The Chaser Report - Happy 93rd Birthday Rupert Murdoch

Episode Date: March 10, 2024

Rupert Murdoch has gotten engaged for a SIXTH time, just before his 93rd birthday. In the spirit of love, Charles and Dom take a look at what the next Murdoch wedding could look like, and another very very very expensive wedding ceremony. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And Charles, today it is all about love. We've got two stories that will melt the heart, will make the heart beat all the warmer. I'm not sure which is the most inspiring, the most full of love. The $100 million wedding with the children of two billionaires

that makes you believe that love is possible in this dark, cold world of ours, Charles, as long as both mummy and daddy and daddy and mummy have billions and billions and billions of dollars. I assume $100 million is a fairly standard price for a wedding nowadays. Oh, that's what I spent. Yeah, that's right. I mean, if anything, it's restrained. I mean, I think in some ways, if you don't spend $100 million on a wedding, do you really love your partner?

No. You absolutely don't. We're also got some very exciting news from romance news. You're never too old. You're never too old to find love. So proven by a man who's about to turn 93 years old. In fact, by the time you hear this, this is his 93rd birthday. Happy birthday, Murdoch.

Isn't that nice? What better way to celebrate than with an engagement? Elena Jukova, the lucky woman, who's becoming the fifth Mrs. Murdoch and his sixth engagement. The last one didn't work out. It didn't work out. But this one, love, you know, I hope springs eternal. Yes.

Do you think they've had sex yet? Or they're waiting for the wedding night? It's so hard to know. I could believe anything of Rupert. I could believe there's not a day goes by that they don't get it on. The age of 93. I agree works wonders in the over 90s set. Because I feel like it probably is true love because presumably at the age of 93,

even with all the stem cell therapy that Rupert Murdoch gets. Like it's not going to be for his body Like she's not falling in love with him For his look I'm not even sure if it's for his money Because this is her second billionaire No exactly It's definitely not for his money

No no And also like he will have tied that up All in family trusts And she did Yeah yeah And it's probably not his personality Let's be honest Or maybe he's very charming and depper

Maybe that's what it is It's just swept her off No no but could be the other way round We're being bit sexist here aren't we Well actually Given that she's so much younger Charles it's probably likely that she's physically swept him off his feet. He wouldn't be heavy at the age of 93.

Yeah, that's right. Anyone could bench pressure if Murdoch. Your bone, that's why if you're getting old, you should drink a cup of milk a day. So much helpful advice in this episode already. We haven't even done the first ad yet. Let's do that right now. So, Charles, rich people in love.

Let's start with Rippert, I suppose, as it is his birthday, and I know this is what he wants to do. The retired Russian molecular biologist Elena Jekyllis. Definitely a spy. Age 67. They're going to get married at his vineyard. Maraga, it sounds like an awful name for a wine. It sounds like something vomiting.

Maraga. Maraga. In California. And they started dating, oh, very recently. In fact, just after his engagement to the wacky fundamentalist and Leslie Smith after they broke up in April 2023. Why does he want to get married so much? Like, what is it, is it a morality thing?

Like, is it that he... Oh, he doesn't want to date, Dingle. Imagine him having moral scruples about anything at this point? Yeah, yeah. I think it's... Or is it... His friend says he doesn't want to be alone. And he finds him and he goes,

I want to put a ring on that. I want to put a ring on it. Maybe he just likes parties. Maybe it's the one thing that means that all of his children will come and see him. Yes. Because otherwise it would be a bit of a hard sell, I'm imagining at this stage. I mean, we've all seen succession. So, but if she's a Russian molecular biologist, isn't that the exact plot line of red sparrow?

that terrible Jennifer Lawrence movie. Yeah, probably is, probably is. And particularly given her heritage. So let me get this straight. So Elena Djokov was previously married to a Russian or billionaire called Alexander Zhukov. Oh, right. Yeah, Jukov, yes. Is he still alive?

Is he fallen out of a window? No, I think they're on the Putin side, aren't they? Okay, yeah, yeah. So Putin now lie. That bodes well for the Murdoch Empire's coverage of the Ukraine war. And then Zhukov, their daughter is called Dashi. and she was married until Roman Abramovich, so another billionaire, until 2017. So there's billionaires everywhere.

Yeah, well, Abramovich is definitely one of Putin's. Absolutely. Because he hasn't been murdered yet. And also, all of his assets were frozen after the Ukraine war. He's the guy that used to own Chelsea Football Club and owns all the super yachts. So his assets were frozen by the West, which means that Putin still likes him. So no windows for him. Look, I know that this is probably a bit mean, but you can't be.

mean than a Murdoch tabloid. Do you think Murdoch's marrying to sidle up to Putin? Like, is this a sort of way to get in the good books of Putin? If he's marrying a sort of Putin ally... Well, the theory was that Wendy

Dung, his ex-wife, who, by the way, hosted the party where these two met. Isn't that a beautiful tale of romance? That was an attempt to get close to the Chinese to buy Star TV and all that kind of stuff. What would be in it for Murdoch in being close to Putin.

I mean, it's not like Donald Trump. Maybe he's just sort of seen the way the world's going. Like, Trump's about to be elected, which means Putin immediately gets Ukraine. You know, if Putin gets Ukraine, then suddenly, you know, there's a lot more people who need fair and balanced coverage. He wants to own the only media that's permitted in the near Trump regime. That's what this is. Oh, in the Trump regime?

Yeah, the new Trump regime. So when Trump becomes president again, there will only be one media outlet allow, and presumably it'll be Murdox friendly towards Putin. I mean, it's a massive conspiracy theory, Charles, but let's see what happens. Yeah, well, look, at this stage, nothing would surprise me. No, nothing. I mean, the fact that of all the 350 million people in America,

they've settled upon Biden and Trump again for the election, when no one likes either of them, as far as I can tell, pretty much, is amazing. And, I mean, you've got to see Putin's hand in all that. Again, Vladimir is doing his thing. So I guess maybe Murdoch's done a calculation and said, look, the only effective politician in the world, world is Vladimir Putin.

Yeah, I think that's right. And you know how he's long been a sort of person who blows with the wind? So he backed Tony Blair after years of supporting the British Conservative Party. Yes, and he even backed Rudd, didn't he? And he backed Rudd, sensing the winds of change. And he's sensing a global wind of change, which is the authoritarianism's on the way up. And he wants to be in the good books. He wants to be married to the right side.

Could be. Could be, if you think that everything Murdoch does is based on some geopolitical calculus. Yeah, which is a bit cynical of us, isn't it, really? I mean, can't he just be at heart, a little soft-cented, sappy, little, little, you know, just wants some hot toddy. Maybe he's collecting every nationality. Oh, yeah. Because he's been with, maybe he's into passports. Yes.

The Chinese ex-wife, he's got an American, Australian, I think British. Maybe there's some sort of If you do the whole of the G8 You get some sort of bonus Yeah you get a little stamp Because what else is motivating? I mean he's not He stepped down from News Corp basically

Lockland's in charge there more or less now What's motivating is interest in life anymore? Maybe he realizes That his fortune's about to be obliterated And he needs to marry into wealth Maybe Oh I see Maybe actually this is his ticket

It's his ticket Because he has to keep affording that stem cell therapy to keep him alive. Actually, Charles, I think we've just solved the problem. Remember we said she's a retired molecular biologist? Yeah. She probably knows how to keep him alive. Because I'm just to keep him alive.

She's come up with the cure to aging. So he's thinking of, you'd be hoping she could reverse it for him, to be honest, but maybe she can keep him going into his 150s. That'd be the one thing he'd be most motivated by, presumably, he's living forever at this point. What a love story. That's so nice. Yeah. And so that means, as well, she doesn't have to be married to him for long

because he'll be moving on to marriage number six at the time he's in his early 110s. Are you going to go to his wedding? Oh, if he invited, I think you can't. You can't turn down a Russian oligarch married. You don't want to fall out of window. Yeah, no, it's not safe. Okay, so after the news, an even bigger wedding,

a wedding probably cost them all the Donald Trump is worth, I'd say. A hundred million dollar wedding. What can you buy for that? The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. Well, Charles, the first thing you can buy is people. All right. This is the wedding between Anat Ambani, age 28, and Radica Merchant, 29.

They're getting married in 12, in Gujarat, in a city called Jumnagar. And you can get anyone to go to it if you're rich enough. They are the children of, let's see. Well, Mukesh Ambani is an age as a richest man. He's worth $178 billion Australian. Okay, that's quite a lot. Once you're north of $100 billion, you're pretty rich, I guess. What does he do?

I'm not sure. Probably just exploits poor people. And then the other side comes from the merchant family. We ran and Shaila Merchant, who are pharmaceutical billionaires. So it's going to be pretty out there. Do you reckon they split the cost evenly? Or do you think the richest man had to take more of the proportion? Like, how would you negotiate that?

Like, you go, oh, well, I'll throw in, you know, like, what if the, oh, well, how does it work in India? Traditionally the Brideside pace. Oh, okay. So, actually, the richest man in India didn't have to put in any money. Well, that's why he's so rich. Yeah, right. Yeah. Look, I'm not sure how they've done it, but I can tell you who's coming to the wedding.

The Zuckerbergs will be there. Nice. Bill Gates will be there. Right. Now, this is the one that surprises me is Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner. I'm very surprised they're not off any VIP. list at this point. Yeah, that's maybe they're genuine friends.

Oh, that's completely impossible. I know, because Constellon Trump's going to be president again, I presumably. Oh, of course, yes. Yes, no, yes. Lots of politicians. Bollywood royalty will be there. Actual royalty, the King of Bhutan will be there in some, a few other people. And some cricket legends.

Oh, yeah. Who, who? Warnie, are they going to bring back Warnie? That would be, if they had a hologram of Warnie or something, that would be. Very, very impressive. And Rihanna. Rihanna is performing at the show. She's going to sing for them.

They couldn't get Taylor Swift, obviously. So, no, no, Taylor's much more expensive. So this isn't the wedding. They've actually, the $100 billion is actually just for the pre-wedding celebration. Three days, 1,200 guests. So this has already happened in the middle of getting married till July. You got married in India, don't. I did, yeah.

And I reckon your wedding cost at least $100 million. It certainly went on for about 100 million days. quite long. But the thing is, prices in India are quite cheap. So to spend $100 million dollars in all sincerity in India, that's about a billion dollars in the West, given the cost, relative cost of things. So how would you divide this up? So they got Rihanna for this one.

The sister got Beyonce. Wow. And the brother got cold play. Oh, damn. No, the brothers. Imagine losing out on that one. That's for the brother Akash. So they've all gotten married in the past five years.

Who would you get, if you had $100 million and you could get anyone you want to your wedding, which, who would you get? Obviously, Beyonce. Yeah, no, Beyonce. It's such a classic. No, I was thinking like, you know, could you get Jimmy Barnes and the band back together again? Chisel, yeah. Yeah, cold chisel.

Definitely get chisel back together. So I reckon that, that would be worth better. Like, you could do that. You know what I reckon you could get for this, sir? Because apparently we only got about $10 million for doing a 19 song set, which is her first performance in eight years and some reviewers have said was not very good. I would get cold play

and at the sort of peak of the I'd get them to start singing a song and then at the peak of the festivities they'd be burned alive. I just think, so this is what it is. And imagine what the actual wedding's going to be like. Well, won't it be a huge bore? Because inevitably you'd go along

to a hundred million dollar wedding and then find yourself stuck next to Mark fucking Zuckerberg. Actually, this is true, Charles. Or Bill Gates. I'm going to imagine being at that table. Oh, how earnest. Oh, oh, I say I stopped malaria.

And both of them talking about the charitable initiatives that they've done to try and purge the guilt and shame from their soul, which of course doesn't work. Mind you. That would be awful. Mark Zuckerberg could help me with my login because I can't log in on Facebook anymore. That would be hilarious. I bet everywhere he goes, you go to a wedding. And some other billionaire comes over and says, Mark, just the person I want to see.

I can't log into Facebook? And he just sort it out for me. It's good that there's some love left in the world and that even the world's most terrible people still want to get married and find a partner. I think that's right. I think what is fascinating about this is spending $100 million doesn't ramp up

the amount of love that a human can feel for another human, right? And in many ways, if you're Murdoch, there's no real way to know if someone loves you for your personality. And so in some ways, it's a very sad tale of these people who have done horrible things with their lives to accumulate wealth. And all it's done is backfired on them because they're still trying to do the same things that you can do for 20 bucks and a wedding certificate at your local registry. So in the end, it's better to be poor but happy.

I mean, I'm not happy, but I am poor. But poor and not inflict the world with misery and, and terribleness. And even worse, Bill Gates' wedding outfit, which is just, it's just, look at it on your web browser. It's excruciating. I think we've managed to make ourselves feel superior to them. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I had a better wedding in India than made it. I really do. Yeah. I agree. It was a rocking wedding. And great photos, lots of black male material in those photos. Yeah, the ones for you are quite special.

Why didn't anyone tell me that red doesn't suit my blotchy skin? Because it was too amusing watching him wearing Indian wedding clothes. All right, let's call it. Thank you for enduring through this episode. Jump on Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star review and make fun of Charles. Or me, if you wish, but Charles is usually more satisfying. I tend to find it. Or Craig is fine, too.

Yeah, yeah, make fun of Craig. Yep, yeah. Sounds good. Agu is from Road. We're part of the Icona Class Network. We'll catch you tomorrow. Bye.