The Chaser Report - I Now Pronounce You Shaman And Norwegian Royal Wife | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

If the Daily Mail can make millions from milquetoast Royal Family gossip, then Andrew Hansen and Dom Knight can to. But rather than the boring old standard Royal Family, they dive into the latest gossip about the Norwegian one, which includes a princess who recently married a non-human shaman. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Dom and Andrew, back on the feed for you with some wonderful Royal News. Andrew, brace yourself for some royal delight. This isn't the British Royal Family. In fact, I don't think we've ever talked before on the podcast about the Norwegian royal family. Andrew, how excited are you?

It's about time. We got to the... I was wondering when we were going to get to the Norwegian royal family, Dommy, Because, you know, they're very front of mind for me most days when I wake up in the morning. So, yes, yes, you know, this is one of the pressing issues. I mean, this will be one of the big Australian election issues, probably one of the big U.S. election issues, too, I think. I think the U.S. voters are very concerned about what the Norwegian royals are up to. So it is time we got into this.

It is time. And look, I'm surprised Kamala Harrison, Donald Trump didn't travel for the big royal wedding, actually, on the weekend. Oh, what a snub. In Norway, where Princess Martha Louise. married a shaman, apparently, by the name of Jurek Verrett. Did she? I'm not across this. I must subscribe to the shaman news.

You should. I'm not what's happening in the shaman. I mean, you've heard of the Q&on shaman, I imagine, the guy with the helmet that stormed the capital on January the 26th. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, yes. January the 6th, I put in our own Australia day there as though, as a little weird slip of the tongue in January 26 instead of January 6th. Is that a historical parallel? Or you judge, probably.

Anyway, back to Norway. So what happened? This little town in Norway was flooded. The rumours had it that the black-eyed peas and Stevie Wonder were performing. They invited Gwyneth Paltrow because it's a bit kooky and got to get her along. So Princess Martha Louise is, she's a kooky royal, right, in Norway. She once established an alternative therapy centre known as the Angel School, teaching, touching, healing and how to contact celestial beings.

And it be fair to say, her choice of a second husband here has thrown the cat amongst the and pigeons a little bit. I'll explain why in just a second. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. So, Andrew, this man, Jurek Verrett, age 49. She's 52. He's 49. He's 49. He's from California. He's a conspiracy theorist and shaman, aka

a spiritual guide, who says he's not human, and that he can reverse aging by turning atoms, which he probably explains why Gwyneth Paltrow's turned up. Well, she'd be into that too, with her unusual candles and whatnot, I imagine. How interesting. He's not human.

I mean, this really... Are you sure that a Norwegian princess is legally allowed to marry a non-human? Isn't it the point that none of them are human? Isn't that, I mean, if you listen to David Ike, with who explain that they're all a bunch of reptiles? Aren't some royals divine beings as well? Probably.

I thought the Japanese emperor was sort of gold or something. That's right. So this is the first royal. I've ever heard of, this man, Jurek Veritz, who's now apparently married in the royal family. He has said on Instagram that he was a hybrid species of reptilian and Andromeda. So he's admitted to it. Okay. Well, and the Norwegian public are they thrilled about that?

I mean, you'd think this would be quite big news because, you know, we do get a bit judgy about, you know, who our royals marry. I mean, you know, and this really makes the Charles and Camilla thing look like nothing. I mean, for people who were a bit, susser a bit down on Camilla when she first came on the scene, at least she wasn't half lizard. Yes. I mean, to our knowledge, to our knowledge, I don't want to limit what she may or may not be. She may be reptilian, I have no idea. Look, she may, she hasn't spoken on the subject. So we better keep our minds open on that.

I think we should. But I would have thought the Norwegians might be a little concerned about a lizard being a member of the royal family. Do you know what the feeling is on the ground? Well, there's a bit of concern. Apparently, the palace has just sort of tried to laugh it all off. But one journalist, one called Ingeborg Seneset from the Afton-Postin, which is a well-known newspaper in Norway, was quite public about some of the whack things that he said. He talked about removing bad spirits from children and left her a bunch of voice smiles about the existence of the Illuminati. Now, I'm not sure whether he claims to be in

the Illuminati or not. He also says that he once ruled ancient Egypt as a pharaoh and had Martha Louise alongside as his queen. And he's been in a lot of detail on Instagram, apparently about his sexual exploits with the previous boyfriend being bisexual, which is, you know, that's actually kind of a lovely modern thing, really. But he's seems very full of information, Andrew. What a CV though, Dommy. I can see, look, the fact that he's already been a pharaoh, that has laid my mind at rest because he's got work experience and being a royal.

That's great. I mean, that's probably why he got the job, I imagine. They're probably just impressed by his extensive CV there. It's so extensive. He went on an American TV show called The Doctors and explained how to hack your spirit. On YouTube, he... Right how to hack your therapist. Yeah, apparently whatever that means.

He warns on YouTube against people keeping energy vampires in their lives. And for $2,000, Andrew, on his website, he can give you a private session to just help you with this stuff. And apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow has endorsed him and calls him a light on earth. Isn't that lovely? Fantastic. How fantastic. Only $2,000.

Well, this is nothing. Why see a psychiatrist if you could see this shaman? Oh, this keeps coming. So the spirit hacking more on this, this is often the Times, newspaper. by the way, in the UK. They've really gotten stuck into this guy. Spirit hacking, the Norwegian publishers withdrew the book, unfortunately, because it suggested children could get cancer by being unhappy.

And I'm not sure that's conventional medicine. No, I think just being unhappy. I mean, kids are always unhappy, right? It doesn't matter what you give them. They're always going to be whinging. They're always going to be winging. He also... What an interesting guy.

Yeah. I think people have been too quick to rule out some of his idea of that, testing them out. I mean, health officials in Norway were very, very unhappy when he said he refused to get treated for COVID and instead used a gold medallion called a spirit optimiser to ward off COVID. You can buy them for $22, apparently, on his website. Did he know? Why wear a mask if you could have a spirit optimiser? I assume the point of a spirit optimiser is that it optimises your spirit, is that what it does? Yeah. It is definitely optimal performance. I think it's fabulous. So I would absolutely endorse this guy. Whether, whether you believe,

leave and look I don't want to police people's beliefs but um I must say does give me some business ideas Andrew I do think in our efforts to try and raise a bit of a bit of cash in this economy of ours we haven't gone far enough I mean there's some dodgy merchandise on the chaser website we had the inflatable avocado pool toys we've never sold spirit optimisers or consultations for two thousand dollars what what are you thinking dummy put them on the shop immediately put them on the shop medallions sounds good I wouldn't bother with gold ones I think Plastic. What about those forever chemicals?

Why do they need to be gold? Yeah. We could get P-FAS, like forever chemical medallions. It would actually do something to your body, unlike the gold. That would do something to your spirit. It would actually give you cancer too. So you need the treatment of when you're unhappy. What is this?

I would have thought vodka is the ideal spirit optimiser in my mind. Does he say, I mean, I'm intrigued. You've described so many of his wonderful achievements. Oh, yes. Tommy. So Norwegian princesses, I guess they're allowed to just marry, what, anybody at all? Is that right? He doesn't have to be, or does he have to be royal? Well, he is royal, isn't he? I mean, I think that qualifies. She was married to an author who passed away Ari Ben. He's married for 15 years and divorced him before he died. And they met apparently, well, they were on a Scandinavian talk show

to promote a series of lectures on shamanism. And the thing about this is, is that she's been cashing in on the princess brand. I honestly think Harry and Megan are missing out on this. Oh, yes. They could, they could restore, yeah, because it sounds like this princess is really doing well in the PR department. So I think you're right, Donnie. Maybe Harry and Megan could learn a trick or two from this couple.

And look, this has been a bit of a problem. She had to talk to the king and queen about not using the princess title for private gain because she tied it in with all sorts of businesses. She had an equestrian sports brand and the angel. school that I mentioned. She was a princess angel school and she came up with a deal in 2022 actually to step away from her royal duties but then right after she made that deal she released a special bottle of pink gin for the wedding with princess. Pringed it on the side and a royal monogram. Well Dommy what makes you think that printing the word princess and a royal

monogram on a bottle is is in any way related to her being a princess and using that for personal game? I think you're very uncharitable there Dommy. It might have just been a cool brand name. She probably just thought, probably just a coincidence. She probably just thought of that as a brand name for the gin. She was a princess in a past life. She didn't even remember that she was a princess. You know, it's probably only later.

She went, oh, yeah, actually. I kind of am a prince. It kind of works because I am a princess and my gin happens to be a princess. Yeah. And in ancient Egypt, I was a queen. I was, I ruled alongside the pharaoh over here. Alongside the pharaoh. Well, you might have to.

I mean, it's tough, though, to tell a princess that you're not allowed to use the only thing you're known for for commercial gain. I mean, I think that's really difficult. Like, what is she's supposed to do? Work at a bar, work in a cafe or something, you know. Presumably she's, what if she doesn't have qualifications? I don't know. She doesn't.

She clearly has no qualifications other than in Angel schools. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. Fizz is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.

The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. I'm surprised Harry and Megan haven't investigated this sort of thing. I mean, of all the things Prince Harry's known for, think of the spinoff brands he could do. I mean, Prince Harry beer, I would have thought. The number of times he was associated with, you know, the nude romps in Vegas, the lock-ins in the pubs. Remember he lost his virginity,

behind a pub after a lock-in one night with an old water? That's worthy of a craft beer, isn't it? Oh, good for him. Oh, good for him. Yes, no, I think a Prince Harry beer or a Prince Harry pink gin. I mean, is Prince Harry allowed to use his princiness to earn money? I'm not sure he is. They tried.

They registered Sussex Royal, I believe, as a brand and then got in trouble for that. We know who he is. I mean, even if he doesn't use. Just, yes, he could just call himself Harry. Or fun Harry. Yeah, just the Harry. His harriness would be fun. Harry, yeah.

Harry from the place you know me from. I mean, because Megan's been trying, hasn't she been trying to flog like lemon curd and stuff like that recently? She's been trying to kind of Martha Stewart things up. Yeah, she has. Absolutely, she has. I didn't know she had her own lemon curd. She does. Have you tried it?

No, no, it's probably too expensive for me. It's royal. You can't say it's wrong. Oh, gosh. Hey, well, if you've tried it, you're listening, let us know how it tastes. I want a review of that lemon curd. There's that, but then also Prince Harry Nats. Uniforms, I think, would be a wonderful business.

I mean, Dominic Peritay would have bought one. You would have had one. Absolutely. I can see them selling in huge numbers nowadays. I really can, actually. In America. We have so many neo-Nazis now. There's a big market.

They could do a deal with Donald Trump. Exactly, yes. I mean, we're overrun with these people now. Oh, yes. And you wouldn't have to say they were good people on both sides because you just see which ones are wearing the uniform and they'd be the ones on the Trump side. And that would be obvious.

Absolutely. So American Riviera Orchard is what Megan called her business. It sounds like a parody, but it's not. American Riviera Orchard. That just rolls off the tongue. You could just easily walk into a shop, couldn't you, and say, oh, I'm just looking for American Riviera Orchard. It's so easy to say and remember.

I like it. Very snappy. It's very subtle, and she wants to sell, this is from the trademark application, tableware, drinkware, kitchen linens, edible treats, jellies, jams, marmalade, spreads, and cookbook. Yum. It does sound a bit, it sounds homely and British, doesn't it? That sounds lovely. I like the sound of that.

American Riviera Orchard. I mean, it's hard to have a long career, isn't it? If you can't cash in on your royal brand anymore. I think this guy's on something. I think selling kooky services to weirdos is probably the... It's at least honest, isn't it? Well, it's honest. And he is a shaman.

He's got to be a shaman. You've got to, you know, if you are a shaman, that's what you're going to do. What does a shaman do, Domi, exactly? Is it all the stuff that he's listed? I think so. The great thing about it, no, there's no accreditation process, I don't think. I think no one can say, well, you're not a shaman. He must have a bachelor of shamanism at the very least.

I'm sure, yeah. I mean, surely. A BS. You can't just say it. He definitely has a BS. Clearly. Lots of BS available here. So I think this is the thing.

It's a kooky and weird thing. There's a four-day wedding. So it's still going, I gather, while we're still here. Oh, it's going as we speak. Seems like it is. Is there a live stream of this? Oh, no. They've sold all the rights exclusively.

Hello magazine. Ah, so no one's tweeting about it? So the dress code was sexy and cool. Sexy and cool, yeah, that was the dress code for most royal weddings and funerals too, I think. Yes, I'm sure she's done as a funeral had the same dress code. Sexy and cool. And the best thing about it is because she's done the deal with hello, none of the royals

who are going to be in any of the photos, they've just refused to do it at all. Well, would you recognise a Norwegian royal in a photo anyway, I wouldn't. I feel being an Norwegian royal is like a really good way of being anonymous. If you didn't want to be spotted in public. It would be a good deal, wouldn't it? You'd be very famous in a very small place. Yeah, well, that's true. You may be famous in a, well, is it that small?

Because I do remember you mentioning, Domi, that they were promoting not just one talk on shamanism. Didn't you say they were promoting a series of shamanic lectures around? Yeah, yeah. All in Norway. Like, one tiny country is able to sustain a series of shamanic. Lecture. Charminism. How is it is possible.

Lecture circuit in Norway. Right. I think Megan and Harry should get on this. I think none of this American Riviera orchard. American shaman. American shaman. Hook up with the QA guy. Sorry.

Hold up with the Q&O guy. Get him on board. And he's got a lot of brand recognition. Sell the helmets. And I think Megan would be a wonderful shaman. I'd pay her for a consultation. Oh, Megan, you want Megan as a show? Yes.

Okay. It's my mistake. I was thinking Harry. Oh, they could both do it. Why not both? Why not a shaman couple? You know, that should be the new power couple things. You know, we've got a lot of couples where they're both actors or they're both, you know, writers or something.

You don't often see one where they're both famous shaman. Yes. What's the plural of shaman? Is it shaman? That's very gender-specific. I don't know. I don't know. No, that's true.

We do need, I think, equality in shamanism. And the thing is you can be a prince or a princess. You can be some random scam, fraudster from California. They're all shamans together. It's a negatarian form of ripping people off, I think, Andrew. Look, what I'd like to do, Domney, is I want to sort of get in touch and just ask a bit more from this Sharman about what services he offers. So I might give that a crack.

You should, after his wedding, I'm sure, within moments of finishing the wedding, he's going to be back on the griff on the internet. He'll want to be, won't he? Because it doesn't sound like they're too flush with cash, this royal couple. Like, I mean, if she's selling, if she's flogging gin, you know, to try and make ends meet, then they're probably like those, that top. hype of European aristocrat, who's Stony Brove. So, yeah, look, I might just hit him up.

You should. Get him on board. Through his website or something and see if I can find out what he can offer me. And it's sad when you think that they once owned the pyramids and the Sphinx and the whole of Egypt. Yes, once they were the great pharaohs of Egypt. Those famous pharaohs. No, what's his name again? The shaman.

The shaman. He had some Norwegian name anyway, didn't he? No, he's American. No, he's American. He's not Norwegian. Oh, so he's American. Eric Varrett. Of course.

When we think of ancient Egypt in history, we all learned at school about the great Pharaoh Eric Barrett. The Jurek. You'll remember. That's what I remember him. All right. Well, jump on the internet. I'm sure he'll reply very rapidly.

I hope so. Or does look for Hello magazine and be enthralled by that? Well, thank you for going on this Norwegian Royal Adventure, Andrew. And most enlightening. This is great, Domney. I just can't wait to see what we can do down the track in terms of shamanic therapies or whatever he offers. Absolutely. You know, just put up a website, put up an Instagram account, and the bucks will roll in,

although probably not that many because you've got to sell pink gin as well. Our gear is from Roebate, part of the iconic class network. We'll catch you next time on the pod. See you. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes.

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