The Chaser Report - Joe Biden Has Quiet Quit The Presidency

Episode Date: June 29, 2024

In classic Chaser Report fashion, Charles and Dom bring you their full recap of the first Trump vs Biden debate... without watching it. Given how the whole debate went, it's fair to say they made the right choice not to watch it. Stay tuned for a big announcement at the end of the episode!!! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And hot off the presses, or possibly Monday by the time you're heated, I'm not sure. We have the fastest to be compiled and the slowest to be released debate analysis ever, because we're ready to call the debate right now. Yes. I haven't watched any of the debate.

But my dad just texted me. telling me that he, he after five minutes, decided to stop watching the debate because it was just too embarrassing to watch. And they're talking about Biden. I texted Chaz four minutes into the debate before Donald Trump had opened his mouth and said Biden has already lost. He can't speak. What?

That's the call. I've called the debate. I've called the election. I'm really sorry. Trump's winning. It's done. It's Trump. Unless Kamala Harris steps up for the second debate.

Yeah. I'm afraid great-grandpa Joe is just not working. But do you think this is all part of Biden's master strategy? Let's find out in a moment. So, look, just to briefly recap what I heard, we're going to play just, I don't know, 30 seconds of the opening of the debate.

You'll notice how, I think he's got the cold. He's either got a cold or COVID, or he's 81. He's 81. I'm not sure which of the things it is. But you'll notice how he pauses for breath every like five seconds and sounds not entirely with it. Have a listen to this. We've got to take a look at what I was left when I became president and what Mr. Trump left me. We had an economy that was in freefall. The pandemic was so badly handled. Many people were

dying. All he said was is not that serious. Just inject a little bleach into your arm. You'll be all right. The economy collapsed. There were no jobs. Unemployment rate rose to 15%. It was terrible. So that's what I based my call on, Charles. And then Donald Trump... That's pretty bad. Curiously enough, the whole thing about the rules, oh, they're going to turn his microphone off when it's not his turn, he's not going to have an audience there, it'll keep him in his

box. Actually made him sound... I mean, the content made no sense, but he didn't sound absolutely like... We didn't sound like, but... No, he sounded of the two of them, if you ignore the content, which of course everyone would have. He sounded the most alive. Yes. It's sort of

like comparing... Would you prefer to be in a room full of fart or would you prefer to be in a room that has like poo in it and it smells? What an extraordinary enough. I don't even know which is witch. But you know like one just has the smell of it but no poo. One of the has the poo but is also stinky because it's got poo. You know what I mean? Like no. It's sort of like you don't really want either. It's like a lingering stench versus an active... Yeah. No.

Well, I mean, you've got a person who we know makes terrible decisions. And a person who I don't know is going to be able to make any decisions. Okay, I'll come up with a better analysis. What about you offered a sort of moldy off panad of strawberries? Right. Or a moldy of panett of blueberries. Which one would you like? What?

Which is which? Well, I'm just saying, like, this is the options that the... It's a choice between two unpalatable options. Is that the point you're getting to? Yeah. I mean, this is the thing. Right, compared to four years ago. I'll just try one more.

Okay, try one more analogy. Okay. It's like being offered... This is the best debate analysis, that's going, by the way. Do you want your iPhone screen to be cracked on the top half of the screen or on the bottom half of screen? Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't want either. You don't want either. Yeah. The thing that's really challenging about this, too, is the difference between. I'll just throw one more metaphor. Four years ago, four years ago Biden was much, was basically completely with it,

didn't have all this shuffling and gate stuff going on that he has today. Yeah. Like compared to State of the Union, Biden, you know the other whole thing about how he was going to take drugs and BJ? He is not on anything. Not on the right drugs. I mean, if it's anything, it's sedatives, do you know.

I think maybe this is all a sort of drug legalisation pitch, isn't it? Is it? He said too much weed. We want State of the Union, Biden. I see. So it's stoned by you. He's stoned. I think that that's what's happened. He's had a bit of nerves, as you do, before an important event. And so he's, you know, gone, well, it's legal nowadays. Might as well have some wacky tobacco. And it's been a misstep. And I mean, to be fair, though, Donald Trump is so relatively subduited. I'm saying this just based off the first beginning of the debate, because stupidly we booked our podcast recording time for five minutes into the debate and then decided to analyze the debate, which was a big call. It's quite possible, Charles, that Donald Trump is also stone because he was not shouting and frothing at the mouth.

Do you think they did a sort of Dutch oven style thing beforehand? Oh. They just got in the Dutch oven together. Jake Tapper just sort of lit up. That was probably one of the rules. Well, CNN is a liberal network. We know how much liberals like getting stoned. Exactly.

But I think that this might actually be a masterstroke by the Biden campaign. Oh, yes, you did make that very big call, the start of, the podcast. Because I think the whole thing is you've got to reset expectations. Sure. Right. And this is why it's been so early. This is the earliest presidential debate ever

in the election cycle. It's before the election candidates have even been decided, right? Well, I haven't won there. They haven't been formally nominated at the convention. Well, you know why. Old men love going to bed early. This is much early. But I think what Biden's whole

team needs to do is they need to reset expectations. The normal expectation that an American voter will have is that their president is coherent. It's awake. Yeah. And by straight out of the gates going, no, no, this election, we're not offering you a product of a coherent president. We're offering you a bubbling wreck who really just needs to sort of go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Therefore, you know, they can then move forward with that expectation reset. So the worst thing that they could do is Biden does really well in this debate, but that's not the product they're going to be selling for the next six months. It's going to be an incoherent mess. So by lowering expectations early, any time Biden says even, say, a sentence that makes sense, everyone's going to go, oh, he's done well. Oh, he's on the minute. Surprising voters.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I mean, that's something that could happen. We've all visited Grandpa. at one point in the past. And it seemed like he needed a bit of a sleep and he wasn't quite there that day. And you feel sorry for people like that. You do.

It reminds you how fond you are. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe there's tugs. The part strings of ordinary Americans who've had frowl elderly people who they are fond of in their lives. Well, I've often said that the only reason Tony Abbott was a member for Wuringa

for so many years was the pity vote. You think so? Yeah, so it is possible to... You know, you look at Tony Abbott, and you go, oh, God, poor wife. Oh, and the daughters. Yeah. And what will I do?

Well, I'll vote for Tony Abbott, so he doesn't have to be at home. So he's in Canberra a lot. Yeah. Remember how when he was prime minister? Yeah. He went to live at the Federal Police Training College. Yes. It was a renovating lodge.

Yes. I reckon he preferred it. Oh, yeah. The Spartan kind of seminary type education. Anyway, I think that's a good hypothesis. It's not about the contents about, oh, oh, oh, grandpa. Yeah, it's the pity vote. It's the pity vote.

Whereas Donald Trump, well, I mean, he's just always the same, right? You always get the same. He doesn't have good or bad days. He just, he's on the same planet, whatever day it is. Well, yeah, I think this is the wonderful thing about where Trump has sort of set his voters' expectations, which is that it doesn't matter whether what he says is true or false, whether it's good or bad, whether it's coherent or incoherent. The promise is that you've got to back him anyway.

Like, he's managed to do that wonderful white male thing of avoid all. accountability for anything he says at all, ever. I'm just looking, apparently, in the first 30 minutes, the one real-time thing I can do is check Twitter. Apparently in the first 30 minutes of the 90-minute debate, nobody mentioned the fact that one of them had just been convicted of 34 felonies. So, yeah. Do you think Biden's forgotten?

I think he probably has forgotten. Oh, my goodness. Yes, quite. Well, I'm just saving it for the grand finale, but it also may be quite hard to remember the number 34. Yes. And Charles, I also admire Biden. for bucking against a trend,

because I'm sure you've heard this whole thing of super ages, right? All these people who are in their 80s and 90s and are just going on strong like Rupert Murdoch, by all accounts, at 93, is still full of women vigour. Donald Trump is able to do these incredibly long days and admittedly has a bit of a sleep in the courtroom.

But we're saying, you know, on the Supreme Court, all these people, they're ancient and they just keep powering on and they never get out of the way and they certainly never sell their houses or move into retirement homes and, you know, just nothing about housing affordability. No, exactly.

But Joe Biden, today looks every one of his 81 years. You know what he's done? What's he done? He's quite quit. He's quite quit the presidency. That's very good. There's the episode title, I think.

And it was very Soto Voucho. It was, it was, it was, for I was a whispery, and there was, it was a pause in between a little bit of the sentence. And look, I used to be all in favour of quiet quitting. Oh, yeah. Because I think, you know, like, if your employer is not, you know, treating you well, it's fine to just sort of... keep getting your salary and just do less and less. Soft peddled at work. But when you're the president of the United States,

I'm reconsidering my support for quiet quitting. Because I kind of think it's a bit of a dick move, isn't it? To your employer. Oh, as a president. Yeah, as a president to quite quit the presidency. Well, and were there any other presidents in history who've quite quit? Or is this the first president? No, surely.

I mean, second term of Reagan, not intentionally. Yeah, he's quite quit. I think his sense is quite quit him at that point. I mean, Clinton was, Clinton was, he didn't quite quit, but he spent a lot of time to deal with the whole blowjob incident thing. Yeah. But that wasn't quite quitting. No, it wasn't like this.

Biden's, I mean. I think he's the first, I think he's a groundbreaker. I think he's broken ground. The Australian Constitution, Charles, has a, has a rule that the age of 70, high court judges have to retire. Yes. And we don't praise the founding, you know, I suppose they're probably all men, the people who drafted the Australian Constitution.

They don't get the sort of praise at the American finance. That was a good rule. That rule was brought in in 1986. Was it? That was part of the Australia Act. The seven-year-old thing, was it really? Yeah, that was part of the Australia. Oh, that's very good guy.

That was also... Under the Hawke Government. Under the Hork Government, that was also the act that finally separated our judiciary from the British Judiciary. Yes, there were no more appeals to the Privy Council. Yeah, because before 1986, if you really wanted to go, you know, all the way to the High Court... You would take it to London. You would take it to London.

Yeah. And then the Privy Council. Council is this weird body of Lords, isn't it? I don't know if it still exists a Privy Council in any meaningful sense, but I think they've even replaced it in the UK now with various Supreme Court. Just to deal with colonial matters. It's just

does. Does Privy mean like toilet? Yeah. It does. It's not like a friend. They met in the King's toilet. Yeah. Like the Privy Council, I don't think, was like the highest court in Britain. Oh, I see. It was like a subset of Lords who just went

Oh, yeah, we'll, you know, determine what goes in the colonies. There is still a privy council. Look, I studied law for several years. I had absolutely no memory of any of this stuff. And I'm glad I quite quit that degree. So I've seen my marks reflect that. Anyway, where are we? We're still analysing a debate that we haven't heard at all.

But, Charles, this isn't a good moment. We don't need to. What we need to do is we need to now batten down the hatches and prepare for a Trump presidency. Okay, let's just have an ad break and do that. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. All right, Hatchez is battened down. Donald Trump is President-elect at this point. So I think we can assume that Project 2025 is full steam ahead.

I haven't heard what that is. Yeah, this is the revenge project. Yeah. And I am your retribution. Yeah, and, you know, day one, he's going to be a dictator, is essentially the vibe of it. Well, that's what he's explicitly said, yeah. One of the fascinating things that he's planning to do is put large swathes of the public service, I think about six million people onto a thing called Schedule F.

Schedule F, which they'll call it getting F to all that. Yeah, and he actually came up with Schedule F right in the dying days of his presidency. And then Biden immediately reversed it back in 2021. You know, one of the first things Biden did just before his nap of the day. Schedule F is basically making almost all public service employees in America hire or fireable at will by Donald Trump. They become presidential appointees. Now, America is one of the few places in the world where the president can get in

and literally there's sort of at least 10,000 people he just directly hires. They're not subject to the same scrutiny as normal public servants. in that if they make a decision that displeases the president because, say, they're obeying a law or something like that, people who are direct appointments actually can just be fired by the president regardless, right? And so if that extended down to, say, all the Department of Justice employees and things like that, if they all suddenly came under this Schedule F idea, then any employee who's deciding, oh, well, should I prosecute that friend of Donald Trump's based on the law,

would suddenly be able to be completely removed, completely legally, by Donald Trump. Which is sort of dictatorship. It's sort of like, it's chilling. Like, it sounds very bureaucratic. It's absolutely ridiculously powerful. Well, Charles, I mean, sure, if you're part of the deep state, if you're one of those hardcore Democrats that's, you know, prevented Donald Trump from doing what we wanted to do last time, sure, yeah.

The writing's on the wall. You're toast, sucker. Yeah, yeah. That's all. I mean, the thing about the Trump administration last time is that so much of its impact was blunted by incompetence. And that's the thing. They have actually learned this time and not, I don't remember who's running the whole thing

for him, but he's got a whole team of people, yes, getting ready to actually figure out how to get round all the guardrails that were there last time. It took him four years and he didn't get around most of them. And he hired all these people like Rex Tillerson, who didn't necessarily go along with all the things that he wanted to do. I mean, he sort of quietly appalled a lot of his employees shortly into their ten years and had to sacked them. Yes.

But this time around, he'll get hardcore mega-roids who will not in any way displease him. Yes. And he's organised. Like, he's ridden it all down. He's going to do it. In giant Sharpie. Yeah. Yeah.

So, look, apparently as the debate goes on, it is getting more heated and they're getting stuck into. So maybe Biden's awake at this point in the debate. I'm not sure. You'll have to watch it for yourself. But we do know. I think it's still time to call it for Trump. You know how steroids take a little, like, take 20 minutes to kick in.

Yes, the roid rage. Do you think maybe Biden timed his medication to be too close to the start time? I could be. And maybe it's only now just kicking it. The eckies are kicking in. Well, I mean, this is the great thing. See, we didn't want to insult you, dear listener, by watching the debate because we knew that this wouldn't come out until Monday. Yeah.

And so we wanted to make sure that it was a, it wasn't a post-debate. Because by Monday, all the analysis will have been done. So we wanted to be the first with the analysis without having been informed. So, Charles, let me just record an alternate version. I think this podcast is it as coherent as Biden's election strategy at this point. Okay, hang on, let's just do an alternate version. Charles, today is the day that Joe Biden got re-elected as president of the United States. The Trump insurgency is over.

He was masterful. A bit of a slow start. No, terrible. But absolutely masterful from Biden. Right on his record. So good. Trump was a sniveling mess. Oh, yes.

And the way, you know, that thing he did. Yeah. Oh, what a disaster. I mean, Biden, can you cut the words in as the best part of Biden's speech here, Lachlan? I've never heard so much malarkey in my whole life. And I told you before, I'm happy to play golf if you carry your own bag. My son was not a loser, was not a sucker. You're the sucker, you're the loser.

You're the morals on an alley cat. Just brilliant, just brilliant stuff. I mean, Mr. President, I salute you. It's sort of the rhetorical skills of JFK and Obama in his prime. Jacked up on Roids If you got Obama jacked up on roids like he never was But with the wisdom of an 800-year-old wizard That's right

Look, I guess we're at the point We've got to come clean, Charles We need a break I know we've barely been here lately It's because we've been really busy With all of our other work Because, you know Podcasting doesn't always pay the bills

We appreciate you listening We appreciate you paying your $4 a month If you do our Apple Podcasts or ACAST But you've got What have you gone on at the moment? You're super busy. I've got a yet-to-be-announced, super-exciting project that I'm going into production of next week. It either sounds very exciting in all sincerity or it's an amazing long con.

We'll find out soon. It's actually a bank robbery. And I've had to have this whole other line of work where I'm doing academic stuff in order to pay the bills and also because it's quite interesting. So I'm going to a conference next week, so I will be away. So what we're going to do is we've asked Chris Taylor, and Andrew Hanson to take over the feed. Yes, we have. Now, we're about to go and have lunch with them.

This is going to be a cliffhanger. Will they arrive on Tuesday or not? We don't know whether they're going to seal the deal or not. Yeah. One of the questions was, how does the podcast equipment work? Yeah, I think the main jeopardy on this whole thing is, will Chris be able to press the go button. Yeah, the very clearly marked record button on the device.

On the record the device. I don't know. I don't know. I worked at Triple J as a drive presented for two years. Craig used to do all the panelling, didn't he? No, Chris did. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know how he did that. Oh, come on. Apparently he doesn't know how to record. I think you'll be hearing Chris and Andrew tomorrow. I hope so. But if not, I don't know, you won't hear anything for a week. Yeah, either that or we'll put in some sort of half-ass bullshit. But I think after that, I'm going to be away, actually, for the next couple of months, really.

But it's all very exciting. I will end up in Edinburgh, actually. Yeah, he's doing his show. So if you're in Edinburgh, go and see the... Wankanomics? Wanganomics. So he's very busy and very successful, blah, blah, blah. I will be here.

You'll be here, and it'll be basically a mix of Andrew and Chris. And whoever else is around. And whoever else is around. We'll get a few favorites around. We might even get Charles for the occasional cameo when it's got to spare five minutes or something. Oh, yeah. Well, if I...

I don't know. I think I'm going to be, like, Howl in Henry V. Yeah? where I don't even look glance at my friends once I ascend the Throne. I see. That's my plan. The great news is. I want to just tread on people on my way up.

We've left it on a classic episode, really. Just brilliant analysis. Very satirical. Cutting edge. Yes. Clearly did the work. Did the research. This was the apex.

Yeah. Episode, whatever, 902 or something. If you got this far, email podcast at jaster.com.com. And wish Charles all the best with his secret project and travels. Thank you. We'll catch you. sometime on the feed soon, but we're not ending it.

You're coming back, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, I'll come back in September. I mean, if he's successful enough not to come back, you'll know. Oh, you'll definitely know. I'll make sure. I'll come onto the book, I'll tell you all about it. You'll do one insufferable episode. All right.

Thanks for listening. Catch you later. Our gear is removed. We're part of the Iconiclass Network. Catch you later.