The Chaser Report - Jared Kushner Solves Gaza

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Dom explains to Charles the genius solutions for the Gaza conflict that Jared Kushner has come up with, including the real estate potential. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Now, Charles, we've not talked much about the war in the Middle East. The Israel-Hamas war, as some call it, the ongoing firebombing of the kids of Palestine, as how they call it, an unforgivable assault against Israel, which justifies all of this, as others call it. Have I missed all the angles? Have I got them all?

I think that's basically it. I feel like you haven't waded into, you know, the controversy around whether genocide is justified or not. I feel like that's an angle that's out there. How far does the right to defend your country? Yeah. And what point in the demolition of another country do you no longer? I mean, how far, like, how genocidal is genocide when it's justified?

Well, also, is it an all-law. nothing. Can you be a bit genocide? Yeah, yeah. These are complicated questions. You go up to the line of genocide but not over it. Genisish. I don't know. These are the kind of questions in which we're not entirely qualified to comment. Which normally doesn't stop us. The risk

of cancellation does. But no, I mean, everyone's got a perspective on this. Yeah, exactly. And I think there is a perspective that I want to bring to the table today, Charles. It's not my perspective. Because I'm no expert in the Middle East. No. I want to acknowledge that, right? This is not something my family does not have any roots there. I don't think.

order is yours. It doesn't affect us personally, except to the extent that we empathise the people, we're getting killed. Well, to the extent that bombing children... I mean, we have children. It's not a great vibe. No, the sort of raping and killings, generally considered bad in any circumstance. So let's get a perspective, though, that I think hasn't been showcased enough. Oh, you've got a fresh angle. I have a fresh angle. Oh, wow. And not only is it a fresh angle, it's a fresh angle from someone who is clearly one of the leading commentators on the Middle East today. Oh, wow, okay.

And it involves, I think, the most Australian perspective on all of this, which is, won't somebody think about the property values in Gaza? Oh, this is going to be tasteful. Let's get into it after this. Charles, there's one voice that's, I can't believe no one's noticed. It's been silent for several years now during this period. Oh, yeah. And it is the voice of the leading expert in the whole world.

on the Middle East. Oh, like Edward Said or... No, he's a bit old-fashioned. The man who was charged with fixing the Middle East, and I think it's fair to say, did. Oh, okay. The leader of all of the Middle East. Oh, is it like Bill Clinton or something like that?

This is some sort of misdirect, isn't it? No, it's not a misdirect. It's the man who was personally charged by the President of the United States with fixing the Middle East and with getting peace between... Henry Kissinger? Israel and Palestine and the other nations in the region. And if I say to you the Abrahamic Accords, does that ring any bells for you? The Abrahamic Accords?

It's a major piece of diplomacy, Charles. I can't believe the Nobel Peace Prize wasn't given for this. Are you forgetting the contribution? What? I don't know. Getting even around the table? What era? Recent.

Recent. Oh, so is it John Kerry? I don't know. I don't know. It's Jared Kushner. Jared Kushner, who coincidentally. was the son-in-law of Donald Trump is Jewish, and so he's the only person

Donald Trump knew who was able to in any way to involve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so the Abraham Accords were broken by Jared Kushner. He spent a lot of time by Jared Kushner standards, which meant at least 10 minutes.

Yes. Getting involved. And look, to be fair, he did actually achieve a few things. Like, Jared Kushner was charged with fixing about eight things by Trump. Yeah. I think this is the only one he made any progress on at all from memory.

Right. And he did manage to get relations normalized between Israel and the UAE. I'm just checking here because I'd forgotten and Israel and Bahrain. That's right. And actually, didn't he set Israel and the Saudis on a path towards chatting? Yeah, yeah. And even Israel and Sudan as well. So then, and Morocco.

So in fact, he broke it a lot of deals with Israel and the less hard countries of the region. Yeah, yeah. And essentially, therefore, isolating Iran. And all the Iranian allied parts of the Middle East. And Hezbollah. Yeah, which then enraged them because the Arabic state started to, you know, at least their leaderships started to, in some ways, abandon the Palestinian cause in favour of cushy oil deals and stuff like that.

Kushnery. Kushnery oil deals. Yeah, right. And, look, Jared Kushner, to his credit. So in some ways, you can draw a direct line between Kushner and what's happening in Gaza right now. Yeah, you can. Yeah, right, okay. The question I don't know the answer to.

So let's listen to this guy. The question I don't know the answer to, Charles, is what state those agreements are in, given what Israel's been doing lately and whether the normalization of relations has been followed by an abnormalizer, a re-abnormalization. Yeah, re- Because, again, I'm not an expert. I don't know. No, no, so we're not commenting. But the point is Jared Kushner does know, okay?

He was in charge of so many. I'll find the list of things you're in charge with. There are a great many of them, and this is the only thing you did anything on. But this week, he finally weighed in. And the world was really waiting to hear from Jake Kushner. And look, so many good insights. And the first insight, the thing I want to focus on Charles that has not been discussed is the very valuable potential, as he said, of Gaza's waterfront property.

In Gaza's waterfront property, it could be very valuable to, if people would focus on kind of building up, you know, livelihoods. You think about all the money that's gone into this tunnel network and into all the munitions, if that would have gone into education or innovation, what could have been done. You see a genocide, you say, others see an intractable disaster

and a bombed out land. Where Jared Kushner sees rubble, he knows you can build on rubble. Oh, my God, yes. It's a land clearing exercise. Everything is, actually, it's probably simpler if everyone's dead because you don't have anyone getting in the way

opposing your DA. Well, yeah, there's no DA process. Yes, that's certainly true. Agar's waterfront property could be very valuable if people would focus on building up livelihoods. And so he was interviewed by Harvard's Professor Tarek Masoud of the Middle East initiative that they have there. And he was also very disappointed that Hamas had spent all that money on tunnels instead of education and innovation, but presumably also skyscrapers. Well, I think it's very tasteful of Joe Kushner to be talking about property prices

when people are literally dehydrating to death in... in Gaza, you know, there are babies who are dying of malnutrition. Yeah, but he's got a solution. He's got a, don't worry about it. He's got a plan. Oh, right, okay. He's going to get them out.

He's going to get everyone out of ruffer. Right. That's what he wants to do. He thinks Israel should just immediately get everyone out of ruffer. Yeah. So you can clean up the whole thing and turn it into a nice property enclave. Yeah. Presumably.

So like the Miami of the Middle East. Yes, it can be, you know that island in Florida where all the billionaires live. Yes. That could be what Gaza becomes. Yes. You know, This is just so horrible. He doesn't want to kill the Palestinians, Charles.

He wants to relocate them to the Negev desert. Because dehydration's best solved by putting them in the desert. This is just horrible. This is the worst. He's got a plan, don't worry. He wants to bulldoze something in the Negev. He doesn't say what. He just says, but addition to that, I would just bulldoze something in the Negev.

Just, like, is there much in the Negev to? I don't know that there's much there. I'll look at it on Google Maps while we're talking. people living there you've got to get rid of. I just love the self-awareness is incredibly said. I'm sitting in Miami Beach right now and I'm looking at the situation and I'm thinking what would I do if I was there? And of course

it is true that if Jared Kushner was there, it's what his family does, he would try and build luxury property. Yes, the condo led solution to... Absolutely. See, this is the, this is what all the great thinkers about the Middle East have never considered. Yeah.

Is the property development angle? Is condos? Yes, that's the Gordian to cut the Gordian knot. I mean, Gaza could be the new Dubai, couldn't it? It could be the new Qatar. And so what, wait a minute, but, like, what about the people who were living there, like, shouldn't they? No, they're in the desert. They're in the desert.

But, I mean, they're safe and they have jobs. But they said, so why would they be happy about this? Why would they be happy about being moved from their home to enter the desert so that other people can make condos? I don't understand. He's got some thoughts about the future of Gaza. Let me, we'll cut in some of this audio, but I'm sort of paraphrasing what he said. These are direct quotes from Kushni here, okay? Masud, the expert, the actual expert, asked him.

But also, there are real fears on the part of Arabs, and I'm sure you talk to a lot of them who think once Gazans leave Gaza, Netanyahu's never going to let them back in. Maybe. This is the really interesting insight that he has, with his deep knowledge of the situation. Um, maybe, but I'm not sure there's much left of Gaza at this point. So, you know, if you think about even the construct, like, you know, Gaza, Gaza was not really a historical precedent, right? It was the result of a war, right? You had tribes that were in different places, but then Gaza became a thing.

So he says, you don't really need Gaza? You don't really. So I think he's viewing this as a new opportunity for Israeli developers. You clear, you know, Charles, I don't know if you've ever built a giant condo tower, but you clear the land first. And if there's one thing Israel's been doing, it's clearing the land. Come on, you can't dispute that. That land is cleared, baby. What if?

As a compromise, all the condos that have built adhere to the new Max Chandler-Maita method. Oh, okay. Interesting. They've got to be low-cost, you know, for middle-class Australians. That's not a bad idea. I think that could be very good. I think this is terribly. This is awful.

It's awful. I'm just trying to, I feel like what we should do is, like, acknowledge that this is the angle that we've taken, right? For this episode. But Charles, we don't know as much about the Middle East as Jared Kushner. You think it's awful. And I think it's awful. But I've never been the president's invoid in the Middle East.

Yeah. Trying to solve the problem, have I? Yeah, you're right. Who am I to comment on how horrific what he's saying is? Because if there's one thing we can learn from Jared Kushner here, let's just take a moment to think about what that might be. The Chaser Report. News You know you know.

You can't trust. The one thing we can learn from Jared Kushner, I think we've been observing quite well in the podcast, is that it's not wise to comment on a situation when you know fuck all about it. Can I share with you his summary of the situation? Okay. This is his snapshot. Okay. He says, it's a little bit of an unfortunate situation there.

It is an unfortunate situation. I think that that... I think that was in the ICJ. Yeah. That's one of the... That's a special rapporteus. again. Medicine and Frontier's report is called us a little bit of an unfortunate situation.

I think from Israel's perspective, I would do my best to move the people out and then clean it up. Ah, that is, clean it up. What is that implying? Ethnic cleansing? I don't know. What kind of cleansing you're talking about? Yeah, there's no implying there.

There's just explicitly saying it, isn't it? Jesus. I mean, that is horrific. And he's going to end up being in power again. Well, this is the thing. Okay. So Ivanka and Jared have not endorsed Trump. They don't go to his events.

What they do is they sit in their little, so they moved down to Florida to be near him. They left New York because everyone hates them there now for obvious reasons. There's this, I don't know whether you've seen it, there's this special island that only rich people can live on in South Florida where they've got some sort of, you know, waterfront property next to other rich people.

Right. It's like this little island with a causeway that you can't get to unless you're a billionaire, basically. I feel like if we're looking for places to rehouse people in Gaza, But maybe that's where we should be looking. But Charles, we'd have to raise it to the ground first, possibly with an aerial bombing campaign. And maybe, you know, get rid of all the civilian and clean it up.

You could move Jared Kush into the Negev Desert. That's a great idea. That's a great plan. And look, it might be a bit of an unfortunate situation for them. It could be an unfortunate situation. Let me just see where the Negev Desert is. I feel like what goes around comes. around. Like, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's not the way Jared Kushner

has ever seen anything in his life. But I'm sitting here. A long way away from the guy. A long way from the thing. And I'm asking myself, what would I do? And my answer is, I would bomb that island to the ground. You find a place. See, we joke. We joke, Charles. But it is, as you mentioned, Jared and Ivanka haven't done anything yet. They haven't endorsed Trump or anything. But you can bet that the moment he's president again, yes. They will go straight back, and Jared Kushner will go straight back to the Middle East

and start doing these deals. And can I just remind everybody, having written a book about the Trump family called Trumpedia, which is, I don't think you'll find a copy of it, but it was actually quite a good book. I researched Jared. It's an amazing, the Jared Kushner story is an amazing story of mediocrity being paid for by his daddy, like his place in Harvard.

Anyway, he will go there and cut deals to get the Qataris or the Saudis or whoever it is, to bail out his family company. Yes. Because whatever you say about Jared, he's one person with Jewish heritage, a very devout Jew, who is happy to take money from Arab countries to bail out his family properties. He's done on multiple occasions. Wow.

So that's our future. I feel like you've predicted our future. Yeah. I feel like this could almost be an episode of Welcome to the Future, even though it's not. Well, all you need now, I think the other factor that we haven't factored in yet is MBS, who's very close to Jared Kushner. Yes, they are. They did the all together, didn't they?

Or was that Trump? Oh, MBS. I don't know. I'm sure they've also cut up a few journalists. Probably. So that's what will happen. The bone saw. When you see Gaza, you see a humanitarian tragedy and tens of thousands of people slaughtered.

But what you don't see is another place where MBS could build an amazing building. We've featured a few of these. There's the line that they're doing. There's the giant cube. Yep. What could they build in Gaza? Well, I wonder whether, because it's waterfront. you're saying.

Yeah, of course it is. Alan Jones is selling his place. Let's bring him in the one thing. This is damn so neat. Alan Jones is selling his place in the toaster. There's rumors that he's not. Like, he's denying that he is. That's what you say when you are, though, isn't it?

But the whole point is, there's all of these people who have been made to sign NDAs to go and do the inspections. Yeah, you've been. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I was the first one in there. Yeah, absolutely. That podcast. Obviously, I can't say what it's like.

No. Because signed an NDA. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit, I just broke the NDA, damn it. But, yeah, so he's selling up. He needs a waterfront place. I presume he wants to be outside the jurisdictional reach of Australia. Just in case he's unfairly locked up for things he definitely didn't do.

And he doesn't sued for defamation yet over that, has he? I'm sure he will soon. Oh, I'm sure he will. So his claims can be tested in court. Yeah. But, you know, on the off chance, he doesn't want to be in an extraditable jurisdiction. I imagine Gaza is pretty unsubes. Well, you wouldn't call it Gaza, Charles, because of the brand damage.

Oh, right. What would you call it? Miami, too. No, no. Maybe we need to turn the brand around, a bit like the Trump brand needs turning around. Oh, yeah. Here's three words that I think are a comprehensive vision for the future of the region. Yeah.

Where everyone wins, whether you're an Israeli property developer. Yeah. Or a Palestinian who can have a minimum wage job looking after rich people. And that's a part of the piece, right? Yeah. Gaza strip mall. A giant one, the biggest one ever built. Yep, I love it.

Everyone knows the words Gaza Strip, but they don't think about luxury shopping destination. And the slogan could be a bit of an unfortunate situation. Oh, dear. Our Gerestrom Road. We're part of the O'Connor-Class Network, and I don't think we'll be back tomorrow. No, Charles, I must say, though,

it did occur to me. I've spent so much time looking at it and being bemused by Jared Kushner. It's been years since I've thought about the guy. Yeah. Oh, so good, that I'm back. All your knowledge is going to be really useful again. Oh, my God. It's been fun doing the podcast anyway.

Sorry about the cancellation. Yeah. Oh, well.