The Chaser Report - How NOT to Make a Live Podcast

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

The Chaser Report has gone LIVE! Charles - joined by Gabbi, Craig, and Dom - hosts a highly topical news quiz that's so up-to-date he fails to make it five minutes without forgetting what day it is. Make sure to subscribe to Acast+ to listen to tomorrow's special Drunk Q&A episode which is somehow even looser than this. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report live at the pub for Thursday the 16th of June. Now, Dom and I are here in the studio now. Yes, Dom and Charles in the studio, doing the intros and outros. And basically picking over the corpse of a very fun night on Tuesday night. And in today's episode, we've got me, Charles Firth, Dom Knight, Gabby Bolt and Craig Rookcastle. Yeah, and this is the first time we've done this, right? So what I thought is we wouldn't have to come into the studio

if I just introed it live in the pub. Yeah, you did a good job of that. Yes, I think so, yeah. So I think we might just go straight to the intro. Well, after an ad break for those who aren't paying subscribers. No, no, but I also throw to the ad. Let's just work out whether it's more awkward to do these live studio introses a bit more professionally, or to do this.

So now, what day is it today? It's Thursday, the 16th? We could do this in post, Charles. Should we do this in post? No, we're not going to do this in post, we're going to do it now, and you're going to applaud when we do this. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report,

for Thursday the 16th of June. Or possibly final, the 17th of June of this segment done as well as Charles expected. So it is weekly, sorry, not weekly, daily, live shows a way for you to record your whole week in one go and therefore not have to work for the rest of the week? Who do you think it is? It's waking up on Thursday morning, right?

At 10 a.m. in the morning, listening to a podcast that announces itself as being a live drunken podcast on Thursday or whatever and they think, oh, this is fucking real. Charles. Who are these people? Charles is these people. Seriously, what?

We've all got together at the pub at 6 a.m. It's 6 a.m. Look at that beautiful. Sunrise, everyone. Yeah, look at the sun. Beautiful. Oh, my God. Didn't Koshy make a dick of himself this morning?

I was just watching him. So, but the point is that before we go to the Chaser News Quiz, which is today's segment. I bet it covers all the news of Wednesday. What do you do? Yeah, that covers yesterday's news. What do you tell you about, Greg? We are going to go to a short ad break.

So can we have a round of applause for the ad break? Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15. month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens.

Well, welcome back from the ad break. Wasn't that a great ad? That was an awesome ad break. I got a lot done. Okay. So, okay. So, we're going to do a quiz and, oh, and I've got some things here. For people to squeeze. You can squeeze that. Just don't look like something on my hand. Does this make a sound? Yeah, so if you can just hold it near the microphone.

What's even funnier about this is that Charles doesn't have a dog. This is just what he chews when at home. Just bought these for fun. I really feel like this is what's missing from question everything. So we're going to do news because just jump in if you know the answer with the squeezing. you'd monkey or whatever. Okay, first question. We'll start with an easy one,

which is which country is hosting the next soccer world cup. Dom? Qatar, but I don't... No, no, that is incorrect. I was, of course, referring to the women's soccer world cup, which is being hosted in Australia and New Zealand.

If you want to say the men's world cup, you should specify men. Yes. Woo! You know? sexist art old thank you for

mansplaining that to me Charles I've learned a lot Good job Charles Question two Which Famous Australian

was recently Outed Rebel Wilson No no It was Bevan Shields as a fuck wit

Yeah I think he might have been born that way And has always been quite proud of it But anyway

That's fine Did you email him Before you said that The structure of that gag wouldn't have worked. Okay. Question three. In March 22,

Shane Warren went on a crash diet. How many kilograms did he end up losing? Jesus. Great. Did you guys learn nothing from the eulogy song? Absolutely nothing. Fucking hell. Okay, we'll just move on.

They can't cancel us if you don't answer, is that? Hey, look. Can I just say, like, I know that the government just gave him some kind of order of Australia for his charity work, despite all the scandals, but I'm not willing to go there. Okay, I'll go on to more safer territory. Who won the trial between Amber Hood and Johnny Depp? They both lost. No, men won.

Yeah, okay, I'll give it to Gabby. There we go. Sorry, was that the punchline or? Okay, so this is a multiple choice question. Question five. The sexual preference. of Rebel Wilson is A, none of our business

B, none of our business C, none of our business Which one? You just said that like you had a D coming out. Is it D the only way to sell the Sydney Morning Herald? Correct, that's exactly right. Yeah, it's the perfect opportunity to write endless think pieces about how

it's none of our business. The great thing about that story, I don't know if we've, like the amazing thing about that is that, Andrew Hornery wrote that article and put it in, like, he wrote the article that outed himself. He basically went and read said, but I gave her all this notice because I'm such a great journalist. No one else would have given his notice. And that's why I'm so great.

So it was a disgrace that she put on Instagram. She should have given us the credit for giving her the notice. He literally wrote that article that blew up everything. It was great. It's the greatest own goal of journalism. He was trying to add himself as a really nice guy, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah. It certainly won't.

Okay. Okay, so the next one is which former senior figure of a major church was accused of covering... All of the above. Child... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Correct, yes. So, we'll just go on. Which senior figure of a major church did not cover up child sexual abuse? That's a tough one. Oh. Senior pastor Brian Houston.

Cardinal George Pell. Oh, no. Archbishop of Adelaide Philip Wilson. Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, Archbishop of Washington. Cardinal Philip Barbaran, Archbishop of Lyon. These all sound like names for a brother's criminal. Archbishop of Dublin or Pope Benedict the 16th. It's pretty hard to answer this because if you answer it correctly,

you get done for a defamation case. And also, why would you start a church if you weren't a pedophile? When you say Cardinal, my brain. just goes, guilty. It's really hard to finish the sentence. I don't know. Yeah, so it is a bit of a trick question. They all did cover it up,

including Pope Benedict, who actually admitted in... Did anyone know this? He met it in January that he'd lied to a 2013 German inquiry into the activities of pedophile priests in the 1980s. So he's literally everyone.

Hey, aren't we all learning something in which I was a report, eh? I learned the best way to just create a chill in the room That's announced that Dom's about to do another segment Yeah Thank you for your patience Your call is important

Can't take being on hold anymore FIS is 100% online So you can make the switch in minutes Mobile plans start at $15 a month Certain conditions apply Details at FIS.C None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice.

The Chaser Report. Let's move on to the general knowledge section of this quiz. How many of these segments are going to be quizzes? These are all, no, these are all, well, because they're easy to just pre-vise. Oh, fair enough. Unless you don't, in which case you don't rewrite them. Okay. The next question is, okay, these are all true.

These aren't gag questions. These are actually just... I don't believe you. So what? These are all true. No, these are all true. Is this a true or false quiz where all the answers are true?

Because I reckon I'm going to go well on this. Yeah, true or false. What is Scooby-Doo's full name? This is true, Canon. I actually know this without the true or false. I'm not sure if that makes me a good person. Is it Scooby-Duby-Doo? Is it Scoofield do?

Or is it Scoobot-It do? It's Scoobit. Yes, you're right. Really? I think I just added myself as being fucking bullied as a child. You're so young, it didn't exist when you were going on. How old do you think I am? 12?

No, I just, okay. Is that still around? Okay, fine. Thank you, Charles. That was an interesting fact. Okay, a jiffy is an actual unit of time. This is true. What is it?

Is it a millionth of a second? A billionth of a second? or a trillionth of a second? It's the amount of time it takes to clean up your kitchen when your in-laws are coming around. Yeah, I'll give it to you. It's a trillions of a second. Just for the listeners at home,

everyone's putting their hands up at that point. A trillion for the second, which is how long it took me to realize my segment wasn't working. What is a diacritic dot? Is it a medicine for diarrhea? Is it a mark? used by French food critics to judge food at restaurants, or is it the little dot above the J and the eye in the English language?

Craig's a critic, what are you thinking? I don't know, it seems like an strange thing if you're eating dinner in some fresh restaurant, and somebody comes in and just sticks a dot on your burger or whatever the fuck. That seems like it to be strange, so I'm going to rule that one out. Yeah. And I didn't listen to any more of the question. A medicine for diarrhoea or a little dot above the J in the eye.

I'm pretty sure it's the dot above, and thank you, Charles, are giving me the sensation of being on an ABC quiz. I don't get enough of that. It's right. I shouldn't have asked Andrew Dinden how to recreate the magic of randling. Maybe we should move on. Got some walkouts over that one.

It's all right. It's Charles's family. It's fine. Are they walking? They're leaving. Oh. It was too boring for my own son. Okay. To be fair,

he's just going to change his last name. Okay, so the last three questions are Murdoch-themed questions. Woo! We'll win back to the crowd. Merdoch fans in, ladies and gentlemen. I love that you just raised a beer bottle instead of the microphone. I just struck Q&A's going to do. So the Murdoch-owned Sky News has been accused by UK Think Tank Institute of Strategic Dialogue

for being a global hub, the number one global hub. Anybody that's read the UK's strategic. Hub Dialogue Report can't answer this one okay? It's like the number one global hub for climate misinformation. Now which Sky News commentator described climate activists like Craig Roocastle as selfish, badly educated virtue signalling little

turds? Was it my parents? I was going to say that's what Charles said to me five minutes before we actually sat down. Do you know which one? The Little Tirds make me think that only Rowan Dean will be capable of that shit self-expression. That is close. It was Alan Jones.

Oh. I got some fans. I've got his number if you want to call it. Well, let's be fair. What is his position on Little Tirts? Okay, next one is which other news outlet was identified, this is true, amongst the top five most cited

sources by climate sceptics? Was it Fox News? Was it Alex Jones? Was it Newsmax or was it The Guardian newspaper? That one's for them. I don't know. I'm going to go with The Guardian newspaper because it's got a laugh in the room. It was the Guardian newspaper.

It is in the top five most quoted thing. The other ones were the Daily Mail, the Daily Telegraph and a blog called What's Up with that? And The Guardian is one of the key spreaders of information. What it is is because people who are climbed denial, read a guardian thing and take something out of context and put it something out. Yes, that's exactly right. Exactly. It's kind of the same way that Labor would use 2GB ads for their campaign ads during the election.

It's like, look, if 2GB said this fucking we are really cool. Yeah. No, it was the other way around was it was like if 2GB said the lips of shit, you know. And then finally, last question, and then we'll, you know, everyone will be allowed to leave. Is what is James Murdoch and his wife, Catherine, spending $100 million? doing? Is it A solving ocean bleaching Is it B

fighting against fake news that the company he used The company used to run spreads Fake news The company used to run spread The drunk Q&A is going to be awesome Is it fixing Charles's speech Or C

Putting all the money into grassroots democratic movements Is it A? No it's all of them, or in fact none of them, because it's actually just a vanity project to make himself feel better about the fact that he's a fuck-wit.

Well, not everyone can have a podcast to do that, can they, Charles? It wasn't real, it wasn't real, guys. There's always concerned faces there. We actually love each other very much, it's fine. Having known Craig for more than 20 years, the more he likes you, the more mean he is.

It's just true. That's what we tell God. And that's why Craig's incredibly nice to me. Oh, that's not true That's because you're actually talented Don't like these two No Well, that's the end of the quiz And that's the end of today's episode

For Thursday I wonder if the same people will be back Tomorrow morning, Friday morning at 6am No, it'll be a totally different crowd Thank you very much That's been the teaser report Our gear is from road microphones And we're part of the A-class Creator Network

Thank you for your page Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. The Chaser Report, now with extra whispers.

Don't forget you can get the whole episode. Add free at chaser.com. Today, use slash podcast. And you can pay nine bucks a month for the extra episodes coming out on Friday with the drop TUNA. Well, that's tomorrow. Tomorrow. If you want to listen to tomorrow's episode, it's a very special episode.

Craig hosting drunk Q&A with questions from the room and from the internet. You have to pay up. Yep. Who is your least favourite sitting politician in Australia and why? Oh, okay.

So hard to pick. That's a fucking hard because a lot of the dicks were voting out last election. Least favorite politician. They're least favorite. They've all gone, haven't they? Well, no.

They haven't all gone. No, they haven't. And some of them are still backbenching. Mark Latham. Oh, yeah. Mark Latham is still... He remains your favourite, your least favourite, sitting politician. Yes, he's in the upper house of New South Wales.

Oh, very good, yeah, good call, actually. Yeah, and he is a total fuckweed. Chaser.com.com.com.com.com slash podcast. And when they used to do stuff for free, I hate those guys now. Yeah, horrible. Our gears from road microphones, we're part of the Acast Creator Network. Thank you.