The Chaser Report - Guess Who's Back??? | Gabbi Bolt

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

That's right, Bolt is back! After becoming a global phenomenon Gabbi Bolt returns to The Chaser Report joined by Dom, Charles and the fantastic Floyd Alexander-Hunt. Where has Gabbi been? Who did she meet? And where can you get tickets to her super-secret-final-ever show? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to today's episode of The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth and with me today is Dom Knight. Hey, I'm back. And less interestingly, Gabby Bold. Hey, I'm back. And Floyd Alexander Hunt.

Hang on a second. You've really undersell. I cannot believe that Gabby is still available to do this podcast. What's going on, Gabby? How did we get you? Oh, well, I had a shining moment of C-grade recognition fame, and now I'm not doing anything. So I'm back, baby, back for the free labour. It's like that movie A Star is Born with the sequel, a star returns to nothing to us home.

No, I'm so sorry, Gabby. No, it's all right. I've had a bit of a break. I went back home to my hometown for a week to, like, recharge. This is what I say to sound like a wanker. Like, I went back home to really remember my roots. No, no, no. I went back home because nothing humbles you further than walking.

around your hometown where you're supposed to be a success story and just absolutely no one saying hello to you like you could walk down the street no one gives a fuck i even run into people i knew and they were just like er wow and i was like oh fair enough it's been a tough one do you think is that because they went oh yeah gabby's just bumming around bath is like always or was it because did they actually see the whole drama play out could you see it in their eyes they went oh that's right she was globally oh and she's back here yeah oh no this is terrible the second one yeah oh my mom's been talking to way more people than the people she runs into it.

I'm doing actually, I'm about to announce, I may as well announce I here, fuck it. I'm about to do a show in Bathis, like the last time I'm ever doing my first show. And the only reason I'm doing it in November is because my mum wouldn't stop calling me like once a week to be like, so the coffee van wants to know when you're doing your show.

And I'm like, does the coffee van want to know when I'm doing my show? Or have you been talking to the coffee van about my show so much that the coffee van is like, oh my God, for the love of Christ, Michelle, fine, when is the show? When is it happening? And so now I'm actually doing a show at like a 600 seat theater in my house,

and I am shitting myself. That's so great. Is this 600 people? How many people are in back? Oh, fair amount. About 40,000 now. Okay, 40,000. But of those people who would buy a over $20 ticket to go and see somebody

that they've probably seen in a pub somewhere. Yeah. I don't know. Is there going to be any sort of race car driving in the show? Are you going to adapt it? Oh, do you reckon you should make some V8? Pervics. Stitch the keyboard.

I don't even just do that. The garthing. I can call it a favour for my mate. I got a mate who does up cars. Do a thousand laps of the stage. Yes. And they'll love that. Oh,

it's drama. Yeah. Oh, she really knows her audience. How do you pitch it in Bathurst? Do you like Bathurst's own Gabby Bolt hometown show? Are you like, as seen in Edinburgh, as seen on TV? Or you're just like, it's Gabby.

Yeah. You know Gabby. Here's Gabby. It's pretty much the last one. I mean, it was really nice. I called up the local theatre that have known me since I was a literal child. And I was just like, I'm thinking about doing a show

and they literally emailed back within five minutes been like we have waited like all like we've been waiting for this email so they were very sweet about it but yeah I have no clue how I'm going to market it how many shows how many nights you're going to sell out 600 scenes so far there's 50,000 people

yeah but of those like 20 know me now but there's orange as well orange is going to come and heckle well orange I was thinking I could reignite a little bit of a rivalry that I started on this podcast and be like hey you know Orange, if you want to prove you're better. Didn't we promise to do a Central West week of podcasting that's on the wayside?

So if you buy a ticket to my show, my one night only show in Bathurst, these two will promise to come and do a show out of Central West. Should we record the podcast? Yes. In Beth's as well. I really want to come to Beth's. So we could do like a double bill. Also coming on the script.

Well, okay, well, the show is the 19th of November, which is a Saturday. So if you are all free, we may as well just make. make a fucking weekend. And I feel like Gabby's mom could, you know, she could plug the podcast. Oh, she'll love it. She'll love it. She'll love it. So what we should do is if Gabby's show comes, it sells out. We get all the audience to come to the pub. Yes. And we'll just do six episodes in a row until we finally get kicked out. And then we do mainies and we record the mainies. Yeah, stunning. That's perfect. I think that'd be good podcasting. But we are talking an awful lot about this one thing that I brought up very flippantly. I feel like you guys actually

had to talk to us about. No, because I want to know what was it like in Edinburgh. Yeah, we've I've never been to the festival. We were never big enough. I haven't actually talked to you guys about Edinburgh yet, have I? No, fill us in. Floyd was also in Edinburgh around the same time I was. We caught up at a cute little coffee shop and had a little gas bag that was nice. It was like an Australian coffee shop.

Yeah, it was actually very bizarre. We need brunch. Yeah, of all the places in Scotland, we were like, we need brunch and we got fucking smashed Avo in Scotland. It was amazing. Deep fried, I presume. No. It was actually really good. I was like, they've really nailed the Australian.

Did they deep fry the coffee? Nah, I didn't have anything deep fried. I don't know what everyone's going on about. I couldn't even find a deep fried miles bar. This is a while ago, this is 20 years ago because I mentioned. But the last time I had food in Scotland, I was like, I've been eating shit's food. I'm going to go to a Chinese restaurant. I'm going to have something that's not Scottish food.

And honestly, most people in the restaurant are having fish and chips. Yeah. Chinese fish and chips somehow. I had, I had fish and chips. But also, like, the funniest thing was, I think, because I'd never been overseas anyway, and I'd also never been to Edinburgh Fringe, all of the festivals I was used to playing. a very Australian base. So, you know, you kind of have an expectation

of what's going to happen, who you're going to see. Maybe there'll be like a semi-famous person that walks through Melbourne, you know, like... So in Edinburgh, which is the biggest fringe festival in the world, I just don't expect to run into anybody. And I went to Ruben Kay's cabaret, the K-hole, and it was on my birthday as well. So I was a bit pissed.

And I was like, woo! And Ruben comped me into his show. And I was like, thank you so much. Woo! Free show! And I've walked up to like this sort of balcony area, which I guess was reserved for people who were on the accomplice because this show was selling out every single night. And while I was there, I'm like seated next to these three people

who sort of came in right at the last second and the producer kind of was like, oh, letting you know that if anyone on like our original list turns up, you guys are going to have to go. Like they just sort of came in as punters. So they were fine with it. But then, lo and behold, like five minutes into the show, they get tapped on the shoulder and told to leave.

And they're like, yeah, no worries. They were really agreeable, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, do I have to go? And they were like, Gabby, you're on the complex. And I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot. So I'm drinking it up, and then in walks Alan Carr, Shady, man, and his two mates, sitting right next to me, like, thigh to thigh, because cabaret seats are tiny. And I'm like, I'm so drunk that I don't know, I just choose to say completely mute. Like, I must have been so weird because I was just a mute this entire comedy show.

But then I couldn't hold in my laughter because not only were the acts hilarious, obviously, but then Alan Carr's reaction to them was almost as funny as the act. So like Shrek Lesk came on, which is a very popular Australian burlesque sort of show. Shrek Lest comes on and then Alan Carr's next to me going, oh, oh, it's so funny. Oh, it's like Shrek with nipple tassels. Oh, I love it. I love it so much. And I was just pissing myself. I didn't know what to do.

So Chattie Man goes on even during a comedy show. He's a great, you know what, if you can get him in your audience, he'd be fantastic for morale because you could hear him from my, I love it. I loved it. Was he harsh about anything though? I was like, oh, this is shit. No. He was surprisingly down to earth.

And the only time we ever spoke was at one point, he went, sorry, love, I've got to get up and get another drink. And I was like, absolutely no worries, Alan Carr. Like, do whatever. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. After the show, my friend who I was texting during the show being like,

I'm sitting next to fucking Alan Carr right now, was like, did you get a photo? Did you get a photo? And I was like, no. I was too drunk to even say hello. I didn't get a photo. You should have told him it was your birthday. Well, I shouldn't want to be that.

guy though you know like you come in late to this cob of cabaret act at like 10 p.m at night and i didn't want to be like can i get a photo ellen like it would have been awful i saw you ran into someone famous as well didn't you food also another famous was um saw graham norton yeah oh wow but i saw him in a much more awkward spot so i was lining up for the bathroom and it was like a unique there wasn't like gendered or anything so lots of people were in the line he and then i he's wearing a mask i was like god i recognize that voice yeah and then turn around it's Graham Norton but like when you're standing in the line for like a public bathroom which is sort of discussing you don't want to be like hey big fan what are you doing what are you going to do

like number one or number two because uh and then so I was like okay what I'll do is I'll just act normal and then afterwards maybe I'll talk to him but then like he was in the cubicle next to me I'm like oh my god can he hear me pee like oh my god can he see my shoes does he know it's me and then I like anyway I think he must have been very quick because he was out. He's a professional. One take. Graham Norton.

He was gone before me even though I was in the cubicle before. But that's a different story. Can you now say, I perform with Graham Norton? You put down on your CV. Yeah, definitely. But then the worst thing is

so then I come up and because I had no service down in the like in the toilet and Adam Brothers, no freaking reception. I come up and I have all these texts from my fiancé being like, Graham Norton's in the bathroom.

You've got to get a photo with him. And obviously I'd been playing a call. And then I've seen my fiance. I'm like, yeah, I just, I couldn't feel, I didn't feel like it was the right time. He said, oh, I already got a photo with him. He showed me a photo that, like he, he'd waited for Graham. He'd seen Graham go into the toilet, waited for Graham to come out. Hi, I'm just looking outside the bathroom, Graham Norton.

Yes. Did you say, well, I've got a recording of him urinating here it is. I know. So now my partner has the photo with him and I don't. And you just have the confirmation that he's a quick person, which is even more valuable. Well, I know he heard, yeah, like I guess, we shared a moment. He hasn't got time.

He's a busy man. Does it worry you about your fiancé that he sort of hangs out at public toilets and photographs people? Well, yes, it does. It does, Charles, but it's slim pickings out there. So, you know, we can't think it's got up your engagement. Thank you. I don't think you should take photo. Like, you don't take photo.

If you're in the VIP area, isn't the whole vibe? Yeah, look, where people will take photos of, I'm going to take a vote it with you. I don't need one. Yeah. I don't need one. Yeah, we're equals, you know,

globally famous community. We're all on the VIP list, don't we? Yeah, we're VIPs. Yeah. Well, you know it was really weird, though. Like, I mean, not to, like, blow my own horn here.

I know we've been talking for ages. What's really weird is that, like, when you're walking down the main royal mile of Edinburgh, you don't expect to get recognized at all. Because, like, I mean, I don't even give, still to this day, in Bathurst, apparently. In Bathurst, apparently.

In Bathurst or in Sydney, I only ever got recognized in Melbourne. I was like, that's the one place I've been recognized more than once. And then I'm walking down the streets of Edinburgh, and I've just suddenly realized in one swift hour where the entirety of the ratatousical demographic lies. No way. Improv student theatre.

So all these people flyering are like handing me flies. They're like about my age, maybe younger, giving me a flyer going, come and see our improv, and they stop mid-sentence, and they go, you're the ratatooie girl! And I was like, yeah. And then I'd walk like five metres down the road with another student production

and handing out flyers all day. And they're like, come and see up, you did Ratatusical! And I was like, oh my God, yeah. Wow, Phyllis and Edinburgh. You're their queen. What was really exciting was... Did anyone wait for you to use the bathroom?

No, no, not that level, yeah. It's the true test. No, yeah. But one of the other ratatusical writers, Sophia, who I've never met in person, but we, you know, we shared an experience. She found herself in Edinburgh. She's from America.

And we met up for dinner. And like, it was the nicest thing ever. She came and saw my show. and then we're walking down the street together and one of the next flyers is like come and see, oh my God, you're from Ratatusical and I was like, if you think that's good, she's also from Radatusical

and this guy just lost his mind and then I said if you wanted to just message me I'll swing you a ticket to my show and whatever. But like it was really weird. Like I just was like, you know what I reckon? Isn't it good that they felt that they could talk to you? Yes, it is like a shed. Oh, she's a weird theatre person.

I got recognised in Paris. Oh my good. Okay, checking into an ibis, this guy starts taking photos of me freaking out. And then as I get closer, he's like, oh. He thought I was L Fanning. And then it was like, because he's like, no, definitely, you should version of Al Fanning. You should have absolutely been like, I actually. Actually, I am, yeah, and I'm checking into a two-star hotel.

I am L-Fatnik. That's why I know what Graham Norton sounds like where he's peeing. I think Gabby that people do recognize you in Bathurst. They're just like, oh, yeah. You can't let her get a big head. She's, that's how I pre. That's why I go back for the, for the restful retreat that is the humble beginnings. So you know, Jenna Owen, she comes from Wollongong, which is another sort of shitty town. Bathurst on sea.

Careful. You want to do a show in Bathurst. You can't go out of shitty town. Where would you most likely be stabbed at night? What in Bathurst or Wollongong, do you reckon? Oh, that's actually, that's tough. That's not. He's us and the real hard questions. Definitely, Bathurst, like, if you're in some of the dodger, more dodging areas. Although it is... Wollongong has some dodgy dodgy dodges.

I don't think Bathurst... Everywhere has a stab zone, though. Yeah. Like, everywhere has a stab zone. My hometown, Auckland. Oh, my God. What a stabbing going on there. Yeah, they love stabbing.

Little rural town. Anyway, my point is, she, we often, like, each year do a Wollongongong show of the War series. And they are always the shows that she hates most. and feels like she's done the worst in. Because what she feels like everyone actually already knows who she is. Because she knows everyone in the audience and she hates it. Genuine fear that I will not get a single laugh during my show in my hometown. Because they're all going to go, well, that's not true.

She's setting up a joke. Like, no one's going to laugh at my lies. Are you going to do this song about Bathurst in Bathurst? Oh, my God. Yes, and it's fucked because they have two KFCs now. So I can't even say the lyrics. Excuse me, Gabby. They're literally going to go out there too.

They're going to heckle me all night. Can you change the song to be about orange or something? Oh, yeah. I mean, maybe. What rhymes with orange? I have a new song about how much orange sucks. That's what you just swap it out. How many KFCs are they in orange though?

I don't know. No, it would be gourmet. It'd be like a black label. They're like foodie. They're like foodie. They're Kentucky grilled chicken. But anyway, I feel like I'm always talking about something Bathurst on this podcast. And I need to start.

But we needed to catch up. No, yeah. And it seems that all that you've done since we last chatted, months ago is big star in Edinburgh still completely not of interest in Bathurst. Yeah, we've got up. And I hope it never changes. I think we can rely on the good people of Bathurst

to keep you crowded. Throw stuff at me, although not for my show. Don't do that. Although if you do see Gabby going into a toilet and Bathurst, you're allowed to ask for a photo. Absolutely, it's encouraged. Definitely record her pee. Yeah, unless you're planning to murder me afterwards.

I don't want that. But if you just want a simple photo, then yeah, go now. So I hope my keyboard doesn't break. Final show ever. It's on in Bathis. What's the name of the theatre? BMAC, Bathurst Memorial Entertainment Centre. Bemeck.

Yeah, BMEC. And it's Saturday the 19th of November. Where can you get your tickets? I don't know yet. Bathurst. I will post links. There will be obviously on their website. Ask the guy, the coffee van guy.

Yeah, I'll ask my mum to tell the coffee man. Ask it the new KFC and just say, by the way, you're not in Gabby's song. Yeah. Fuck. Our Gears from Road, we are part of the Acast Creative Network. Catch you tomorrow. In Bathurst. Oh, my God.