The Chaser Report - Google Is Dead

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

"Yeah, nah, don't bother actually writing an episode description for this one. Just get ChatBot AI to write the show notes, it'll be cheaper and faster. It's going to kill Google, Lachlan, there's no need for search engines anymore. The AI just does everything, plus it's a better writer than you anyway. That's why we talked about it for 20 minutes. Now stop writing down everything I say and publish the episode already." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth. And I'm Domit and you sound quite excited today. Charles? Yes. Upbeat.

Remember this day, the 9th of February, 2023, the day that Google died. Google? Yes. Google is dying. No, dead. he's dead he's dead it's it's over it's over let me just check this well no I mean you can still log in but no but like it's all but over well I'm just putting I'm just typing I'm feeling lucky yeah the US doodle for Google contest is now open and is it yep no anyway I'm still there

and they're still feeling lucky no no but the whole point is that being announced today which is like you know the better search engine that everyone uses you know Microsoft Bing you know do you remember that have you hurt your head or something I've used Bing because one of my workplaces has PCs that default to Bing and it's an amazing way to find out things you don't want to know it doesn't take you straight to the place you want to go it takes you to some weird mistaken typos you're not going to tell me Bing is going to beat the site that it's so good at searching

we just say Google it we don't even say search for it we just say Google it yeah no but well all those points are taken but Microsoft's enormous multi-tens of billion dollar losing investment in Bing is finally going to pay off because Microsoft have just announced, and they've just launched, a version of Bing that is integrated with the Chatbot GPT3 AI engine. Oh, you know, the artificial engine that just chats back to you. We've covered it a bit last year. Well, but isn't Chatbot really quite impressive?

So what on earth are they doing signing with Bing and it will destroy their brand? No, no, Microsoft gave a whole lot of money to Open AI, which runs G53 early on. And part of their latest investment, they just paid like $9 billion extra to Open AI, was to say, no, no, you will exclusively let us integrate with Bing. Right. Yes. So it works. Unfortunately, like, I've applied for early access.

but they're rolling it out across US universities. So you've got to go to Harvard or MIT at the moment to actually get access to it. But what I do have access to is the OpenAI's chatbot, which is essentially the engine that is going to run Bing from now on. And I thought we should just Bing what we should have on today's podcast. What a great idea. Yeah. So I asked the chatbot.

I said the chat because the other thing, the other problem with GPT threat, chat bodies. They trained it up until about 1998. Oh, no, 2018. So it doesn't know anything beyond that. Right. So it's not aware of

the Biden presidency. That small detail in the... Yes. No, it doesn't know. It thinks Scott Morrison's still prime minister. It lives in a dystopia. No wonder it hooked up with being. Like, it was probably depressed. Wow. And to it, Scott Morrison

and only has one job. Exactly. So I asked, the Chaser has started a podcast, what are 10 good ideas of topics they should talk about today, right? And this is honestly the suggestions. And I'm not editing this in any way.

I think you're going to be a stand. I think you're going to go, my God, I'm never going to go to Google again after you hear this. First one. One, we should talk about political satire and current events. Oh.

Yeah. Two, pop culture and celebrity news. I mean, this is sounding like our podcast. Social media and internet trends. Okay. Four, history and its impact on current. Anyway, it goes on like this. It's not hugely interesting.

Anyway, so I then when, okay, can you give specific examples for each topic you have suggested in the style of the chaser? Oh. Because I thought, well, that'll make our life easier. We don't have to think anymore. We can just go and bing it. and this is the suggestion. So in terms of political satire and current events, its suggestion for this topic was,

why is the government like a weather vein? Because it always points in the direction of the wind and changes direction just as quickly. Oh, that's a sharp satirical point. Oh, you're weather vein. So, Dom, I was thinking about the government the other day. Yeah. And I thought,

Why is it just like a weather vane? Well, Charles, because it moves in the direction that the wind is blowing. That would suggest that we had a government that was actually responsive to the political kind of mood of the day, which has never happened in the history of Australia. So the whole political wind is that everyone can't afford their house. And the government's answer is reauthorised to deal with Nauru. Okay. So pop culture and celebrity news, the suggestion for that was,

why did Kim Kardashian cross the road? He obviously knows a lot about us. talk about Kim Kardashian a lot on this book. Is this the first mention of her in the history of the podcast? I think it is. Why did Kim Kardashian cross the road to get to the White House because being a reality TV star isn't enough these days? Right.

Yeah. I mean, Google's dead. With quality content like this. How's Google going to survive, Dong? Didn't the editor of the Chase at Cam Smith write this big, long, fairly whiny article about Our chat GPT was as good at writing satire as anyone who's ever worked with us. And we had to shut the website down or put it behind a paywall or whatever. Has he not checked?

This is terrible. Well, in fairness, it is actually probably better than some of the content we published. Actually, that is fair. I'll skip down because they're all pretty much of that standard. In terms of science and technology, why do scientists love computers? Because they never run out of bytes? That doesn't even make sense. It's a cracker joke.

But that's not even... That's true, actually, that's true. It's not true. It's just not true. I mean, you'd think the one thing that the chat GPT would know about is vast amounts of computer storage, given that it uses 300 billion words of text or whatever it is. I think the problem is, it's Bing, so it's got to be wrong as well.

I just can't see what... Chat GPT is so... It stopped the world with that discovery. they're going to sell it to Bing? Yeah, no, they have. They have. That's the deal. That's how they got their next round of cash.

All right, hang on. Let me just do this. I've got Bing here, Bing.com. Is Charles Firth right about the death of Google? Yeah. Let's have a look. Take a master class in the fine art of political bullshit. Well, that sounds like something you do.

Oh, and the second story. The second most important story about you is when you got sacked from the Museum of Words Project. in 2013. One of the most obscure items in your obscure... Okay, well, actually, if we're going to do that... It does, however, think, that your middle name is danger, so that's good. Yeah, that's good.

That's actually Lachlan, I think, edited that to Wikipedia. Anyway, point is, I then asked it, but let's, if we're going to go personal, should I skip straight down to what would Dom talk about on the podcast? Oh, perfect. What would I say? And it says, this is the answer. Dominic Knight is a comedian writer and member of the Australian. Australian comedy group, The Chaser, known for their political satire and humour.

Here are some topics that he might talk about on a podcast. Political satire and current defence. Pop culture and media. That makes me sound a lot more competent than I am if I'm on. So then I ask, what about Craig? Oh, what about Craig? Of course, Chat GPT knows about St Craig, the Saviour of all of us. Here are some topics that he might talk about on a podcast.

Environmental issues and sustainability. consumerism and waste reduction. I mean, put it that way. It makes Craig sound like the most boring. So Craig has erased all of his amazing years are doing excellent comedy and stunts. Like one fairly brief kind of eco-documentary and now CHAPT thinks he's boring.

The history of activist. The history of activism and satire in Australia. The intersection of humour and activism in creating social change. Yeah, oh my God. he should go out with my wife The Chaser report News you know you can't trust Look I admit

It doesn't feel like Bings really going to cut it In terms of being a tool But then I said Well I thought maybe it just doesn't know That the chaser tries to be humorous Right okay So maybe actually

You know Ask it What are some funny things To chat about in the style of the chaser You know, just in case it sort of went, oh, you mean the chaser, that Craig Roocastle, Ernest Fest, you know, and it said, here are some humorous topics to chat about, everyday absurdities. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing. You know, because it's embarrassed.

Oh, well, at least it makes sense. That's an improvement over the bites joke, I suppose. It suggests do some wordplay and puns. Why did the scarecrow win an award? because he was outstanding in his field. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Yeah, right.

So Chat GPT's humor is at a level of Christmas crackers. Like, that's, I'd find that on Christmas Day for sure. It's not George Carlin. Do you reckon if we asked it to be George Carlin, it would actually be better? Do you think maybe that's the problem? I know what you should ask it. What? What's a funny news headline in the style of the Batuta Advocate?

What is a funny headline in, the style of the Boutouta How do you spell B-E-T-O-O-T-A? You could ask it that too, presumably. Edvvocet Stinking Man loses weight

eating only hot dogs and ice cream Doctors call it a miracle. Okay, I don't get it, but it's not the first time for the That's right. What about in the style of the chaser? See, the key with this is don't say it in the style of the Chaser. Say in the style of The Onion.

It's much funny. Okay, this is the one in the style of the Chaser. World on Brink of Peace, as everyone agrees to disagree on which side of the bed to sleep on. See, it was sounding a bit like a chaser headline until it ended up being breakfast radio. Yeah. What about it in the style of the onion? Here you go. Okay, that's genuinely funny, which is nations cats demand to know who elected them as leaders of humanity.

Oh, that's not bad. That's good. I love that. Okay, what about, why don't you ask it a policy in the style of Mark Latham? A policy in the style of Australian politician. Yes, that's good. Mark Latham. All public schools to replace homework with archery practice, because it builds.

he hasn't thought of that yet that is a great that's a great policy for him we should become his maybe he should use chet gpd3 to set one nation policy i mean that's a more original idea than i've heard from lathe in a long time what is a one nation policy ban on muslim immigration claims it will protect australian jobs and culture well it's not funny it's been well educated hasn't it yes more so in fact than one nation um so right so i mean this is There's no point to us being here in doing this anymore, is there? When will Google...

Well, somebody's got to type in the suggestions to the chatbot, Dom. When will Google die? Is it today? Google is widely used and well-established technology company and is unlikely to die in the near future. As of my knowledge... Hang on, hang on. But it's Bing, so it's wrong.

Yeah, that's right. Oh dear, Google is doomed. As of my knowledge cutoff, which is actually now 20-21, he added a few more years. Google remains a thriving and profitable company. I don't have enough information about the future. We've got to give it some information about the future, Dom.

Is the future Bing? I just searched in Bing, are you going to ruin ChatGPT? And its first result is, will Google destroy ChatGPT? I know, but have you tried the Google version of this? But Google's come up with its own version. And they released an ad yesterday

about their version of AI. and in the ad it displays this result and everyone's pointed out that the result that its engine gives is wrong in the ad so it doesn't because that is the problem if you like for anyone who that's we should get this more on track did chat GPT how can we make this podcast more on track

okay yeah okay let's type that in how do we make our podcast more on track in the style of the chaser It'll know about the chaser Reporter. Oh, yeah. Introduce a theme song sung by a choir of out-of-tune kangaroos and a jingle written by a confused AI model.

Are you serious? Yes. That's fantastic. Charles, can you please ask Chat GPT, how can we tie this episode in a bow and come up with a satisfying conclusion in the unlikely event that listeners have persisted this far? How would you end a

Chaser Report podcast, which has unraveled into a self-indulgent. In other words, how would you end every Chaser Report episode? Discussion about AI. And with that, folks, we have officially achieved peak nerd, proving once and for all that AI and The Chaser Report do not mix. June in next week, when we'll be discussing the finer points of bubble wrap popping and why it's the ultimate form of stress release. Until then, this is the end of the show, but probably not the end of our AI obsession.

That's not bad. It's sort of not bad, but it's not good, is it? Would you... Welcome to Ben. Our gear is from Road. We are part of the Iconaclass Network. Catch you next week.