The Chaser Report - LIVE at Grapes of Mirth Pt3 | Nazeem Hussain | Merrick Watts

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

Charles and Dom are joined by Merrick Watts and Nazeem Hussain at the Grapes Of Mirth festival! The panel discuss Elon Musk's purchase of Twitter, and foot fetishists. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Dom Knight here. Today we have the third of our live performances at the Grapes of Mirth Festival this past weekend at the Seppoldsfield Vineyard in the Barrossa. Charles and I spoke to Nazimussain and Merrick Watts. Why don't we move on to Elon Musk took over Twitter yesterday? Yes, it's so important.

Who thinks that's a great development for democracy? I do. I think it's brilliant. I think it's brilliant. I really do. I know everyone's looking at me like going, you know, what are you talking about? Like, Elon's, he's pretty crazy.

He does some weird gear. I'm all right with that. I do weird gear myself. Some stuff at home I don't want to talk about. But the fact of the matter is, like, how could Twitter be any worse? Yes. Here's the thing, you subscribe to it and then you complain about it,

don't subscribe to it. I've got Twitter, I don't go on it very often because I'll go and have a look at it and I just go, peanuts, you're idiots and then I get off and that's it. I don't use it as a platform anymore. Do you tweet peanuts? Yeah, that's what I do.

I go on, I go peanuts and everyone goes, get fuck cashew nuts, mate, cashews. And they go, this is what I'm talking about. Some of us are allergic. Yeah, yeah. So insensitive. You allergy phob, I'm not. And then you spent two weeks.

You know, being cancelled. Canceled over peanuts. When I said peanuts, I didn't mean peanuts. Like, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you hate anaphylactic people. I don't hate anaphylactic people. Elon Musk does have a lot in common with my four-year-old daughter, right? They both have poor impulse control.

They try to get out of promises. They made, like, Musk tried for months to get out of this deal. And they also both love the poo emoji most of all. So you see, he actually, he tweeted the poo emoji to the former CEO of Twitter. So when he sacked him yesterday, it probably wasn't a super emoji. surprise it's you probably get the sense you're going out the door and that happens but um did did he actually tweet a couple a few a few months ago he's trying to get out of the deal one of his moves was to just tweet the poo emoji to the CEO of Twitter um there was this whole thing about how

many fake accounts they were he was trying to get out of it see this is the thing about either musk i swear the reason why he's the richest man in the world is because he's actually not very funny right but he wants to be funny so like when he took over twitter yesterday he he he he he He got a kitchen sink and he tweeted out, I've just taken over Twitter, let that sink in. That is a bad joke. That is not very funny, right? And I just wish I was that unfunny because then I would have to overcompensate and become incredibly rich. And instead, instead, I'm gifted with this curse of being incredibly funny.

It's a burden, Charles. It's a burden. It is a burden. It's like a Prince Harry-style burden on my life, which means. means I don't need to go out and, you know, conquer the world. Yeah. But for your sense of humour, you would own Twitter right now, is what you're saying. Yes, exactly.

Yes. And that's, yeah, so he thinks the poor, like, he's a sort of. I just feel like, you know, Twitter was one of the early kind of, it was one of the really first active forms of social media. You know, you had Facebook, but, you know, that's really just for mum and dad now, right? And that's for, that's, Facebook is now for people who like to take photos. of people using it an iPad. You know what I mean?

That's true. That's Facebook. It's my mum. Let's take a photo. I've got a photo. I've got an iPad. Just use your phone, mum. But the thing is like, for me, I reckon it's done.

Like, Twitter is done. No, no, no, Mary, you're wrong. You're wrong. Twitter is a bishy lancor that thing. It really is. No, Twitter is the town square. That's what it is. It's the town square.

Which town? Like, I don't know, a town full of Nazis and angry people. But it is the town square where we just get drunk and fight each other. Yeah, where vegans punch on with Nazis. So the problem that Elon faces, though, because he was the richest man in the world, he then offered to buy Twitter, and then as a result of that offer, like he massively over, it was like $60 billion. His Tesla stock all tank, because they went,

oh, he's going to have to sell all these Tesla stock to pay for the thing. And then... Are you saying Tesla crashed? The Tesla grass. That's Elon Musk's standard comedy. And the point is, he's no longer. He's no longer the richest man in the world. Who's the richest man in the world?

Buying Twitter actually has ruined him. Because what did it devalue the shares in Tesla? Yeah, because everyone went, oh, he's going to have to sell like $60 billion worth of Tesla. The point is Elon Musk has said he's going to sack 75% of the staff. And it's got to start making money. Yeah. So how do you make Twitter make money? Advertising?

This feels like an actual Twitter board meeting right now. It's just, I don't understand how it works. Like, I'm just going, you ask him out go, is it 20, is it still 240 characters? This is the thing. I don't even understand how people, like, how did the website Twitter.com make money? Why did anyone buy it? To me, say, they haven't figured that out either. Yeah, they've never made money.

So I don't get anything about this conversation. Like, why did he buy? and why did he lose wealth because he bought a website that was about if you buy a car for $20,000 your wealth is still the same because the car is valued at $20,000 isn't that how I don't know how money works but you're an economist you gaslighting me someone needs to 101 this shit I don't know I got nothing I got nothing I think we should Should we move on from Twitter, maybe? Because there is another website I really want to talk about.

You pawned. Sorry, jump the gun. Did you say, porn hub, red tube? Pornhub. Well, I reckon they should turn Twitter into only fans. I think that is the way to do it. Because I follow Ross Gittons on Twitter, right, for free, right? But I would pay for exclusive access to his...

To who? To economists for Ross Gittins. Hey, you know, you know, you know, Yeah, like you get to see... No, okay. So only fans, you make a lot of money to people just watching you do sexy things. Did you know, there's a fetish of people

that like seeing people's feet crush shit and they just request what they want you to crush. I would do, like if no one saw my phone, you could just... Can I have a look? Yeah, feet porn. What about feeding me?

Let me read you this. I'll give you $5 if you take off your shoes. No, mate, my box is... Me out of the coin. I posted a photo of myself. My feet were bad. And basically, I had the foot fetish community come running because apparently my feet are like the hot chicks

of the foot. And did you get lots of luck? I got heaps of messages. Here's a message from Mr. Sneak. Mr. Sneak. This is real. So it's a photo I pose with my feet exposed. So here's an idea, Nazeem.

You wear socks and don't change them for a week. Get them really ripe and stinky. Wear your best sneakers and get them ripe and stinky. Then let me start by you. sitting down with me on two knees pulling the shoe off and taking deep inhales until I start sweating. You'll then put the socked foot in my face

making me force sniff the foot followed by a full clean and service of your socks and your feet to clean and I'll lick all the sweat off. How does that sound? Okay, okay. Or you could just wear your sneakers and socks for a week and then sell them to me. Okay, for starters, for starters,

I was drunk when I sensed it. Now, and I only mean half of that. The going rate for selling your sneakers that are worn to someone that wants them is 250 bucks. That's another idea for the economy. But your sneakers are worth $250 for some people. Like some people lash out, not mine, but like some people won't lash out big time on run. It's $150. But you know, this guy didn't give a shit about the, it's not about the sneaker, Merrick.

It's about me wearing the sneaker. It's about you. It's about his, it's about his, shall we say musk? It's about my mug. Oh, nice. So, this is the plan. You go to, you know, sometimes they sell shoes at supermarkets? Five bucks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? It's a big, Kmart. Yeah, next to the hair pins and shit. Yeah, those ones are going to guarantee to get some sweat on. Get some sweat on. Yeah, you're wearing for a day. They don't know.

They're made out of old tires. Yeah, 795, postage and handling. Your expense is like under 15 bucks. I'd do that. 250, minus 15. I would totally, I would 100. There's a guy called Feedy McFeed Face, and he is. No, seriously.

And he's a foot fetish, right? And he's really big in following comedians in Australia. And most of us know about him, obviously, Naz because he's not sexy enough. Feed him to feed him. I think he just message, Naz, actually. Yeah, he'll be on here. But seriously, like, this guy just, he says, he comments on people's social media when he sees your feet and says, I think you've got lovely feet and stuff like, it makes him this comments.

And we've all talked about it before about, like, how he does it. But it's like, yeah, cool. And like, he'll send your messages saying, oh, can I, can you send me his photos? your feet, and he's going, no, I can't. And then he's goes, oh, okay, cool. And he goes, all right, well, that was weird, but, you know. But there was completely self, like, I don't mind that. Like, he's a foot fetishist, and he's asked me if he can have photos.

And I've said, no, and he's respected that and said, no, having said that, if you're listening, I'll do it for money. When I said, no, I didn't know that there was some sort of intrinsic value to it. And on that, there's a, there's, wiki feet is a website where they, it's like hot or not, but it's for feet. Yes. This is a rabbit hole we've gone a long way down. This is the thing.

Twitter's run its course. Yes. Like, it's WikiFeed. Feeding McFee, everyone's got feet. Yes. I'm just wondering who are in the Australian comedy industry. Someone must have said yes, Merrick. Well, you know what the Chaser does whenever we get Nazis on our website?

Because occasionally we get swarmed by Nazis on Facebook. And, you know, like racists or whatever. And they, like, if you publish something that's a bit controversial or something like that, they'll swarm you. take over your Facebook page with comments. And what we do is we always get the foot fetishists, which is a very large community, to go and post to all the Nazis,

pictures of their feet. And it totally works. It's the stupidest thing. But it totally neutralises the Nazis, and the Nazis go away because they keep on getting DM. It just stamps out the racism. But they're not this one saying? And it sort of appeals to the Nazis.

What? Did you say stand by raising them? Oh, yeah, brother. That was sick. Yeah. I'm quite surprised that the Venn diagrams of foot fetishists and Nazis don't intersect quite a lot. Wait, why does that work and why did you come up with that idea? How do we convert?

Well, I think it was just, we noticed that there was a lot of foot fetishists, and we needed a community big enough to counteract the Nazis, who were also quite big. They should have done this in World War II. I know, I know. Oh, so many people could have been saying. You're not going to World War I. It was so early. Imagine all the trench foot fetishes

that in World War I. Imagine how sweaty all their feet would have been. So you're saying in World War II instead of dropping bones, we could have just dropped pictures of lovely Shenzum's feet. Well, this is correct. I mean, imagine if I'm January the 6th,

the mob had marched to the US Capitol and they'd just seen this row of beautiful feet. Nancy Pelosi would have turned around. Too soon. See, Sue. That's a brilliant idea. Have we just solved racism? I don't think we have.

Nazim, have we solved? I've heard of the school that tried to end races and I've heard of the podcast that did end racing. The feed that tried to end racing. Edit that. I can think of no better note to finish this conversation on, I think, ladies, you gentlemen. Well, there you go.

There's the podcast. If you expected a random rambling conversation, thank you for coming. Thank you.