The Chaser Report - LIVE from the Pub!

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Four podcasters walk into a bar... The Chaser Report has gone LIVE! Dom, Charles, Craig* and Gabbi all record direct from the pub as part of our new method to simultaneously cut production costs and increase our bar tab. Make sure to come along next week to our recording by buying a ticket from https://chaser.com.au/events/the-chaser-report-live/*Apologies for Craig's audio, his microphone blew four times over the legal limit on the way home. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report live podcast for Wednesday, the 15th of June. This is our very first live from the pub podcast, Dom. Yes, although we're currently not in the pub. We're in the studio talking about going to the pub, which we did last night, Charles. Every Tuesday night, for those in Sydney, you can go and see us at the Harold Park Hotel now. and lots of people came out. Thank you so much, everyone who turned up.

Yes, we had a full room. It was quite unexpected. I felt genuinely at risk of getting COVID again, Charles. I was uncomfortable. Yes, it was a super separator event. It was, but also, are you hung over this morning, Dom? Just a little, just a little, yeah. I mean, I stopped drinking earlier than some in the team, shall we say, as we will hear.

The great thing is, as the week unfold, so we do the whole week's records at the pub now, except for these little intro bits. And you'll be able to hear as the week goes on. Yeah, us getting drunker and drunk. Duskier. Yeah, dustier. Dustia. Today we're doing a news wrap, which, look, I prepared it as though it was a normal podcast.

About 30 seconds into the chat, I was accused of being boring. But I guarantee that the making fun of me is at least more entertaining than the actual content about Donald Trump and all that sort of stuff. Plus, there was a soccer game, which took place as well in this episode. So that was quite fun, really. Yes. And also, if you want to get the full experience without any ads, you can go to ACAST Plus. So you go to chaser.com.com.com.com.com slash podcast. Yes.

And there's a linked there to ACAST plus, which gives you two tiers. The first is just no ads. The second one is no ads and bonus content, which you want to do for just nine bucks a month because you get access to the Friday episode, Charles. That's right. And that is a very special episode. It's subscriber only. and let's just say things got very, very loose.

It's in the format of drunk Q&A. Craig hosted it this week. After a fashion, yes, he did. Just have a listen to some of what went on. Do you know, I will let you in another behind-the-scenes secret. On the run sheet for this evening, it said in the break, the drink break, everyone gets one drink on the panel.

And I'm glad to see that that's been adhered to. Oh, that's right. We were meant to be drunk, but we were drunk earlier, so I didn't make any of this. Okay, I want Erfan to come up here. This is a very good question. Read this one out. First of all, my name is pronounced Irfan.

Why am I the only non-white person in the room? Oh, good. There's another way of asking, why do I feel like I'm at legal aid in South Wales? Very good question. I intentionally mispronounce your name there just to really bring the point home. I'd like to say, welcome to podcast. The widest thing on earth

Yeah, that's a good question Can I have the answer, panel? Yeah, actually, you know what? Maybe you shouldn't subscribe. Why are we charging nine bucks? We should charge hundreds If it's going to destroy our careers. Anyway, let's get on with the episode.

Well, let's first of all go to an ad break And then we'll be straight into the pub. In tonight's episode, Charles Firth and I, Domite will be there along with Craig Roo Castle and Gabby Bolt. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. Welcome to The Chaser Report live at the Harald Park Hotel for Wednesday the 15th of June. Give yourselves a round of applause, live audience.

And doesn't it feel good to be here on Wednesday? Yes, it is. Every night of the week we're here. And we're going to start by taking a look at what's happening in the United States with the committee investigating the January 6th insurrection. and they've got a very hard task over there, that community. They've got to convince people that an obvious coup took place as it definitely did when most Republican voters no longer believe in facts.

And it is very difficult when people are resistant to facts. It's a bit like trying to convince ABC executives to ax Q&A just because no one likes or watches Q&A anymore. It's a very, very tough self. Has a bigger audience than this show. True story. So they've interviewed lots of key Trump players, and we've got the audio here.

Bearing in mind, these are people who actually, were corrupt and or idiotic enough to want to serve in the white supremacist house. Let's see what they had to stay. We'll start with former attorney general Bill Barr, and the commission asked him what he thought of Trump's claims of election fraud. I'm going to ask our panel to try and complete the sentence. Here's the first clip. The idea of saying the election was stolen and putting out this stuff, which I told

the president was. He told the president the idea the election was stolen was. Very good idea. was a load of horse shit or something? Yes. Bullshit. It was bullshit. Different animals.

I like this a particular approach where you do... If somebody gets it right, you don't let the other person get it wrong. Oh, no, Craig. No, I'm fine with it. I had nothing. Nothing going on in this noggin tonight. Absolutely. So his bullshit detector works, which is a little bit surprising,

giving everything else he did in the Trump White House. And awkwardly, they even play a testimony from Ivanka, who is placed in a very awkward... Which one? The daughter. Not the wife. Not the wife. Not the wife.

The lines are... bit blurry. I get confused. I get confused. I get confused, but so does Donald. He does, that's right. So, a little bit awkward given she was the favourite daughter, and she said... I respect Attorney General Barr.

So I... I respect Attorney General Barr, so I... We'll be selling all of my shoes at Nordstrom. That's an end joke. Doesn't matter. It's fine. I saw this interview, but it's so boring. It's going to be a long segment later.

Probably they thought about the entertainment value of the town. No, I just spent her interview. So I agreed with him. I don't know. So I threw my dad under the bus? Yep, she threw her dad out of the bus. Accepted what he said was saying. She accepted what he was saying.

I'm sure that's what she said on the day. Under oath, yeah, yeah. So Donald Trump responded in the most obscure media outlet in the universe, his own social network, truth social. Oh my God, I thought he's on his Chase a report. So here's a newsman outlining what he had to say about Ivanka. Here's how the former president reacted today on his social network, quoting now.

Ivanka Trump was... What did he say about his daughter? Very, very hot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got one joke for this second. To be fair, that's the tone-down version. He would have said fuckable.

Is that what he said, though? His words. That was one of the most awkward interviews I've ever seen. He did not say that by the 80s is fucked I'm glad I wasn't alive Charles you gotta get right What no no we're just gonna go to the grab I don't have anything

Not involved in looking at or studying election results He'd long since checked out He went on to say so there you go After years of him checking her out It was nice that it went the other way for once Oh Fucking hell Good tone for the night guys

Yeah yeah welcome ladies and gentlemen And he went on to say about attorney general bar This is what he had to say I don't want you to guess what he said. He's the first half. And it was, in my opinion, only trying to be respectful to Bill Barr and his position as Attorney General. So, Vanka was only trying to respect Bill Barr of whom he went on to say,

this is Trump. What did he say about Bill Barr? I love your music. Piano Man is my favorite song. I'm confused. If I traded to America or something, it'll be something like that one. I totally did not realize I was coming on Planet America. A boring version of planet of America

Maybe Chazzo's all his hair He sucked He sucked He sucked! Oh right, okay, there you go Well, that's a respectful word of truth people All right, so the final thing I want to ask you here Today he released a 12-page document, Trump

slamming the committee And saying that the whole thing was created to detract from a much larger and more important truth than the fact that a mob that he created stormed the capital. What was the more important truth that the Democrats were trying to distract from?

That his hair was real? Don't look at me. What is this an exam? Usually when they do these quizzes, you cheat and you give the questions beforehand that we can come up with witty answers. And that's how you win the week, ladies and gentlemen. No, and actually, in fact, we don't.

No, the bigger project was like that there was going to be another season of The Apprentice. It was that the 2020 election was stolen and rigged because of course it was. Oh, right, yes. But that's the same question. That's the same issue. Final question. He just said, he didn't say it was A.

He said it was A. Have you known a fucking quiz works? 12 pages of this document. That's literally that document is just what you said. Craig. It's a comedy podcast. I know. But it has to be accurate.

It's hard. It also has to be. funny of all the sort of headings he put in the document right trying to explain why the election was he had this whole scheme about why it was stolen and what was the most surprising

heading in the document to try and justify losing the election was it comic sans was it was it a losing with dignity was it B accepting the people's verdict C alien involvement in January the 6th or D the math

C It's got to be alien Yeah I'm with Gabby It has to be It's alien involvement I just don't understand Why you only figured out Multiple Choice at this part of the quiz

Which would have solved All of the fucking problems In the first part of the quiz Craig How did your HSC go? I'm curious I only did the multiple choice It was the maths

And this is the So here's claim the reason why the election was stolen was because 2,000 vote mules in a coordinated program dropped five ballots per box in a 38 ballot boxes each for a total of

380,000 extra fake boats for Joe Biden that is why Donald Trump really won the election And that's why the lives lost as well I've never believed this before but now that Don puts this to me on his back I've come around Who wants to storm the capital? A lot of people putting their hands up to the store in the car

but all because they'd fucking listen earlier. The Chaser Report, less news, less often. So the next thing we wanted to do is let's go to the soccer, shall we? Okay, let's go to the soccer. So we're going to do. Amazing news happened this morning, as we mentioned in the warm-up. Australia are going to the World Cup. How good is that?

Hey! And did anyone watch the game? Was anyone up right and early? No one, because you're out tonight. No, I would not have thought so. Like, if you were up at 3.45 this morning, do you think you're at a podcast right now later night? Yeah, no, that would be a stellar effort, I've got to say.

No, but I was up, I got up and watched it. Good for you. The end was... To be fair, you don't have a job, so you slept all day. These people have jobs. The end was quite bizarre. So they put this guy called Andrew Redmayne in goal. Did you see the clip of this?

It was absolutely bizarre. So Matt Ryan's the captain of the soccer ruse. He's the goalkeeper. He's played every minute of the whole campaign so far. And in the end, they put this guy who basically danced in goal. He looked like a cross between a bikey boss and a youth pastor. And he's the only person I've ever seen is a worse dancer than me. He would jump on the line.

He would, please, yeah, do it interpret it. That's great. Visual, William. For the people listening at home, Craig, stood up and did a little wavy dance. He did a half-ass thing because I knew they couldn't see. Yeah. And he ended up, he actually ended up bizarrely saving the key goal

and getting Australia to World Cup. It was incredibly unlikely. The bad thing about this, though, is it is distracted from, like, it's great that he won it and he saved that goal. But I feel like it has slightly distracted from the other miracle of this, which has not been talked about at all today, which is that five socceroos people kick the goal in the thing. Yes.

Like, no one's talked about it at all. There's five dudes that got the penalties, and then no one fucking cares at all. Because of this weird dancing guy. So what I thought, it struck me is, you know, perhaps not entirely sporting to send this guy out to kind of cheat just a little bit with the dancing. But it worked very well because of the mental intimidation.

So what I thought we would do is demonstrate how well mental intimidation works to cheat your way into a World Cup. So what we're going to do is we're going to have a recreation Right here on the stage I've brought a very special soccer ball Wonderful Oh yes a visual gag Gabby you'll be

Commentating so that this become The words become Pictures in the minds I'm literally like you know when you turn on like English captions with like Object commentary on the movie That's me right now So Gabby's commenting

This is my daughter's favourite Frozen 2 ball Which I think is appropriate So Dom is holding up a ball I'm holding up a ball I'm holding up balls Tom is holding up a frozen ball. A frozen to the Zelsa and Arana.

Not frozen as in the Frozen as in the brand. You've got to be clear, guys. So what we're going to do is Craig is the master. It's so much fucking easy. You just got pictures. As you saw during my segment, Craig is the master of mental intimidation in the chaser.

So we're going to put him in goal. Okay, you're in goal. Where's the goal? So the goal is where Gabby's sitting. Oh, of course it is. We don't want to break the screen. We don't want to break the screen. Am I getting up?

I'm entirely... I'm not convinced that my microphone actually goes through. I've done a lot of pre-prep on this. What's happening? Do we need audio for a podcast? You can just put your microphone down, Craig. Can I just... Craig needs the microphone.

Can I say why I'm glad to be in the goal? Because I played over 35 soccer on the weekend. I know, calm down, people. You are so cool. And I at least missed five goals of the weekend, so I'm only going in the goal at this point. So where's the edge of the goal? So that whole area where you are.

The whole fucking area. It's right. So Charles can try and score. But you have to dance. So I have to mentally intimidate him. Dance and mentally intimidate. So just maybe comments about Charles. Charles, you're a bald fool and always have been.

In a second. Dom is literally. That didn't work at all. You just scored the goal. Was there not enough dancing? Don't aggravate them. Oh, okay. Sorry.

All right, try it. Try good. Okay, yeah. Right. You're supposed to dance. I'm sorry, I've got to dance. I do what I'm doing. Oh my God, I'm so intimidated.

I can't possibly. I know. What is? Oh, nice. I saved it. The ball bounced three times, hit someone in the audience. We now have a lawsuit. Let's try again.

Your children are here tonight. Have we made insurance for this? Sorry. No, we don't. This is a insider. Take Australia to the World Cup. Charles, Berth. Charles.

If I get these, we're going to the World Cup. Some cheese, please, from the audience. Ready? You've got to dance. O'le, o'le, o'u. Oh, lo! Great. The complete rearrangement of the room

and the one cheer was totally worth setting up all the changes. There's a Mexican wave going across the room. It's amazing. To be, hey, look, to be fair to Dom, no one predicted Charles would be a really great shot at God. What is that? Congratulations to Charles

on achieving the exact level between sobriety and being lying on the floor catatonic. There's a drunk Q&A coming up, by the way, for the first subscribers only. So there you go. That's your news wrap, ladies gentlemen. Yay! The Chaser Report, now with extra whispers. So don't forget if you want this with no ads and to get the bonus content that we put out on Fridays,

chaser.com.com. You slash podcast. You can subscribe there. It's only nine bucks a month. It's not that much. It's for our dignity. Yes, and tomorrow I'll be running a news quiz live for. from the pub, so make sure you listen to that.

Yeah, it's full of interesting facts, which weren't entirely appropriate in the room. But nevertheless, I found them interesting in hindsight. We'll catch you then. Our gears from road microphones were part of the ACAST, create a network, and I'll be here again tomorrow from the pub.