The Chaser Report - Hump Day, Lump Day

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

A listener has encouraged Charles to genuinely enter a career in politics, which quickly resulted in Charles uttering the statement: "I think I would have virtually unlimited power very quickly" without a hint of irony. Plus, let's have Wednesday off.---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigle Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Hello, Charles. You've been talking to the listeners again, bearing in mind that people can contact us at any time, podcast at chaser.com.com. Or they can go delving through past episodes to find the place where you gave your mobile phone numbers. You do for some reason like being inundated by texts.

I do often get texts, and actually the first text that I want to talk about is from a listener who contacted me via text. Realised I don't know this person's name. We've been in long conversation for a long period of time. I'm very happy with listeners not knowing my mobile number. Like, very happy to get emails, not a problem. But yeah, that's a lighter. But you have no boundaries as we know. Just looking back, one of the themes that this listener keeps going on about is how much more talent than my sisteries.

But. Sorry, that's my other phone account. I was thinking maybe it was actually my sister using her old phone number. Is it your sister's partner or something or child? Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Oh, I know who it is. It's your mum.

It's my mom. Anyway, actual honest question for a change. Have you ever considered running for politics? I know that that would put you in the same game as you're much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much more talented sister, but I really do think you can give it a try. So, let's have some ads. I need a moment for this to sink in. Buckle up, everybody.

This is going to be one of those ones. Okay, so the thing is, I actually think I might have all the skills for politics. Because if you think about it, what are the skills that you require? Well, first of all, deep dishonesty. I reckon I reckon I can be pretty good of that. I reckon, yeah, I'm remembering some of your early days. Yeah. Some of the shenegas you got up to as a student where you found pools of money in various clubs and societies and managed to find out a way to get them.

Yeah, exactly. I feel like I certainly have an integrity light approach to life. I do think that, you know, before we know it, we discover that Wankanomics shows had been categorized as a freeway that had been publicly funded or something. That's right. Exactly. Yeah. And look, I've got, you know, various arts grants. over the years, which...

Sure. It weren't necessarily... The Museum of Woods? Museum of Woods. That was a great scam. And the great thing was, you said it was a scam too. Yeah. That was part of the art.

That was... Yeah. So, look, I kind of feel on that, you know, tick on that. Yeah. Then, like... But as against that chance. I quite like speaking a big game,

but they're never actually doing anything. That's the other thing that I think... I was going to say the opposite. Because you, you were a... serial founder of things. So you actually make things happen, which is so un-you. That wouldn't fit like, you would have built the carbox. You're right.

I would have built a car box. Yeah. We'd have all these car parks, which would be terrible. That doesn't work. But it is also true. At the same time, the thing is you have so many ideas and want to do so many things that you only pursue about 2% of them. So as much as you've started all these things over this, your track record is pretty

amazing, to be honest. There are far many other, there's a huge number of other, other brain farts that never ever came reality. So if you made those promises... Imagine if I had the resources of the state behind me. Yeah. This could be great. That's very interesting.

Yeah. I could make, instead of 2% of stuff, it could be like 98% of stuff could get made. And only 2% get discarded. Oh, my God. That'd be great. We'd all have an avocado pool toy. Wow. Yeah, I'm just imagining with a political party logo.

You could start the avocado party. Yes. That's a brand everyone would get behind. But I think also I'm somebody who, like, is willing to adopt, like, flexible and, and, like, different ideas. Like, I feel like one of the quagmire that is just all happening all around the world in politics is there's not enough. Like, people look at the fuel crisis and they go, oh, how are we going to get more fuel or, you know, how we're going to make fuel cheaper, right? Like they're focusing on the fuel, whereas you go, like, I think I would approach the fuel crisis, more like Sri Lanka is done. Have you heard what Sri Lanka has done?

No. They've just gone, oh, well, might as well give up. It's just all taking or just fuel. No, no, they're just gone, oh, we have 20% less fuel than we used to. Why don't we just not do anything every Wednesday, right? Hey, but hangs at home on a Wednesday. I love that idea. And it's not, it's not like work from home.

It's like not work from home. Which is, I reckon a far bit, like everyone's saying, oh, let's work from home. No, no, no. Let's not work from home. Well, Charles, for years, there's been discussions of four-day working weeks. Yes. This is the opportunity. This is being squanded.

Like, everyone's sort of going, oh, how do we keep working really hard? That's not the question. The question is, how do we scyve off? Yeah. I think that's a very good idea. And that's what politicians do. Politicians are only, the sitting weeks are never, and, oh, I sure, yeah, they're in their electorate offices checking out local people.

Yeah. Would you go to the opening of little pissy community facilities though, Charles? That would be your name on them? Well, if I had Wednesdays off, yeah. Yes, look, it's not a Wednesday. As you got white and cheese or something, Charles will rock up. Give a speech. A poorly prepared speech.

That's what you want. But I also think it would solve, like, just taking Wednesdays off, we'd solve a lot of problems. Like, because we'd all be slightly poorer, right? Yes, yes. Which would put downward pressure on inflation. It would put downward pressure on house prices. That's true.

Yes. People would just go, oh, well. And rents? Well, yeah. And I reckon you just go, well, I didn't rent it on the Wednesday because it wasn't doing it. Yeah, you shouldn't have to pay it on Wednesdays. That's fantastic. And it breaks the week up so nicely. Breaks the week up.

Humph day suddenly becomes sit around like a lump day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, lump day is not bad. I think this is something that you should genuinely pursue Charles. What a ticket, like a four-day week ticket. Oh, you storm at home. But also, Charles, I've said for a very long. time that I could see you in particularly an upper house. Instead of one nation, instead of one nation

to be one vacation. One vacation. Oh, wow. One vacation every week. One vacation every week. I mean, you've had to my mind since a very young age, and I've said this on the podcast before, you've had lovable laricon of an upper house. Yeah. And I know that's a bit of family history there with your aunt, the president of the New South Wales Legislative Council. Speaking of the impressive members of Charles's family, we should also remember. remember, yes, the Honourable Dr. Meredith Bergman, who is an ornament, really, of the upper house for a very long time. I think that would suit you.

And I've always said, you know, if you run on the platform of comedy, then I figure you can produce comedy shows, like, as your output, right? Oh, yeah, definitely. That's the, your staff has become as satirical writers. Yeah, like this podcast could be something of taxpayer fund. A valid taxpayer expense, essentially. Goodness knows, we haven't spent enough. of our lives working for the publicly funded comedy.

We need to figure out another model. And, oh, Charles, we could record it under parliamentary privilege. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yes. Immunity from defamation and all the other child. Oh. I don't know if we wanted. Yeah, it wouldn't even have to be true because parliamentary privilege, it wouldn't, it

could just be anything. You could just form a, form an uphouse committee for scurrilous podcasts. Yes. And this could just be the, and I'd have to be, I don't know, you'd have to call me to report. every week. It's subpoena you. It's subpoena you.

That's right. That'd be fantastic. Because actually, I'm pretty sure the parliament, certainly of New South Wales, has the power to jail. I think it does. Yeah. If I missed a session, I'd end up in jail. This came up in the news in recent months.

They were going to, yeah, they summoned some of the premier staffers not long ago. Right. Okay. And various herities were called up. The Chaser Report. news a few days after it happens. So, what would you do with it, Charles? What would you use your political power?

Political power to do. Well, you'd have, would you have true power? I suppose the way politics is going, you'd probably be in a fragmented coalition. Yeah, look, I think what would happen is people would agglomerate. Like, power abhor was a vacuum. As far as I can work out, we've only got vacuums in Parliament. Like, literally, I think that I would just go right through the middle, and people would just end up going, look, whatever Charles thinks.

I reckon, and so I think I would have virtually unlimited power very quickly. And I've, you would. And there's another great thing you could do that no politician has done that you're already doing. Even though you have very little significance, and I mean this in a loving way, you already hand out your mobile number. Imagine if you could actually text your local politician and the actual politician would answer. Yes, exactly. I think that's a great platform.

I'm available. This is my real mobile number. Yeah. Just get into. touch, you wouldn't get much done because you'd constantly be taking call. But you could record them for the podcast. But I think also what you would do is, like, you wouldn't let, say Orcus, for example, you wouldn't go, oh, let's scrap it.

You would go, let's turn it into something of it that actually advantages Australia ride. Okay. And this is where another, this is another, yeah, I know, it's not something that's ever been countenanced before. But this is where JT, who is another regular correspondent. Oh, frequent correspondent, yeah. Yeah.

Hello, JT. And he's, or her, actually, we don't know the genus. There, there, J.T. There, there, right, yeah. Their idea for ventures, don't, he says, or they say, never mind the Chaser Club or Crypto Exchange, why not start your own retirement cruise community, right? That's brilliant.

It's this amazing story. Didn't we do a whole episode where we countenst that idea? Yeah, well, this is the thing, right? And so in America, there are actually people now who, it was launched. It's called the Villa v. Odyssey, right? And it launched in September 2024 with 650 residents. And it's just a ship that circumnavigates the world every three and a half years. And they just live there.

They just live on this cruise ship. Oh, that's fantastic. I love it. And the plan is that it'll probably have to be scrapped in about 15 years. But until then, that's, that's, that's. how they're going to live, right? And again, offshore. You could do all your defaming offshore.

So this is the thing. We use the orcus vessels for cruise communities, like for literally, for people who. Who wants to do that in a submarine? Don't you want to be able to watch the sunset when it comes up? You get a TV shuffleboard on top of the submarine. Get a big O-L-ED screen. Prison in the... Underwater prison.

I mean, you get organized crime on board. I think you'd get the money. Yeah. The people who, I mean, Sam, Backman-Fried would have loved to be on that if it never actually went into any territorial waters. But couldn't you just, like, always have the sub at the water's level? Like, if you're not trying to hide, and you could build on top of it a sort of structure so you could have a nice deck and everything.

There's another word for that, Charles. I think it's called a boat. It's an unsupervised submarine. No, but I'm just saying. They'll be available. No, I hear you. I hear you. Well, yeah, I'm saying the orcus subs, they're going to waste.

It's like they're not This is Look, this is Again, you and you can object to this Dom but remember I'm the politician No you are I get to decide You can just text me

Text me And people can text me with complaints If I received too many complaints Say that's a stupid idea Charles That's radical transparency That goes into the 2% basket of things That I don't do And we move on

Well the other thing is Charles I'm just thinking I mean you're interested in AI You could be the first politicians To have an AI I've already been thinking thinking that the Chester Report, the 1,300 or so episodes of the Chaser Report to date, that's an extraordinary large language model with solutions to every problem.

Yes, exactly. I've been hearing, someone was telling me earlier today that the way to make money in 2026 is actually have an AI startup. It's not crypto anymore. Crypto's a joke. Yeah. But the same people have pivoted to AI startups. I think we have in that corpus of 1400 episodes, the Gray's collection of wisdom ever assembled by humankind.

I think there's nothing that couldn't be solved by inquiring in a past. episode of The Chaser Report. Don't you think that? And so in some ways, what you're saying is, I don't go into politics. This podcast goes into politics and it does it through an AI agent that then just runs Australia. That's brilliant. You don't need to bother going to Canberra and actually run it.

We come up with an AI based on the podcast. You just ask Chaserbot. You just ask Chase a GPD. Senator Chaserbot. Yeah. But just has the collective wisdom of this podcast. We can both be its staffers. Yes.

And our own deliverable. be more episodes. And it would be, yeah, to keep feeding the hive mind. That's right. So it would be things like, well, who's to say that this, this podcast isn't already? AI. Who knows? Yeah.

It had explained the drop in quality. This is just AI slop, people. Congratulations. There you go. No, I think that's good. I think you should run in the next. When's the next election you can run here? New South Wales in one year.

I don't want to deal with New South. I want to go federal, sure. Do you want to go to Canada? Well, then I'd get away from my kids. Like, it wouldn't it be much nicer than being camera? Isn't that why you tour the UK? Yeah, actually, you're right. New South Wales, I think it would be easy.

Start small. Yeah. Just start with a single state of Australia. Well, you like South Australia. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That would be easy. Peter Mallon.

Yeah, no, yeah, it's too, yeah, take ages. One vacation. See if you can register that. I think that's Wednesdays off. Wednesdays off. Or you can just call it the Wednesdays off party. The Wednesdays off party. Fuck.

Or the weekly sickie party. We just call it the Sri Lankan way. I think that would be very popular. Maybe not with one nation voted. You might struggle to get them on board. I don't know. I feel like this is a great depolarizing opportunity that allows for... We can.

We can all come together with Bludge Day. Yeah, Bludge Day. Yeah. I think that's, for the good of the planet, Charles, it's an eco, it's not laziness, it's being environmentally responsible. Oh, it's, it's proactively dealing with the fuel crisis in a way that's both innovative and forward thinking. It is.

And on that note, Charles, we've promised that the minimum length of an episode of the podcast would be 15 minutes. I feel like talking any further would be, would be an excessive effort on our part. And also, wait a minute, it's Wednesday today. This is a disaster. Oh, yeah. We should be having it off. Oh, no.

Forget this episode ever happened. Fuck. Okay, we're going to go. I've got to go to an opening. We're part of the Iconiclass Network or more like not work. Am I right? Hey, hey. I think that actually really suggests we should stop recording.

Yeah, see you.