The Chaser Report - Help Us Enshittify Everything

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Charles and Dom want enshittify in the dictionary, and will go to great lengths to get it there. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. Dom, I've got a bit of a task for us and all the listeners. Oh, great, okay. You're putting us to work? Yes.

Because the listener emailed us actually a few weeks ago, but I've only just read the email. And it turns out that one of the words that we use on a podcast back in August, Which was, we were talking about the inshittification of Twitter. Oh, that's right. And then we extended it to the inshittification of everything. It was one of those bleak episodes that we tend to specialize in here at the Chaser Report. Yeah, so that had such a profound impact on one of our listeners that he then immediately

emailed the Macquarie Dictionary and said, you need to put inshittification into your dictionary. It's such a great word. That's such a great accolate. Yeah, it's a cultural moment. It needs to be codified in the dictionary. And they wrote back and said, look, we note that the word in shittification that was not in fact invented by the chaser, but in fact by Corey Docterow. Yes, the fantastic, I don't even know what you call him writer and kind of internet theorist.

But they said outside of Corey and the chaser, we can't find a single reference to the term in shittification. But they'll put it on their watch list. And if over the next 12 months it starts being used more, then they'll put it in their dictionary. This is the kind of challenge we can get behind. I think this is the insidification of a nation. More after this. And it's worth noting, Charles, that Cori Doctro, when he originally used the term, he used it about that exact thing, which is why I enjoyed it so much and brought it to the table,

about how Twitter and other social networks, in fact, become shit over time. It's like a basic process that over time, they just become terrible. Every social network I've ever joined has become terrible with the passing of time, except Instagram, which was terrible when it began, I feel. But yeah, it's just a thing that happened. Well, it's not just a thing that happens. I read his article this morning. What his actual point is, is that actually, in shittifying, actually happens to platforms

when you yourself, the user, is actually the product. And his point is that if the platform is merely just trading your eyeballs for advertisers or sellers or whatever it is, so he uses both the example of TikTok or Twitter, or things of that. But he also used the example of Amazon, right, and says, well, they've built up this amazing platform where they subsidised everything to get everyone on there. And then they're just trading the eyeballs to make huge amounts of money off you, right? Just as a footnote, it's worth, this is actually a theory that I've come across before, that Amazon is not actually just a buying and selling platform. It's a social network for what humans are interested

in. And so they have the best data of anyone on the planet about what people want. Yeah. That's so valuable to them that they sell things at a discount to get it. Oh, and they treat their work as abominably as well. So if the user themselves are the product that are being sold, then eventually every corporate capitalist enterprise will just go, okay, how can we make it more and more worse for the user to juice our profits, right? Yeah. So that's the incitification principle.

But I think that we can actually widen the use of this term. Yes, absolutely. Because what it's referring to essentially is monopolistic control of things, right? So it doesn't just apply to social networks. can also apply to things like political party. If you look at the Australian political system, you go, the insidification of Australian politics is entirely bound up in the fact that there is a sort of duopoly effect where you've got the coalition or the labour.

There really is only two choices. And there's a sort of lock-in thing where you've got to go with one or the other. Both sides know that. And so incidification ensues. You see what I mean? I think that's a shot article, Charles. I really do. Theshot.net.com.

But no, but you're quite right. And the point is, you see this from Labor all the time, they can take 80% of their base for granted. Yes. Because they've got no rules to go. They don't want to go to the Greens. I can just imagine Greens. People are like Tom Ballow going,

oh, what about the Greens? They're so pure. They can afford to be pure because they don't have to win government, right? Yeah. And so basically built into Labor's business model now is disappointing 80% of their supporters. Yeah. To go after the people in the marginal seats.

To inshitify their product. Yes. To actually thrive. Because they don't need those voters anymore. so they can just abandon them and have a shit product, that isn't going to completely... And this is why Kevin Rudd was so successful. Because Kevin Rudd's version of anything,

like he's an inshittification machine. Yes. I mean, when he was leader, the thing immediately became far duller just by his involvement. Insidification personified. He is, he is. But very successfully so. But it's not just politics, right?

So you can then look at, say, mobile phone networks, right? Oh, wow. Charles, you've really thought about this. And so, you know, we had 3G and 4G. And in actual effect, for a while, there wasn't just the three major players, but there were always those sort of little bit players. I mean, it was orange and three and various other little players. And then there was sort of like one tell.

And some of them were just... One tell was born and shittified. It was like, that was Lachlan Murdoch and James Packer's big attempt to show that they could do better with the technology stuff than their daddy's good. They could not, my friends. But then, you know, TPG bought out I-I-Net and Vodafone. And that's all just one company. And Vodafone had already bought out three, who were the only innovative people.

And then they did a deal with Telstra over the rural network. So essentially, that's all a lock. So it's basically two things. And then Optus is the shittest network anyway. Oh, no, Optus, the people who sold my details on the dark web. I mean, you know, that was an amazing piece of insidification. I mean, Optus is just shorthand. In fact, that should be in the McCory dictionary for just, like,

Shit. Surely the word floptis is in there, because I really enjoyed that during when they had the World Cup rights for soccer. Anyway, point is that, again, we've reached the situation where 5G has come along. And instead of actually building networks that actually give you data, which is what 5G promised, they've gone, we don't have to anymore because there's a sort of monopoly going on. Yeah. We can just insidify our product.

It is amazing how, because I've had a 5G phone for a year. It's amazing how totally indistinguishable it is from the regular 4G. If you think it takes longer to connect. There's more black spots everywhere. And they've tried to lure everyone from the NBN onto 5G, which we've done at home now. We've got 5G at home. Oh, really?

And it is much faster once it's actually connected. But it's cheaper. And so they've gone, well, we've got so much 5G, we can load everyone's home internet onto it as well, which, of course, they can't. So it's absolutely groaning. So you're the reason why near our house for 5G is shit. Yeah, absolutely.

That's tough. But Charles, there's another example. as well. There's an obvious example of this, which is possibly the most inshittified inshittification of all the inshittification burgers we've ever inshittify. Are we talking supermarkets? We can soon. Coles and Woolworths? No, no, there's an even worse

one. Okay. Charles, you know what it is. Oh, the chaser? The chaser and Batuta, right. Because the shovel is actually really good. Have you know how good the shovel is? No, Charles, it's airlines. Airlines. Airlines. The airlines are the worst. Oh, yes. You're right. Yes. You and I spent

hours. With Virgin last year, I had to miss Halloween because Virgin fucked it up. And Qantas is, I mean, Qantas is so inshified. It's astonishing Kevin Rudd is not on their board. It is the Optus of airline. I think Optus would sue us over that description. Quantis is now shorthand for, used to be great. Now fuck them, right?

Well, the incitification, maybe they should have a Qantas logo in their definition of the incitification. You can bring out your Qantas logo that you made, that would work. But the reason why I sort of say, there's a whole. lot of places that we can talk about incitification. Tell us what that reason is after this. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. Well, the reason why I want to sort of expand the definition of incitification, one simple

reason, which is to get this word in the Macquarie Dictionary. Of course. We need this word to be, oh, you know who we need. You know who we, we need to appoint an official inshudification ambassador. Oh, yes. I've got to, there's only one person. Who, Charles, who in Australian public life, symbolises things progressively getting worse and worse and more and more disappointing under the point of absolute disgust.

And he's also on the public record, according to a very amusing story, having shat himself in a public place. I'm talking, of course, about Scott Morrison. Scott Morrison is the official ambassador of incitification. Of inshittification. Yes. We should, there should be a t-shirt. It was combe giving two thumbs up and just going, Insidify this.

I mean, because who knew? Who knew you could even swear yourself into 10 ministries at once until he did it. No, yes. He found a way to make, you know. To monopolize ministries. He ran a duopoly with himself, basically. Yeah, okay. Yep.

I think he'd be up for it. He hasn't got a lot on. No. He's the member for Cook. Yeah, he's got his book. He's got his book about his walk with Jesus, which I think he'll still have some time on his hands after that. Yeah, I think he'd be up for it.

Because the one thing that he's really made his own. Like, if we're looking back on his time as Prime Minister, we should write to him. Let's write to him. Dear Scott Morrison, we're trying to promote the word inshittification as... Yes. And get it into the Macquarie Dictionary. And we felt you'd be perfectly poised to assist us with this task.

We can even talk about the inshittification era, if you like, between when was it, 2018 and 2022. So I think the thing is, what we need is for everyone who's listening to, on social networks, just slip the word incitification into their vocabulary. And at Scott Morrison as well. And it doesn't matter what you're talking about. Yeah, it's just sheer heft. We just need enough people.

And it needs to be a sort of broad enough sample size of users of the word. Like, I think the whole point is we've done our heavy lifting. Yeah, you've got to use it in lots of different contexts as well. Like, not just the ones we've listed here. Yeah. Like, you could have had a bad day and say, well, I'm inshittified. Yeah. But also, it can be like the inshittification of your workplace.

Yes. It could just simply be the arrival of your new boss or the arrival of your current boss. Yeah, that's right. But most workplaces probably can be described in those terms. What would be really helpful as well? And I don't know if anyone's up for this, but maybe they should be. If there are any academics out there, writing academic papers, you should be using the words. You put it in the title of your paper.

Yes. That's a really, I mean, admittedly, it might, you mightn't do as well in the paper. But I just think, particularly if you're writing a book or something, I mean, shouldn't the next chance, She'll be called the inshittification principle or something? Yes, yes, we can totally do that. Maybe we need a side book. Yep, we need a side book. Do you think we could register inshidification.com?

I think so. I think we should. Trade market. Maybe we should get inshidification as a concept. And shittify this. Insidify this. Would be a great book. That would be.

And also a great kind of movie with Billy Crystal and Robert De Niro. We're also going to get it into Hansard. Yes, it's got to get into Hansard. I'm thinking the grains are probably the way to get it in. Because we can write to Scott Morrison, try and get him to slip it in. But don't you think that... That sounds so gross.

It sounds unparliamentary, doesn't it? Yes, it does. But that's... So we need a... We need a radical. We know who'd do it. Oh, Jackie Lambie! Jackie Lambie!

I was thinking of Bob Catter, actually. Oh, Bob Catter! Yes! Because they've got nothing to lose. They're mavericks. Just get a maverick on it, it'll get done. AI? Can we train a chat blog to...

Can someone write an entire novel using the word a lot, which the AI then plagiarises? That'd be very helpful. We're going to go to... to get it out there. It's going to, the snowball is going to be released where you're getting in shittification into public life. And don't tell anyone that we asked you to, because that won't count for the Macquarie extension. Off the back of this and a couple of other things that have shown up during the week, what I have done this morning, Dom, is I set up a

Chaser report blog. Have you? Yes, just on the Chaser website. Right. The idea is that we'll just occasionally update it from time to time. Whenever something comes up, that perhaps, it's mainly to do with gloating, right? But I think it will be also a great place to sort of slip the word incitification all the time in. So it's going to be available at chaser.com.com.com slash report. But it's, I haven't published it yet. I thought it was going to be chaser.com dot a u slash insidification. But it's a bit hard. You've got to work out whether it's one or two T's one question. It's not actually live yet because they just wrote the first. So in schenification, the official spelling of it is with double T, by the way.

Yeah, okay. Also known as platform decay. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. Oh, there you go. It's a form of rent seeking. Yes. We could use some money to help us pay the rents, actually. So the insidification of the train system would be about the platforms getting worse and worse. Did it? No.

Yeah, in public transport, it's probably a very good example. The incitification. No, no, so I've set up this blog. Check it out. If you go to chaser.com.com. You just click on the menu. You'll be able to see where it is. And the whole idea is it's mainly set up there to gloat.

Yeah, sure. And so, for example, earlier in the week, we, We talked about, well, we came up with the solution for the Middle East crisis. Yes. Which obviously was to transmit the Israeli flag onto Sydney Town Hall. Wasn't that influential? It was very influential because then the next day... So Clover Moore scotch the idea.

She stopped the idea. She stopped the vision, yeah. She stopped peace in the Middle East. And we came out and we slammed her for it, didn't we? Slammed. Yeah. That was heard in Tel Aviv, Charles. And then, yes, exactly, because a day later, the Israeli military also came out again.

against Clover Moore. So, you know, if you're wanting to listen to, you know, a podcast that sets the agenda, then you should probably download the Daily, which the New York Times does. But you could also listen to the Chase Report. And on this blog, we'll be able to, because I was pointing, like, the first entry on the blog, I pointed out all the times where we've been ahead of the news. We've set the agenda. And it's because the world is so satirical that if you describe things in satirical terms, then it usually turns out to be true later on. We're just always making a satirical exaggeration of things, which turns out to be what actually happens.

Charles, I love the fact. I love the fact that while they're on the verge of full-scale ground walk, can we just note, while there are hostages who have been taken, and it's basically a huge national emergency in Israel, an IDF spokesman had the time to go on a Australian radio and slam Clovermore. Yeah, I know. Fantastic. Well, you know, it's eye on the prize.

What matters? Hearts and minds, Charles. Yeah, exactly. Hearts and minds. All right, so help us chronicle the insidification of everything. Yes. And gloat on our blog. My plan is for the blog to essentially take over the internet and become its own platform,

at which point, we will be able to insidivide it. Charles, this is the least worst idea you've had in a long time. Our gear is from Ride with part of the iconoclass network. Help us inshitify everything. See it.