The Chaser Report - Mark Humphries on the beers

Episode Date: December 10, 2021

A dreary Mark Humphries joins the podcast after performing in War On 2021 the night before, now deeply regretting staying out at the pub with Charles til 2am. Originally we planned on talking to Mark about his thoughts on the last year, however this did not go to plan and our producer was too hungover to keep anyone on track. Plus Mark tells tales from the War On 2021 tour, as well as his experience meeting a genuine Hollywood celebrity. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to an afternoon in addition to The Chaser Report. I'm Dom Naid. I have with me a fairly dusty Charles Firth and Mark Humphreys after their triumphant War on 2021 show at the Enmore Theatre last night, which ended in the wee hours with various global celebrities at various bars. Who had not attended the show, I should have. I went along to the show.

I'm a global celebrity. totally I've seen you on YouTube it's all over the world but what was I was very excited that when we because when we came out of the theatre I was just sort of not I was you're about to go home

I was going I was sort of in a bit of a bad bad mood and I saw that you you were speaking to some people and I just had no energy I was just going to sort of stand in the corner

and then you said oh Mark and I was so I I came into your circle and then I turned to my left and you know to politely you know introduced myself and then I realized it was Nash Edgerton

And I was like, oh shit, because I love Mr. Inbetween. I just think it is the best Australian series ever. Yes. And so suddenly I was like, oh, good, yes. Okay, now I'm awake again. So I thought that would be the highlight meeting Nash Edgerton. But then, of course, we go on to a bar and do you want to take over? Well, we go to this bar and then, you know, we're just,

and I think probably what happened is this guy was probably walking past going, where will I drink? And then he saw us in there, don't you think? I think that makes sense. Brand name of quality. And so Baz Luhrmann walks into the bar and he's like, Datsby his hair! Exactly.

And then he just, he takes over the whole bar. He just, and he holds court for at least an hour and a half. A hour and a half, definitely. And it was so interesting to watch him because he just went through, there were about five or six of us sitting around the table. And he just went through. and he sort of characterise each person. And so he sort of had these one-on-one things

where each person had to sort of stand up and perform for him in front of everyone. Oh. And everyone was just on fight. Like he just got the best. Everyone was being cast. Yeah, everybody, yes, exactly. And everyone was being just as funny as they possibly could be.

But what was, one moment I particularly enjoyed. But I'm glad I wasn't on the receiving end of it. So Cam Smith from The Chaser has, I think Baz realized what Cam's tick is and it turns out that when you tell an anecdote Cam goes really

and so every time Cam went really Baz went you calling me a liar anything I'm lying to you why is that and it was the focus that he had on Cam and Cam I got the sense was buckling

well he buckled so much he went to the other table he went to the other table he came down our end to the losers end Is that, all right, about that. Now, I'm not presenting this in any way as a factual tale. I have my doubts.

But a friend of mine insists that, and I hope he's not listening to this, he had a night like that a long time ago in Sydney. And he said to Baz, Baz, I've been reading the Great Gatsby. It's amazing. You should do a movie. Oh, great. Oh, wow.

I hope he's getting royalties for coming up with the idea of adapting somebody else's bull. I'd like to think he had that conversation. after the film came out. But the best fact that I learned from the night is Baz Luhrmann's real name. His birth name. Exactly. Dom, have a guess.

Guess what his birth name is? I remember looking it up on Wikipedia at one point and realizing, oh shit, there's not Barry or anything. But I can't remember what it is. It's Mark. Hmm, that's right. He just doesn't look like a Mark. Everyone was disappointed because everyone was going,

but Mark is a really bland name. I'm sitting right there. No, exactly. You've done your best, Mark, I'm free. And then Cam goes, but surely Bess is short for Barry. Like he did, he could sort of fact-checked Bairz. Yeah, and that really annoyed him. And so where does Baz Mark come from?

Like, you put the two together. That's the thing. So I said Bessmark. So that's the thing. So I think Baz came from that it was to do with Bazzle brush. That I think, I think Baz had kind of wild hair when he was younger. And so Baz was sort of his nickname tied in with Bazzle brush. And then he combined the two of Bazzle brush.

and Bazmark to make the production company, Bassmark. So that's where that came from. So I felt like I had a strong connection to him because I knew that you wouldn't forget my name. So the pitch for this conversation, which will begin formally in a moment, is Mark Humphries's rap on 21, but I'm also very happy for it to go down the path

of just random stories of encounters celebrities. But surely this is everyone's highlight of 2021 is me meeting Baz Luhr. Yeah, more with Mark in a moment. The Chaser Report, News you know you can't trust So Baz Lueman Who will be on the podcast I'm sure

Is he going to do a movie adaptation of one of your Inven sketches? I should think so it stands to reason Yeah no he was a bit We got We got Bez's phone number So I reckon we should use that To invite him on the podcast

I think we should I think you should absolutely I think he'd be a great guest I think he'd have a great take on 2021 But no he was genuinely fascinating and it was just pissing with anecdotes. Did you get free tickets to Mulan Rouge? Oh, God, I didn't even think to ask.

Shit. Yeah, no, didn't Mulan Rouge came out about 10 years. You can just get it on Netflix. No, there's a musical. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, that's it. He's going through and turning all of his old movies in a musical, which is Mark's favorite thing for those who don't know.

So I saw Strictly Boreen the musical when I see it. Yeah, which wasn't very good, was it? You should tell Baz that. I hadn't seen the movie, which is bizarre. What? Yeah, I know. But I quite enjoyed the musical, actually. Because they launched it in Sydney, didn't that?

They did a big trial. And it was sort of like, yeah, that doesn't really work. I'm sure that won't end up on Broadway. But I think it did very briefly, didn't it? Oh, I don't think it did make it. It might have gone to London. It might have gone to London. It went somewhere, West End.

But, yeah, Mulan Rouge feels like a more exciting prospect. Yes, it sounds like it is marvelous. I mean, I didn't tell Baz that I've never seen Milan Rouge. Because the one time I tried to watch it, it was on an airplane. And I'm already air sick. I get air sick, basically, on the tarmac. And so the idea of watching Baz's editing style from 30,000 feet was just not conducive to...

So I had to let that one go. But I, you know, but I have seen Strickley Ballroom. But I can't imagine growing up in Australia and not having seen... There must be so many references and things that just sort of fly over your head. I know, it's embarrassing. You can't even do a basic. You know what? The bogo pogo.

Nobody ever says no one to dance with me. No, no, it's not a problem I have. I think Bert Newton was in the stage version of... Was he? I don't think he was. No, he wasn't, no. No. I was thinking of somebody else.

Yes. I can't think of you. You are thinking of. I don't know, maybe... But we wish them well. Look, it's December. This is a loose episode. It's just the whole point of the after.

I think realistically, we're probably still drunk from last night. I think that is true. I think also it represents that 2021 has been a... mess. It's just been an absolute mess. And so I think the less you can remember about it, the better. Oh, yeah, really? But there are moments during our show, The War on 2021, which is a terrific recap of, much, much better recap of 2021 than this episode. Oh, and if you're wanting to get tickets to the War on 2020s, well, it's still on. You can't because, well, it's sold out in, in, in, it's playing in Melbourne tomorrow night.

But then that's it. It's over. And it was, it was so brilliant the way we managed to sell out that venue, isn't it? Because we had the 1,200-seater venue booked in Melbourne for two years. Yes, that's right. And then a couple of months ago, James Schleffel from the shovel, realized that

the venue was somehow selling tickets to our show, and also, on the same night, selling tickets to Ross Noble in the same room. Amazing. Yes, that's it. And so James inquired. It would have been a better show had Ross Noble. I mean, that would have been thrilling. You could have just had him in improvising

So you would do a tightly written joke about the year, and then Ross would do 45 minutes. I mean, that would have been fantastic if we'd found it on the night. Yes, that would have been. Because actually... So what happened? James called up the venue. Yes.

And what did they say? They were like, oh, whoops. Well, you know, what we can do is we can offer you our room that has seats only 400 people. Yeah, yeah. And we'll give it to you at a slightly reduced rate, I think. So, yes, we've managed to sell out the Pissweek room. tiny room. Oh, you're not in the big ass.

We just immediately sold out because it was like, well, you've sold about 400 diggards. Why don't you have that venue? It's moving into them. Great. Okay. We won't tell them what, anyway. But then, I mean, but speaking in terms of that, like, I've just sent you through a ticket from last night's show at Sydney.

This is great. Ticket tech is the greatest company on Earth. So Ticket Tech, which made the mistake. Like, because Ticket, they've got one job, which is to sell tickets. That's what that's what their tech is. And yet, every single time. you interact with them, they make some profound error, like, oh, well, we'll just sell tickets to two different shows in the same venue.

You know who you should have gone with, ticket master. They're masters. That reminds me, in Melbourne, there are two shops next door to each other in one of the main streets. One is pay less shoes, and it's next door to a shop called spend less shoes. I think that's fantastic. So if you don't want to pay too much for shoes, just go to spend list instead. That's right.

That's great. But ticket ticket. But ticket, so, and I'll just say. it up with another ticker-tech anecdote from earlier this year. Coming soon, Markovrex's review of 2021. Ticketing companies. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser report. So we couldn't do Perth, War on 2021. Yeah. So we postponed it to 2022. And so they then updated their page to say, attention, all patrons, war on 2021 is

cancelled, right? But that page also included the Melbourne show and a couple of shows in Sydney. And so everyone was, people stopped buying tickets. And it wasn't even cancelled, right? It wasn't cancelled. It was just the Perth show. But they'd said, and, you know, if you click through, you could still buy tickets to the other shows. But it was a, and so we said, can you please quickly update that so it doesn't say that?

And they went, yeah, okay, we'll do that in two weeks time. See, it was just unbelievable. The problem is, what? you fail to understand is that ticketech is not about selling tickets ticket tech is a company whose job is to sign binding grange with venues that they can't escape from and run a monopoly yes that's what that is so you can't possibly deal with anybody else and it doesn't matter what kind of a shithouse job they do the point is that you can't deal with anyone else don't know they're a monopoly and so then there was a new chapter to the ticket

story last night i just literally an hour ago was sent was sent a ticket from our show last night it's in the animal theater this ticket from our show says uh the chaser and And, oh, yes, that's right. It doesn't mention the chase. Yeah, sorry. It doesn't even mention the stuff. What do I say? Yeah, Enmore Theatre.

Chat 10 Looks 3 Productions. Okay. Honestly true. The Shovel present the war on 2021 with Lee Sales and Annabelle Kraft. Oh, that is amazing. Have we tweeted them about that? No, well, this is, I've only just discovered this. Wow, I'm looking at this now that is exactly what it says.

What did they think it was? A weird mashup of this. shovel and chat 10 looks three. I'll have a chance to leave, but I would have loved for us to, well, I've had a clash with them, but I would have loved for Ross and our show, for us to, I've only found it as we walked out on stage. I think all three groups need to, like the war on 20, 20, 21 times, yes, chat 10 looks three times Ross Noble.

I don't think that that was a ticket to last night's show, even though it's got that date, because it says Enmore Theatre, and we played in the Endmore Theatre last night. Yes. So that wouldn't be correct. It's a ticket ticket. You know what it is? It's the fact that Chaser and Chat 10 Looks 3 are probably next to each other than the database. Oh, right.

So, which is great because what means? I like that we're making excuses for, oh, it's so, you know, it's so understandable. But next year, you can just do a show as Chat 10 Looks 3. You're so much more tickets. So many of four tickets, definitely. Let's get a book out while we're at it. And some merch get it at a doormat. But, yeah, so Ticket Tech, thanks so much.

really just stellar job now are they sponsoring today's episode i can't remember yes what do we make a special ad for tick tech a free ad in recognition of the generosity buy tickets to melbourne like if people are listening um is that through ticket tech as well yes but you but it's sold out yes oh but it probably isn't no but that's oh yeah you're probably right exactly turn up there'll be no and there was one guy who and anabel crab will be there But, you know, I got a message earlier this week from a guy who messaged me saying, Hey, Mark, I've got two tickets to the Melbourne show, but I'm now can't attend. Ticket-Tek won't give me a refund.

Can you help me out? Now, I'm getting involved. I'm now working for Ticket-Teg. Everyone who goes to your show, and I mean, the kindest possible way, is going to have to walk past a massive crowd to see one of the world's greatest stand-up comedians. And we're like, well, we're in the small room. But you, in Newcastle, you went, you went to the wrong theatre. You went to a tech rehearsal.

Arj Barker. And you go in, I don't know how far you got in before they realised you weren't Arch Barker. We got onto the stage. And then I was going, where's the screen? We need a screen for our show. We need a prop. I mean, you're not Archbarker, are you?

Extraordinary. So it's been a great tour, Dom. You know, really, really just a tight ship as well. I liked that when we stayed in, I was at Gosford, that everyone managed to flip everyone's bathrooms because it was a budget hotel. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was great.

Everyone matters to flood their toilets. Every single one separately. Every single person flooded their bathroom. I mean, it was sort of designed that way. It was just disgusting. It was the most disgusting thing. Because you just go, like the water went all around the toilet as it was sort of been draining into the shower. So you get the sort of toilet dregs in your shower.

Well, Gosford is near the entrance. It was, it was an Ibus hotel, but it was an Ibus budget hotel. Oh, that's right. Just the regular ibis isn't budgeted enough. I think it's pronounced budget. So it was very, yeah, it's nice that while you wash yourself, you're also washing their bathroom. I know, it's very, it's very efficient.

Well, that's, that's all we've got, yeah, that's all we've got time for. So thank you so much, Mark. Do we don't have anything more insight-wise than this? This is what we're surfing up the listeners to this after edition is, anecdotes where you kind of had to be there for a show that is now finished. So you've done all this blather about your show after it's fucking finished.

I would have been fine. If you want to come on before it went and just pitch it for having a whole episode pitching it, this is why we never make any money. This is a level of marketing genius. We're the big self-indulgent chat about the show. All right. Next year, are we pitching? Well, I've got a great anecdote about someone else's show as well, if you'd like to hear.

What I think we should do is why don't we get you to come back on Monday? and you can do your year rep. Okay, all right. That's fine. Sure, I'm happy to do that. That's all right. But this has been very good. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, this is up there with me recounting my electricity bills. Sorry, Dom's just on the phone. I was hoping it was ticket tech. Yeah. Yeah, we've got shit loads of tickets available. Do you want to go to this show? Yeah, it's Annabelle Crabb.

All right. Our gears from our microphones are part of the ACASTC crater network. And we're going to try another episode with Mark, talking about the year before show on Monday. Catch you there.