The Chaser Report - It's Time To Sack Our Audience

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Charles and Dom chat audience feedback and soggy Chaser annuals. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Yes, we've received quite a lot of your feedback recently at podcast at chaser.com.com. We asked you to give us some feedback, and there was some great suggestions. Some of them were brutally honest, but they have noticed a certain depressing trend in this very topical podcast as we keep scouring the news and finding terrible things in just, about every department but there is one topic child there is one topic that whenever we cover it

it makes me incredibly happy and highly entertained oh yes and the great thing about it is not only am i incredibly entertained but you get depressed and only you for the entertainer everyone uh which makes me think charles have you got any stories about your business ideas that have unspooled this week that you might want to share with our loyal listeners who really enjoy hearing about your money making efforts. You heard about that. I haven't told anyone there. How did you find out?

Let's just say that you can think of this podcast as a business school. You should probably get an MBA. We should rebranded as a business podcast. It is a business podcast. Better ratings. All of Charles's ideas are terrible. What's not to do? Exactly.

And this wants to do with one of our most beloved and successful products, actually. The Chaser Annual has sold probably, I would say, over its history, hundreds of thousands of copies. I would say it would now be in the millions. Yeah, but that's because you falsify numbers. But the true numbers would be somewhere in the hundreds of thousands, probably two or 300,000 copies. Well, since I rebutted it in 2015, it's sold over 100,000 copies.

There you go. So it's got a great legacy, or had one at least, until this year. Why is that? We'll find out after this. So this dates back Charles to the first ever Chaseer annual. I think it was in 1999, the Little Red Book we called it. The Little Red Book. Yeah, it was the 1999 annual, but we call it the 2000 annual with the idea that we would sell last year's news into the new year, remember?

And since then, every single time someone wants to publish it, they were saying, no, but it'll seem like it's out of date. We're like, no, it's the book about the year that was. So Little Red Book is in no one's read it, which was true then. Little R-E-A-D, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we actually printed a few thousand copies of that. They did okay, I sent it out to subscribers and told them that was part of our obligation to them. That's true. It worked out quite well.

So then the Chase Manual grew to be a publishing phenomenon. What we did is we claimed that it was worth two newspapers. Remember, scummy. And then we refused to print issue 33. I remember. I agree with you guys about it because there was never, there were never 100 editions. We got up to 100 editions, but the real number is 96 or something. Yeah.

Because you guys insisted on skipping issues. We were just scummy. Oh, you didn't receive issue 33. Oh, yeah, that's, I don't know what that ever. I play Australia Post, yeah, exactly. Sorry if that was you, by the way. No, well, the good news is the actual annual this year, I think, is better than ever. Really?

And you should definitely buy, it's in bookstores as of today. Wow. It's really good. James, because it's the shovel and chaser annual now. Oh, the shovel's very good. Yes. It's been a great year for the shovel. People keep sending me shovel headlines.

Have you seen this shovel thing? It's very good. And then the chaser's side's also good as well. But the thing that I did this year is, it's been. So we have to send out thousands of copies of it, right? Yeah, people buy lots of copies. And we've got our legacy subscribers, some of whom have literally been subscribers for about 20 years.

Like somebody emailed me and he'd moved to England and he said, oh, how long left do I have on my subscription? Are you serious? And I said, eight years. There was someone who kept, basically the old newspapers used to come wrapped in plastic. And there was an A4 page on them that had a credit card form so you could send it back. This is before the internet was, you know, anywhere.

And there was one particular reader who would every single fortnight would just fill it in again because they thought their subscription to run out. And just through she deception, they actually, I'm sure we still owe them lots of money. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think she's on about 96, was I mean. I can't believe we've still got those records. 96 years. How have we not Phoenix the company at this point?

That's crazy. I mean, sorry, ASIC, we would never do that because we take our obligation seriously. Anyway, so what I decided this year, so usually we plastic rabbit, of course. Yes, waterproof. Because it's nice and waterproof, very energy efficient, and it's all automated as well. Like, it's very cheap to do. This year, however, I got sort of upsold by the mailing dispatch people that plastic was really very environmentally unfriendly. Yeah.

And I sort of channeled Craig. I didn't talk to Craig about it, but I did sort of channel him. and thought, well, what would Craig do? You know, I think it's a good guide for life, really. Well, except that, Charles, we know Craig. We know Craig pretty well. And we know that, yes, Craig loves the planet. But he's also a cheap ass.

I think he'd be genuinely conflicted between... He would be torn. Oh, I know that my whole brand has been about getting rid of plastic, but it's not technically a plastic straw. Maybe we could get away with this. Well, the interesting thing is, this year, for the first time, the paper option actually was roughly the same. price as the plastic option.

Like, you're sending it out wrapped in paper. Yes. So, yeah, this is basically just envelope. Yeah. So I went, okay, yep, let's do that. Let's save the planet for once. And then it rained. Oh dear.

It's the floor in the plan. Yeah. Just one tiny Baldrick-style floor in an otherwise perfect plan. So vast swathes of Australia, it rained on the, in the week. Like, it was about a week ago that we sent it out. There was a very heavy rain about a week ago, wasn't that? Right, yes. Yes, no, you're right.

I remember that now. And you were thinking, oh, it's going to be an El Niño summer. This will be fine. I continue to remember it because I have received dozens of emails complaining about having a drenched annual, like an unreadable annual. So I think everyone wins, actually, just thinking about it. You know, the plants get the rain. People don't have to read the annual anymore.

I assume you've set up your email with an order responder that just says, This email address is no longer valid. Yeah, that's right, exactly. No, so I'm going to send them out. But the question is, should I send them again in paper and pray for drought? That's what I've been telling people is we'll just, I'll send you another one, but pray for trout. Or should I just go the plastic option and then? And also, where's the balance?

Like, if I have to print more, essentially cut down more trees to print more annuals. I mean, I hope they're recycling the sodden annuals. What do you do with that? Well, Charles, no, I think you've got to go further. I think that there's a karmic imbalance here, right? Oh, yeah. You've got to find a more environmentally destructive packaging than plastic. I don't think plastic.

I think if you could somehow send them out in dolphin. Yes. So dolphin skin leather. Is that a thing? If it isn't a thing, make it a thing. Or maybe some fishing netting. Drift netting. Drift netting that people can throw into the ocean.

Wrapped in a drift net. That's a very good idea. Maybe a nuclear waste canister. Or some of the... those, like, remember those, was it milk bottle leads or something that magpies used to get their heads caught in? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. The rings, the rings, yeah.

Milk bottles, yeah. Whatever happened to them? I don't know. I think the dog was a magpie start out, didn't they? No, no, I think that they don't come off anymore. No, no, they're stuck, yeah. Yeah, so what else could we wrap it in? Oh, a car.

Wrap it in a car, like an entire car. Yes, that would be fantastic for the environment. Anyway, so there's one thing that's happened. And the other thing that happened is, I don't know whether you got his email, but we got a review, as part of our fielding feedback, which was a terrible disaster. We got some really very incisive, precise things about what we've been doing wrong. Yeah, some of it was very thoughtful in a way that made it hard to dismiss it. Let's find out what they said after this.

The Chaser Report, now with extra whispers. One guy, Graham Orr, wrote in, and he had a slightly different approach that it's not so much our fault. I don't know whether you read this one, Dom, but he's saying that actually he suspects that it's actually the audience's fault. Yes, that makes it easy. I do remember that one. That makes it easier in terms of us not needing to do anything different. Yes, because what he's saying is clearly the advertisers that we attract show that our audiences are idiots, right? It's sort of, well, I'll just read it out. Just read it out. I don't want to impugn any of our Wonderful, wonderful sponsors.

But according to the algorithm that places ads, we are consumerists impressed by Amazon reviews suffering from mental health problems. Both big advertisers who we appreciate enormously, by the way. Which may explain why we are gullible enough to believe in renewable gas. What's wrong with renewable gas? Gas has always been renewable, hasn't it?

You should wait for enough millions of years for the plant matter to compress back into gas. Just kill the dinosaurs, wait, 200 million years. Just on that, we have actually told our podcast, add people, no more renewable gas. There's a point where something is even too ridiculous for the chaser. So, yes, no more renewable gas. Yeah, and so actually, if you do hear a renewable gas ad on our podcast, let us know

because that is banned. They are banned. They're banned, which means we earn less, which means you should subscribe for $4 a month too. Make us less desperate. It was great because I had to explain to the ad guy why we were banning it. And I had to say, well, it's for renewable gas. Which is not a thing. Like, it's just not a thing.

It doesn't exist. Anyway, above all, we are middle class and beyond middle age, being susceptible to the excitement of choosing private health cover before taking a carnival cruise. Did Carnival Cruises ever take? I believe, I think I heard one at one point. I don't want to impugn Carnival Cruise. I'm happy to take a freebie.

I'd never been on a cruise in my life. But, Charles, I do remember a period a couple of years ago when it was a wise idea to have private health cover before going on a cruise. That's right. It's not a bad idea at all. But Graham's suggestion is that we sack our audience and appoint a new one. A renewable audience.

Yeah. So, what do you think about that, Dom? Should we just set up a new feed, get rid of this audience and just start again? It seems like a good idea. We could get a younger and more glamorous audience. Because I think that the assumption seems to be that our audience are as kind of washed up and middle-aged as we are, Charles. Yeah, given those live editions we did on Zoom, that tracks. That tracks well.

Also, it's like, I want to attract an audience that when you say, give us some feedback, they just say really nice things and not smart-ass things. Yeah, and also not really incisive, sort of quite painfully true things. Yeah, there's quite a lot of smart people who are giving us feedback. I mean, look at the way he starts his email. And by the way, this person's clearly an academic, like clearly a very smart person. Five stars, brackets, for real, are not a reference to the risible Italian political movement. I was like, oh, yes, I definitely got that reference.

That's very droll, very droll, Graham Moore. Very well done. So you're all sacked. We're going to get a younger and more glamorous audience. There were some bits of... And also, if we've got a new audience, we can recycle, not just the paper that we use to send out our Chaser annuals, but we can recycle all our yarns and all our jokes from over the years.

And best of all, we can recycle the renewable gas ads. So they'll come back in. Now, look, it's been very helpful getting the feedback. Podcast at chaser.com.com. or you can leave a review at Apple Podcasts. And Charles, there have been some crackers in the past few days. Have you seen this? Oh, no, I haven't seen any.

Yeah, there's some very good. Let me give you a couple of bits of quality review from the audience. And as always, you can be as harsh as you like. But we do ask for five stars. There are things I'd rather be doing, says Grace, the Almighty, fishing, walking, building small piles and so on. This one's quite sincere. Jen, all the nicknames are taken says, thank you.

This podcast never fails to make me laugh, even if I'm having a bad day, sometimes especially, it's honestly appreciated, quite surprised. That's really sincere. I presume it's some sort of burn that I don't understand. Yes, yes. Because in some ways, it's the opposite for me. This podcast always fails for me. Had no choice, says Matt Hallett.

I was always going to write this review, referring to our recent episode about the free will being an illusion. And this is my favourite from this pile, Verity first povobro, five stars from nickname as Defod. Dom note, typo, but that's all right. does his best to keep Charles in check while trying not to come across as a dead set BRS fan girl

sure he's my favourite war criminal what a hottie you're always going to listen to this so just hit subscribe human behaviour is beyond our control even dry heaving at this distasteful podcast and he's the best bit would be better with more ads I couldn't agree more

there seems to be an ongoing theme amongst our listeners that they'd prefer the ads to the content you can skip the ads I mean, sorry, you can skip the content and just listen to the ads. Have you noticed as well, Dom, the number of paid subscribers has gone up by 20% in the last week. I hadn't checked it in the past week. So, yes, if you want to subscribe, you can do it via the Apple Podcast app, or you can go to ACAST plus and do it there.

Just go to chase.com.com.com.com and all the information is there. It's four bucks a month. We made it pretty cheap. Like, that's in this day and age with this cost of the bin crisis, A, that's not much money at all. that's like less than a coffee. And B, that's far more than anyone can afford. But it's also, it really is at the maximum level of value that this podcast offers over the course of a month.

But except for Charles, we did introduce, and I take full credit for this, the absurdly overpriced. Oh, yeah, how many people subscribe to that now? This is the one. There was two people about it a week ago. So this is the tier, you only get it from Acast, by the way. This is the tier where you pay $20 a month for no extra value and you acknowledge that it's a shit deal,

which I just thought it was going to be a lot of fun to see. The reason I put it in was to make the top tier seem like a better option. But let's see how many people are actually signed on. I'm assuming they all will have left by now. While Dom's logging into that, the other thing I should note is that I announced a few days ago that we'd set up a blog on the Chaser website. We had, but it didn't work properly because,

it actually broke the template. So it will actually exist, but it doesn't quite exist quite yet. So it's sort of like the quantum computing of blogs. Well, it currently exists and doesn't exist. So no, there are still two people who presumably put their credit card details in to see if it was real. And then someone's been subscribing since April. That's good. That's proper money.

That's a lot of money. I feel bad now. The other one's been subscribing since March. Are these people so rich that don't check their credit card statements? I love it. Just to be clear, there's no extra benefit except being able to say that you overpay for the Chaser report. If that's something you want to say, give a subscriber number three. So a big shout out to those two.

They're fine people. We should send them a thank you email, Charles. Actually, no, we shouldn't because then they'll realize that they're overpaying. They've paid more than $100. Okay, we're going to definitely send them an email. Send them a copy of the Chaser annual. No. It's wet.

Get one of the wet ones and forward it. Okay. Our gear is from Ride. We're part of the iconic class network and have a good weekend. I just love that you sent them out in paper, forgetting the reason why things are wrapped in plastic. Well, I always try and copy what the monthly do, because I think they're a really well-run company.

And then I got a copy of the monthly just yesterday. And it's in plastic. I thought they would be environmental. Charles, just again, the reason of the month things is just because it's run by a benevolent multimillionaire. So unless you can find one of those Well, we've got two $20 subscribers, that'll do. Yeah, if you want to buy the Chaser, by the way, just, just, it's fine. Just podcast at Chaser.com today.

Yeah, it's not that expensive. Yeah, 20 bucks. Plus full legal liability.