The Chaser Report - If You Don't Know, Vote Verity Firth

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

Charles' sister is again being more successful than him, so he sets his sights on destroying the Vote No campaign from the inside.This could be you if you buy tickets to Andrew Hansen's show CHEAP:_________$$$___$$$______ __$$$___$$$_____$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$___$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$__$$$$$_$$$___$$$__$$$$_$$$$$__$$$___$$$_$$$$$__$$$___$$$_ $$$$$__$$$___$$$___$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$_____$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$________ $$$___$$$___$$$$$________$$$___$$$____$$$$$________$$$ ___$$$____$$$$$_$$$$__ _$$$___$$$___$$$$$__$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$____$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$________$$$_ __$$$________$$$__ _$$$ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I'm Charles Firth and this is Dom Knight who's back. Yes, thank you, Andrew Hanson, for jumping in while I was otherwise occupied recently. Yeah, well, we discussed that on the podcast, which is that you have the child who goes to childcare and is incredibly diseased all the time. Yeah, no, it's just, I didn't realize this. But part of growing up is that you get absolutely bathed in microbes for several.

She's had, I think, six fevers. It was starting about one per week on average at the moment. So, yes, it's been a bit dramatic, I've had a very late night. And just taking out a bunch of days. So thank you for holding the foreto. I really appreciate it. Charles, and may I just say, it is lovely getting to have on the podcast the second most important member of your family.

You are, as we know. A very fine astrain. You've contributed a lot, mostly through irresponsible stunts and things like that. It's a big contribution to the culture, but Verity Firth AM. We talked about, I think, her achievement in the first episode of the year. That's today. She's being made an AM today. A member of the Order of Australia.

She's at Government House now, probably. I just wondered, does this mean she gets to go to the coronation and have Keish with His Majesty King Charles III? You're probably right. She probably gets all these secrets. She probably gets like Quantus Lounge, invites and... Yeah, there's probably... We know about the Chairman's Lounge. We're not allowed in the Chairman's Lounge.

No, there'll be something secret. She'll be... There'll be... Yeah, there'll be... The King's Lounge. Yeah, the Royal. The Royal. The Royal.

The Allan Joyce lounge where you get to hang out with Alan Joyce. And Ekeesh. Yeah. I must say... Thank you for reminding me about... Well, you're the younger sibling. Yeah. I mean, I will indulge you by pretending that you have a chance of getting the same

accolade. at the same age that she is. You don't, but you never know. You might do something noteworthy within the next two or three years. Yeah, I kind of feel my best shot now at notworthiness is probably lies in some heinous crime of passion or something. Like, I think that's...

Or maybe a foolish use of an anonymous app that the criminal underworld use for large drug deals. I reckon I could probably find myself tied up in that. NOM. Yes, you could. And then you'd be a less ennobinous. Yeah. But, Charles, you, there's such an obvious option for making you more noteworthy. When your sister was a politician, she was in the New South Wales Labor government for a while. The most corrupt. Yeah, the most corrupt. She was the beacon of non-corruption. As far as we know. Since the rum rebellion. In that, surely you can either join that government when inevitably three or four people

have to resign. Yes. Yes. You could join the Min's government. Or there's a massive vacancy in the Liberal Party. And I think there'd be an incredible way to stick it to your sister. Are you thinking opposition spokesman for Indigenous affairs? Is that what you're thinking? Oh, look, it's certainly a possibility.

I mean, I am a white man. I think I would be suited to that role. It's actually true. Peter Dutton hasn't been able to appoint another white man to replace Julian Lisa. So he's had to actually appoint Justin Price who is Aboriginal. Oh, dear.

Yeah, right. I mean, I presume no one else was available given the way it's kind of gone. Yeah, so you could join the coalition, but there's such a... She was the only one who didn't want to say no, ironically, to that position. There you go. The thing about it is, people keep saying, look, Peter Dutton's leadership would be terminal. Were there another candidate, Charles?

You could be... Oh, the candidate for the whole thing. Yes. It's not just, well, Charles, I assume. And I don't say this out of praise for your capabilities. You would very quickly rise to the top, I would think, at this point. Join the Liberal Party. And that would stick it to my sister as well.

wouldn't it, like the fact that I've joined the other side. Exactly. And then immediately be far more successful than she ever was. Well, she was never a federal opposition leader. No, exactly. She was, though, as successful and competent minister, from what I understand, as an education minister.

So that might be a bridge too far here. But you can have the job. Yeah, that's right. And I think being opposition leader, let's have a look at some of the opposition leaders over the years. I mean, from both sides of politics, you've got... Oh, you'd be better than Simon Crean. Simon Crean.

Kim Beasley. Kim Beasley, Bill Shorton. Oh, Bill Shorton. Bill Shorton had two cracks at it, didn't he? Alexander Downer. Oh, my gosh. Andrew Peacock. The amazing thing is you get paid a lot of money to be opposition leader.

I think you get paid, I don't know, 80% of the Prime Minister's salary. Oh, really? And you don't need to win anything. All you need to do is sit there. And we all know that the first few opposition leaders, after there's a change of government. They don't have any chance. They don't get anywhere. So you just sit there, get the salary.

Just be hopeless. And you just take pot shots at your front bench. Yeah, just get rid of a few front benches. Divide them so that they fight amongst each other rather than organise against you. Yeah. And you probably job for life. I like it. And then you go to the Senate.

Yes. And just do absolutely nothing. Okay. And write my autobiography, which can be called no. Thirth in the family. No. No. No.

That's great. Will that be the title of Peter Dutton's memoir? No. I must say no elitian is a label that they're not doing their best to fight off at the moment in the federal coalition. But I don't know whether you've seen Peter Dutton's latest messaging on the voice as part of the Shadow Ministry announcement, but it is now the bureaucratic Canberra voice. It's not just the voice that he doesn't like. It's the bureaucratic Canberra voice that he now opposes.

I feel like he's, because the first one, the Canberra voice thing, didn't sort of land. No. Because actually, I think sort of uninformed people, when, well, isn't Parliament in Canberra? That's where it would be. Isn't that where it would be? I mean, it's a reboot of the Canberra bubble thing that's got Morrison deployed. Yeah, but it didn't quote land. So bureaucratic is good, but does anyone, like, that's too long.

You can't land, you can't make witty quips. He needs to get Bill Shorten in. He was a good opposition to have some zingers. What will he add next to... Yeah, it'll be... Yeah, wordy and bureaucratic, Canberra Voice. It'll be... Or the bureaucratic high cost of living Canberra Voice

or just putting more demonised things in it. Oh, yes. The bureaucratic foreign. Welfare cheating. Welfare cheating, foreign, foreign criminal. Yes. The Russian Camber Voice. How you would have foreign criminals being involved in a voicemail up purely of First Nations people.

I don't know, but Peter Dutton doesn't mind bringing in foreign criminals coming and taking our jobs from our criminals. The African gang book. Oh, yes. That's what comes next. This is a slippery slope. Yeah. As soon as you've got a bureaucratic Canberra voice, the next step is the African gang's voice. They're already preparing the legislation.

Albo, you can't trust him. The Chaser Report. Less news. Less often. I'd forgotten about the African thing. You know what that's... Because that was Peter Dutton. It was Peter Dutton.

In Melbourne. They were everywhere. Yeah, because... So he's already tried to whip up run. One race frenzy. He's just not good at whipping up the way. No, he's not. It didn't work.

But you know the slogan they've got now for the campaign. The first TV ads were out this song. Oh, great. Oh, so looking forward to something to set her eyes. If you don't know, then you vote no. If you don't know, vote no. See, that's two senses of the word no. Oh, so they're tapping into the incredibly ignorant people vote.

That is, that is very shrewd. If you don't know, yes. You know, it's when you know you know. When you don't know, you vote no. Right. It's quite catchy really. Yeah, yeah.

I know. And it just taps into that, oh, I don't, I don't like it. I'm not sure what it is. I'm not sure what it is, Charles. Oh, it's just, but I'm instinctively opposed to whatever it is. I don't know exactly what it is, but I suspect it's not good. Yeah, yeah, it's, I don't know. I don't know.

And that ties it with it. Oh, there weren't enough details, Albao. Where are the details? Yeah. I kind of feel like it may backfire. Because I don't know whether anyone knows about Peter that. Because he's put the details in. He's actually said it's a bureaucratic Canberra voice.

He's the first person who's actually defined what this thing's going to be. Right. Yes. Because Alba has been like, well, we'll decide after referendum. We're just going to give ourselves the power to do it. Yeah. And then we're going to work out what it is. Yeah.

And the Parliament will decide what it is. And presumably the Prime Minister could say, we're going to actually vote and say, no, it's not a bureaucratic camera voice. That's what we're going to do. We haven't worked out what it's going to be. the thing you say it's going to be, we're not going to... Yeah, no. But that would be nuance and genuine debate, which, you know, doesn't happen.

Well, the problem is that I think that that's sort of how Labor won the last election. It was by not... By no details. That's what they're doing. No, but not just no details, but not jumping to these populist slogans that sort of dog whistle, whatever fear. You just go, I don't know, he's my opinion. This is probably the appeal of Albao and the Secretary of... of his enduring success,

he's actually much more popular than many thought he would be at this point in the process. Oh, God, yeah. He just seems like the kind of person where he'd just go, well, he'll think about it later. He'll figure it out later.

He'll just, he's a bit busy. Yes. He seems like the kind of person who's just sort of a bit of a toilet. He'll get to it eventually. Yes. He doesn't have details now.

Yes. Come back to him in a couple of months. Yes. Isn't that, that's the sort of person he is. Yeah, and he sort of set that pace. I've noticed, because remember when,

Scott Morrison existed. He was on the news every night. Yeah. Like, I became the type of person who just yells at the TV the whole time. Yeah, it was a good job, I presume. Oh, yes. Hurrah! Hazar!

I feel so secure with this vaccine in my arm. But now, you watch the news and other things are happening in the world other than the Prime Minister doing something awful and embarrassing. Well, that's the thing. If Scott Morrison had just sat back and kind of gone, oh, I'm not sure about that one yet. They're Scott Morrison's biggest problem with certainty, and this comes from the sort of charismatic thing. Yes. When you're religious and you think that everything can be easily explained, you have answers.

Scott Morrison always had answers. Do you remember the thing about the Morrison government, Charles? For every situation, they had an announcement, and they never followed through on the announcements. Whereas Albo doesn't even have the announcement. Doesn't have the announcement. He has an intention to do something about a thing in the fall of the time. And he sets up an inquiry. Yes.

Yeah. But in some ways, therefore, Or Albo's position is that he doesn't really know everything. So if he doesn't know, does that mean he's got to vote no? Oh, that's a very good. That's actually a very good question. Has he been wedged? He's been wedged.

He's been wedged into the don't know vote. He's going to watch the ads and he's going to go, oh, actually, we haven't worked out what the voice is yet. I don't know. I've been making a mistake all this time. Yeah. Or you could just get really convinced by those ads. That's probably how they did it. They phogoscript tested Albo.

I mean, what's a good slogan? Well, the other problem with Albo, though, is it. he has this sort of fundamental faith in the ability of government to do things. So when he goes, a poor naive, sweet summer child, when he goes, okay, we'll just figure this out later, we'll give ourselves the power and then through the parliamentary process in which I believe, and I said my entire life trying to build up, we'll come up with a good decision. Has he not, he spent so much time in Parliament?

Yes. He hasn't realised how bad they are. Has he not met everyone in Parliament? Yes. You'd think he would have worked with him for so many years? What an earth is Parliament going to come up with? It's going to, I mean, it's going to be impossible to get it. any model for the voice through Parliament, they've got to get through every

tier on board and the Greens. Yeah. How are they going to do it? But they've been doing it for lots of things. It'll be really good, well, because it'll have the heels and the green. David Pocock will have to have his say. It'll be perfect. If you don't know, you vote, no. That's the plan. I suspect it will backfire.

This is the thing that is so awkward with Peter Dutton and why you probably will become the opposition leader. Yes. Oh, definitely. I'm going to run. I wonder if his involvement dooms it automatically. He's so unpopular that isn't his... Shouldn't he have kept that ambiguous as well? By coming out and saying no, hasn't he just doomed by being the face of the no campaign?

Yes, he is the face of the no campaign. Hasn't he guaranteed yes at this point? Yeah. A man can't win a by-election. He lost a seat in a by-election to the government for the first time in a hundred years. Like this is going to be, it's going to win every single state at this rate

with Dutton endorsing the other side. Yeah, maybe he's just a sleeper agent for Labor. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe he's a secret, yes. He's a secret, yes. He's a double-agic. He's one of those quiet Australians that Scott Morrison kept talking about.

Look, one person, though, if we can't resolve the debate, the person who we need to just jump in and get involved. Is the king? Well, I was going to say, is Verity Firth, I am. Oh, okay, he's very... Your amazing sister, but... No, well, yeah, the king could come in, because the thing about this king... I think we've got to get the king involved. The thing about the king is he would like to be involved.

Because when you're running... which is based on recognising First Nations people and making sure that they have a voice. What you want is your monarch to come in and sort things out for you. Just a bit of a bit of white explaining about what the model should be. You must say, King Charles did. He has actually apparently asked for a full investigation into the royal family's involvement in slavery.

So, and that's going to be quite a long. I'll tell you what that is. That's sabotaging King William. That's right. That's not going to come back for 20 or 30 years. That's going to take a long time. It's going to take hundreds of years to write. So, Charles, the one person who I think you can actually navigate through these treacherous waters. Oh, yeah.

The finest public figure in Australia in 2020. Verity Firth, if she was just willing to get involved again, I don't know she doesn't want to be involved in politics anymore. She could surely, with the AM title, she would command such respect from the coalition. from everyone. That she could just come in and be an honest broker and sort it all that. Julie and Lisa, I'm sure, would admire it. He's a traditionalist. She's got letters after her now.

I'm sure he'd respect that enormously. But then, hang on. But that would mean that I wouldn't then end up being opposition leader because she would have sorted out the mess rather than me. It sort of treads on my parade again. What we need is a great, a grand public feud between you and your sister, where she's the voice of reasonableness and good and you were you. Oh, yes.

That's right. Yes, I can be the opposition leader. You can... And I can be the person who runs the no-campo. I can be the Peter Dutton of Australia. You can be the most awkward siblings in his public detention since the Gallagher brothers in Oasis. And the millibands. Do you remember when the two millibands both ran for the leadership?

And also the Costello's here in Australia. Oh, yes, that's true. Petty Costello, you know, treasurer of Australia making people poor. Tim Costello standing up for poor people. Orcs, that's very awkward. Well, you know John Howard's... brother, of course, we had teaching us at Sydney University was a lefty politics lecture. Oh, that's right.

Bob, yes. Bob Howard. The other Howard. People don't talk about him enough. There were two. Were they, I think there were four. Yeah, there was Stan Howard. And then there was Zepo Howard.

I think let's draw a line out of the podcast at this point. Thanks for being with us. Gary is from Rhode and we're part of the iconoclast podcast network, AM. That's his sister. She's pretty impressive. Can we get her on? for next episode. Can you take another holiday?