The Chaser Report - Lizzy's In A Box | Aleksa Vulovic

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Aleksa Vulovic joins Charles and Lachlan as they cover the different ways people around the world commemorate the death of Queen Elizabeth II. Some tributes are more touching than others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report for Tuesday the 20th of September. I'm Charles Firth, broadcasting live from Los Angeles International Airport, actually. Are you being detained? No comment. My lawyers say that actually it's better that I don't answer any of those questions. and and that whole you know like the whole suggestion that I'm a mule is like that is that's not true at all

and and I think and I've told my whole party to deny doing a mule you know that anyway um with me today are Alexer Willowicz now Alexer you've been you've been a stranger to us for the last few weeks yeah yeah um well I mean I heard what was going down with you in LA and I thought best to not get my Big of Pritz on that train wreck. And Lachlan, Lachlan Hodson, our producer, is also here today? Hi, I'm a mule and I'm not scared to admit it. I like a patsy, Lachlan.

That's what you paid to be. Now, but Alex, you've been a stranger to us because you've been training boxing or something. Have you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? Why? It's a big money-making scheme.

I think a lot of people out there want to watch their favorite YouTubers get punched in the head. And I thought I could catch in on this. I could get punched in the head. This is one of my most marketable skills. Did you just realise that you don't have enough brain damage? Is that it? You're too smart now and you just want to put yourself down to the layman's level.

I've been accused of, I don't know, the way I talk is a bit too elitist. So I thought if I get punched in the head, I can appeal more to the average Australian. Yeah, you will actually succeed. You'll become mainstream. You'll get a gig on triple M. But what I see in the background of your Zoom is there's a chess board. What's going on there?

Oh, yeah. So I'm not competing in pure boxing. It's a bit of a gimmick. It's chess boxing. So you have like one round of chess, one round of boxing, one round of chess, one round of boxing. And how do you train for that? I have no idea.

I play a lot of chess, play a lot of boxing, do both of those simultaneously, pretty much. And do you find the... like boxing degrades your ability to play chess? I presume that's the theory behind school. I mean, look, that's my theory as well, but the issue is I'm already so bad at chess that I just, it's hard to tell

whether it's being degraded or not because you can't really go below a beginner. You know how there's always that story in the news where it's like, oh, this four-year-old beat the world's best chess grandmas. Wouldn't it be amazing if Alexa was actually competing against that four-year-olds? Yes, yes.

I would pay good money to see you beat up for four-year-old. I mean, I'm just terrified because the guy I'm fighting is like 10 kilograms heavier than me. I would fight a four-year-old any day of the week instead of that guy. I'm putting it out there to the organisers. Four-year-old to make good drug mules. Just reminded to self. Actually, Charles, while you're in the airport, Charles, can I ask you a question? Could I get you to play a game with Alexa and I?

So do you guys, you probably were in high school a bit earlier than I was. You probably never heard of the game, penis? Oh, yeah. You know the game penis? My son plays penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A listener who might not know, you know, you play penis by whoever says the word penis loudest wins. But there's a version of this game you can play in an airport, Charles.

It's called bomb. Oh, no. So I'll start. Bomb, Alexa. BOM! Okay, Charles, off you go. BOM! I think we need to talk about the Queen some more.

Yeah, yeah, I think that we should talk about the Queen, and I think one of the best things we should do is tread lightly around the topic of how people are mourning, because that's not going to get us cancelled at all. Like, I haven't been in Australia. How is the morning going? It's amazing. Like the sheer vibe at the clubs and at all the pubs that I've been to,

it's unlike anything I've ever been sad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Charles. I'm living, I'm a Gen Z kid. We all hate the monarchy. We all want to eat the rich. All we're doing is celebrating the death of, what is essentially just a representation of all of the elitism that we've been trained to succumb to.

I don't really buy that, Lachlan. I thought Gen Z were all depressed. I thought you guys would be crying in clubs anyway, like regardless of if the Queen was dead or not. I just don't buy that you guys having fun. It's brought us up. It's united us together. We're actually quite excited.

However, apparently not everyone's a Gen Z kid in Australia. So this sadness, sorry, can I completely retract everything I've said for the last minute? Because I don't think it's going to go down well. Oh, right. Yeah, we don't want to get cancelled for being anti-thensual. The elites. That would be so controversial. The queen may be dead, but capitalizing on the queen's death is not dead.

So one of my favorite things that I've been able to experience in this time is watching how different companies have responded to the queen's death. And I've got to say, it is amazing. So while maybe a lot of Australians have different perspectives on this, one Australian Bastion is clearly upset. Maccas. Has anyone, Alexer, have you seen a Maccas lately? Have you noticed what they've done to their flags?

No, I haven't. I've not seen, I've never heard them talk about the Queen in my life. Yeah, well, Macca's flags are half-mast across the country at the moment to pay respect to the Queen's death. No. It is great. I'm being legit. I was at an IKEA the other week, and I noticed that their full.

flags weren't half-mast, so I spoke to the manager. Don't the Swedish already have their own royal family? I mean, if they do, they should be paying. It might actually, it might be treasonous to... Well, I spoke to the local IKEA and asked them to have their flags at half-mast, and they did. What? Wait, IKEA, what? They put their flags.

IKEA, the local IKEA to where I live, put their flags at half-mast. You monarchy shamed IKEA. I said, look, I just don't think that this is very respectful. Because this is the thing, you can just tell people that you're sad, and no one's really got the balls to pull you up on it. You've fucked up so many people's day. You're going to have all these Swedish people being like, Carl Gustav the 6th is dead.

Like, fuck, what's happening? The other big thing that's happened in Australia, of course, is we've got a public holiday on Thursday, the 22nd, because in Australia if we're consistent on anything it's how easy it is to change the date to celebrate a colonial history

I've got to be real though the real mourning is happening in Europe now in Europe anything you want to get off you can just claim that you're mourning and it's patriotic it's absolutely fantastic

tons of stuff across the country has closed down in England for instance, the British meteorology office has stopped predicting the weather as a sign of respect. That is very respectful. A sex toy company named Anne Summers

is having a flash sale on all of their dildos. Oh, yeah. Also food banks, food banks across England have shut down in preparation for the funeral because screw the poor. Well, that's what the queen would have wanted. No, precisely. For the peasants to go.

go hungry, so I think that's very appropriate. The Chaser Report. News you know you can't trust. But you know here in America all the flags are half-mast year. And I thought somebody else must have died, like Barack Obama

or something. But no, apparently it's the queen. Like, just every single flag in America is it half-mast. That's really. That's really fascinating. Because one of the The touching tributes that I saw online to the Queen's death were from Broadway. Two of them were from Broadway that I really liked.

It was the musicals Hamilton and Les Miserables both put out a quite touching statement of grief for the death of the queen. Wait, Hamilton. Can you remind me what those musicals are about again? What? Yeah, because La Miserables was about the peasants overthrowing, you know, we're taking to the streets and trying to overthrow the monarchy. Yep. And Hamilton's about America over there.

What did they say? Hopefully it was, was it ironic? No, no, no, no, not ironic at all. Just totally like, oh, our hearts go out to the royal family and the British Commonwealth at the moment in this trialling time. It's like how, you know, in Pride Month, how all the companies changed their banner to be rainbow? Yes.

So it was like that, but you put your banner in black and white, in solidarity. Okay. One of the best ones, so there was Nintendo UK did it, Bagel Bytes UK did it, Heinz UK, a whole bunch of food companies really. Domino's UK also tweeted out a statement saying that their stores will be closed the day that the Queen had died because, you know, the morning. What was interesting was that tweet got retweeted by Domino's Ireland, who tweeted the words, not us, though.

Which gets it My favourite part Of the entire Queen's death Is not what happened in Australia It's not what happened in America It's not what happened in England It's the response from Ireland What's wrong with the Irish?

Why are they so mean about this whole thing? Well, because the... What? The British took them over? What do you mean? They're the worst people in the world They created the Irish famine. So you know how about the Irish famine?

They killed millions of people. The Irish famine wasn't actually a famine. The Irish famine was a genocide. No, no, no. No, I get that. But, I mean, from my understanding, a lot of these Irish cities were, like, super overpopulated anyway. I thought the British were, like, kind of, I'm just making, making life a bit easier. Hey, we've got to, no, I mean, you just got to, should we have a tasteful conversation about Slobaden and Milosevic, maybe, as well while you're at it. No, no, this is, I mean, this is nothing to do with my ethnic pension for denit genocide. I think

it's actually, I think it's just, you just got to look at the other side of the story. I mean, look, I personally think I would have had a great time in Ireland after Oliver Cromwell came through, right? Because I think that place would have been a bachelor's paradise. Like, all the men are, all the men are gone. All the men are gone. I just think the Irish are making a bit too much out of this issue, you know? Okay, well, if you think that the Cairns got mad at us for our response, the Cairns would die over what was happening in Ireland.

While the English were mourning, the Irish took this time to celebrate. And I have never felt, I'm like one eighth Irish. I have never felt my heritage more than when I saw what Irish people were doing. Right off the gate, when the Queen was announced to be in hospital, a group of Irish tap dancers immediately tap dance out the front of Buckingham Palace to the song, Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. Oh, that's good. Awesome, that's good.

But because of this sort of reaction from Ireland, the tensions between England and Ireland have never been higher. And so to properly illustrate this tension, I have a clip from an Ireland v England football match that was the day after the Queen passed. Here's what happened when they announced the minute's silence. Following the passing of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, please now observe a bit of silence in her memory,

which will start with an equity's whistle followed by the national anthem. Wyatt? God's in a box! Shut the fuck! You just knew that was going to happen. That was going to happen. Right, so that was the minute's silence.

So the minute's silence, five seconds in, a fan of the Irish team, took the moment to shout out the words, Lizzie's in a box. This had a chain reaction which caused the entire stadium to erupt into shouts of, oh, that's disgusting. Oh, you knew that would happen.

And it's been absolutely amazing. What you just heard was the start of a chant that has since become a stand-in for the Irish National Anthem. National Anthem. Now, unfortunately, it got cut off. Lizzie's in a box. Lizzie's in a box. Unfortunately, it got cut off.

rudely by the Brits just then but I found a longer kid with the whole chant and it goes a little like this Oh okay great You know I find out The classic football chant The song Give It Up By Casey in the Sunshine Band

You replace it your own words You know I find really really confronting about this whole thing Is that I did not realize like where the threshold for like edginess is like lizzie's in a box is just a objective statement like that is like there's it's just it's kind of it's just really confusing that like that we're so cucked by the monarchy that this is like the big scary thing like you can't say she's in a coffin like how dare you it is it really does it has that sort of North Korean tinge to it

doesn't it? Because, you know, according to official North Korean narrative, Kim Il-sung is still alive. Not the current president, but the last one. And that's exactly what this is. And, you know, people keep on

getting arrested in England for saying things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prince Andrew's a creep. And you're going, but he is a creep. But he is. It's an objective fact. It's a truer statement being said. Or like holding a sign saying,

not my king. I don't know. It's now getting, it's a bizarre. Sorry, while we're committing a bit of, you know, what's the offense when you sort of, what is the actual technical... Something magic, majesty.

Yeah, Les Magiste. I don't think we have those. Treason, let's call it treason. Don't you think that, you know, those clips of Prince Charles being a cock to his employees and things of that? Yeah. He's just, he's going to be a turd in government, isn't he?

Like he, like, and the Charles's just have a history of being absolute fuck with. So Charles is the first, Like, got his head chopped off. He got his head chopped off, yeah. And Charles II was the cool one from horrible histories. Yeah. Yeah, who then restored the monarchy.

Great, yeah. What a great. Yeah. What a great legacy he had. But Charles III, like, I'm calling it, I reckon he's going to be lynched. I reckon, like, he's going to be the reason the whole monarchy fails. Because the whole thing is, You know, like, the only reason that anyone supports the monarchy is a sort of residual fondness that actually, this is this sort of warm, fuzzy thing that's harmless, right?

As soon as an actual cock gets into power and probably starts throwing his weight around a bit and telling the Prime Minister what to do, it's just over. Like, there's nothing left. There's no reason, you know, like his role was theorised away 200 years ago. He's been, like, that entire family has just been surviving on the residual laziness of the British people for the last 220 years. Well, Charles, it sounds like you're not the only one who hates the royal family here. And there's another one that I think you might like, which is from a Celtics game that happened very recent. That's them chanting, if you hate the royal family, clap your hands for the entire minute's silence at a Celtics match. Oh, my.

That's great. I wish I was in England, just for these sort of celebrations. I feel like a bit of an imbecile, though, laughing at this, because this is not a crazy thing to say. Like, this is a joke you would have shared with, like, Robus Pierre, like, fucking 400 years ago. Like, it's not, it's weird to be like, ha ha, we hate. the monarchy it's like it feels it feels almost insulting to be put in the position where like we're being mischievous by saying that that's it's it's strange but sorry can i just say you mentioned robespier because he was the person who brought in the great terror after yeah need one

of those chocolate off the king's hair can i bags be the robespierre sorry that'd be an awesome job and you don't need any qualifications and you don't need to wear pants around the office which is what you do anyway so it's it's great for me. That is who they were, right? The sans culots happen making a relevant reference. It's not that they didn't wear pants.

It's just they didn't wear the culots on their pants. Oh, right. Frilly thing. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes sense. So, wait, the why don't you wear pants, Charles? Look, my lawyer actually is advising me that I shouldn't answer that question either. Our gear is from Ride.

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