The Chaser Report - FAREWELL QUEEN ELIZABETH II

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

The Chaser would like to send their condolences to the Royal Family at this time as they grapple with the reality that Charles is now King. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Buckingham Palace has announced Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. The Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has died. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report for Friday the 9th of September on this very solemn occasion, that of the death of Queen Elizabeth II. As you're aware, she did pass overnight. Here at the Chaser, in honour of the Queen and her husband, the late Prince Philip, all our presenters will be observing Royal Protocol and will only be wearing blackface throughout the rest of the week.

Please rest assured that we are committed here at the Chaser remaining respectful when talking about the new king in the coming days. For example, we're not going to mention at all the time that he told Camilla he wanted to be her tampon. So I'm just going to keep that one under wraps. It goes for now. And, you know, in respect to the new queen, we're not even going to mention, I know.

We don't want our website to crash. You know, with complaints that we're making tasteless puns about her. Instead, we want to do something a bit different. We want to concentrate on all the children that the queen had that were normal and well-adjusted. Can't actually think of one right now, but is Prince Edward still alive?

Look him up. Has he done anything wrong yet? Actually, look, let's just skip the Queen's children and just, why don't we focus on her grandchildren? I mean, as long as we don't mention that pegging incident between William and Rose Hanbury, I think that should be fine. Oh, and also, we probably also shouldn't mention Harry and Megan. Actually, scrap that. Instead of focusing on the children, let's talk about the Queen's love of animals.

She loved animals, I mean, except for the ones that she shot in all those hunting parties. But most of all, we're also not going to focus on her legacy because it would be completely impolite and inappropriate a time like this to mention that the Queen presided over a system that is so unequal that while homeless people wandered the streets outside her own fucking palace, dying of exposure, she still owned numerous castles, done it all around the country, not to mention half of Essex, and that she would also then take tens of millions of pounds each year from the public purse to cover her expenses.

We're not going to mention that. It's not the right time. So instead, as we honour the Queen and the crumbling country and the disintegrated empire that she presided over, let's all take a few moments' silence to do. what I think we all want to do at this moment, which is blame all the problems that Britain faces on welfare cheats. Thank you. And our thoughts and prayers with the family at this time, and in particular all the 16-year-olds

whose job it is to console Prince Andrew at this time.