The Chaser Report - Government Introduce "Find My Perrottet" App

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

The greatest manhunt of the decade has begun in NSW, the hunt for the premier's brother. Plus Dom presents Charles with an amazing hack to guarantee a result on the pokies. Just not a good result. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaucer Report. I'm Dom Knight, and we keep alternating who goes first, tells us with. It's me today. How exciting. Yes, very exciting. I know you were thinking of running for the New South Wales state election. I've got an amazing opportunity for you.

Oh, yes. And also, there's a new way to play the pokies where you're guaranteed to lose. Oh, isn't that always? No, no. 100% guarantee. Oh, wow. Yeah, not even the slightest chance of winning. You've got to hand it to an aristocrat.

They're brilliant people. That's some of the news we'll talk about in today's episode. Let's start with this amazing opportunity for you, Charles. The Liberal Party in New South Wales has, as of the time of recording, yet to pre-select about 20 seats. What? For the state of election. Yeah.

It's in less than a month. That is exactly the sort of thing that I would do, which is, I know, yeah, I know I've got pre-select the whole lot of people for seats, but I'll get around that. You'd just be on the top of my notes, Apple notes, to... Yeah, it'd be in the notes app. To, as a list of things to do. Yeah, I'd set myself a reminder

that I then ignored. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Select 20 or so local candidates to try and win some seats. So is Dominic Perratae sort of slightly disorganised, is he? It's possible. I mean, it might be that maybe all of his brothers were supposed to run in those seats and they've just all gone missing. I don't know people are following the story.

If you're not from New South Wales, it's quite bizarre. there's inquiry into irregularities at the Hillshire Council. We wouldn't want to suggest at all that they were definitely problems and that people, there'd been a fighting fund to try and unseat Alex Hawke from his seat. We wouldn't suggest that at all. That's for the inquiry to suggest once they get the evidence. Yes, but what has happened is that at least one of Dominic Peritas brothers,

perhaps two. Two. This is the premier of the state. The Premier of New South Wales has two brothers who are on the parliament that he supposedly leads trying to speak to who they can't find. Well, they're on the run, aren't they? Isn't there a sort of hunt for them?

Well, one of them is in Victoria, and apparently it's far beyond the all-powerful New South Wales Parliament to talk to anyone who's in Victoria. So if you get over state lines, you're safe, which makes me think, have they tried looking for the other one across state lines? So there's Charles, I think Charles is one in Victoria.

Right. And there's a Jean-Claude. Perritae is, I don't know, not complying with the subpoena? I don't know what's going on. He's on the land. He's on the lamb. Apparently spent thousands of dollars

to track these guys down, have they thought of getting the Premier to call them? You know what I reckon they should do? I reckon they should use the Find My iPhone app. Yeah. Because presumably, like, Dom would be on a family plan. You'd think so. Can you imagine how much they'd save on a family plan, the peritose.

If you've got 20 brothers and sisters, you would actually, you would go on a family plan. Find my brother. Find my brother. And then you can, because I once had to search for a, an enemy of mine. Oh. And we had, this is in the days before you sort of were worried about your privacy.

And I could see him, I could see where he went on my iPhone. Oh. Like I could just track him on my iPhone the whole time. It was great. Don't cross Charles. Can you find the peritase? I served subpoenas on him. Well, actually, I got a private investigator to serve subpoenas on this guy using my phone,

my iPhone tracking app. Look, if you're listening that person, Charles is definitely not savagic you now are you Charles no it's not a chance definitely not because that would be illegal my therapist said it was bad for my mental health to continue tracking this guy yes and possibly illegal

being in now nevertheless the per cent it is quite bizarre it doesn't matter if it's illegal don't because nothing will happen because we're in the state of New South Wales and you can just you know like if you're in trouble with the law you just don't turn up and then nothing happens

I mean look to give their perspective Peritose said that they're targeting his family, the Labor and the Greens are through this Parliament. And I mean, to be fair, it's hard not to. He's got so many people in his family. You can just sort of throw a dart into a dartboard. You'll hit a Peritay somewhere. And they've quoted a sideshow.

Isn't that the job of anti-corruption commissions to target politicians? Like, wouldn't it be strange if they weren't investigating irregularities? Can you imagine not that I'm suggesting it's the same situation? Do you imagine if Eddie Abed, it'd been able to say, you can't target my kids. Yeah, you're targeting. The ones to whom I'm funneling all this money. Yeah, yeah.

That's right. So, look, we'll see if they can track them down before the election, but I suspect they won't. Do you think it's a master strategy by Peritai to sort of act as a distraction in the lead-up to the election? Like, everyone's sort of going, oh, actually, this is bad for Peritai because it looks like he's got a whole lot of brothers on the run. But actually, because everyone's so focused on the sort of whodunit nature of it, it's sort of almost like a true crime podcast or is it a car chase type situation.

There's so many brothers that who did it would be very difficult to establish. It's actually genuinely entertaining and you don't want the Peritay's to go away. You don't want Dominic Peritay to be unelected because then it might end. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that is borne out by the latest news poll, which is shown that Peritay has halved Labor's League. Yes, the polls are tightening in New South Wales. Yes, because... And admittedly, they keep polling members of the Peritay family.

It's hard not to. A lot of them. But, I mean, this is the problem, Charles. Yes. We get close to the election. Yes. This is what happens in every state. So if you're sick of talking about New South Wales.

This applies to you, too. Nobody gives a shit about state politics for, in this case, three years and 11 months. Yes. Then we're kind of going, oh, okay, our kids' schools kind of depend on this. Yes. And they're going, who's the Labor leader? And for the average New South Wales residents, they would have no clue.

No. That it's someone called Chris Mins. What? Yeah. His name actually means minimums. That's how unambitious they're being. Right. And so, well, it's okay.

Maybe people don't like the existing government. Yeah. But who's the other, who's Chris Mins? Who's his front bench? What's he going to do? No one has a clue. And particularly when the most prominent... Well, no, no, that is completely untrue.

He's going to abolish road tolls. That's the only thing I've heard from him. And it's the thing that, it's the thing that. sticks. He's got, I have no idea how he's going to do it. I suspect it'll be. I thought he was capping it at $60 a week or something. Oh, is he capping? That's a lot of money. $60 a week. If you're paying more than $60 a week, you should probably get a free house. That's, um, $60 a week is about the cost of going on the M2 once. Yeah, once. Well, maybe look, maybe he's going to do that. But Charles, the most prominent left-wing politician in the state

is Matt Keene, the treasurer. You know, where's the space for Chris? What's he gotten out there? So I don't know what's going to happen in the election in South Wales. But the one thing, Charles, I know is that they need more liberal candidates. The other thing I know, so are you saying maybe I should apply? Rather than running on the anti-Mark Latham party, as we discussed before, you could be the anti-Marc Latham liberal candidate. And here's the thing that's going to twist your arm. And this is published in the Daily Telegraph this past weekend.

So it's on good authority, the best authority in terms of liberal sources. Yes, exactly. One of the people run the... Yeah, it runs the Liberal Party. One of the candidates, there's a video doing the rounds of this person snorting coke at a campaign event. So, apparently, not so much tough on crime as enjoying the proceeds. I'm not sure. I don't know who it is.

I don't know the circumstances. But what I do know, Charles, is that if you sign up to the Liberal Party, there's someone in there who's well connected. That seems to be the case. Yeah, right. Well, you'd have to find out what the quality was like. Right. You don't want to have bad quality. Are you kidding me?

It's a liberal campaign. candidate. It'd be blue ribbon quality. It'd be blue ribbon. And my theory on this is, you've got to stick with the locals. I don't know what seat it's in, right? Yeah. But if you're running in, say, Western Sydney, let's say Harris Park, you go and have Indian food.

If you're running in Bondi, you've got to go to the finest Coke dealer in the region and try the local product. Do you think it maybe is an attempt by that candidate to appeal to the teal vote? I think it is because I think every single person who voted teal probably does Coke on the weekend. They've got a budget. Yeah, they've got a budget, yeah. They're well-heeled. Yeah. They're well-heeled teals.

You don't know whether the seat that we're currently in, our main, does that have a vacancy for the lips? Because if it does, I can't imagine they've bothered to preach. This is a seat that's contested between Labor and the Greens. See, but what I want to do is I would love to run to this seat because my sister used to actually be the local member. She did, didn't she? And I want to run on the platform just Firth, the next year. name you can trust. You should run as an independent.

There's someone called Freya Leach, who's running in Bower Main. This gives you a sense of the level of confidence they have in winning the seat. She's currently studying a Bachelor of Commerce and a Bachelor of Laws at Sydney University. So she's, I don't know, what would we say, 20? Oh, she's, no, she's the one who, remember, she got, she's the law student who claimed that she was being discriminated against because the essay was about her. she remember that there was a sort of deeply insulting law exam yeah that's right and she was and it was sort of like you know a an upper class tweet you know crashed her car or something like oh yes and they

used and then she and she went oh that must be me right and the exam giver said no no no it's nothing to do with you i have no idea who you are but uh i think they ended up canceling that whole exam. I'm fact-checking that because this person sounds like they sue. Yeah. And yes, the question was, the question was. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, this is the exam scenario.

A left-wing individual, Adam, gets into an argument with the right-wing individual, Daniel, over the fact that Daniel doesn't recycle. Adam then starts to move away from Daniel, but it's hit by Daniel's friend. A character named Freya says here, a sporty-looking Mercedes car is approaching rapidly from the right. By a total coincidence, the car is driven by Daniel's friend, Freya. So Freya kills the other candidate. And then gets a text message from her friend, which says,

Great job, one less illiberal, liberal. Then they have sex, Daniel and Freya, and Freya gives Daniel, who has a fiancé, HIV. So, I don't know. Like, Freya's complaint was, my character was portrayed as a murderous person who had unprotected sex with someone, gave them HIV, and was then chucked off a building to my death.

I'm just thinking I'm going to vote for this award She sounds amazing Also if you cross her Yeah You could be in real trouble I like that The Chaser Report Now with extra whispers

Nevertheless So that's your old Your sister's old seat Yes You're going to run as independent I'll run as an independent The idea is vote for Firth The name you can trust

Yeah And I did actually suggest this to Verity The other day And she went No you will not chase Which means it wins a good idea, doesn't it? Although that said, Charles, I don't want to raise any awkward historical moments from your family, but wouldn't it be vote for Firth, the name you can trust,

and yet voted against on in two recent elections? It's not a guarantee of victory, though, is it? Your name in the seat of Valmain? Oh, God, no, no, no. But I think it would be very funny. It would be trolling your sister and your sister. sister only. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which means it's probably a good idea. Yeah, it's totally worth it. I still like the anti-Latham ticket, though. That seems fun. I kind of feel like, because I'm going to be out of the state for pretty much the whole of March. But isn't that a good idea? Oh, just to, yeah.

Well, I can join Charles Perrotee in Victoria. If you go down and find the missing Peritay, brother, I think you'll be a hero. I can be on the lamb. Maybe that's the way. Maybe you should go and track him down. Yes. It could be like, remember Andrew Denson did the skate. the chase for skates.

You could be a bounty hunter. I could be a bounty hunter. Have they put a bounty on the Perrote Brothers head? I don't know. But they've apparently spent thousands of dollars. I read this in the newspaper. I'm actually trying to track them down. Right.

Even though they're the Premier's literal brothers. So why, you posed the question before, why doesn't he just call them? Well, that would be admitting that this wasn't just a beat up by Labor and the Greens trying to discredit the good Peritay name. But doesn't he want them to testify in front of ICA so that they can clear the good Peritay name? It's a parliamentary inquiry, though.

It's not ICAC. Oh, it's not ICAC. Word ICAC, I think ICAC might have more teeth. At the moment, it's just it's just Labor and the Greens chasing down some evidence. But watch this space, because there's one thing we know about many New South Wales Premier's past and not wanting to reflect on Dominic Peritay in any way, but there is a statistically high chance of ICAC ending their careers based on past form, not present company, except that brothers are both nowhere to be found.

I just love New South Wales politics. So what's more awkward, you running in Verity's old seat or two Peritay brothers not fronting up to a parliamentary inquiry? The Peritay, it's just fantastic. Why don't you run as Charles Peritay? You could be the other Charles. It could be, yeah, I'd have to change when that. I don't want to, like, New South Wales policy, maybe if it was federal, but state politics.

I mean, what do you get? You don't even get a pension. I mean, if you wanted to go into that game, and you had to be your sister. Yeah, exactly. While we're talking about New South Wales, the big issues in the state, of course, is gambling.

The cashless gaming card, what's going to happen? Chris Means has singularly failed to match the government's promise of introducing cashless gaming cards if re-elected. He's going to have an inquiry. But Charles, there's a third way. There is a way that you can absolutely guarantee a loss. And possibly we should.

put this in on a new spin-off podcast, welcome to the future. Apparently, Australians blow millions of dollars every year playing aristocrat pokey's on their iPhones. But Apple don't allow gambling, you probably recall. The beauty of these apps is that they're the same as the pokies you play in the pub, except there is no way to win. People are buying like coins, or whatever, they are packages of like credits. Yes. And you cannot possibly win. Right.

They're just paying. So apparently the pokies are so compelling. that given a certainty of losing, people will still devote literally millions of dollars to playing them. That's really sad because that sort of suggests a genuine addiction, doesn't it? It does. And also a new business model for The Chaser. Yes, that's right. We should stop playing that app because if there's one thing the Chaser is very good at, it's losing money.

Why bother giving the punters a tiny chance to win? Yes. Oh, it's so inefficient. And they wouldn't have to give anything to the publicans. Listen to that. What a lovely sound. That's the sound of your life savings. Isn't the internet a fantastic thing?

Our gear is from Road. We're part of the iconoclast podcast network and gamble on the Chaser Report. New Pokey app coming soon. Oh, well, actually, I'll tell you what. Subscribing to the Chaser Report is a little bit like wasting your money on the Aristocrat. It's cheaper than ever to waste your money on the Chaser Report podcast. We've dropped the price to the subscription to, what is it, $3.99.

Per month. What a bargain. Or only $39.99 a year on Apple Podcasts or on the ACAST Plus. All you need to do is go to chaser.com.com. slash podcast and give us your money. You're not throwing it away, Charles. You're giving it to people who desperately need it and have... We'll probably blow it on the pokies ourselves in a failing bid to save our company.

Or some of that cocaine that the blue ribbon can to his head.