The Chaser Report - LIVE: Best Honeymoons To Break Up On

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Dom, Charles, and Chris Taylor were joined at the pub by the phenomenal Floyd Alexander-Hunt whom is celebrating her engagement! But Floyd needs help deciding where to have the picture-perfect honeymoon, so the team decides to lend a not so helping hand and detail where NOT to go. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. I love you, Charles. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Thursday, the 30th of June. Yay! The end to the financial year! It is genuinely a tightrope walk. We're trying to figure out if Charles is going to be able to remember the date at the start of each episode we record here at the Harold Park Hotel.

For those listening on the podcast, this was recorded two years ago. Before the pandemic, yeah. And we have here today, Floyd Alexander Hunt, and I believe you're planning a honeymoon. Yes, thanks for having me on the podcast, guys. I recently got engaged. Congratulations. Amazing. Oh, thank you.

Hey, hey, it's not Oprah or Ella. Do we do we, I mean, I'm very happy for you, Floyd. But do we do that in Australia where you literally just do something that makes you happy and an audience applauded for me to be honest, after the past two years anybody, we do, we do, we do. Any positive experience for anyone, I want to get behind. Floyd, that's awesome.

Makes a noise if you're engaged? Well, it's not anymore. Is that the person you're engaged too? Floyd's fiancé in tonight. I've never met him before, but that sounds great, awesome. Does anybody want to get engaged by the end of tonight? I'll see how we go up the back, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, well, nice.

All right, so I'm in the minority, me and this one go. we're not engaged who are you engaged to a woman that's fine and that's not assumed these days it's not assumed anymore ladies and gentlemen not assumed thank you for clarifying a name a name okay all right chaos is ensuing let's bring it back to me and my engagement

that's why we don't mic the audience ladies and gentlemen see I'm engaged and my big dilemma at the moment is we're trying to organise where we're going to go on our honeymoon so got a bunch of issues. I'm hoping you guys can help me out with it. First is, so I was looking up the best and worst places to honeymoon

and the worst activities to do on honeymoon. For this segment we need some music just to get us in the vibe. Perfect. So if, yeah, no, just ignore the music and keep going on. Yep, just stay. Is that the music you were imagining?

This is how I imagine my honeymoon. So wait a minute, is this the worst honeymoon? Is this a murder? Is this the worst honeymoon? You're on it. I'm doing a podcast. No, so yeah, basically, have any of you guys had honeymoons? Yes, we all have.

Oh, everyone has for all. Yeah, amazing, I can't perform without this music playing. It's very awkward. Okay, well, you can turn the music off, like whenever you feel like turning it back up, bring it back up, just to disrupt their thought process. So, yeah, tell me what was your honeymoon? Well, my wife and I are not very good at negotiating. So we did all of the things that either of us wanted to do.

Okay. We simply couldn't decide. So we went to Paris and Greece and Safari on Kenya and then we had no money left to do anything else. Wow. Wow, that's good. We decided all of the above. And then they immediately split up for financial reasons.

That's right. Yeah, I mean, that was before the pandemic when you could travel. I'm glad we got our travel out of the way then because we haven't traveled since. Wow. Okay. Well, that's good. I looked up the worst places. just in case

any of you guys remarried. It better be the places I just named for Yeah Literally. No, so worst places, Disneyland

okay? Contrable But it's the Metsha Kingdom Anyway that we weren't thinking of there We did think of

Las Vegas Oh, and a lot of people ironically get married at Vegas No, not ironically We were earnestly That's the most

Romantic place in the world. Semi-earnestly We were going to No, my brother actually, on his honeymoon, went to Vegas. Wow. And renewed his vows with Elvis. What? Didn't he just get the wedding?

He just got married. About a month in, and you've got to promise to be... A month in, they thought we... This is shaky, we better renew the vow. And you've got to promise to be each other's hunker, hunker, burn in love. So that's probably why Vegas is on the worst destination. It's really annoying to have Elvis renew vows, because Baz Luhrmann's always in the corner to sort of... Yeah.

Make it bigger. Bigger. More, more, more. Okay, so I could do that. I could renew my vows. That's one good option. Another worst place to have a honeymoon, apparently, Mount Everest. Oh, yeah. The death rate is pretty high. Oh, they're just doing that thing.

Just the cues. I mean, like, the crowds. It's worse than Venice these days. Yeah, yeah. This, yeah, it was surprised by this one. North Korea, not good, apparently. Right. I mean, the food's not great.

Yeah. If you can find any. Other one, they said Great Wall of China's not a great place to have a honeymoon. I figured that would be nice. Romantic little walk. Yeah. A very long walk as well. Much like marriage.

A long march, even. A long march. I did read about it. There was, do you know that performance artist Marina Abramov? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She did this breakup on the Great Wall of China where they met. in the middle and then walked opposite directions. Oh, really? Yeah, they both walked from.

So we could do that on our honeymoon as well. Was it a real break? Like, yeah. Yeah, it was. How coordinated and like, you know what I mean? Like, what's the word when amicable, must your breakup be that you can organise performance art around your breakup? So like just the logistics of that would be a nightmare, wouldn't it?

Well, hopefully you don't work very well together. So doing all the logistics forces you apart. Yes. You get along really well until you start planning your break-up. Maybe when you start the planning, you're actually still in love. But by the time you finish the plan and you go, oh, fuck, let's just walk in opposite the room. And also, if you both walked from either end of the wall, you meet in the middle, neither of he's going to say, should we call off the break-up?

You're going to go and see it through. I know. The last one that they listed was a nude beach. Oh, yeah. Did any of that? So where did you go on your honeymoon? I went to, well, we went to Nusa. and then Fraser Island.

Okay. Was that where you were planning to go? No, we were planning to go to Greece. And then... You heard Don was there. Yeah, we heard Dom was there. Definitely not. No, no, but it was like...

We were planning this huge wedding and then it was like... It became logistically... And then financially, it was like... And it just got... The scale of ambition got less and less. You know, suddenly it was like, maybe we'd pop up to Bali,

Musa. Well, you eventually went to North Sydney Shopping World. Yeah, that's right. The Chaser Report News you can't trust I hope this isn't telling tales out of school but Charles Firth had to this day the most entertaining

amusing wedding I've ever been to for all the... It was very good. Like it was almost a comedy wedding as if romance wasn't important he just wanted to get good laughs on the day It was like a parody of a wedding ceremony but sort of with a great self-awareness and it was so fun.

It was one of the first, maybe the first chase to get married. So we were all still, we weren't over it by they. We're still giddy about it. So I'm sort of disappointed that you didn't have a parody honeymoon. Yes.

He had a best man and a worst man. Honestly, I mean at many weddings the best man is the worst man. It was very novel. Worst man is a great idea. don't talk to the worst man anymore. Well, you called it early, didn't you tell? That's actually a true and quite sad story, which makes it all the funnier.

So where would a satirical honeymoon go to? Oh, Ukraine? Yeah, I see. Very cheap flights. You'd get a pretty good deal. Very good. It's one way only, I think. You just rent a beautiful car and just park it at the entrance to Sydney.

Harbour Tunnel. They'd go to it pretty well. Okay, well, for my next honeymoon, I'll do that. Yeah, next Sunday moon. I feel like there should be a, like, when you, like, at the end of a marriage, you should also have a little, like, goodbye moon, you know? A little sort of... Oh, fuck off moon.

Later moon, yeah, yeah, fuck off moon. We made a big mistake moon. Yes, I think so. We'll do that in China. Bookings. Yeah, it's a little... I love it if that couple on the wall got to all the way to the end

and go, I've made a terrible mistake and then had to go all the way back and renew their vows five years later. I don't know how long it takes to walk the wall. I imagine it's a long time. Yeah, not as fast as milk run, that's for sure. That's a different episode. Fuck.

No, everyone was lost to dementia. So back to my wedding. Yeah, okay. I, so yeah. Have you organised the wedding? Well, no, I've jumped straightforward to the... Are you straight to the honeymoon? So wait, wait, wait.

This is a coping, I'm not coping with the wedding. Have you set a date for the wedding? Well, we think it's going to be February next year. However, my, so my fiancé, he has like hundreds and hundreds of best friends. Yes. And his family also have like hundreds and hundreds of people that they know. And all of those people are invited to our wedding. Oh, dear.

Just don't invite them to your honeymoon, frankly. No. Well, that's the problem is our wedding's getting so expensive every person we had. So you're doing the same thing. Well, you should go to Nusa. Yes, it started with, yeah. Famously cheap Nusa.

Well, this is why you eloped to Vegas. Yeah. There's a wonderful Elvis impersonator. I know. Now what's, like, probably what's going to have, so my dad's having us like a big birthday next year and we're going to potentially tag our honeymoon onto. that.

Oh, great. I know. Because our wedding's going to be so expensive. So amitise the cost of the so honeymoon across. So dad pays for the accommodation. Yeah, yeah.

Dad said he wouldn't look at me during the honeymoon. He could like not make eye contact with me. So I feel like I'm in a different holiday. Would that work? No, no, I don't know about your dad, but if it was my dad, his birthday holiday would just be

in a caravan going around Australia as a grey nomad. Now, I don't know if that's, yeah, Great, but honeymoon? I think it's a very, very good idea. Floyd, for a Hollywood comedy about what a shit idea. Well, you can be the worst man of my wedding. Would that be in New Zealand?

Because you come from New Zealand. Because your dad live in New Zealand. Are you being accentist, Charles? Yeah, wow. I'm an Australian citizen, okay? No, no, I do come from... I was born in New Zealand. So would it be in New Zealand?

Absolutely. Where's the noosa of New Zealand? Hamilton. Wahhiki? Hamilton. Waikiki. Yeah, you're probably Waikiki. Isn't it?

Yeah, Waihihi. The problem any New Zealand has... Waii is very expensive, though. Yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But isn't... Because New Zealand's my favourite country in the world. I just think it's so beautiful

and never understand why Australians go to, like, Europe or America when we've literally got the best place in the world over the ditch. The problem would be if you want to have an overseas holiday, you'll have to go to a less beautiful country. country than the one you get married in. Wait, as in if we get married in New Zealand. If you get married in New Zealand, yeah. Yeah, we're not going to get married in New Zealand.

Oh, well, then you're fine. Yeah. Honeymoon in Rotorua. Yeah, so that's a good point. If you haven't planned your wedding, maybe get married in a real shithole. So the honeymoon feels really, so even

the local Westfield feels good. Yes. Bondi, Westfield car park marriage. Yeah. Everything else is. Go upstairs. It's not really better. Yes. The food court.

There's probably no venue hire. We just say just meet at the Westfield. Yes. Choose a shop. See around. Two hours free parking. I would be able to find the wedding, to be fair. But that's the excitement.

Okay, well that's great. All right. So Bondi Westfield or where do you reckon? Well, if you're New Zealand. Oh, New Zealand and Westfield? No, no, no. I'm just saying Bondi. Oh, it's a New Zealand is in Bondi choke.

Oh, Charles isn't invited to the wedding. many more, those and gentlemen. Wow, that's one number. Gone. No, no, but I think, no, I mean, let's ask the audience. I think the Bondi, Westfield, Bondi Junction, Westfield is the classiest Westfield in Australia, isn't it? It's better than the Hornsby. If you're getting married in a Westfield, too, in Bonda Junction, yeah.

I haven't done a comprehensive survey of all the Westfields. It's very unkind of Chatswood, Charles. Chatswood's good as well, yeah. Macquarie is nice as well, if you're going far out. But that's Macquarie. send it, that's not a Westfield. Isn't that a... That's a Westfield?

No, no, that's owned by AMP Capital. You've paid for this conversation about shopping centre Brady. Ladies and gentlemen, it's only $10. Frank Lowy pay for this conversation. This is branded content.

Are you a Westfield Plus member? You can be. That's true. You could earn points. Okay. By having your wedding there. Yes, everyone... And then use them for the wedding register.

People could give you their Westfield point. I can just point things out. Yeah, that, that. You could get your... your meal done at the food court and then go to the medical centre when you get food poisoning all under the one roof

and then we can renew our vows just there's got to be some sort of place to renew your vows in Westfield yeah just cuts just cuts I think donut dams but also they've got

the valet in the valet parking yeah the valet part a real sense of occasion oh that's that's like I feel like if you got your photos done in the car wash area with all the sort of... It would look really cool, wouldn't it?

I know Floyd's using a horse and carriage, but the horse won't be troubled at all by the car box as it goes through. Perfect. Okay, sort of, done, awesome. Okay. Yeah, see you there. Westfield, February next year.

Okay, well, that's the end. Congratulations, boys. Congratulations to Floyd Alexander Hunt, ladies gentlemen. Yeah. Our gear is from Road Microphone, and we are part of the A-Cast Crowder Network. This segment was brought to you by Westfield, your Shopping Town Paradise. And Macquarie Centre.