The Chaser Report - Locked down in Melbourne *and* Sydney | Chris Taylor

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Chris Taylor compares his experiences in both the 2021 Melbourne and Sydney lockdowns. Plus, Alexa is sick of renovations, and we discover where Donald Trump got the idea of claiming he won regardless of reality. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Thursday the 15th of July. Hello, Charles. Hello, how you going? I noticed that yesterday's show we were a little bit downbeat at the beginning. So I think we should be really happy. Really happy to be back on the podcast doing something other than thinking about the fact that Sydney's lockdown where we are, both has been extended for. Another two weeks, Charles, but surely nationally that's the big story today.

That is the big story nationally. But because we want to make people feel good about the world, we're not going to focus on that. Are you going to change the format of the podcast to not be about reality? I'm not going to make it about Sydney lockdown for once. We've had a lot of comments in reviews saying that it's a little bit Sydney focused. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I've got some really good news from overseas.

Right. Well, overseas people are having a lot of fun at the moment with all the vaccinations in their summer. Well, not so much in Malaysia, though, because in Malaysia, this is a true story. A COVID testing site was forced to close after 204 staff of the 453 people there tested positive. So essentially half their staff had picked up and presumably were spreading COVID to the people. to every single person who got tested. So they turned up negative and went home positive. It's not quite how the value proposition of testing is meant to work, is it? Yeah.

So I thought that's a nice sort of little story to start off this podcast. It's a nice sort of, well, at least we're not in Malaysia. Dom? Yes. I mean, I thought you were going to come up with some sort of human interest, heartwarming story. But he said it was just the misery of others. And that's become a theme recently too. we've had this quest going of trying to find people who have it worse than us.

Jenna and Victoria from the feed, yeah, not bad efforts, but Mark Humphreys was pretty miserable. That was a good chat. Today it is the Chaucer's Chris Taylor, our very old friend. How are we getting all these amazing guests, Don? I mean, there's such a huge variety of people we've known for a long time. And they seem to be available because of the thing we're not going to talk about. But we will be finding out what Chris Taylor has been.

up to in lockdown. Also, just to cheer you up even more and the listeners up even more, intern Alexa has some thoughts about house prices in Sydney. Charles, do we need more stories that aren't from Sydney on this podcast? I'm thinking we just might. Yeah, I think that, look, what you should do is listen to today's podcast and we promise that tomorrow we won't have a purely to Sydney. It will be a Sydney-free zone.

It will have to be for our own mental health, frankly. I think that's a very good idea. But first let's go to Rebecca Dina Muno in the chase of fake newsroom, which is fake, not in Sydney. The Australian government has once again shown its tough on boarders approach today after towing back a dangerous-looking ship full of drugs and needles. When questioned on if the ship was possibly the latest shipment of Pfizer, a government spokesperson said the government's war on drugs was extended to any substance that could lead to parting and potentially a good time.

In a last-minute move, the New South Wales Coalition have cancelled, the extension of the state's lockdown. The action comes as an urgent cost-saving method as multiple Liberal MPs have been rushed to hospital after they realise the financial cost of the extended lockdowns. In a joint press conference today, Scott Morrison said we have a golden opportunity to further our vaccine rollout

by ensuring there are less people who need the vaccine. There has been turmoil in the Liberal Party following two weeks of stay-at-home orders in Sydney. The staffers complain of inefficiencies and frustrations regarding having to find more work-from-home-friendly surfaces to come on. Some suggestions put to them were kitchen sink, bookshelf, and the outdoor cubby house. Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm Rebecca Dayunamuno and who the fuck are you.

This episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored by Who Do You Think You Are? Tonight on Who Do You Think You Are? Zanda Javanov finds out who he thinks he is. I found out who I think I am. Who do you think you are? Proud sponsors of the Chaser Report. So, Charles, we've been trying to find someone who has had a shittier experience in lockdown

than us at home with our families. Mark Humphreys came close. Genoa and Victoria Zerves were clearly doing a lot better than us. What about Chris Taylor, our old colleague? He's got a bit of a double whammy with lockdowns. Hello, Tales. Hello, how are you doing, guys? Well, we're shit.

We're really shit, Chris. Right. So you're so shit that even the concept of pleasantries in podcast conversations seem to have deserted you. You no longer do. The how are you? Oh, I'm not doing too badly. People have it worse.

There's none of that. Yeah, nah. I've got no pleasant, no time for pleasantries. No, because I've got all the time in the fucking world. Whereas for me, this is a very brief break of not minding my three-year-old, which happens about 20 hours a day at the moment. Yeah, no, isn't that interesting? Like, you know, when did this whole thing start?

Like March last year. And do you remember there was sort of a brief period where, I don't know about you, but it was sort of the novelty carried you through those first couple of weeks. Remember everyone was baking sourdough and bringing casseroles around to their neighbours? Yeah. I haven't seen a single shot on Instagram of sourdough this time around. I don't think any, no one's not even making magic two-minute noodles. I reckon everyone is so over it.

The novelty's been sucked out of it, and we're all just now in, I've got the shits mode. Yes, that's absolutely true. I did see someone, one person who is a professional food critic who did the sourdough, but frankly, if that's the standard we're aiming at, then no fucking way am I baking. I mean, what would it look like if you saw a picture of sourdough on Instagram now? It would sort of look parseid. You know, like when you see someone in a hyper-coloured t-shirt, it's sort of going with that so last year. What are you doing with your sour-dough?

Unless it's vintage sourdough. It's like the same loaf from last year that's now kind of trendy in a retro way. I think this year's sourdough would be, you know, a housemate killed their housemate with a piece of sourdough. That's where we're at mentally. That's true. Look, as you mentioned, I mean, I'm, I kind of feel a little bit like a lockdown addict because I've bounced from lockdown to lockdown across the year. So I was working in Melbourne a couple of months ago. And it's almost impossible to go to Melbourne without experiencing lockdown.

Yeah, and Melbourne does great lockdown. There's no question about it. They've got it down pat. But then, so no sooner was I sort of out of the Melbourne lockdown when they finally emerged back into society, then my job was finished there, and I was due to come back home to Sydney. And what fucking bad timing? I mean, literally, I think the day Sydney announced lockdown

was the day I flew into Sydney. Oh, God. It's sort of, you know, I was sort of glad to come home, but it did feel a little bit foolish to go from lockdown to lockdown. And I'm now wondering, if rather than sort of whinge about it, it's just almost try and set it as a sort of a hobby and to collect all the lockdowns of Australia. Charles was going to go to the NT in the first fortnight.

And the amazing thing was, if he'd managed to escape and make it up there, he would have got to experience the territory's only ever lockdown. It's certainly one that's on my list. I think they're out of lockdown now, aren't they? But I have full confidence in all our leaders in this country that will get another one in NT before the use out. So I'm kind of keen to experience an NC lockdown. Yeah, yeah.

No, apparently they're very beautiful. Oh, they would be, especially around sunset. And can you imagine? You know how much people have drunk in, like, Sydney and Melbourne? Can you imagine the drinking in a Darwin lockdown? Oh, my God. Yes, there would be mass fatalities in the street. So how does a Melbourne, though, compared to Sydney?

Is the Melbourne lockdown more artisanal? It is. It's, um, look, the main difference in all seriousness is there's a, there's a fundamentally different relationship towards mask wearing. In Melbourne, people willingly wear masks, you know, great, great designers have been brought in to make them. People wear, it's mandatory to always to wear them outside, unlike in New South Wales. But people go beyond that. People don't just wear them inside and outside. People wear them swimming. I think people shower in them. A lot of people I met make love in masks.

It's that kind of thing There's a real commitment to masks That's been drilled into them Whereas in Sydney I don't know It's I mean as you know It's not mandatory to wear them outside But even I found even in places

Where it is mandatory Like there could be a shop Whose product is COVID Like the And people would still be inside that shop With COVID leaking all around them going nah stuff this I'm not wearing a mask

I mean my local cafe Chris On the weekend They did this thing where people were queuing up for takeaway orders. And what the guy did every time was it we had to call out someone's name, he would pull his mask down. So the one moment where he's shouting, like, Chris, Chris, he's actually pulling the mask down

to be heard more clearly. I was thinking, you don't quite understand what this is supposed to do with this mask. Oh, but look, you know, credit where it's due. Did he spit inside the copy or did he stop short of that? Well, I didn't want to criticize him in case he did. So look, yeah, the mask thing is definitely one of the. the differences. The other thing is, there's not this debate between Pfizer and AstraZeneca.

It's sort of just whatever's best for the common good. Where Sydney, it's sort of got brand loyalty or brand preference, as if it's a, you know, a mobile phone contract or something. And it's sort of weird. I mean, have any of you guys had a jab yet? Yeah, I'm fully closed. Yeah, we're both fully faxed. Oh, are you?

Oh, you're ahead of me. You're not good at technology. Aren't you still on like the iPhone 7 or something? I am, but I assume there's no tech involved in putting a needle in your arm, is there? Bill Gates would beg to differ. The reason I've held out, I'm just waiting for more choice. I don't think there's enough choice in the market at the moment. Like, you know, it's sort of not confusing enough about which one you should get.

I'm kind of waiting for, I don't know, it can't be long before Audi is releasing the Audi vaccine. It might kind of seem like Pfizer, but it's spelled with two F or something like. Knowing you, Chris, you want some sort of microbreu, or like your record label, you want an indie, an indie vaccine. Yeah, I'm sort of waiting for the Seattle vaccine. It's a really cool one. Look, but I mean, I sort of wonder, I am pro-vaccination in case that wasn't clear to any listeners of the podcast.

I've literally just disorganised and haven't got around to it. But I did wonder with the anti-vaxes, I don't know if you've bit more this already on the show, But whether you sort of need to, you know, muggle it into them, I'm not suggesting holding them down and jabbing them. But I don't know what do anti-Bexes like? What do they, they sort of hang out in Byron Bay. They like things like vitamins. That's what they like, yeah.

Perfect. So vitamin or hash cookies or whatever it is, if you can just inject that, you know, Pfizer into a Swiss vitamin, without them knowing, then we're going to have this pandemic licks before Christmas. That's a great idea. I mean, you could just say it was a homeopathic vaccine. Yes.

And sell it at a Malambimbi store, hexacrystal. Or maybe if they made a smokeable one. Now we're cooking, yeah, that's good. Well, could you, why not blend drug? We're all up for a cocktail every now and then. Instead of just having booze and, I don't know, ecstasy or whatever people do, could you not have pot and Pfizer within a joint or something just to get all the anti-baksans in Byron on board?

We'll have a word to the scientists about that. I don't see any problem with that at all. Nor do I. Not do I. Just here to help, guys. We'll get Kevin Rudd onto this straight away. Get him on the fire and everyone in Mullum. It'll sort it out.

Well, Chris, I think just through sheer quantity of lockdowns, you've actually made us feel better. Well, that was the aim. Whether I exaggerated by hardship or not, it doesn't matter. I'm just here to make you guys feel good. And I'm sorry to hear you've been doing it so tough. But also a part of me is not sorry at all.

We would expect nothing. less. It's always great to chat. Coming up on who do you think you are? Wait, who do you think you are? Zander Chavanov. Can I see some ID? Sure. I don't know, mate. This looks a little suspicious.

I'm going to have to take you in for some questioning. But you guys told me I'm Zanda Chavanov. Oh, come on. Who do you think you are? Proud sponsors of the Chaser Report. Now, Charles, look, Alex has raised some matters with me, one of our interns during your time away. And look, as the person who runs,

that part of the company, I think we really need you to debrief him on the way he's feeling because I think he's finding it hard to cope with the lockdown at the moment. Oh, really? Okay. Alexei, are you all right? I'm not doing well. I'm actually freezing at the moment. I'm recording this from a park a couple hundred metres away from my house. Really? Why? Are you all right? I mean, everything should be fine. Everything's technically all right. It's just the people who live above me decided this was the best time to change their bathroom around, you know, shower from the south wall to the west wall

what the sink was and move the toilet one metre and add two bideties. I just, I don't know, I think they're fucking insane. It's really getting to me. Right, yeah, yeah, because I had that last week with some jack hammering, but surely I mean, it is a good time to renovate. I'm sure tradies are giving

discounts. They don't work during this bit. They're probably getting a great deal. You're stuck at home. You might as well fancy up your place. But all your neighbours are stuck at home as well. The noise the jackhammer is so loud, but it's kind of more painful getting this, you know, audible confirmation that these people own their place and they have the right to just tear it

apart whenever they want to. Oh, you're one of these people who rents, are you? That's me, yeah. It's so painful. Because I think I take comfort in hearing other people renovate because it just makes me feel like the value of the properties in the surrounding area are going up along with my house. Yeah, you've got to think about the value of their equity, Alex. So what about that?

Have you factored that into your anger? See, you know what I usually think about? I usually lie in bed without sleeping, thinking about how I'll never own a place in my life. You know, that's kind of the thing. And then I get woken up at 7.30 by these jackhammers. So I guess I just don't have time to think about the equity. See, the problem is you're not thinking positively enough. You're just, you're taking the negative.

You've just got to affirmations about positive thinking. And then eventually you'll end up with your place. That's your problem, Alex. You're one of these Gen Z people who just are negative, because you think you won't ever own your home home. And just think of the positive contribution that you're making. Like, I know you've been upset about this and you're having to record in a park, even just to do your job.

But just think of the way your rent is helping the boomer who owns your place pay off their mortgage. That's good for the economy. I guess so. I guess I am kind of helping out, aren't I? Kind of being a good guy here. And it means that they can use or their franking credits on something else. they could buy a coffee from you in your second job as a barista

or, you know, spend money at J.B. Hi-Fi in your third job as a J.B. Hi-Fi salesman. That's true. I've actually got to get there pretty soon. I don't know how much longer I can say on this call. I mean, how's it worked out for you guys? Has the positive thinking helped you? Well, yeah, no, the power of positive thinking and being born 25 years before you has really done wonders for my position.

Yeah, I mean, for me, getting to enjoy a huge amount of my life before COVID even existed, where it doesn't really matter because my life's, you know, the fun part of my life's basically over now. It doesn't matter that I can't go out and see friends and enjoy myself for potentially years to come. But for you, oh, that's probably a bit of a downer, isn't it? Yeah, just thinking about it, I've got this strange feeling I've never had before. I think it might be called empathy. No, me you've got to pay a lot of money to get that, Charles. It must suck ass for you.

You know what you should do? Yeah. And you know what I did? What you do is you inherit. a whole lot of money. That's what you do. Oh, right, right, right, right. Are you suggesting I kill my parents? Yeah, yeah, yeah, ideally. That's what I did. It was great. Didn't a federal treasurer not long ago say that if you can't afford a house,

you just need a better paying job? Yeah, right. I mean, well, that's in your hands, right? You could enact the treasurer's advice right now and just... I think it's more the coffee shops. I think the coffee shop will be a better bet for a pay rise, Lexer. That's what this is about. That is a lot better business than our one. That all makes sense now.

Thanks, thanks so much for the advice, guys. I mean, I'm very grateful for all the advice, but I'm also a little bit sleep deprived from all the jackhammering, so I reckon I'm just going to have a little nap here in the park while I can. Just what you should do, just leave a little note while you're asleep

that says not technically homeless, just young. Because it's sometimes hard to tell the difference for the cops. Yes, yes. Because otherwise, I'd call the cops on you if I thought you were too homeless. Yeah, because if it's turning homeless people in the park, it might ruin property values?

Are you there? Alexa? Alexa. Hello. Oh, hey, I think he's passed out. Oh, never mind. Let's go to a break. Welcome back to the final game of this series of State of Origin.

New South Wales already has this seriously locked up, but will Queensland be able to come back to prevent a total wipeout? That's exactly right, Jim. New South Wales has achieved scores well over 100 so far, and Queensland has been scoring low numbers. That's right, Craig. Now Gladys is setting up to tee off. She's been consistent with her light lockdown strategies and that has really been effective in driving up the team stats this season. Now, John Barilaro has positioned himself behind the captain. He's been called out for a few dirty tactics recently, so we're eager to see if he toes the team line. Oh, and Jim, they're off. The boys from the northern beaches are screeching up the flanks. They're once again looking for a big day today. However, Queensland Captain Anastasia Palishe has intercepted the ball and passed it off to the Sunshine Coast. A lot of close. contact on the field today. Silly mistakes are being made and both teams are working out the best way to lock down the ball. But Craig, I must say the celebrations from the players off

of the field is a shameful indictment of the game. Too true, too. Oh, it looks like the Sunshine Coast of Lost Possession and the inner west from New South Wales is racing towards the tri-line. New South Wales is expecting big numbers from those boys to date. It looks like they're following through. Wait a second. Who's that invading the pitch? It looks like it's Daniel Andrews. Daniel Andrews has jumped the fence and is looking to have another go at the lockdown action. And that's the siren. New South Wales has won the series this July,

but judging by how the match unfolded today and the enthusiasm from the players, we'll be here again next week. This episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored by Who Do You Think You Are? On this week of Who Do You Think You Are? Who? Who do you think you are? Who?

I already told you what you told me. I think I am. I'm Sanders Chippantam. You fucking. liar. I told you, I swear. You better start talking. When do I find out about my family? Family. You'll never see them again. Who do you think you are? Proud sponsors of the Chaser Report. Charles, just before we go, it's been a while since we talked about the adventures of Donald Trump and all of those around him. But there's a flurry of new books looking at his

absolute meltdown after losing the election. Oh, wow. One of them, in fact, several of them, Charles, have the same story. And I think three separate books have this story. So it's almost certainly true. Yes. You know how Donald Trump just basically got out on, got up on election night and said, we definitely won, and it just stuck to that ever since.

Yes. That it was, he won it. He was a big victory and it was stolen from him, right? Yeah. That idea, apparently, came from the mind of Rudy Giuliani while drunk. Oh, no. That's the revelation.

Apparently then he was in the room at the victory parties and he went up to AIDS on the night and said, what's happening in Michigan. And they said, oh, we don't really know. We don't really know what's going on. And he said, just say we won. Yes. And then they said in Pennsylvania, we're not sure. It's going to go, just say we won there too.

Yes. And then Chief of Staff said, we can't do that. We can't do that. Yes. And then Trump went and did it anyway. Yeah. Look, I think there's a lot of lessons here for the Australian. Commission. I think we've been doing it all wrong here in Australia by tallying the votes,

counting up who voted for whom. It's all very confusing. Nobody really understands it. Surely it's better to just go, I reckon I won, and that's what happens. Yeah. I mean, Giuliani told Trump on the 9th, this is the quote, just go declare victory right now. You've just got to go and declare victory. So I would like to announce that the Chaser Report is the number one podcast in Australia. In fact, we get more listens than all the other podcasts put together, Charles. I declare it. And also, I'm actually declaring that I have just been named Cleo Bachelor of the Year.

That is because you believe you're no longer married, is that right? I believe I'm no longer married and I believe I am pretty hot. Pretty fucking hot. Congratulations, Charles. Yeah. No, but I think this goes to the heart of mindfulness. There's a whole sort of industry of people who say, you know, if you affirm something every morning, if you just affirm things, they come true.

Well, I think that's what Donald Trump was doing. I think he was being, he's essentially a 70-year-old hippie, just trying to be a bit mindful and meditative about, we should take more notice of him. I mean, to be fair to him, he did say, I'm going to win the next presidential election, and it actually happened the last time. So why not again? Charles, I declare that the lockdown will end tonight at midnight. You hear it here first.

If you're in Sydney, looking forward to a big party at my house. So everyone, come on down. It's going to be legal. It just will. It just will. It's declaring it. It's legal. Go to chaser.com.com.

You around the clock for news. If you want, follow us on socials, as we always say. And look, we always beg you for a five-star review, but apparently it helps. So we're going to do it again. Your code word to please put in the review that you leave today is Australia's number one podcast. Yeah, officially certified by themselves. Gary is from Road Microphones. We're part of the ACAST Creator Network.

Catch you tomorrow. See ya.