The Chaser Report - Getting Sloshed on Slashed Price Beer

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Dom and John look forward to TikTok's partnership with the Cannes Film Festival. Meanwhile Charles provides advice on how to save money and drink beer at the same time. Plus, will our producer finally be cancelling producer notes? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Welcome to The Chaser Report for Friday the 18th of March 2022. We've got Dom Knight, Charles Firth, John Delmenicoe, and Lachlan Hodson, our producer, which means there may be another producer notes. Locker on, let's get this out of the way. Oh, yeah. Look, I won't spoil anything. Producer Notes is traditionally a Friday, fun day segment,

so I'll let the audience, you know, sit in their seat. for now. I just realized I'm busy today. Yeah, I have to go and do a podcast that doesn't have producer notes then. Anyway, we'll get to that. A little debate we had last week because there's some huge news from the film world. And look, I know there's a lot of bad things going on in the world. A lot of things that are disappointing and upsetting and scary.

There's wars. There's Scott Morrison. There's everything. But the Cannes Film Festival is taking place. In May, it's very exciting. It's just a moment of culture, of class that cannot be ruined. buy everything. And that's why I'm so excited to see that this year, they're going to have TikTok as a partner.

Their official producing partner is going to be TikTok. Because it is one thing that, you know, the world's most famous festival of quality cinema with people like Jura, Dipage, Zhang Yimu, all these great directors, and also one-minute-long phone videos. I cannot wait to see Charlie Demilio and Federcini, Feda Queen. up alongside Matt Reeves and the likes of those. I'm excited because I've seen a lot of art house films and I like the idea of keeping them down to three minutes because they go too long, they're just keeping them down to three minutes or less,

have some fun music behind them. Yeah, and it's nice because just like foreign films, they will have this weird obsession with sexualizing minors. Yeah. And dancing. Also dancing. No, but the thing that I'm very confused by is that, Like, the maximum length of a TikTok video is about three minutes, isn't it?

Yes. And that is the sort of average length of a meaningful pause in a European video. That's right. It'll just be, you know, a pause. That's all you'll be able to see. On today's show, we're going to talk about producer notes. And Charles, you've got some thoughts. And I'm going to talk about the price of beer is coming down.

And that's good news for everyone. Good news for everything except Albow's waistline, I suspect. But first, let's check in with Rebecca Dane and me in the Chastin Newsroom. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most, when your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill, when the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer.

So download the app and get delivery in. as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy zero-dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Scientists have begun research on the Morrison versus Albanese weight loss feud in the hope to find who the fuck cares. Meanwhile, schoolyard bullies have become ashamed of themselves for making playground-level fat-shaming insults, as they would never want to stoop to being as low as the Prime Minister. Petrol stations around the country have announced that they will now be accepting alternative payment methods for people struggling to afford petrol.

Due to the new initiative, those looking to purchase a litre of petrol now have the option of taking out a loan, using afterpay, or exchanging a litre of gas for a liter of your firstborn's blood. Vladimir Putin has begun suing Joe Biden for death. after the American president accused the Russian president of being a war criminal. Despite his dodgy actions, Putin has defended his right to take Biden to court by saying that just because he committed war crimes, that doesn't make him a war criminal. That's the latest headlines from the Chaser's Newsroom.

I'm Rebecca Deunamuno, and I think producer notes is a good segment. Now, guys, I know that we usually only follow bad news on this podcast, but I actually have some good news, which is that the federal government in the upcoming budget is going to slash the price of beer by an average of 40 cents per beer. That's right. So my question is, what are you going to spend your 40 cents on? Well, petrol.

That's the only thing. It's far. The petrol's got up by far more than 40 cents, so all the savings will be chewed up by the price of petrol. No, and that's really good because now I can drink while driving. Hell yeah. Yeah, so you can afford. The cart will allow you to buy about 150 mils of petrol, which is great.

You'd be able to get to the pub and back, maybe. So that's not going to be lost on getting slashed, and you guys aren't going to use the money on getting slashed even more? Oh, that didn't even occur to me. No, no, see, I'm from a generation, which actually, is responsible with money, John, unlike your generation. You know, what I would say to you is I think you should sort of use that saving to save up and buy and save up for a deposit on a house.

Because I've crunched the numbers. 40 cents a day is $2.80 a week, right? Which is $145 a year, which means that you will be able to save up for a deposit on a house just by this savings in the beer, the price of beer, and it will only take you a thousand years to get enough for a house deposit. These are the houses that in the year 2021 went up 26% nationwide. Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, these people. But the good thing about this beer, no, no, but the good thing about this beer card is, the more beer you drink, the greater your savings. So if you commit to drinking 20 beers a day, right, that's $3,000 a year. year in saving, which means it'll only take you 50 years to save up for a house deposit.

That's actually, well, John, we've got to get, we've got to get started right now, if this is the case. So thankfully, we've got, we've got some beers here. You've got beers. There we go. Guys, it's early in the morning. What are you doing? I suppose you're, you've just told us, you're catching in.

Yes, you're right. This is for my house, Charles. And if you spend the next 50 years an alcoholic stupor, you won't notice that you have. haven't got your own house. I mean, sure, I can't, like, currently, I can't afford a house or, like, petrol or food. But if I can afford beer, what else do I need? I can just get, if I just stay drunk, everything will be fine and I'll be happy. Yeah, I think this is why Scott Morrison has brought in this rule.

I think he's hoping that everyone post-budget will all just start drinking beer the whole time. They'll be a lot happier And then when they go into the polling booth They'll just be sozzed You would have to be absolutely Leglessly drunk to vote for Scott Morrison Well he's hoping maybe that's what will happen Do you think the slogan's going to be

I hold a beer tap mate I think I know what it is I don't know if you guys have seen the other big story About beer this week from Australia Is that the gas lobby Has suggested as a green energy solution That the government is looking into pumping, using gas

in the froth of beer so that you can then get frothier beer and it's green energy and it's greener for some reason and it's a solution that is genuinely getting talked about in Parliament so as soon as soon as they're looking at putting fossil fuels into beer

beer is going to get cheaper and no tax for beer. Is it possible somewhere in the mix here that my car could run on beer because frankly I'll try anything at this point um so i'm about 80 cents up at the moment yes yes you've been chagging it away well this is for my house and i don't want to be that guy but yeah saving for a house tastes real like tastes a lot like piss like you guys actually enjoy saving for a house at this point because this is this is hard to stomach it's nowhere

near as nice as a vodka cruiser well look them back in there they just they only had to have one beer I bought a house So that can have been, oh, far out Okay, but admittedly there is a bright side in all of this, which is that if Loughlin keeps drinking houses, producer nights might be enjoyable. The future's looking up.

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Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. The Chaser Report, now with Extra Whispers. So to recap, last week, Loughlin, tried to give us some notes. Sorry, Dom, Dom, I'm going to cut you off right there. It's not that I don't believe in your ability to, to introduce a segment, but we are doing producer notes right now.

We've had a lot of feedback recently. Now, I didn't want to address what you did to me last week, undermining my authority. But you created something on our podcast that we've actually never had before. What was that? Which is suspense and tension. And it's not that I don't believe in your ability to capitalize on that, but I think that it deserves fair treatment.

So I put together a little something. Previously on producer notes. One humble producer. I racked my brains. I was trying to figure out how we could improve this podcast. Mocked by an ungrateful team. Our dictatorial producer Lachlan wants to end the week with producer notes. Oh yeah, you haven't been around for this.

Yeah, it's like the worst part of the week. Receives an impossible challenge. If you're listening, here's your challenge. Go to Apple Podcast and write, please cancel producer notes. Will the audience vote? to spare him. I say if there are 10 reviews that say cancer producer notes, we have to honour it. Or will they vote wrongly.

Yeah, I don't think what we can be. It's called producer notes. I, what? Oh, do you guys feel that? Shivers, shivers up my minuscule spine. So what happened? What happened? Exactly.

Well, well, you know, aside from the fact that I spent, way more time than I should have on a trailer for that. I don't know why you're not working in Hollywood, Lachlan. I mean, to be honest, if Producer Notes has the production values of that trailer, I might be more inclined to keep it. Well, I think that it's only fair that producer notes is the most produced segment every single week. When I said I would do the Carl Stefanovic interview again this week, this is genuinely true.

I got told that if I did it, I would get a sting if I wrote the sting and that you would make one for me. and then there wasn't a sting on the thing, how much of the time that you committed to making me watch 60 minutes so that I could get a segment on the podcast that's consistent, did you spend instead making that trailer? John, I'm way too drunk to answer that question right now, so that was a fantastic question. But I've got to say, I actually really like the new direction for producer notes, John,

which is us giving notes to the producer. Attack. I think that's, I'm very much in favour of this. Can we let Lachlan tell us what? happened? So I didn't want to count the reviews, right? I just thought no one's really going to feed into Dom's false message here. But then we received a whopping 16 reviews, which is almost half of our entire listenership. So we've actually got to talk about what's happened here today.

So just to clarify, I said, if you want to, like me, cut producer notes, go to the Apple podcast app and vote. Leave a review and vote. And they did, but what did they say? What did they say? Well, you know, I think that it's only fair that because of the drama that we're feeling right now, we have a proper countdown, a bit of a survivor-esque, rose ceremony kind of thing. So, Charles, can I get you to, I'm going to read out the votes.

I'm going to get Charles to count the votes that are for and Don to count the votes that are against. Right. Are we already, gentle? I'm getting a large number of fingers ready here. Okay The first vote was from Someone called Keep Producer Notes

And they voted For Producer Notes That's one One vote for four The second vote came from Stosball Who voted Get rid of producer notes

Yes One Honeybee Grr-L Voted Four producer notes. Two votes for four. Snowball's chance voted four producer notes because they caused them pain. But that's still a vote for.

Three votes for four. She hates it. Soren from Canberra voted to cancel producer notes. What's the score so far? It's about two to. Jules voted. No more producer notes. Yes, three, that's three all. Tristan voted.

Four producer notes. Four votes for four. Damn it. Nostradamus? Four canceling producer notes. Yes, that's four. Crystal voted to keep producer notes. Five votes for four.

Pella watt voted to keep producer notes. Maisie voted to keep producer notes. Zast voted to keep producer notes. Eight votes. voted to keep producer notes nine votes J-Pow vote against why are all the nicknames taken

vote against and finally one two three more votes for producer notes so Charles what's your count there I think 12 votes 12 votes for four

and Dom how many votes were there against producer notes only six votes against producing notes only six votes against producer notes gentlemen do you know what this means it means you voted myself a lot of times

this note this means producer notes no no no never going to leave producer notes 10 more years producer notes Jason Ford favorite segment voted by you the people producer notes I couldn't have done it without you all

thank you thank you and I didn't even vote for myself once a likely story I think we need a recount because I don't know if you noticed, but Lockwood said there was 16 votes. Charles said there was 12-4 and Dom said they were six against. So there's even more votes. Yes. Oh, good Lord.

I think all this shows is that you can't trust the polls. This, did we use the Dominion voting system for this? I don't understand. I think we need to get the AEC involved. Yeah, I want to impound these voting machines here, Lockland. Yes. Well, look, gentlemen, you can fight against a, but the people have had their say

and the people are affirmative. So to give the people what they want, I've got one actual producer note. We've run out of time on today's podcast to actually hear your notes, so I have to do it next week. I've got one actual producer note and it's that this podcast has been really self-indulgent lately. I'm not sure if you guys have noticed that.

Someone spent nine hours making a trailer about themselves and put that in their timesheet. So if we could fix that, and focus on more topical things. That'd be great, gentlemen. You know what? If every producer note you had was directed at you doing a better job, I'd be on board.

Can I give a producer note for next week for everyone else? I'm suddenly sober again, yeah. Currently right now, it is host of the podcast Dom and a host of podcast, Charles, for the producer notes, and then me. I think that next week they should be all three hosts so that I can not be in this podcast segment. Can we please get Gaddi back?

I don't know. I think she's just too famous now. She told me that, like, Taika Watiti was hiring her to play as someone. She's literally in the next room. Did you just, did she just get out of this? How did she do this? Can you please jump on Apple Podcasts and put the segment out of its misery? I mean, it's not going to get better than this, is it, with the trailer.

Get on it. Five stars. Everyone gave us five stars, which is the good thing. They did. They did. Very kind of them. And probably generous. And probably Loughlin.

Aggies from Road Microphones. We're part of the Acast Crowder Network. and producer nights he's going to die. Determined. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue

that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribai you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app

and enjoy zero-dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver.