The Chaser Report - Kristi Noem Shoots Her Shot To Be Trump's VP

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Dom introduces Charles to one of Donald Trump's potential Vice Presidents. What is it that makes Kristi Noem stand out above all the rest? She's not afraid to take a shot. Warning: Animals were harmed in the making of this podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, I feel that you and I in many ways are connoisseurs of failure, a connoisseurs of how to stuff up and destroy your life and get comprehensively cancelled. I like to think of myself as someone who fails at pretty much everything except for the one thing, which is failure. Yeah, it's true.

I am a great success when it comes. to failure. Well, but also, Charles, you've never failed comprehensively. This is the thing. Right. Yes. You've never done anything that basically meant it was all over for you in a way that so many others have. Yes. And this brings us to one of the most hilariously dark and twisted attempts to get a promotion that basically ended a career. So Christy Noam is the governor of South Dakota. She's a Republican. She was listed as one of the leading contenders to be Donald Trump's vice president. Oh, recently he's been trying to work out. Who's going to get the lucky position of towards the end of his next term being called to be president to be

I was going to say murdered at the US capital by an angry mob as happened with Mike Pence or be president yes or be prepared to do the decent thing yes and ratified Donald Trump as having one a historic third term yeah so Christy Nomes in the news she wrote an autobiography to try and basically pitch herself as Trump's running mate oh cool as a national figure Here's how Inside Edition in the U.S. is reporting the aftermath of what she wrote. More than half of all American households have a dog. So if you want to be a national political figure, it's probably not a good idea to shoot a dog and then brag about it in a book.

That's what she did. She shot a dog. Yes. I mean, we know they love guns in America. I do have a saying. It's probably not a good idea to shoot a dog and then brag about it in a book. That is actually a saying. Yeah.

Let's explain more about exactly what she did after this. Let's acknowledge on the way that this is a dark story. We can't say that no animals or children were harmed in the making of it. One of them was shot to death in a gravel pit, Charles. Let's find out why she thought this was a great thing to mention in her autobiography. Which, for which, Charles, she could have chosen any story she wanted. Yes, because it's her own story. She chose this story to paint herself in a positive light.

Yeah, right. In her upcoming autobiography, No Going Back, Noam writes that her wire-haired pointer, Cricket, had an aggressive personality and was untrainable. I hated that dog, Nome writes. She was less than worthless. When Cricket slaughtered the neighbor's chickens like a trained assassin, Nome reveals that she took Cricket to a gravel pit on her ranch in South Dakota and shot her in the head. Yeah, she shot the dog in the head, a 14-month-old dog. A puppy.

A puppy, she shot the puppy. An NBC bothered to go and find a vet to say, you probably should have trained the dog instead of killing the dog. Isn't the whole point in Hollywood, in screen, you're certainly taught when you're writing screenplays and, you know, movies and TV and stuff like that, that the simplest way to make a character irredeemably unlikable is to have them hurt a dog. Like literally, that is a sort of, it's a cliche, but it's also a truism.

Like, you can't, like literally, there are movies that riff off the fact that if you have an actor, you know, if you have a character who treats dogs badly, then they are definitely the baddie. There's also the idea, I don't know, of Chekhov's gun, where if there's a gun in the picture, it will go off at some point. That doesn't mean that because you own a gun, you have to shoot your dog. Okay, so what was it? Let's get down to,

let's actually be a bit serious about this. What's going through her mind that makes her think this reflects well on me? Like what, what, what? I can tell you what the idea is what she was going for, right? She can make the tough decisions, Charles. Yes. Christy known if something's got to be done,

she doesn't shy away. It does make me wonder what happens if her children misbehaving. If there's a whole lot of, yeah, if there's a whole lot of cute parts. puppies that need to be taken out, she's the one. I mean, I know they fetishise guns. I know that this is something that they view as worthwhile. To this degree, apparently not.

I think also, isn't it also that sort of like, only left liberals don't shoot puppies in the face? Like, oh, suddenly they're canceling shooting puppies in the face. That's right. Typical left liberal behavior. She really wedged the left into being the side that's against killing puppies. They're soft dogs. on puppies.

Let me ask what it is. It'll be. There'll be an attacker. I bet you she will be appointed. Because this is perfect. Of course Trump's going to pick her as VP now because she's got brand name recognition. You know, she can make the tough decisions. She can shoot the puppies.

Because remember, Trump doesn't like dogs. Oh, that's a bad sign. Yeah, because Trump is the first president ever, I think. Not to have a dog in the White House. Did he end up getting one after that? think so. He got hot dogs. Remember that amazing photo where he ordered all those hot dogs from the football team? But no, no actual dogs.

So you think Trump will like that? Well, maybe it will appeal to Trump. Yes. Because then if any cute puppies come onto the grounds of the White House, you've got your VP there ready to take them out. Well, he wants a VP, he'll take a bullet for him. But failing that a VP who can deliver a bullet to a dog. So, Charles, let me ask you this, right?

Yeah. If you were Christy Noem and you'd publish this book, your grand said a piece of your image campaign to be vice president. And she was a leading contender. Apparently he wants a woman as the vice president. As we already know. Whether they want to or not, apparently. But no, I mean, this is his, apparently thinking of getting a VP because he realizes that

abortion is a major problem for him. Oh, I see. Right. And he's having a woman, admittedly one who is incredibly pro-life, he thinks will help. If you're her and you want to try and spin this so that it shows you in the best possible light, what would you say? What would you come out and say in this statement to, To clarify after the backlash.

Okay. What I would say is, I would say... No, I would say the left liberals, you know, the people who can read in this country, are twisting my words to mean something that they don't mean it means. Like, just because I shot that puppy in the face, is them just misinterpreting it. Oh, you've been...

Yeah, I didn't mean it literally. I meant it metaphorically. And the puppy in that... story actually represented the woke agenda. And I think cricket knew that. It is, in the final moments as the bullet was, you know, this is, if I'm metaphor for wokenness, this is okay. Yeah, that's right.

That's how I would say. It's a far, far better thing that I do that I, you know, yeah. I thought what I was killing the chickens, that was, the chickens were woken, sorry, but no, it's me. I'm the metaphor for this. I'm the woke brigade. Charles, if you were, Christy Nomen, you had to come up with one adjective to describe yourself.

Oh, okay. Yeah. What would it be? If you were a, if you were a, if you were a mega-Republic, Uh, it would be, oh, wait, she, she's come up with this. She's coming up with this. I mean, bloodthirsty's one that comes to my mother. No, no, but, like, um, she's, uh, well, it's tough, it's, um, it's, uh, what is it,

it's tough, it's, it's, it's pro gun, it's, um, it's a bit sexy. Oh, is it sexy? Wow, okay, that's so good, oh, the word she uses is authentic. Oh, it is authentic, you're right. Authentic. She's the real deal. She says, she wrote on X because, of course, that's her all the nudge jobs to defend themselves. My hope is anyone reading this book will have an understanding that I always work to make the best decisions I can for the people in my life, even if it means violently removing them from my life.

Whether running the ranch or in politics, I'd never passed on my responsibilities to anyone else to handle. She also claimed that under South Dakota law, a dog that hurts livestock can be put down. That's not what South Dakota law says. But anyway, yeah. Yeah, so she's going for the rural vote. She's going for the, us farmers know what's what, and you can't, you know, you can't tell us the puppies. Yeah, unfortunately, no one who promotes themselves as being from a ranch,

including like Megan McCain, for instance, one of the hosts of the five, this is how bad it's gotten for Christy Knoten, one of the hosts of five who grew up on a ranch, said, yeah, we didn't shoot dogs. Dana, you grew up on a farm. The defense is, hey, this happens all the time. Do you go around just killing innocent little puppies? No, I have, no.

So it's not looking good. That's not looking good. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. So where to now for Donald Trump's VP selection? Does that mean he's got to find somebody else? Well, unless, as you say, he thinks this is a great thing. Who can say what Trump will go for? But it is quite a gallery of people who he's got in the mix otherwise.

Why would you sign up? Like, what I don't understand is why anyone's wanting that job. I mean, Ron DeSantis went straight to the nearest animal shelter and cuddled puppies. Oh, okay. And given how bad his instincts are, maybe Christian I'm going to win this thing. I don't know. But, okay, so who else is in the mix? I don't think it counts her out.

I don't, like, nothing should surprise you in American politics. That's true. Well, here's a name. Tucker Carlson, apparently, is on the list. Oh, he'd be brilliant. Who's coming to Australia, by the way. way soon. But won't he be seen as a bit uppity by Trump? Isn't the whole

point? And didn't he get caught saying a whole lot of horrible things about Donald Trump? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they all have. They all said terrible things. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's this is the guy who so went and interviewed Vladimir Putin forningly. So, I mean, that's probably Trump's main goal always is to appease Putin.

So maybe that'll work. Could be. But as you say, he'd want to be the star of the ticket. That wouldn't work for Trump. Apparently Ben Carson, do you remember him, the retired neurosurgeon who ran for president and was just spectacularly bad. Didn't he die? No, no, he's still around. He's 72.

He was housing secretary and hung at it for a while. Yeah, Ron DeSantis strangely is Ron DeSanctimonious. What about Rob Schneider? Has anyone reached out? Very interesting idea. Yeah. Because he's a mega, he's a mega Republican. He's a genuine idiot.

And I do think. And we'll never forget, Bruce, what's his name? We would never forget the thing. I was just about to say. Juice Bigelow. I honestly think Trump and Juice Bigelow would be. Juice Bigelow, Mal Gigolo. Trump Bigelow.

Trump Bigelow. That would actually be pretty good. Rob Schneider. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. But only if he did it in character. He couldn't do it as Rob Schneider. That guy sucks.

But Juice Bigelow. He had a kind of heart of gold. I could see he could make a video as Tommy Daniels, actually. Yeah. Well, that could be the presidential ticket. Barry the Hatchett They got in the list Literally

Nicky Haley I don't think so Carrie Lake's being disgusting Well I don't think any of these candidates are nearly bloodthirsty enough Vivek Ramoswamy

is out there enough Remember him from the campaign But didn't he completely flame out He did And this is the problem They've all flown So he wants someone Who didn't run against him

And lose I think Yeah And I think You need somebody Very bloodthirsty And I'm thinking Dom I've got the perfect person

Ben Roberts-M you think a puppy in the face is bad was there a cliff nearby it was in a gravel pit that's pretty familiar territory i would have thought yeah brs okay i think you've got to be eligible for president uh to run so he'd have to somehow i don't think you can do it unless you're born in america but he doesn't care about the rules that's the last thing he cares about All right. That's a pretty good idea. I mean, I think the solution's so simple. I can't believe no one said this.

It's Don Jr. Don Jr. Yes. The first Donald Trump dies, you get another one. You get another one. It's like a buy one, get one free. It's like mini-mee. He would love to be considered Trump's mini-mee. I mean, it just makes total sense.

Trump, Trump. Yeah, a Trump-Trump ticket. I bet you a billion dollars you are correct as well. He'd want Ivanka. He would love Ivan to do it, but she's not going to do it. Partly because she doesn't shoot puppies in the face. No. Yeah.

No. I mean, she turned one into a designer handbag. I reckon Don Jr. He's probably shot a few puppies in the face while. Oh, they go hunting. I think Eric's the one particularly, but his kids love going. Yeah. It's the kind of big game hunting where you find a magnificent elephant and just execute it with, you know, a semi-automatic rifle.

Like that kind of arson thing they do. Yeah. That'd be great. So, yeah, Trump, Trump, you heard it here first. That's who it's going to be. And Christy Noam, look, you could put her, you could make her, I don't know, Minister for Agriculture, Secretary for Agriculture or something, and she could just go around and take out any unneeded animals. She and Sarah Palin could actually get an helicopter

and shoot animals from the chopper. We should get sort of paid for this. This is like quality of advice. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's it. I think we're, if you want ideas, if you're running in the campaign, a podcast at chaser.com today. We can solve any reputation, really. That's how we're still here somehow. Our gear is from road. We are part of the Conoclesneed. She shot the dog, Charles. 14 months old and she shot it. Wow.