The Chaser Report - Four Seasons Reflecting Pool Landscaping

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Dom enjoys the premium economy version of a Starbucks coffee, which seamlessly transitions into an allegory for Trump's failed renovation of the Washington Reflecting Pool. Plus, Charles reckons he's handsome enough to fit in at Mayfair. ---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, I have something very exciting and exclusive to report. First to you and to the listeners to the Chaser Report that I know you won't be across, but I'm a seasoned traveller, Charles. I'm a man of the world. I come to you from an undisclosed overseas location where that's a lot.

don't necessarily love journalists, particularly those who are on tourist fees, but I've got an investigation into the best cafe in the world. Oh, wow. I have with me a small flat white that I paid nine Australian dollars for. Oh, my God. I'm going to do a live tasting of this remarkable coffee on today's episode of the podcast right after these ads. Now, Dom.

You won't have been to this cafe. Yes. The thing is, look, I know that. that you don't travel as much as me, but Melbourne's not actually overseas. Melbourne's actually in Australia. So it's like, it's very sweet that you've got a $9 flat white. I think that that's just a normal thing. I think that's Perth, isn't it?

No, no, Charles, this is, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, including the US. I've seen it in Hong Kong. Oh, okay. I've seen it in Japan. I've seen it in Singapore. I've seen it only in places where the discerning coffee lover will go.

What is it? I give you, and I'm going to bring this into shot. This is a small flat white. What? Huge. Now, are you familiar with Starbucks? Oh, no. Dom, is this Starbucks?

Charles. No, no, no. No. Starbucks is all over Australia. You know Starbucks that had changed its name from Starbucks coffee because there's coffee was so bad? They're just called Starbucks now. Oh, really? I didn't know that.

Right. This is Starbucks Reserve. Oh. This is the La Premiere of Starbucks. This is premium economy. This is, no, this is Economy X on Virgin. They say, um, hand-selected small batch roasts. And as happens, Charles, I tried regular Starbucks yesterday.

I am. And have you noticed it's the same? Same all over the world. It really is. It's like a Big Mac. If a Big Mac tasted literally like, I don't know, cat feces mixed with fertilizer. It tastes bitter and sour.

Yes. This is small batches, hand-selected and hand-roasted. Yes. So it's bound to be good. And I assume the reason... The small flat white is a giant mug. And the reason why Starbucks coffee, I've always had a theory that the reason why it's bitter and sort of tastes horrible

is because Americans think that that's what coffee should taste like if you're sophisticated. So they're not buying it because they like it. That's duplicators. Yeah, because everything circulated over there. It's horrible. Yeah. And so they used to burn. They think burnt is quality.

Yeah, that's right. So, okay. So are you going to do a taste test? But this is like an embassy from a better world to Americans, Hong Kongers, Japanese, Singaporeans. I'll try. So as you can, it's got,

just to describe what I'm looking at, your average Australian flat white will have, it's like micro-textured foam, you won't be able to see any bubbles. This has lots of bubbles. It has froth. It doesn't have foam,

this has froth. So it's like a milk shake. It has a very badly done. A milkshake. A flat white milkshake. Yeah. With, it looks,

I think they are going for a heart on top, but it actually looks like an onion. Probably one of those blooming onions from Outback, at Back steakhouse. Anyway, will have a sip now. Let me see if it's the same burnt as I had yesterday. Well, it's a cup of hot milk. I can't actually taste any coffee yet. So that's actually an improvement. Oh, there's a slight, after-taste, Charles. This might actually have coffee in it, strangely. There's some slight,

there's milk with a slight hint of coffee. But that's the other intriguing thing, because lots of foam. What you have is what would be considered in Australia a large white, isn't it? Like, that's a very large mug. Yeah, in a mug. But it's so weird. It's at least twice the size. But why do they do that? Like, because you go into Starbucks anywhere in the world and it's, you know, you get these venti lattes, which are like literally a liter of milk. Yeah, this is just a small, to be clear. This is the smallest one that's so we, they don't even have it on the menu. I was looking at the menu and it starts, most of the drinks, start it tall. Right. Smallest size is tall. Then it goes up to venty. Right. Which is Italian for stupidly big.

And, and so is that all you've brought to the table today? Is that? Is that what we're talking about? I just think there's nothing like traveling the world to make you appreciate the little things in Australia. No, that's true, yes. And so, because the other thing is, are there no other cafes or is it's just not a cafe culture where you are? They're just not quite as expensive as the Starbucks. Right. There are one or two other cafes around where you'll only pay seven, eight Australian dollars, the full $9 experience.

Yeah, you know, I actually can outdo you on the price of coffee. I once had in London, in Mayfair, at a $14, $1,00, a dollar, double espresso. Wow, was that any good? It was seven pounds for a double espresso. Did the fact that it was in Mayfair give you a hint? I didn't expect, like, you don't walk into a cafe. It wasn't even a cafe. It was actually just like a hole in the wall.

Precian monje. or something. Yeah. And there's no price list. You just ask for a coffee, right? And then they went, oh, seven pounds. My general approach is to not to go to the places that are like the most expensive properties in Monopoly.

I think we've up been for, warned about Mayfair. But I'll tell you what, it was interesting looking at the clientele because they were all incredibly rich people, right? The men had amazingly well-cut suits, like just incredibly, you know, like, tailored, you know, really nicely tailored. And all the women were incredibly beautiful. They were all just like stunningly attracted. So I kind of feel like I fitted in there and probably people just went, oh, he's a local. I can't finish this coffee. I've had four tips of it. You've had enough milk for the week. The big difference is it's not, it's unlike a regular

Starbucks, it is different. It isn't terrible. Like it's, it's not actively making me nausea. it. And so for that, I say, congratulations, Starbucks on coming up in the world. Charles, I'm trying to make this an extended metaphor for the... I'm having a reflecting pool of coffee. That's what this is. Right. Okay. I see. Have you seen, actually, just on that, have you seen Donald Trump's latest claim about the reflecting pool? Can I play you the clip? It's quite funny. So, you know how he's claiming that vandals? Oh, no, I've lost the clip. Yes. So he, I haven't got the clip. I'll find it said later. Yeah.

So vandals, his claim is the reason why the paint's coming off is because vandales have been vandalising the pool. And then he claimed... Yeah, they have, Charles, didn't you see? Didn't you see? They're vandals. Vandals definitely did. They did because they were appointed by the president to renovate it without a due process of getting quotes. He's been completely vandalized.

No, no. But his claim is that people, that somebody came along with a knife and cut a 350-yard, like, line in the thing, 350 yards of cutting with a knife. Because the reporter said, do you have any evidence of this? And he said, well, there's a huge 315 meter line. That's evidence, right? Like, it's clearly done with a knife. No, no, no.

Charles, the person who's got the 350 yard line is Don Jr. Straight up his nose. No, no, we have vandalism. You know, we have 100 and we have a, I think, 290, 300 foot slit right through it, probably a box cutter or a knife of some kind. National Garden police have been all over the mall. How would these vandals have gotten so close to do something like that? Do you have any proof of the slip? I mean, we didn't have, we didn't have a lot of them then. Who would think that somebody would go into a pool and take a knife and start

cutting it? Do you have proof of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have photos or video? Well, let's put it this way. When you have a 350, I think it's 350, not 250, a 350 foot, slit from one end to the other? You think that's proof? You think that's proof? The reports have been down there today looking for that slit that you mentioned and there's no evidence. All you have to do is see the Parks Department. They'll show it to you.

See the secretary. But I saw it. They cut it. They cut it very violently. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. But it's funny because the science behind while it's appealing is

is absolutely fascinating. I saw this TikToker who used it as an opportunity to sort of go, this is why it definitely was always going to fail. So the first thing that this person pointed out is that so hydrogen peroxide, which is what they poured in to kill the algae right. What hydrogen peroxide does is it breaks down into two free radicals they're called, which are like hydrogen and oxygen, but without the second hydrogen.

They need another electron. So it's not H2O, it's just HO, right? And so they're desperately searching around for electrons. And they're incredibly unstable. But then what they do is they basically oxidize anything they touch, right? And that's why they can kill algae so things. They're literally borrowing electrons from the algae and killing it off, right? But the whole thing is the other thing that you can borrow electrons from is badly cured paint.

Yes. And what this person... By the way, Charles, just to, if I made briefly, say, this coffee needs another electron. I think it needs another electron. No, you just need to pour some hydrogen peroxide into it and it will taste lovely. Yeah. Yep.

How funny. So he stripped the algae out and he's also stripped out the paint. Yes. And so the whole point is that it could have gone and attacked the algae and I think some of the algae sort of did die. But the paint was much closer and much sort of more delicious to these free radicals. And it just stripped all the electrons off that. And what they were saying is that of course the paint didn't cure in time because actually what you need, once you've painted a large surface with this paint,

you actually need to leave it for about a week, right? And they were rushing because Donald Trump was about to turn 80. So they painted it on, left it a couple of days, and then put the water in. And so it was always going to be a failure. And then the other thing was, it was fascinating because they painted it this deep blue colour where the sun absorbs all the light. And that's perfect growing conditions for algae because they need really hot conditions. They love it there.

And they did it. They did it in the middle of summer, right? And they said, no one has ever repainted any pool in the middle of summer. You don't do that because you know that as soon as you fill up the pool, you're going to grow a whole lot of algae. But he got his best guy. He got his best guy from Mara Lago to do it. Have you seen the guy?

You know what the name of the, his shoppy, like the guy's company. It's called something like green. Is it four seasons? Is it four seasons total pool landscaping? No, I think it's sort of like, I think it's good like green pond landscaping. Is it something like that? Really?

It's actually got green in the total. Blue green algae are us. Wow. And he'd never done a pool before. That was the other thing. He'd never painted a pool before. This is his first one. You've got to start somewhere.

That's so funny. Do you remember this the old story, the old, I don't know, old English morality tale of King Canute trying to command the sea to go back? I kind of like the notion of King Trump commanding the algae to die in a reflecting pool and then just going, no, life will find a way Charles Jurassic Park was right. So, so now what, so let me just tell you the name of the reflecting pool guy. Yep. He gave a no big contract, who's mate, then in Marilago, and the name of the pool, 6.9, no big contract.

Is this Rudy Giuliani? Wouldn't that be funny if he thought he was doing the pool for the four seasons, the landscaping? $1.7 million. We've got to get into this pool. painting thing. Like, I would have thought you'd put in coloured tiles. I thought what I thought that would have thought that would be the way to do it. But just bugging in a whole bunch of paint. We could

have poured a bucket of painting for 1.7 million US dollars. They need some avocado pool toys to sort of deflect attention away from the peeling paint. They just, you know, you know, that's a very good idea. Do you know, they need a reflecting pool next to it to reflect on how to sell the reflecting pool. Do you know what the company's called? Charles?

It's called Atlantic Indeisdoll. Greenwater Solutions. It's called Greenwater. It's not called Greenwater Solutions. Is it? It's a company owned by a guy called JJ Caffaro Investment Trust and it's Greenwater Solutions. The guy leaves right next to Mara Lago and he's previously pleaded guilty to campaign finance violations. Oh, my.

I mean, a perfect person for a no-bid contract. Oh, my God. They have a thing called a nanobble ozone technology. That is just. Which sounds like a bong, frankly. A nanobble. So that was, yeah, that's the whole idea. And the whole thing about nanobble technologies is you can't see them.

Yeah, they're absolutely invisible. All right. And apparently, can I just say, I heard an expert interviewed and they said, actually that coating that the Greenwater Solutions guy put on, the nanobble stuff, that does work, but in very limited applications. So if you've got a little pond out the front of your house that's like, you know, a couple of, you know, like 20 centimetres or 40 centimetres wide or something like that, it will work, it will actually get rid of the algae.

But they said there's no evidence. Like, no one has ever tried it on a 350 foot reflecting pool. And it's an amazing experiment to try it and then realize, no, it doesn't work. Yeah. Although that said, I definitely would pay $9 for a cup of nano bubble coffee, which is what this is. It doesn't have flavors and coffee in it, but there's plenty of bubbles. So, well, well done. I think this is made by greenwood solutions.

You know what I think would actually kill the algae, though, Don, in that reflecting pool? What's that? Starbucks coffee. That's as good as done. We're part of the Aconicless Network. We'll catch you tomorrow. I don't know why.