The Chaser Report - Live From The Pub - Now Live in Studio!

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

To improve the format The Chaser Report: Live From The Pub, this special episode comes even-more-live from the studio! Critics might think this was a technical error caused by trying to record a podcast whilst drunk, but we believe it's the future of live podcasting. In the meantime, Charles gives his insight into the future of cinema. Buy tickets to our live event here: https://chaser.com.au/events/the-chaser-report-live/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report, live from the pub on Wednesday, the 22nd of, Charles, why are we not in the pub? So there's been a bit of a problem, which is that we recorded an entire show. Oh, a week's worth of shows. At the pub last night. And then the audio came back this morning, and just let's have a look at listen to it. 40x Who here has been to 40x?

Oh, do you? Oh, fucking D. Who do you? Oh, there's any wild for me? Yeah. It just sounds like you're drunk. Are you sure that's just not what? Because my recollection of last night

was you sounding like that all night. Yeah. So I think what has happened, Lachlan looked into the sort of technical reasons for why the recording so bad. And we took a feed from the audience last night. We miced up the audience. Yeah.

And I think that what has happened is the podcaster has heard the muted reaction of the audience and gone. We're going to have to track. You mean the recording device that we're using to. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's gone into this device. It's heard that the audience really didn't like the content particularly. And it's just decided unilaterally to trash all the content to just save us the embarrassment of using it.

You know, we're trying to sell tickets to this thing, Charles. If you go to chaser.com.com.com. You slash podcast, you can actually buy tickets to next week's live from the pub with Chris Taylor. It's only 10 bucks. And there's lots of content that you hear at the pub that you will never hear on the podcast, mainly because we don't know how to fucking record the thing. Those who came last night, we said some parts would be exclusive. The theory is that the drunk Q&A bit, that's the bit that paying subscribers at chaser.com.com.

They get that as an exclusive bonus. However, the whole thing was exclusive last night. So, yeah. Anyway, so we're going to instead just bring you a normal Chaser report today. Yes. Coming up after the ad is a very special segment of Welcome to the Future. Yes, indeed. And look, don't worry, if you're a paying subscriber,

we're actually doing an event tomorrow for something quite exciting, which is the relaunch of the Chaser newspaper, where it all started. We've done a 100th edition of that. It's available now at chaser shop.com. By the way, we've just finished making it. Charles and I made it over the weekend. We laid it up. Charles did most of the work I turned up to get a bit of the glory.

But it's really fun. Everyone wrote for it. All the old writers pretty much. Yeah, it's been really fun. So anyway, some of the audio from the launch event, fortunately there are two Chaser events this week. That'll go up for paying subscribers and we may even put some on the free feed. Charles, for feeling generous.

For the plebs. For the plebs. For those who don't pay as a paltry $9 a month for the best stuff. Okay. Let's have an ad. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser report. That was an ad.

Now, Charles, how about one of these? Welcome to the future. Now, this is, look, this is not a normal segment of Welcome to the Future. Yeah. Because usually it's about crap Bluetooth products that don't really work. When you say usually, all of the segments so far have been about terrible Bluetooth products, of which there are hundreds on Kickstarter. Yes, yes, yes. In fact, at one point, at one point,

I think the criteria for Welcome to the Future was it had to include Bluetooth. There were no versions of the future that don't include Bluetooth. It's weird. The worst technology ever. Yeah, but basically a new way of two devices not pairing with each other is what Bluetooth is. But this one, this one's a bit different because I'm going to talk about a cinema experience that I experienced for the first time on the weekend. And I assumed was the cinema of the future the only little little. caveat that I've got is that actually apparently this technology has been around for 16 years.

Oh, are you talking about 40X? It's 40X. You've just heard of 4DX now. Yes, I thought it was completely new. It is amazing. And I am going to run you through the whole 40X experience for anyone who hasn't come across it in the last 16 years. I mean, I think I first went on it about 10 years ago. But sure, tell me about this amazing technology as though it were brand new.

That would be lovely. Well, okay, so let me just set the same. You go into a special line at the cinema where they actually scan. You know how they usually just look at your ticket and go, yeah, whatever, because the person can't be bothered. No, no, these tickets are so valuable. It's like 35 bucks a ticket. Is it really? $35.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you get, you're scanning, they give you glasses, 3D glasses. That's so funny, because in the whole, the rest of the cinema, everyone's just gone, oh, no, we don't like Twitter. Yeah, it's just the one place. So to get 3D, you have to have 4D. No, to get 4D, you've got to have 3D as well. So both of them together, all right, yep. So then you walk into the cinema and instead of, so you're expecting, I don't know, like, you're paid so much.

You're expecting, I reckon la premier gold class style. And then some plush seats, maybe a bed. A caravan of your own to watch in? No, these are crappy, crappy normal seats that don't adjust at all. There's only one button on the seat. And it just says turn water on, turn water off. Does that mean that there's some sort of machine that gives you drinking water, like a lovely water fountain that they've put in a few to be able to enjoy?

That is what you think until you get to the... So they play tons of ads at you, like for 20 minutes. Just because you pay a $35, it doesn't mean you don't have to have half an hour of ads. Yeah, that's right. And then you get to the ad, the best ad I've ever seen, which is for 4DX, right? Hang on a sec. So among the litany of ads that they give you while you're sitting there watching this thing, they advertise the experience you've already paid to have.

How does that work? You've already bought it. You've already, you're 35 bucks down. No, Dom, but it's the best ad ever because it's in 40X. And this is the experience. This is what happens, right? The first thing that happens is your seat, so they're in sort of groups of four. The whole seat sort of starts moving and not just moving a little bit.

Like, I thought, oh, right, okay, it'll just sort of jolt me. And, like, if the character's running really fast, it'll just, you know, slightly jolt me. No, no, this was, it's like a ride. It's like a roller coaster-style thing. It really, the mechanics of it just take you around. Like, they gave me a sore back. I've still got a sore back. For $35, you've got a sore back.

Exactly. So they do that, then they've got wind. So on either sides of the cinemas, there are these large turbine fans turn on. So you're running along, you're jolting in the seat, and also you're getting this breeze on your face, right? You then, this is all in the ad, you then something like, you know, a spider comes up behind you. And in the ad, it's this family sitting down on these seats experiencing all these things. So it's a very... And thinking to themselves, gosh, these seats are quite uncomfortable for $35.

And then all these spiders come up behind them. And then you feel the spiders in the small of your back, like, because they've got, little devices to sort of poke you in the back and they make you jump up in the air and then sit down hard on the uncomfortable seat fucking your back well actually the jumping up in the air thing when the scary part is they have these little jets of air that go up against your neck like just by just near your ears and it makes you feel like a tingle down your spine it's essentially like like having like being directly stalked yes yes exactly right So like an uncomfortable stranger invading your personal space for 35 bucks.

I know, it's great. And then the best thing is, then they get splashed in this puddle or something. And you get splashed on the face, and that's what the water button's for. Right. If you don't want that part of the experience. So talk me through the scenario, Charles, where you would want the water on. Like, my general rule in life is to avoid having liquids in my face. Like, generally that's not a good thing.

Yeah, yeah. Did you have water on or off? Well, no, you've got to have the full experience. You're paying 35 bucks. You want to have you spray with my son, my 11-year-old initially turned the water off. And then I said, no, no, put it on. And then he got his Parker on and did it up. Oh, wow.

Because he was going, I don't want to be wet. He's going, oh, you're being too sensible. So it's got like a very, you're saying the future cinema is a fucking water pistol. Yeah. Squirting us in the face on a regular basis. Right, yeah. Because the water comes from the back of the seat in front of you. Right.

I don't know what happens if you're in the front row. Maybe there's just a Cinema attendant just comes And it throws a bucket of water That would be quite good The Chaser report Less News More often

That was just the ad right And then we get it And then the movie that we were seeing It's called Light Year Oh you watched Light Year Which is the new Pixar movie And we saw it and it was amazing It was absolutely incredible

We walked out going That is by far The best Pixar movie ever made. Like better than all the toy stories. Yes, because you're so immersed in it. Like when they jet off into space, you get the wind in you, even though there's no wind in space,

you just, you've got wind on you. That's true. Space is a vacuum, and they're not aware? This is very unfortunate because these people, you would think that the makers of these seats would need to understand physics in order to make them. And then in light year, one of the things that keeps on happening is these sort of creatures

keep on grabbing light year from the ground, like these vines, sort of grab. And every time that happens, you get splashed in the face, like, because they're sort of slimy creatures. Right. And you're just going, that is so, anyway, so we walked out going,

that is the greatest Pixar movie ever. Then I read the reviews and the box office from over the weekend, because it was the first weekend of light year. Oh, yeah, you were straight in on that, weren't you? It is objectively, apparently, the worst Pixar movie ever, bombed at the box office.

It's a critical failure. But 4DX made it seem like it was the greatest movie we'd ever seen. You bought the bells and whistles. The actual bells and whistles distracted you from the plot. Why don't they use me think? Yes, they should use it for, like, I want to see the Shawshank Redemption done in 40X. I'm just imagine, climbing through the sewer with all the water in your face. Yes, but with actual sewage.

You don't have to smell. What about parliamentary questions? question time. I think that would be so, like if you start to drift off, the chair could just shake you awake. Yes. Whenever Barnaby Joyce is speaking, you'd have a spittle in your face or maybe some red, maybe some beer in the face. And then, you know, when you see the desks at Parliament House, you get... Oh, God. No, okay. But I have to confess, Charles, because I know you were very excited about this. And look, during the live version of this that we did last night, because this is just repurposing content, you already wrote, which is great, a good idea.

were kind of, you could sense towards the end that they were kind of like, is this guy not heard of 40X? So I have to confess, I actually, I went to see Spider-Man No Way Home early this year in 40X, so like a genuinely, objectively good movie. Yes.

And I also saw it later with my nephew, who really wanted to see it with, you know, uncle. Yes. Actually, like spending time with me, strangely enough. And I saw it in regular, like, reclining nice horse. Yes. You know which is better? Not the one where you're getting fucking shaken around.

Spider-Man swings through the air through a lot of that movie, Charles. There's a lot of water. Like the climactic scenes of that movie are set at the Statue of Liberty during a rainstorm, right? Like there's watering. He's going, fuck off. I want to watch this really good movie. Yeah, look, there are a lot of physiotherapists out there who would beg to differ.

There you go. There you go, the future of cinema. Can we perhaps do it for podcasting? Yes, we should have 40X podcasting. Well, you sell a special chair. Yes. No, well, I think that that's, that is the next step, isn't it? It's 40X in the high flight, so.

Well, we had 3D. Remember when there were 3D TVs? Yeah, 3D. And, you know, in the same way Netflix has bought cinema into your home. We should bring the cinema seats, the 40X cinema seats into your home. You hook it up. You'd just be watching all day, every day. And imagine if then it was powered, this is mighty.

All right. The seat was powered by your own energy. So it draws the energy out of you to run the whole process. It's like a closed loop. You could watch the Matrix while being part of the Matrix. That's amazing. What a great idea. I'm just imagining dinner parties with 40X.

I mean, I can just, honestly, the point where someone gets a little bit racist, you just start shaking them and maybe squirting them with a little bit of water. I think it would be great to have a sort of automatic, like, racism alert. that at any dinner party would just basically douse someone was racist. I want a Dr. Evil-style button. To eject people from the dinner party? Yeah, well, just to send them into a fiery pit.

That's very good. Well, having been to dinner party with you, child, you'll be the first person evicted for being excessively strident. What could we do with the 40X when you get a bit strident after a glass of wine? Because it does get very loud. Yeah, yeah.

So what do you mean? Poking in the back? Yeah, poking in the back. Well, I think... The hot, the puff of air. Yeah, I think we're... They need to expand the range of things again. Yeah, I think heat is definitely one where it just makes you uncomfortably hot.

I think also smell, that's the other thing where... Oh, yes. You want, you want to... Smello vision. Yeah, it's supposed to be, like, I believe that the 40X thing was originally supposed to include smell. You know, I think it did, because I saw it, I think there's a Shrek 4D that I saw at Universal Studios or something. It was like 10 minutes long so they could pack more people in, but I think there was some smell aspect. So that would be wonderful.

Yeah, because then at the dinner party, what you could do is you could actually make people smell something delicious rather than the food they're serving. Microwave shit, yeah. Actually, just see about it. You could have those 40x seats on planes. Oh, yeah, you're talking. And then it could be a sort of like live theatre style thing where the pilot announces, excuse me, there's going to be turbulence. But instead of turbulence, it's just the seat moving. The one thing you want on a plane is more getting bumped up and down.

And also, I mean, I frequently spill things on myself during a flight. Like, you know, it gets bumpy. Yes. So more water being sprayed on you would be fantastic. And what it should do is it should have a little thing where you put your bags in the seat beforehand. And to give you the full, quantum experience, you just never get your bag back. Yes, that's what we do. And you know those economy flights where you've got some dickhead behind you, he keeps constantly bumping your seat?

Yeah. 40X. Yeah. It's got it all built in. Okay. Our gear. Are we going to say it? Well, we're going to say it because we're contractually obliged to.

But let's just say, and I mean this with love, that the wonderful gear that we used to record the podcast, 99% of the time is from road microphones. They make a thing called the Roadcaster. Admittedly last night, it did chew 90 minutes worth of audio recorded at the pub. Yeah. But, I mean, it may have been an aesthetic judgment by the Roadcaste. I'm not sure.

I think it's grown sentient and it hates our stuff. Fortunately, there's a roadcaster two out. I'm hoping that they've made it more programmable. And we're part of the Acast, Creator Network. We'll catch you again tomorrow. See ya.