The Chaser Report - Ivana Trump's Grave Mistake | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Andrew joins Charles and Dom to dig up the grave of Donald Trump's first lady (in the literal sense), Ivana Trump. Where has she been respectfully laid to rest, and how many tax breaks does it offer Donald? Plus Charles and Dom give their reviews of the Trump Towers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. It is Thursday the 4th of August 22. Charles Firth is here. Hello, Charles. Hello. I'm Dom Knight and Andrew Hanson is back. Charles, a bit more excitement for Andrew.

Just come on, it's Andrew's back. Andrew, we're delighted to have you back. Yeah, thanks. Charles, are you okay? I don't know. I'm sort of, what's the word? Depression? On we?

On we? Yeah. Oh, you don't have a. bit of enui. Oh, no, it's terrible when you're feeling French. I hate Onwee. I'm so sorry to hear that. You're probably sad about Ivana Trump, aren't you?

No, no, it's actually just that I had an accident in the bathroom and it's enwi. Oh, no, this is not a good start. Take that out. No, you know about Donald Trump. He probably would have proven on we on his wife's grave, yeah. We'll get on to Ivana Trump right after this. The Chaser Report, less news, more often. You can avoid those ads by going to chaser.com.

Today, you slash podcast, although noticing we've had a bit of an issue where our paid subscribers are getting some of the ads, the ones that we voice. We're working on it, we promise. We've escalated the problem, and the people in charge have refused to fix the problem, acknowledging that it is a problem and that it's the stupidity of their systems. They've also said, but we cannot change. it for you. It's worth noting that it would be very Donald Trump to sell a product without ads and

they have ads in it. In fact, and the solution that was proposed to me just moments ago was that in fact, what we do is we just ditch all our subscribers and start again. Just make them sign up again, which none of them all want to do. Yeah. So we will sort it out. They'd be unlikely to re-sign having already been guttingly disappointed by having the things of ads.

If we say to them sign here and we promise there won't actually be ads, I would do almost anything to avoid having to hear you rabbit on about Airbnb. I love the idea of doing that, doing that. But then having anything in the next, we have to do that. Okay, that's going to be the next thing that we do. Yeah, that's a great idea. I mean, no one alienates their audience like the Chaser. We're brilliant at it.

It's basically an abuse of relationship. I'm biting the hand that feeds us. Now, normally the hand that feeds us, you know, with some powerful institution. Now we just bite our own customers. Become the people who pity us and spend $9 a month paying for our shit without ads. It does remind me a little bit of Trump University, really,

as a sort of pyramid scheme that we're running here through the podcast. But look, there is sad news in Trump world, and I think we need to just reflect on it, because even when you're the president who rightfully won two elections in a row and will probably win the third, Bad things can happen, and in this case it was the death of Ivana Trump, his first wife, who apparently had a fall at home, just by herself, living at home, had a fall. Nobody knew, and then eventually they realized she wasn't contactable.

Oh, I didn't know. And she died. So how long was she sort of distressed and waiting? It hasn't been a lot of clarity. No, no, she just died instantly. She died falling down the stairs or something. But no, she had a terrible fall at home. It's only 73 or something.

It's not younger than Donald, in other words. I'm probably too young to be a president of the United States at 73. And that's it. That's the end of Ivana Trump, the first wife, the mother of Ivanka and Eric and Donald Jr. What a sad end for a very glamorous woman, really. Are you sad, Charles? Well, there's things I've been sadder about me in my life. I don't know whether you've heard this story, but if you were Ivana Trump,

you were the first wife of Donald Trump who had cheated on you, with Marla Maples, his second wife, for a long time, and probably other people as well, where would you want to be buried of all the possible places in the world? You're quite wealthy. You can have a grave pretty much anywhere. Where would you want your coffin to be laid to rest finally, of all the possible places? Well, I'm going to go with what I assume has happened, which is it'll be inside Trump Tower, New York, to create a tourist attraction.

She's probably entombed. At the Starbucks Harrison Ford style In some sort of Let me out Frozen, let me out What do you think Where would be a suitable place

A Trump Tower is Charles's guest She was actually part of the design of Trump Tower Apparently She is now She's part of the decorations Part of the wall And not quite Not quite

What do you think, Andrew Where would The suitable resting place For the woman that Donald Trump left I think in the 80s or 90s or something Where would she be? Well, I mean, you know, given what you've said, I mean, if she was actually cheated on,

she'd probably want to inconvenience him as much as possible. So I imagine, you know, she might be installed on one of his golf carts, for example. Weekend to burn his style. On the top. I mean, she'd really wanted to inconvenience him. She could have stayed alive and gone to the January 6th committee. That seems to be inconveniencing him quite a lot.

That would have been a nuisance. You know, Hansen, you're onto a very, very good thing with the golf. the two of you, you're close. She's not on the 18th hole. She's not there. She is the 18th hole. Or is she, yeah. You laugh.

Is she like Zany Golf? Is it like Zany Golf? And you've got to knock the golf ball through her leg. The correct answer, and I'm not making this up, is yes, she was buried at the Bedminster Golf Club, Trump Bedminster, his golf course. She was buried not far, they say, from the first hole. Not the 18th, but that. The first.

Because she was, his first hole. Is it? No. No. Take the, no, not good. No, you're worried about your subscribers. Oh, dear. Yeah, that's.

We won't have to worry about it. No, but they've buried it. And if you look at the grave, and the graves, pictures of the grave have been doing around, basically if you imagine a rectangle of dirt, the coffins underneath there, and just a marble sort of rectangle that's just saying Yvana Trump, the date that she was alive, and that's it. So people have described it basically as a porpoise. Grave there at the Trump

Bettingfield golf course. Is it Porper's Grave or is it just austere? Well, it's certainly austere. And people have of course to follow up on your suggestion, Andrew, they have photoshopped it together with a crazy golf on the top of it. I just saw the

Photoshop with that. It's very impressive. Just in fairness, is it that Donald Trump uses this golf course a lot? He does. And it's sort of like she can be with him even though it's been remarried, twice. You know, every time he tees off.

Well, there's lots of theories during the rounds about it. Lots of conspiracy theories. And there was even an image that looked as though, from one angle doing the rounds, Melania was literally dancing on the grave at one point during the ceremony. A beautiful ceremony, really. Many speeches. I mean, her children attempted to pay tribute to their mother and did a terrible job because they're trumps and they're broken inside.

None of the medical advice contained in the chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The chaser report. Here's the thing. Can you guess why Donald Trump was in favour of Ivana, his first wife, being buried at his golf club? What's the logic going on here? Why would she be buried? Apart from the fact that he does love this golf course, he goes all the time. I reckon it's because he could do it for free.

I bet you, cemetery spaces cost money. And he just went, I'll just get the backhoe. I own this land, therefore. Yeah, and it's just like a giant divot, really, isn't it? In the golf course. And an actual fact, he can probably convert that land into a cemetery and get paid for other dead people to be buried there.

He can set up his own side hustle. I've always said, Charles, I've always said that you were the Donald Trump of the chase. You've got the ginger hair, you've got the dodgy business instinct. You are absolutely right. What? There is money to be made in this for Donald. Trump, right? So it's a golf course slash cemetery now. Yes. What? And when you designate part of your land as a cemetery in the state of New Jersey,

you get tax breaks. You can't tax a cemetery company in the state of New Jersey. So he gets all kinds of massive tax benefits from Ivana's lifeless body being dumped at his golf course. There's a huge, all these tax researchers have gone to look at it. It's a trifecter. you avoid property tax income tax and sales tax so she's still giving to him even though he cheated on it and even though she's now dead

I'd be worried I mean if I was an employee at any Trump's property nationwide I'd be looking over my shoulder yeah it's going to look at this hole and you get whacked on the back of the head but it goes further and Charles is actually hit on the other part of the scheme which is that he wants to

he originally was trying to start this huge cemetery on the site and the planning authority he's knocked it back, but he's now got approval for, like, a Trump family kind of mausoleum area there. So he wants to be buried there as well, he says, although he's got other theories about where to be buried. And at one point, there was a plan for a giant, like, 18-foot-tallelium in the middle of the playing green, which got knocked back.

But it's actually now, he's apparently one of the things he's trying to pitch, is a, like, an eternal membership of this golf club where you get buried there like Yvonne. and you have to pay extra. So you get to be a member and you get your body buried there alongside Donald Trump and his family forevermore. What an attractive deal that is.

We start out thinking, oh, it's this special, emotional, meaningful thing where his wife is buried. But he's actually just open for business for anyone who wants to be married, buried next to her. It's a marketing scheme.

I mean, wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if he offered to the families of those killed on January 6th, the Capitol Police and everyone else? I know that it was my scheme, my plot that got you killed, but I've got a lovely gravesite for you. You can have for free. Wouldn't that be a nice way to make it up to those families? You wouldn't offer it for free. Oh, he wouldn't offer it for free, of course. But it made me think, I mean, what is the best

thing to do with Donald Trump's body? I mean, I imagine for at least several presidential races, it will still run, weekend at Bernie. Some will be, Eric will be propping it up from behind trying to get him to run again. It'll be very well preserved, weren't it? Because he ate McDonald's his entire life. And he uses all that makeup. Yeah, between the trans fats and the makeup, yeah, you'd think it'd be very well pickled by now. Yeah.

Well, it should be studied, you know, you should really go to scientists. Because they can start. It'd be fascinating to see, you know, how was he still alive? Yeah. And how did they fit such an ego in such a small body? Amazing.

Well, when the first thing we need to check, and I really hope this happens. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that the medical examiner who does the autopsy on Trump, and I hope that there is one, verifies whether or not Stormy Daniels was telling you. the truth about his dick because you might remember

it was a little bit like a mushroom from Mario Kart was the thing that she said and I think we all wanted to know whether that was true because it did sound pretty underwhelming

and it might explain a lot well maybe that could be the memorial in there a big like button mushroom yeah it'd be very tasteful wouldn't it you could bury him

in a field of mushrooms really couldn't you oh do you hate mushrooms do you hate them I do now I can't eat a mushroom without thinking about Donald Trump now. No. A mushroom, mushroom keesh.

Mushroom burger. What else could they do with Trump's corpse? Because I think the thing is, Trump's now on his way out. I mean, Murdoch dropped support for him about a week ago. Yes. And now the Republican National Congress, or whatever it's called. The RNC have now said that they're no longer going to change. pay for his legal bills that's sort of on the way out and then there's all these other people so

I don't think he's going to make it through and become the next presidential candidate we had Dave Smith on the podcast yes a very uh an unusually qualified episode last week talking about how it's going to be quite hard for him to run again the forces are turning against him they did it again they refused to cover one of his rallies on fox news and instead had Ron DeSantis the Florida governor um being interviewed right when he was on So it does seem as if things are the tumbrils are sort of circling somewhat in Trump world. So, you know, I imagine, like, what happened to Chowcesterscu when he got overthrown? Well, the answer is it was a swift execution, you know, moments after he'd been arrested.

I kind of think that's what it's going to be hanging from a public square is going to be what's going to happen to his body. I mean, I would like to see it pickled and be able to be visited in Mar-a-Lago. Yeah, or Disney. Or Disney, or Disney. Well, I think Disney, you know, in the hall of the presidents. I mean, you know, but the rest of them are animatronics. They are animatronics. They're going to have the real thing.

Yeah, the real thing. It could just be the corpse. The desiccated corpse. And you just go around and be inspired by America. Yeah, I mean, I was hoping, because Marilago, if you've seen the images, the whole thing is as ridiculous as Donald Trump, the whole design of the whole place. And I just could imagine in the ballroom, like him just dangling from, like a chandelier.

from the top it's sort of bloated body just sort of swinging and instead of Mara Lago it could be

Mario World the mushroom yeah mushroom volleyball no well I think the whole of the president's idea

is a very good one yeah that's it that is that's the idea that's what's going to happen like the other thing I mean there'd be nice to have something

into Capitol really to commemorate his role in attempting to overthrow the American democracy on that maybe the bollards

should be made out of mushrooms. The new security bollard to stop protesters getting into the show of his Donaldonus. Because he's even sold his hotel now. I mean, he's sort of on the outer, even that big hotel

in Washington, where everyone would go and stay. I went there. Did you go there to the Trump Hotel in Washington? I went there. I had Trump brand champagne from New Jersey. It's probably from the golf club. It's probably infused with Ivana now. Yeah, it's right.

And I had a Trump brand steak, which is very expensive. You tell us about the food and drink, good? Oh, it was terrible. No, it was shocking. I mean, it was very opulent. Like very, you know, everything was... It's a beautiful building, that old post office in Washington, yeah. But very substandard for what you were paying.

Well, I went to Trump Tower, and I actually could not believe how shit it was, in all honesty. Because, you know, Fifth Avenue primary real estate in New York. I thought it was going to be really impressive. And it looked like an airport from 1982. It really, it hasn't changed at all since it was opened. And it was, it was super daggy. And there was this horrible little shop selling, like Trump merchandise and all this kind of stuff.

Mac America, Great Again caps and all that kind of thing. But, no, it just was sort of sad. It just felt like you'd gotten out of the plane at, you know, Dubai airport in the early 80s. It's just terrible. I flew through Bahrain Airport. Yes, that very related. feeling of getting out in Dubai airport in the early 1980s. How can I put it?

Like, it was kind of like Gold Coast if it hadn't been renovated. It was sort of that style. Yeah, right. Everything was like brass and... It was just disappointing. I just thought it was going to be... Like, I thought it was going to be kind of dictator-cheek, right? Like, I thought it was going to be very grand and over the top.

I mean, like, you know, you've got a crown in Melbourne, and the main centre there is very impressive. I've heard Trump Tower, Moscow is very good, though. Oh, really? Yeah. I've heard the veds are waterproof. Anyway, I hope we can someday go to the golf course and tee off on Donald Trump's head.

Wouldn't that be a wonderful way to say goodbye? Well, I'm sure he's teed off many times on Avat. No. Our gear is from Road, and we're part of the ACAS creators network. Rest in peace, Ivano.