The Chaser Report - Fake Plane Parts and Royal Resurrection

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

On this episode of The Chaser Report, Charles reveals some dodgy airline mechanics and Dom poses the all important question, "What would you use A.I. Princess Diana For?" Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. Why have you got that look on your face? I've come up with a really good business model. Oh, dear God. All right, if you listen to Charles, a man who I've known for a very long time and has yet to come up with a really good business model, since I think I first met you, what I was 12 and you were 13 or something?

Yeah, we're waiting on one. But I will tell you about the thing that is happening. happening in the UK that is making all the royals incredibly angry and upset. Oh, and it's quite enjoyable. Oh, that does sound enjoyable. And there's an Australian involved.

Ooh. We'll get into Charles's big plan, chapter 1,624 after this. Okay, so this is not just for me. This is just a great scam. I mean, you know, business model. Sorry. Charles, look, you're going to get there eventually,

and I believe you'll get there eventually. So this company called A-O-G techniques. A-O-G techniques, right? has been selling fake engine parts for airplanes to all the airlines for years. Fake engine part. Is it possible, Charles, that their clients include, I don't know, Malaysia Airlines? Too soon? Mystery solved.

So their clients include United, Southwest, Delta American. Oh, so it's only American Airlines. Who fucking gives a shit? And so what they did is, so the whole point about the airline industry is they value safety. Did you know that? I've heard that this is something I guess a lot's been said about Qantas, right?

We've said a lot of critical things here but I will point out that Alan Joyce's extensive comprehensive mismanagement did not lead to a massive crash. Yes. Yet. Yes.

I mean, he's gone. So it'd be just like him to have said things teetering on the edge so that now that he's gone something terrible happens. But so far, baggage handler's total disaster but they've fixed that up. However, maybe that Qantas is one of the clients.

So the plot was uncovered when this Portuguese maintenance sort of workshop. A whole of engineering is there. They were fixing up a plane. And they noticed that a, quote, new spare part looked a bit older than a new part should. It was at CFM 56, just in case you wanting the detail on the part. And so they looked at the paperwork. They went, I don't know, it's totally new. And then they worked out, oh, no, hang on, this is just an old piece of equipment.

That someone's given a bit of a spit and a polish to And they've just faked the document I mean that seems like a very good idea If there's an old piece of machinery Just give it a little bit of a sand Just get the sand paper Give it a little bit of a stuff Some new paint

And it's all good And this is very concerning for people Who know what a CFM 56 engine looks like But at least 126 of them Was sold without a legitimate certificate an airworthiness certificate. And they've found that actually thousands of parts over the course of the last few years

who have been sold in this fraudulent way. And also they're saying that they're now working out that some of the crashes that have previously been a little bit inexplicable, like there was a Convair turboprop crash that killed 55 people. Right. They've looked back and they've gone, well, actually it was the bolts and the brackets that unexpectedly came loose.

I know, the bolts and the brackets. Yes. They were part of that whole scandal. This doesn't sound good at all. Yeah. I'm just looking at the, I'm looking up the CFM 56, Charles. Oh, yeah. And it's made by GE Aerospace, like General Electric, legendary company.

Yes. And a company called Saffron, spelled like John Saffron. Oh. Could this be his greatest break yet? The plot thickens. Oh, really? Yes. More credit to John if he's managed to pull this thing off.

No, this is horrible. What's the point? I bet you it's a TikToker who just went, you know, the airline industry wants you to believe. that their certificates are worth something. So I decided to create my own airline spare parts. Was it a fucking Saga Bath, guys? You know what I want to do?

I want to make planes crash. How's that for a scare? Like, how do you get into that industry? No, enough to know what a fucking CFM 56 is. And then go, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to bottom feed off this industry. That's extraordinary. I'm looking at the story myself here.

There's 70, 70 separate parts with falsified certificates. If you're that good at fraud, maybe it is something that is less likely to kill people. So I'm thinking, maybe we should do that with some of our products. So the Chaser annual is just about to come out, 2003. Oh, seamless. It's going to be very good. Chasershop.com, if you want to buy a copy. But I'm just thinking, I have a fucking shit ton of 2018 Chaser annuals that I've sold.

It was a good year for Satar 2018. Give them a bit of a polish. Give them a bit of a spear. Yeah, put her a new cover. Yeah, or just like. Just tick 2023 over the 2018. Yeah, just a 23. I mean, the Morrison material will still probably work, why don't it?

Well, everyone still hates Morrison, yeah. And those jokes are timeless. Yeah. He hadn't gone to Hawaii. Yeah. Imagine that innocent time we hadn't gone to Hawaii. Actually, you know what? The concerns of 2018, pre-pandemic, pre-bush fires, pre-all-that,

oh, that'd be really nostalgic to look back on that. It'll be... Yeah, happy a time. I think the cover from memory was of Scott Morrison having a Turnbull mask on. subtle. Yeah, that holds that holds. That's very 20-23. Surprise.

Same with the Christmas. I mean, there is a Christmas card that I'm going to keep selling this year because I just find it gets funnier and funnier each year, which is Merry Christmas, 2019 from Australia Post. That's not bad. And we sold it in 2020. But we've sold it every year since. Oh, yeah, it gets funnier.

Are you telling me definitively that they really, that was the joke that was intended? What did you do, 2019? and then you did a poor shodding management. It was so late that you stamped... I just gave a spit in the polish. I said I would mention a story that involved an Australian that was making the Royal Family very, very angry.

I'll let you know more about that after this. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. So, Charles, do you recall the beloved TV series The Crown? Yes, although I only watched the first episode and then just thought, they're a bit Ponzi. Netflix, it's the Netflix series.

It's the one thing that's made me like the Royal Family, some of them anyway. Elizabeth, specifically, only Elizabeth. Yeah, right. Because what I got from the first series, I've only really watched the first series. Maybe the first and second. The ones with Claire Foy, she was good.

What a shit life and what a shit job. And I actually felt sorry. Oh, poor Royal. Because you can't do it, you can't do what you want. Oh, so sorry for them. It just, it seemed boring. It seemed boring and dull. It's like all the landlords.

Royals and landlords. They're the people who really suffer. I just wish that the Queen had been able to do what she must have wanted to do which any of us would have done. She's gone, fuck it off. I don't want to do this anymore. This is shit. This is stupid.

But instead, all these courties kept going, oh, you must preserve the crown. It's your own Winston Churchill. Oh, you must preserve the crown. But did she actually ever hesitate or is that it was just for dramatic effect? Oh, it's probably just dramatic effect. It wouldn't be much of a story if it was like, oh, this is quite good. It was presumably quite good writing because it made me sympathetic towards the lead figure.

Yeah. It was probably nothing like the. real queen. Yeah, I'm sure she just saying, you know what? I've just been given billions of dollars and I rule this country for having no skill whatsoever. This is too. Pretty well. Fucky you, peasants. Yeah, maybe quite possibly. So maybe that's just the skill of the creator, Peter Morgan, who's an amazing dramatist, really, really clever writer and so on. The final series is coming, it's coming through. Oh, what are they up to now? Oh, it's really getting up to very close to the contemporary point. The thing is, they've had to kill one of their most beloved characters

of course. Princess Diana. Played by Elizabeth Debicki, Australia's own, you know, wonderful star. Yeah, right. Fantastic actor. What they've done. Yeah, a bit of a poison cellist getting that role, though. You sort of know where it's a...

Well, except that you don't, because what they've done in the final series... They brought her back. They're bringing her back. Yes. As a ghost. Is she a time lord? She's a ghost. She could be a time lord.

In all sincerity. There's the ghost of the late princess talking to the queen and to... to King Charles. What? Yeah. Having previously tried to get as historically accurate as possible, they've gone, fuck it. If one of the only watches if Diane is in it.

Let's bring in the ghost to Diane. Talk about jumping the shark. Is the original creator still involved or is it now? I don't, I think so. So I don't know exactly what point it ends. If it goes until the Queen dies or if that it beforehand. But I must say. I'll be wanting to watch the Queen Mum dying episode.

Well, I think that would be in there somewhere. Yeah. That was a big moment for the chase or under. A life tragically cut short. Tragically cut short. This is what they're doing is they're bringing back Diana as a ghost. The British hate it, or the tabloids are already up in arms about it. Why?

Because I think it's insensitive and cruel. And so, but my thought was Charles, we should discuss. If you can have Royals coming back as ghosts, can we get Prince Philip to co-host an episode at the podcast? I mean, bring a little, we get cancelled. Yes. He's unvarnished thoughts. I mean, he's actually a lost to podcasting Prince Philip.

Because if they can say whatever you want without getting censored, it would have been fascinating to know just how racist he was. Oh, I'd love to have known his opinion on the voice. Wow. He would have been the one person to make the no campaign look estranged. But also, if you can bring back Princess Diana, wouldn't you get her as the new co-host of Top Gear? But wouldn't you get, like, Henry the 8th?

I want to get more injured. I mean, Princess Dana was good and everything. You want to get back the real... Oh, the murder. The ones that kill people. Yes. Henry the Eighth. If you got Henry the Eighth to go around on a sort of spree of his spouse killing.

Yes. I mean, I don't think Megan would be around anymore. Yeah, look, I mean, we should get them all back. You can bring back the ghosts. I'm just trying to think who else was interesting. They're all... In the whole of the royal family. Oh, but also like the Queen Victoria.

That would be fascinating. And what was Mary, Queen of Scots? She was fascinating. I'd love to take... Actually, all the queens. What happened to the kings? I can't. The king's very dull.

But wouldn't it be amazing to take Queen Victoria to Queensland and see how odded she feels? Because she's got two fucking states named after it. She got Victoria and Queensland. And she could compare and see which one she preferred. I suppose the thing is it means that this series can go on indefinitely, can't it? Because if it's gone off into just a flight of fancy, they can just be like the Adams family, they can all be dead and they still go along.

That's not about it. They'll keep bringing it back. No, but I just think what we need to do, It's just put the ghost of Princess Diana on every program. It's the best chance of becoming a republic. Yes. Is if just Dinah's on every program, then they'll be so angry that they'll just shut down the whole of the monarchy.

The New South Wales government should hire the ghost of Princess Diana to do a road safety campaign. Wipe off five. We're a seat bill. RBT, your driver. Speed cameras are in the tunnels. But I mean, wouldn't she be fabulous on breakfast television? She'd be good on breakfast.

It should be good at everything. Home and away. Oh, and neighbours, can you imagine it? You're not going to believe this. A new person's moved into errands borough. Hello. 730? Yeah.

New judge on the voice. Yeah. I would watch Hey, hey at Saturday. If she was, that's the one thing that would make me watch it. You've gone too far. I think you went too far with the road safety video. Although, you know what? Yeah.

If she was back here, it is a cause she would support. Like, in all sincerity. Yes. And it'd be a tough argument. to disagree with, really. Yes. It would be a very effective campaign. We would all say, yes, Your Royal Highness.

That actually, you know what? You've got a point. That makes sense. You've got a pretty good point. She could host the chase. The chase? Yes. Oh, she'd go on Harry and Megan's appalling

of indulgent documentaries, didn't she? But I think they got cancelled. I did they? I don't think even... Even die. Even saying that. Look, you said you'd come up with a good business idea. I think that bringing back Princess Diana

and licensing her to other programs, that would actually work. Well, it's totally true. Like, they're so clearly going to be the future because they've already started doing things like... Oh, Star Wars and all that. But also hosting holographic concerts of ABBA and stuff like that. And they mix that with, you know, if you download all of Diana's entire diaries that she wrote

and life's work and everything that she said. Yeah. There'll be an AI that's basically Princess Diana. It would be one. It'll be a hologram and then suddenly she'll become a public figure again. Maybe we could get an AI Princess Diana To sit down with Prince Harry And just help him sort his shit out

Because that guy really Maybe maybe fake mummy could say she loved him But I think the thing is His whole adulthood Is based on the childhood drama Of losing his mum When he was very young This has gotten to an overly serious place

Isn't it? It is. He's damaged His entire entire book was about that To really fuck him up You bring back his mum So that all his life's decisions Become incredibly complicated

And... Harry, you've fucked it, Roy. Yeah, yeah. Where do we go from there? Please welcome our special guest, Diana Princess of Wales. Special guest co-host of the podcast. Oh, thank you.

Oh, I'm so honored to be here. Slow down in tunnels. It's Friday, isn't it? Can we just go and get a drink? Yeah, let's go and get a drink. Not for the show for you, though. We know how that story is. How Gerrisham Road, we're part of the Icona Class Network.

And don't drink drive, honestly. Yeah, no.