The Chaser Report - Farewell 2024

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Dom, John and Lachlan reunite on the pod for one last time in 2024. John continues his wrap of the year's biggest stories, meanwhile Dom continues trying to make Banducci become a thing. Take care of yourselves for the rest of the year, folks. See you at the pub. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser report. This is episode two of our recap of 2024, lovingly prepared by John Domenico, editor of the Chaser. I'm Domite and producer Lachlan is here as well to look back through the events of the year. Thank you very much for putting this together, John. You can have the rest of the year off. See what you did there.

Hell yeah. Except I also don't just work. in the podcast. Oh, right, no, it's me. Congratulations, Lachlan. You've done well. You can have the rest of the year off. And listeners can have the next 30 seconds off while I listen to ads.

John, tell us about what started happening in... Are we up to June? Yeah, we're up to June, and as smoothly as Loughlin came out of that ad, we had Peter Costello knocking over a journalist, allegedly. I mean, that was, as we said in episode one, I think you've got to call that moment by Pettica I'm trying to make banducci happen. A needless moment of self-immolation. And yeah, that was very strange.

Petitschello just, you know, being questioned by a journalist from an opposing outlet, but as the chair of a media company, one might just generally have assumed that crash tackling journalists, although Peter Costello says it was the sign, although there's a video that makes a different argument, yeah, I don't think you should be doing any actions that end in the crash tackling of a journalist unless you're near Charles Firth and, Frankly, we've all wanted to do that. I think that Peter Costello, if he did anything, he definitely didn't do anything wrong. And if he did anything, which he didn't, that gilland loss totally had it coming.

You know, he doesn't work for your other employer anymore. Yeah, he resigned a couple days later. Oh, so I can talk shit. Oh, my goodness. I wasn't allowed to at the time, that's for sure. But when he resigned, he said that it was not because of what happened. It was completely separate and he was going to resign anyway. Just like a banducci.

There you go. It has caught on, Dom. Another big story for June was panda depended. Clomacy came back. Oh, yes. There was wall-to-wall coverage of whether an Adelaide Zoo was going to get panders. And sadly, it fell through when the pandas didn't want to go to Adelaide. I remember the joke, but I don't know what actually happened.

Did we get them in the hands? Pandas are we getting them? I think we got different pandas than the ones that they had already. Oh, Pandas switcheroo. Did they just not tell the pandas that they were going to Adelaide? Is that what happened? June was also the month of Julian Assange getting freed from prison. Oh, yes. And the kind of Labor victory lap that they did, was it Kevin Rudd?

Multiple ambassadors on board the plane, John Dominico. I think that was cruel. He had gone through enough torture. I did not put him on a plane with Kevin Rudd. And it's actually fascinating how little Julian Assange has done since getting back. Like, he actually genuinely seems to have wanted a quiet life. Who knew? I mean, it would be hard to leak documents in Australian politics right now. Because, like, the nuclear plan from Button barely exists. There'd be even less. documents about promises from Albo like there's not really anything you can leak right now

yeah no I don't know what the hot document would be from Wikileaks but that's what they want you to think maybe they'll leak the Chase annual 2025 in January should be great because it means they might write it all right well going into July I think we have the biggest news month of the year

oh my goodness because we started the month with Senator Payman being expelled from the layout oh yeah that was huge that was a big in but having a stance that Labor has since adopted. So she's joined the party again since? Is that what's happened now? No, she's still banned.

She's still banned. It's okay when the white guys take that position. It's just not okay when she did it. Well, say what you want about consistency, but I think that checks all of the white boxes. Also, because all the position was, was acknowledging that Palestine exists.

It wasn't even like actively pro-Palestine. It was just acknowledging that the place exists in the world. It's just there. It's just there. You have to understand. that, and look, Senator Payment should have known this. I think everyone should have known this. When you join the Labor Party,

you cannot possibly make any decision yourself that hasn't gone through dozens of hours of focus grouping and testing the caucus. When they say it's got to go through the caucus, what they really mean is that it has to go through the focus groups. Let's be honest. They've got a market tested. How can they possibly know what the right position to take is

if they haven't seen the focus group results? All right, so we're now currently at what? is it, well, surely we're at 2026 by now, no? No, we're still mid-July, we've got Trump getting shot in the year. That was this year? Is that in July? We should do that long ago? Wow.

And at this point, Joe Biden, still in the race as well. Yeah, and then he dropped out shortly after the shooting. I assumed to get a gig a triple J. So, like, that was a whirlwind week and a half. Wow. By dropping out and Trump getting shot. I wonder if what we need for Joe Biden is that they've already got double J for the older listeners. What about single J for the real, for their 80 pluses?

That'd be great. And then the other big story of July, the Olympics. Oh, do we have to? Of course. Oh, no. Oh no, this means we're going to get sued. Where America lost the shooting. They came dead last, which makes sense because they had just missed a crucial shot.

Oh, but there was that really cool Turkish shooter. Do you remember him? He blew up online because he... Oh, with the siggies. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, with a SIG, but he just had a real swagger and nonchalance about him. He was cool. He was a good athlete.

Yeah, he just turned up and did it. It was as much as I don't generally find shooting impressive. If you're going to shoot stuff, that's the way you're good. But look, I don't think we can continue because I'm worried that if we talk about the Olympics, we've got to talk about the biggest story of the Olympics. The Matilda's? Which is Ray Gun. Oh. And that means we're going to, won't we have to pay $10,000 to cover Raygun's legal fees?

she stops us from publishing this episode. Isn't that the latest on that? Only if this episode suddenly becomes a lot more musical. I mean, that's only if she sends a cease and assists that had basic grammatical errors. You know, those cease and assists cost 10 grand. Everyone knows that. Let's not go near Raygun. Let's just keep away from Raygun. She's had enough.

Yeah, that was the judge's reaction. Then let's go into August, where we had the explosive Channel 7 expose by Four Corners. Oh, yes. where, shockingly, it turns out the network known for cocaine and massages has a problem with toxicity in the workplace. Mark Humphreys now works for Channel 7, doesn't he? I wonder what his policy on massages and cocaine is now. What his writer is.

He was a great, we had a great episode with Mark Humphreys at about that time. He was very funny about the prospect of going to Channel 7. But I mean, I think he's doing a wonderful job at that. Yes, he is. But we'll at some point have to be let go so that they can hire Bruce Lambe. to come and present the comedy segment on a Friday. Or we can have Ben Robert Smith who comes in, but you have to explain that break a leg

doesn't mean do a leggy. I just wonder if he's going to compete in the shooting at the next Olympics. I'm pretty sure it's all just one vertical plane. There's no cliffs. Do you reckon there will be best defamation suit at the Brisbane Olympics? Oh, I think if Ray Gunn has anything to do that,

there will be. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. Okay, we're almost there. This is it. We're in the final stretch now. That was the last ad break of the year, guys, the last ad break of the year. And John, you're still bringing us through the last few months of 2024. What else finally happened in this crazy big year?

There's still going to be a post-roll. You're not getting off that easily. But that's the last middle. of the show ads at the year. Yeah, where are we up to, John? So we're up to September, where we're getting heavily into the U.S. election now.

The bigger story was the presidential debate, which was just fucking weird. Was this the one that Trump won or the one that Trump won? Yeah, this is the Harris debate. Or as I like to refer to it, the, they're eating the dogs debate. In Springfield,

they're eating the dogs, the people that came in, they're eating the cats. They're eating, they're eating the pets. That was the clip of the year. I mean, there was also that fun thing of everyone getting mad that the fact-checkers tried to fact-check Trump. They won't dare do that from the 20th of January, 2024.

I mean, major media organisations have already started settling lawsuits with the guy. It's a pay-to-play system now, I think. Speaking of lawsuits, Colesworth was sued. Bruce Lerman sued them as well? Who dared? Who dared take a swing at the Kings? This is about the allegation, the just the completely baseless allegation that they've been price gouging us for years and that they've been setting sales so that they're constantly out of loop with each other and price fixing, which they both came

out and denied in a joint statement. Not working together at all. And then the other big one for September was that we lost Bill Shorten. To be honest, we'd already lost Bill Shorten twice before in federal elections. But in terms of retiring as a minister, yes, he did go from having a fairly low profile. to none. That's right. Do you think he's wishing for another Beaconsfield? I think he's just hoping to finally get the answer

to what everyone's favourite lettuce is. What's your favourite type of lettuce? Oh, I'm actually like Osberg. Do you eat a lot of salad? That's how he married the Governor General's daughter, that line. It's absolute goal if you're trying to pick up someone Vice Regal. Man, fair well, I assume that he's going off to

teach people how to pick up with that kind of silver tongue. or he's going to a very, very high-paid gig as the Chancellor at the University of Canberra or something like that, isn't he? No, Bill Shorten's going to be just fine. In October, we had the royal visit. Beyonce? I'd forgotten all about that.

And Australia finally had taxpayer-funded tampons. But I must say, I want to pay tribute to the king. You know, we know he wasn't well. It was a long way to come. But the moment where he turned up to a lunch in his honour at the New South Wales Parliament for, I can't remember how long it was. It was something like 10 minutes.

I gave a very brief speech, presented them with a little, with an hourglass and said, well, you know, clock's ticking, got to go. And basically it was the biggest, it was the best smoke bomb in the history of smoke bombs. I mean, this is a guy who did not want to be there and they've got an actual hourglass to prove how little time he spent visiting his lunch. I think that could be, you know, so long with the Irish goodbye that I chucked at every single party. I'm going to start chucking a royal British family goodbye. It makes me think that this podcast, really,

we've got to cut every episode after 10 minutes. Was that the meeting where they had the sausage sizz? No, that was another one. With his fingers, he wanted to get away from there. Oh, yeah, that's true. That would be genuinely, it would have been dangerous. No, in all sincerity, it's quite an extraordinary moment. Look up Prince Charles and our glass,

and you'll see the 10 minutes. Yeah, we kind of forgot about that one because it was overshadowed by the moment where an indigenous woman got mad at him and everyone got mad at the indigenous woman. Oh, you're, of course, referring to Lydia Thorpe when she heckled the king, man. Look, we've worked in comedy before.

No one likes dealing with hecklers, especially not when they're right. There's nothing more embarrassing than having to admit to your heckler. Yeah, fine, you got me there, you got me. No, oh, my goodness, the poor king. Did he pull, did he not just pull out an hourglass for her?

I don't think she needed to do that. I really don't. She just needed to wait for another five minutes. He would have left anyway. Well, speaking of leaving, the Queensland Labor government left? Yes, it did. No more war to war to all labour on the mainland.

Queensland is ahead of the curve. It is now, look, if you want to spend some time in police custody in Queensland, you can now be younger than ever and get that privilege, from what I understand. Labor wanted to bring in school lunches. This is a way for the little. party to bring in lunches for young people by just arresting them all.

Because I'll be fed in prison. Are you sure? Yeah, don't quote me on that one. And then the other big political moment was, of course, Albo buying a house. Oh, yes, this is one of the major moments at the year. And look, as we reached the end of 20204 and his poll numbers seem to attack, yeah, look, I mean, I've got to say, he was unpopular anyway. You may as well buy the house if you're in any chance of needing it in 2025. We were talking before about what potentially could have been the moment.

for Albo losing his popularity. I think this was his Hawaii moment, if we're really going to refer to a Prime Minister tanking with one short, fell swoop. You say that, Lachlan, but I know you grew up on the Central Coast. It ain't Hawaii, mate. I'm really sorry.

No, because Hawaii's ice isn't that good. To show. Into November, Pauline Hanson was found to be racist. No. I know, it's shocking. No. She was found in a court of law to be a racist person.

Pauline Hanson, Senator, we're talking about the same Pauline? Yeah. The Fish and Chips Shop lady? All she did was be very racist. This is the same one who got the defamation threat from Robert Irwin, that one? Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

I must say the Marine, the Senator Marine Farriki, Robert Irwin, sort of joint ticket is going to be an interesting one to look at. Then we also had in November, the US election. Yeah. We all know what happened there. No, nothing to say about that. Nothing interesting.

Can't think of anything. Yeah, the more interesting thing has been the Trump cabinet piss. Trump cabinet picks. No, I'm going to leave in that Freudian slip because that was a correct reference. Well done. We've got an anti-vaxxer in charge of health. We've got Elon Musk in charge of government efficiency after he did so well with Twitter. I assume Alan Jones has been put in charge of childcare.

Well, I mean, you say that. That's very dark. There are so many extraordinary picks by Donald Trump. I honestly don't think. our focus has been put on the fact that the education secretary nominee is Linda McMahon, former CEO of the WWE, because I mean, she knows how to reach kids, right? That's true. That's a good point.

I just think it's going to be, you know, all classes should be conducted in the octagon and a very special guest teacher the rock. I think that's going to be fantastic for the kids of America. I just think that it's a shame that O.J. Simpson died so that Donald Trump couldn't put him in charge of the department of not killing your wife. Well, he did put Matt, he did originally want Matt Gates as Attorney General, which, you know, is it so different? One court is looking into that. So now I'm going into the last month of the year, December.

We did it. December. So, we've got Wicked. Wicked came out and the press tool was fucking weird. Yep, yep, indeed. And we all, gentlemen, let's all say together, we all. We all hold space. Put it out here. That's a perfect way to do it.

medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. We held space for those ads. I can't believe you're still here. Thank you for the support of the podcast. And that's, sorry, that's the culmination of the year, John Dominica. There's surely nothing can top wicked as the finale of 2024. There is one great piece of news.

One so good that makes you really, well, not you guys, because you guys live in Sydney, which is that Kyle and Jackie O are having record low, Listenership in Victoria. Just below some of the local networks, a complete disaster, still number one in Sydney, but in Melbourne, they've been absolutely destroyed. It just goes to show what a boring and fun-hating city of Melbourne is. I mean, those guys getting up just quality content.

When you see this sort of stuff that they do, I mean, no one is talking about the topics that they cover outside of the 13-year-old group chat. I mean, it's just a real shame. I would have thought that Victoria had more respect for jokes about anal. Not enough, Sammy J, not a single P-tape in his entire run on ABC. Not good enough. Melbourne, you just need to learn you're supposed to listen to radio stations that you actively hate,

and that's the whole point. Why would you listen to something to entertaining when you can listen to something that you despise and makes your day terrible? You tell them. Well, that's always been our pitch here at The Jaser Report, John. And I'd like to thank all the listeners who've borne with us throughout 2024. Thank you very much for your company. Well, guys, what a tour through 2025, John.

Incredible job of bringing those highlights together, and they were such highlights. 2025, what are the odds that it will be any better? An election year, guys, at that. An election year plus Trump's first year as president. We are in for what is likely a bad year for humanity, but a great year for the satirical recap at the end of the year. I've got to say, John, I'm impressed that you think

that the globe makes it to the end of 2025. I'm going to take what both of you said and add a 100% tariff on top of it. We're part of the iconic class network. We'll catch you at the end of January 2025. Have a great time in the meantime. Don't forget, if you miss us in the unlikely event, there are a stupidly large number of episodes

to listen back to more than 1,000. What is wrong with us? We'll try and figure that out in 2025 as well. Happy new year, jans. Happy new year. Happy new year. Thank you.