The Chaser Report - Kanye or Nay?

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

Charles has a story from Germany about a journalist accidentally using AirTags to find national secret service bases. Lachlan becomes a hopeless romantic and shares romance advice he discovered from Kanye West. Plus John is depressed and upset and it's all TV's fault and totally nothing to do with the state of the rest of the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to The Chase of Report for Friday, the 18th of February. I'm Charles Firth. And with me are Gabby Bolt and Alexa Vulevich. I like that you've corrected the last name situation. And you pronounce it perfectly. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Well. He's learning. So, a bit of an interesting story coming out of Germany this morning. They always are. What happened in Germany? You know those air tags that happened? Apple have recently released. Oh, yeah, I've heard about them, yeah.

They're little tracking devices. They cost about 20 bucks or 25 bucks, and you can sort of put them on your devices or put them on your valuables, put them in your handbag, and it allows you to sort of track where they are. It's a brilliant idea. Yeah, a little tracking for all your own. And they go, beep, beep, beep, beep, if you lose them. Lose them, and you can activate the noise.

So, this investigative journalist in Germany was one. wondering whether there was some company that she thought was a bit suspicious, and she thought was actually a front for the German intelligence services. And so what she did is she mailed them in the post, an air tag, and it went to this front company, and then she could track it all the way through a whole lot of different intelligence services that it went through. and she sort of exposed their entire sort of network of secret intelligence services because the parcel just kept on being sent further and further on.

That's amazing. Also a testament to how good the mail system must be in Germany. Yeah, yeah. I reckon if you did that in Australia, like, Ospoise would lose it and you just follow some van all the way around a country. Or you'd get it back and get a Cartier. Return to send out. That's pretty good in terms of lying.

Like, if you want to commit espionage, you just post it on YouTube and pretend it's a prank. Yeah. You're just completely killed for you. It's actually what you guys have been doing this entire time. So I'm just saying, and look, I think it's probably illegal to try and track down their secret services. Yeah, look, probably. And surveil them. But we could, though.

If anyone out there does sort of accidentally pop a little air tag in the post. My question is, where's the, what's the first address in Australia? What, like, how do you find the very first address to send it to you? Well, this is, like, spies. Just alphabetically, yeah. One Australia Street. One, one espionage lane, Australia, New South Wales. Yeah, where would you?

Well, I think it would be just. Cura Billy House. It would be really uninteresting here, wouldn't it? It would just be like, spy building, number one. Coming up on the show. So we've got something to do with... I've never heard of this person, Kanye West or something?

Oh, yeah. His name was Yee. Me too. I thought his name was Dickhead, but anyway. And John's going to drop in to find out how to make teen dramas happier. That's all coming up. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Dan, Winoni, Chase the Newsroom.

Finance Minister Josh Frydenberg has bragged that unemployment is at a third. year low, telling voters that the Liberal Party has almost done as well as the Labor Party did during the GFC. Meanwhile, Social Services Minister Anne Rustin has defended the $45 new start rate, claiming that no one has come up with some sort of poverty line figure to compare it to. Minister for Transylvania Peter Dutton has attempted to win over 60 Minutes viewers by playing a song on his pipe organ. This, before sucking the blood, of Karl Stefanovic. Prime Minister Scott Morrison has yet to comment on this challenge to his

leadership after he was arrested last night by New South Wales Police for his ukulele performance which breached rules about playing live music during the pandemic and assaulting people's ears. Editors at the Daily Mail have celebrated a successful week of cancelling Grace Tame for smoking weed by doing an extra line of cocaine. Although allegations have come out that, Like most lines produced by The Daily Mail, the Coke was actually stolen from another news site with a bit of extra racism and misogyny sprinkled on top. I'm Rebecca Dayna Muno from the Chaser Newsroom,

the only newsroom in the country that the Daily Mail hasn't stolen an article from yet. So Lachlan has dropped in. Lachlan, you've got some dating advice. I do, I do, I know. Resident single with the dating advice come through. Well, this is the thing. Lots and lots of our listeners come to this podcast for dating advice.

I think they come to this podcast for who not to date. I present this podcast for dating advice. Well, I know. That's why they hired Alexa and I, and I just thought I'm going to give some love life tips to our hopeless romantics out there. So before we get into this, can I just ask, just genuinely interested to know, are you on Tinder, Lockland? This is a hate-art complaint waiting to happen? Not anymore. I got banned.

You got band from Tinder Because I was trying to promote the podcast For work So you're on any of them? Bumble, hinge, grinder Why do you know all of them? You're a married man I don't need to be on any of these

Because I actually have a new Inspiration in life I have a new muse for my romantic pursuits Kanye West Oh dear So I've come to the Chase Report today To give you guys A whole bunch of romantic advice

From the perspective of Kanye West And I should should mention that this advice is based on the actions of a recently divorced middle-aged man. Full-proof. Because who else would we aspire to be? So, you know, if you're ready, I'll just drop some knowledge bombs on you. Yeah, sure, fuck it. So the first piece of advice from Kanye West is always be generous.

Shower your partner in gifts. Ooh. Good, good advice. Oh, that one. What's the catch? I should mention that Kanye's partner is actually his ex-wife, Kim Kardashian, who he hasn't been with together for months now. That's the most generous thing you could do.

But doesn't he, isn't that, like, isn't there a thing, though? I read recently that Kanye West, when he starts dating someone, he like literally throws out their entire wardrobe and, like, buys them a new one and essentially like dresses them up. Yes, that's true. Were you about to go there with you? No, no, no, because I was about to say that when you divorce someone, you should, for Valentine's Day, buy them an entire truck filled with roses and send it to their address, regardless of the fact that they don't want to talk to you anymore.

Did it have some seven thumbs? That's what he did. Kanye West sent an entire truck. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. This is not, this is like abusive behavior, isn't it? Yeah. This is a bit too. No, no, no, no, no.

I was going to go the other way. I thought, like, that's not big enough. Like, he's so rich. What's a truck full of roses? That's like less, that's like a petal of a rose for me. You know the extent of like 16 trucks of roses. A convoy. So, and so did you do that for, did you go with that on Valentine's stuff?

I bought, with your recently divorced. I bought a truck for my ex-wife, but it was just a matchbox truck. No, no, but have you got a crash? Like, did you send her a track of... H-a-Jorja. I might have, uh... I haven't got a bit there. I've got a...

I've got no advice. He's trying to make up a fictional... No, I can't make up a lover. I've got more advice. I say. It just seems too impossible to imagine. I feel like you are coming into this conversation with a completely ulterior motive, which is let's find all about

Lockwood's love life. I'll tell you about my love life when I have one. Come on. Come on. Come on. Keep going. Okay. So the next piece of advice from Kanye is never give up trying to win them back. Oh, that's terrible. This is horrible. What do you mean? Well, I should mention

that by win them back, I actually mean publicly embarrass and harass your ex. Yeah, that checks out. That checks out. So some of Kanye's best moves so far have been buying a mansion directly opposite your ex-wife's house. be seen publicly having a threesome in said mansion with supermodels you know your ex-wife hates.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I did that once. It didn't work out very well. Charles, did you then, Charles, publicly release a disc track of not just your ex-wife, but your kids as well? A what? A disc track is in a rap track where you make fun of your wife and my kids. Charles is like a million years old.

So a disc track is when you don't like someone. there. Even you the sad. I've never heard that term. Are you fucking serious? You were 20 in the 90s. What do you mean? You've never heard the term disc track. This is why that move didn't work, Charles. You forgot to make a disc track as well. But I mean, does it count that I just be unpleasant to them all the time? I mean, yeah, sure. So he made a disc track about his family. Yeah. In his own disc track, he publicly mentions like his kids. Never doing chores at home. Like, buy shares in whatever psychology service he uses that that is. Is the threesome one of the gifts?

Stop! The next piece of advice is sometimes you have to move on. Oh. And I should mention that by move on, I mean, don't let your ex move on and shame them for trying to do so. Yeah. So lots of people now know Kim Kardashian has fallen ill with a case of Pete Davidson syndrome. They're now dating. That's not an illness.

It's not an illness. It's a craze. I think we all want to catch it. It's a phenomenon. I'd happily catch it. So Kanye has responded to this by posting hundreds and hundreds of memes to his Instagram, constantly deleting them, memes that his own fans have made on Reddit or are sending him, in which Kanye threatens to have a public fight with Pete Davidson.

So there's been some memes where, like, Kanye will put his face on, you know, Civil War. uh or batman versus superman who'll put his faces uh and pete's faces on the the posters there publicly just calling for like yeah pete your people versus my people in the streets let's go is there like a point where you're rich enough and none of this stuff counts as harassment like yeah what's what's the law doing it just it just moves from harassment to entertainment yeah i think as long as you've got literally if it's in people mag it doesn't count yeah but you know what i just think i feel no sympathy for this man so many people like the first you hear when people are talking about this is like, oh, this is so sad.

Like, I feel so bad for Kanye. He needs, he needs help. He's the richest cunt alive. Like, he could get the best psychiatric help today. Final piece of advice. Final piece of advice is that relationships are a give and take. And it's always important to listen. I should mention that by listen, I mean don't.

Oh, right. You know how in Australia we have that issue with, like, politicians leaking private texts? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Didn't, did he? Well, no, yeah, because, like, the politicians, they're in that awkward position where the only option they have left is to leak a personal text explaining that the other person was lying to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Kanye was in the exact same situation, except, and this is where he's a visionary, the texts he leaked, made him look bad.

That's great. So on his Instagram, he leaked a private screenshot of a text from Kim Kardashian that she was begging him to stop harassing her, leave her, and, you know. Pete alone before people get hurt. Wait, I thought Scott Morrison did that when he leaked the French text being like... Did Scott Morrison then say to all his fans, don't hurt Pete Davidson, because I want to do that myself? Did he say it? That's what Kanye called.

Kanye said, I will handle Skeet. That's what he's calling Pete myself. Skeet. Yeah. That's pretty good. I like Kanye now. That's funny. I just, I just take his phone away.

Take the cunt's phone away. Just take his phone away and give him some actual professional help. I don't have seek professional help as any of my romantic advice from Kanye West. Sorry, Gabby. If he gets put away, you'll be out of business for a period of time. Who's going to make all those sweatshop sneakers? I guess the silver lining here is that no matter how down in the dumps you are at the moment about your own love life, at least you're not Kanye West.

Yeah, fuck. Less news, less often. So, John, you've been thinking about how Gen Z can be better served by making sitcoms happier or drama series happier. How are you going? I was reading The Guardian. I found that there's a real big issue that I didn't know about that I'm facing and that Gabby would also be facing.

Sorry. Apparently it's affecting everyone in Gen Z. I'm not Gen Z. So what is a Gen Z? The next generation. And I say that as a Gen X. I'm a millennial. That's true.

It's like the same. It's like bullshit made up thing by marketers as every other generation. So I'm, I'm Gen X. Alexer, are you millennial? I'm a baby boomer. No. So Gen Y is what? The cool one.

Mid 30s, isn't it? We're millennials. How old do you think Alexa is? No, I think he's 31, aren't you? I'm 29. Good one. But I think I think I'm on the bottom of the wise. Yeah, you would have been born what?

92. Yeah, yeah. We're very bottom of the wires. You still have no hope of earning a house. No. Oh, yeah. All Gen Ys have no hope of burning a home. But my jokes are also really shit.

And then what's a millennial? So millennial is after Gen Y. No, millennial is just another word for Gen Y. Oh, okay. Millennials actually encompassing Gen Y and Jed-Z. And then, really? Yes, because if you were born in the millennia. But Gen Z always makes fun of millennials.

Or liking Harry Potter. I thought millennials were now old. Well, yeah, most of them are. If you're born pre-millennial, you're a millennial. So I think that what John is saying is he's different. and he's special and he's better because he's younger than us. Not to harp on about the fucking generations, by the way.

You had a whole point when you started that sentence and I was like, I'm not Gen Zed. Maybe you are millennial because you just totally derailed it. I'm also a hufflepuff and I love coffee. And so the point is you're in your early 20s and you're resentful because everything's terrible or something. So according to The Guardian, Gen Z are facing this major issue that teen dramas

are just too miserable now. and there's no explanation for why teen dramas would be so miserable. Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. Like, we grew up our teen dramas when I was growing up was things like... Heartbreak high. Party of five? I love party of five. Party of five.

Although the hardest issue that they tackle is like somebody stole something once. Yeah, but the whole, the premise of that show is that they've got five kids and their parents died. How much more miserable can you get than that? That's a pretty fucking dark premise. And yeah, sure, like, it then becomes like, oh, no, I stole a chocolate bar. Yeah. Let's have 40 minutes of hetty drama about that.

It's seventh heaven with dead parents, isn't it? Remember seventh heaven? Great show. Well, but yes, point-takes. So according to The Guardian, all these teen dramas are too, like, dramatic and relatable to teens. They need to get happier. Right.

And more hopeful. Yes. Clearly, the issue with Gen Z is that we grew up watching TV shows that are hopeful. Oh. And if we had, like, more hopeful programming, we'd have a better. future. And you'd be happier. I'd be able to buy a house if I just watched happier TV shows growing up when I'm watching dramatic TV shows. I'd argue that's true as well, because the TV show that I grew up watching was the Chases wore on everything, and I'm definitely

depressed. So it's like... So you're talking about, like, so Euphoria is a teen drama. What's that about? Everyone's calling Euphoria a teen drama. Euphoria was written for the mid-20s people, because it's like, it's right at R, first of all. I'm pretty sure it's R. Yeah, and teens would never want to watch it an R-rated. And I watch it and go, this is the most well-acted trash I've ever watched. Like, it's so good. Oh, my God. I love it.

If you look at all the Emmy nominations, it's not for like the stuff that you'd want to draw to your nominate for. It's like the acting and the makeup and the costume. Yeah. All a lot of fun. They're all like Emmy Award winning. And then everything else is like... Yeah.

It's not built to make teens depressed. It's built to help 20-year-olds who are already depressed. But also, it can't be for Zoomers because, like, statistically they're having less sex and doing less drugs than the previous generations. Yeah, it's escapism. Well, yeah, so their argument is that there should be more shows like Gossip Girl in 90210 where it's just rich people having fun. And then that's how we get out, how we get our drama.

And get rid of the issue that they found with all these shows is that they seem to be grounded in some sort of like realistic issues when it's a drama and it should just be happy people having fun. So I was like wondering if you guys have any ideas and how we make shows happy. Like, does anyone have anything where TV shows can like jump on hope for Gen Z? Surely the thing to do, if you're miserable, John, is just watch Lux listings on Foxxel.

I've got to tell you, yeah, reality TV will fuel that pain for most people. Yeah, and then you can look at all the houses that you could buy for now. Once again, escape. And if I just work really hard, I can achieve better in my life. So if I just imagine that I'm rich, then it's just solved. All the teen drama stuff is just solved? What I think they should do is instead of like showing realistic situation where people are sad now, show really.

images of somewhere else that's objectively worse than teen now. So like make it a teen drama about like a kid who works in a lithium mine, you know, in Bolivia. Yes. And then it's just like, oh, it's relatable and it's real and it's gritty. But like at least it makes you hopeful. Yeah, fuck. Because one day's I could own cheese in that company.

The other thing I will say is no one has ever expected tea dramas to reflect real teen life. I watch skins growing up. And all of these shows, they're all written by like adult men. They're all, like, even New Forreys, written by a fully grown adult white man. I was very self-conscious about how little my life resembled skins. And, like, I felt the, I thought it was meant to look like. You know what, I reckon?

Just stop writing teen shows. Doesn't they have to get back to work? Like, there's a whole of, there's fast food to be delivered. There's a capitalist society out there, yeah. No, no, I think actually there should be more dramas pitched at sort of 45-year-old men. Oh, yeah, that's the most other group in the world. Just like every other part of the entertainment industry, we started talking about making programs for Gen Z

and it ended up with how do we make white guy TV shows for people in mid-40s. Yeah, well, now that Charles has said he wants more for his own age range. It's really got me thinking. Oh, look, I just think we're undercated in all aspects of life. You're underrepresented, aren't you? It's middle-aged white men. Yeah. Our gear is from Road Microphones, and we're part of the Acast Crowder Network.

Catch you next week.