because it's always for your fridge. It's always like, we've worked out this new technology, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, oh, you can put it on your fridge. That is so true of any new technology. I reckon that if they come up with a COVID vaccine, it won't be administered to people.

It'll just be on fringes. What do you think, are there any kind of screen shapes that you would recommend for watching certain movies on or TV shows? Yeah, look, I think what this will lead to is you'll be able to go around your house and you just spray on touchscreens for the appropriate thing. So, you know, like you'd have your breakfast television shows. you'd watch on the touchscreen in your kitchen, like you'd just spray it on your kitchen wall. Or on the breakfast itself, on the cereal. It's right on the cereal.

Kossi peaking at you from under your cereal. On the cereal, like on the spoon. You could have it on the spoon. And then, you know, like, for like movie night, you'd just spray your whole wall and have a huge, like, Cinemax thing. It'd be unreal. And then, you know, you'd have YouTube,

you'd just spray the back of your toilet door. And that's it where you'd watch your YouTube videos. And then reality television, you could just spray your bin with it and it'd be perfect. So, Charles, all those things sound good. But aren't they all still flat screens? Your fridge, your door, all this stuff. In what world do we need like a donut-shaped touchscreen? Andrew, why have they invented this?

Good question, Dommy. Better ask the scientists. And that's the international global news roundup for another week. It's been lovely to be with, have your company here. chaser.com.com. You use the website and you can follow the chaser on all sorts of social media things, Facebook, Twitter, you name it. Why don't you subscribe to the podcast too so that we keep our jobs?

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