The Chaser Report - Mark's Top Five Podcasts | Mark Humphries

Episode Date: August 5, 2021

Want to broaden your listening interests this lockdown? On today's special ep, 7:30's Mark Humphries takes a deep dive into the podcasts you should be listening to, to while away the hours. Plus, a glimpse at the future of satire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An important message from the Victorian government. If you're hearing this, you've been in contact with someone who's listened to the Joe Rogan podcast. Please self-isolate for 24 hours and detox by listening to The Chaser Report on repeat. Or cut off your own ear. Thank you. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome the Chaser Report for Friday the 6th of August, 2020. The end of lockdown week six, I think, in Sydney.

Who even knows how many in it is anymore? Gabby's with us today. Hello, Gabby. Hello. Thank you for lightening the mood and making it not an exclusively Charles Zone from my perspective. I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I lighten the mood or whether it's just the fact that my voice sits at a different cadence to most of the people on this show.

But I'm happy to have the job regardless, because it's been rough, employment-wise. Yeah, just as long as you stay really blokey then. Oh, sorry, guys. Yeah, no worries. But I'll tell you what, yeah, it's six weeks into the lockdown. And so my kids have been hearing me make this podcast for the last six weeks. Oh, they must have learned a lot of new words. Some colourful language.

They've learned a lot of new words. But there's also a lot of concepts. Like they're picking up satire. Really? Yes. They're getting a real politicisation. Look, Charles, I'm not sure whether this podcast is teaching them satire or whether you being their dad might force them to cope with satire.

It's what therapists in 30 years time will call their quiz. creative adjustment. I don't think it's them learning at the feet of the master so much as reacting violently to having to be stuck in a room with you all day. Anyway, so Angus comes into the kitchen this morning. He'd obviously prepared a few ideas for me to take on the podcast. Oh, wow. He didn't give you a tight five.

Yeah, and he said, look, Dad, I don't think you should call him Scott Morrison anymore. Right. I think you should call him Scott Moranson. Hey? Give him a job. He's an intern. He's a natural. He's 10 years old.

He's coming out with these gems. And then I said, so what does Scott Moranson sound like? How should I play him? And it was like, he should speak like this all the time. I mean, it's good. I appreciate the witch trials, but I also feel you need to just gently sit down and say that it's not a term we should use about morons to say that they're like Scott Morrison. It's cruel.

It's demeaning. They've already got a lot on their plates. But then, okay, so I said, okay, well, you've got to be balanced. You've got to also pay out the Labor Party. Anthony Albanesey. and he said, what about Anthony Al-Poonesey? I think he's got his leaders mixed up, though, Charles. I mean, when you say poo, I just think of the other guy.

Ah, yeah, that's true, isn't it? Well, no, but isn't the point that Anthony Albanese is trying to replicate everything that Scott Morrison does anyway? Oh. So maybe it includes poo. Maybe it's brilliant. I'll tell you what, if Scott, I want to just draw a line in the sand here, if Scott Morrison calls the election in the car park of Engadine Maccas, I will vote for him.

I will move to his... to his electorate and I will cast a vote for Morrison S. Dom, you can't go out and say things publicly like that now because he will do it. Yes, he'll do it. I'm hoping to move to Cronulla. Any change you're saying, just give me the racists on the beach. I don't care at this point. I just want to move somewhere else.

Anyway, and then I asked, well, what about Barnaby Joyce? Oh. And he'd obviously seen the clips floating around the last couple of days. And he said, we should call him Barnaby drunk, which is strange because, Barnaby Joyce has never been drunk, so I don't know where he got that from. I mean, Charles, how would your 10-year-old be able to recognise an adult male who was deeply inebriated? Yeah, all the time.

I don't know where that comes from. Shut up. Poor Angus. Coming up on the show, we're talking to Mark Humphreys, and we're going to find out what he's been up to in the last few weeks while he's been in lockdown. Sounds very interesting. I think he's got some tasty podcast recommendations for us. And that is all the content we have for you today.

Mark Humphrey's talking about podcasts, but because you're listening to this, you clearly like podcasts. So that's all we got. Gabby, do you think we should do something else? Oh, I get to say it. But first, let's throw to Rebecca Dayuna Muno in the Chaser Newsroom. Farnaby Joyce has denied he was drunk in Parliament after lunch on Wednesday. Now, I like going to the movies, and I can't, I can't, but, I can't but always remember. He promised he'd give a full explanation as soon as his hangover wears off.

But the Deputy Prime Minister said that even if he was drunk, which he definitely wasn't, it was Daniel Andrew's fault for telling everyone to get on the beers. Meanwhile, National Party insiders say they just wish there had been some sign that the man fired for impregnating a staffer might not have been fit for the top job. The government has released detailed modelling of its new four-stage plan. Scott Morrison said the four stages of the vaccine rollout were denial, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. There has been rejoicing across Australia after Scott Morrison announced that there have been zero new COVID cases detected across the country in the past 24 hours.

The Prime Minister said the data comes courtesy of the government's highly successful COVID-safe app. That's all the Chaser News you really, really, really can't trust. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno. Now, Gabby and Charles, of course, we are in an ongoing form of hell. To take our mind off the reality that we're all stuck in, though, podcasts are very handy, you know, transport you to any other place. Mark Humphreys is a bit of an expert when it comes to podcasts, aren't you, Mark? Hello. I'd say so.

Thank you, Dom. Hello, Charles. How are you? Yes, I'm a tremendous podcast fan. As a matter of fact, I'm on one right now. And what... Do you recommend the Chaser Report, though? I've heard it's a bit blokey.

This one. I've loved the previous work. I mean, this is, yeah, no, this is, this is terrific too. Now that I'm here, I think it really is just taking it up a notch. So I recommend this episode if you're already listening to this one. But I mean, what do you think of that Gabby character in the podcast? Do you think he works? I think it should be her show.

I think we all know that, that it really should be the Gabby Belcher featuring Charles and one. Mark, we've talked about this. You actually can't angle how much I need a promotion because otherwise they're not going to give me one. All right. So we talk about this. Yes. Well, there's the Chaser Intern's Twitter account, which seems to always, their success seems to be sort of predicate.

There seems to be some sort of arrangement that if they don't get a certain number of retweets, they don't get fries or a milkshake or something. What's the story there, Charles? What's that about? Soft serve. Well, this is the thing. If you start giving them something, they'll want more. Yeah, like a livable wage.

I'm just going by the Jeff Bezos principle. Just don't give an inch. Well, Charles knows that if you build up the confidence of those who work for him, then they become Mark Humphreys. and do other things. They've played a coop. I've ruined it for everyone. And so that's, he also has their passports and driver's licenses.

There goes my revolution plans. I am very excited, though, about the idea of Firth in space. I mean, there's an idea. I'd love to see that. I'm absolutely certain that at some point in the past, until sort of 1 a.m. or something, Charles has got me into the corner of a party and said, I've got a plan for a space program.

It's going to be amazing. You've got to be involved. And he then talk me through his 10-step plan. I'm actually like the Richard Branson model, which is pre-selling the tickets. I've already sold. What is this podcast about anymore? I don't...

I think, well, I think we're just looking for any way to sort of get out of lockdown. Yes. Just like, there are no borders in space. That's right. But if you can't make it into space, I do recommend taking a journey of the mind with podcasts. Seameless. Seameless segue. You should be hosting this podcast.

But what I love about podcasts is how, is how different. different they are. You know, whatever you're interested in, there is something for you. So, for instance, if you, if you love listening to deep conversations about life, you know, can I recommend the Willowsophy podcast? Oh, yeah. Will Anderson. He's had some terrific guests, including a good self, Charles. But if you were to just randomly take a look at who his most recent guest is... Oh, it's you. It's Mark Humphrey. So, you know, if you're someone who likes listening to Mark Humphreys, then I think the Will Orsafy podcast might be for you. But that said... What about some other podcasts?

Yeah, no, no, fair enough. If an hour and a half conversation with Mark Humphreys doesn't float your boat, can I recommend... What did you talk about just out of interest? So what's your quick summary so we don't have to listen to the whole Just cut down one and a half hours Oh there were tears You know I talked about it Yes it was

I actually I seem to remember A particular affinity with tablets Yeah This is this is what the thing is That's the thank you Gabi I was going to just pass over that But now you've brought it up No so it turns out that Will Anderson

And I have quite different experiences of drugs I've never tried some And I think I think Will might have And so that's a kind of point of difference For the two of us And there's a point in the podcast where I refer to a moment during my teens when I was at a party and I was offered, I was offered some tablets and then Will basically laughs for the next five minutes. Pills, they're called, I'm told.

Pills is the word that I should have been using, but not tablets. So if you want to hear about someone who had no interesting experiences during his teenage year, and I recommend the Willisophy podcast. Mark, I'm just so happy that there is someone else in the world of comedy who is as boring as me. I just think that is unfair, don't accuse him of that. To be fair, if an hour and a half conversation with Mark Humphreys, you know, he's not your thing, I can also recommend Adam's Wise 10 Questions podcast.

Yeah, this one's quite different because this week he's only done a 45-minute conversation with Mark Humphreys. So as I say, with podcasts, there really is something for everyone, isn't it? I get to, do you have any other suggestion? Like maybe, you know, ones that don't necessarily. just involve Mark Humphreys all the time. Ah, yes, absolutely. Well, I mean, you can't go past the Chat 10 Look 3 podcast.

That's the Annabelle Crabb. Yeah, that sounds, yeah. On this week's episode called River Dance. Lee tells a lovely anecdote about Riverdance and the very first performance of that. She makes special mention of the person who actually got her onto that. And let me just check my notes on who that was. It was Mark Humphreys. And so he's not on the podcast per se.

That would be overkill, obviously. But he is there in spirit. Yes. Do I get the sense that you've just spent a whole of lockdown doing podcasts? Is that what's going on, Mark? If you've got a better way to spend hours in front of a computer, I'd love to hear it. I've been on podcast and I've been listening to podcasts as well. One I really do recommend is uncomfortable conversations with Josh Zep's.

This week, Josh spoke to Stuart Diver, a very moving, very moving conversation, that one. But you might be interested to know who was on the episode before that. Can I have a guess? Yeah, please. have a guest. Andrew Denton. No, it was actually Malcolm Turnbull. Turnbull was the week before that, however, was Mark Humphreys. But, you know, but Denton was the week before Mark. So, you know, there's, again, something for everyone in the podcast market. I'm thinking of starting a new podcast where I review Mark Humphrey's podcasts. It doesn't really sound like my thing. I don't

really, I don't know. It doesn't really do podcasts. I don't really do podcasts. Actually, one I do recommend, and I genuinely am not on this one. David Ferrier, who was a writer on the writer. Oh, he's brilliant. Yes. He's done something which is sort of like America Humphrey's podcast review. It's he and Zach Mandar, another radio

broadcaster, are doing a podcast where they are recapping episodes of the Ricky Javis show from XFM. So that's when Ricky and Steve Merchant. Oh, wow. Yeah. So it's basically a kind of a podcast recapping a podcast and it sounds when you say it that way it sounds like the worst idea on the planet it's actually genuinely good and and i think i put it down to the fact that

there's no margumfries in it so i think it's knowing very well this does all lead to one final question though mark which is why haven't you got your own podcast it's not really my thing but i i i i there is one i genuinely do want to do which and i i'll have you guys on it if i can be bothered to start it i want to do a logies a podcast about the loggies that's really the thing that I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I just think everyone who's been to Logies has a great filthy anecdote. Well, I think Don went to 13 Logies back to back. I did.

Is that right? But I don't think he had tablets at any of them. Logies 13, drugs consumed at Logies nil. So the thing is, I remember what happened is the point. Well, that's great. Someone needs to be there as a historian. I mean, is there anything that you can, whether you need to change the names or anything, but are there any anecdotes that come to mind of what you witnessed

I did watch, I think it was the first year, a legendary Olympic sprinter looking up with an iconic Australian actor, but then that became public a few months later. Happy Freeman and Joel Edgison? Yeah. They had a late night little... Trist. A little trist on the dance floor, if I recall. As someone who's never been to the Logies, I would very much like to be on the podcast

to pretend I ever was. Oh, you will. If you imagine a high school formal at a casino with shit tons of drugs and a lot of irrelevant home and away people who aren't there the next year, that's the Logies. Is that fair, Charles? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, yep. I think... Do you remember the Logies?

Charles doesn't know, because he spends every Logies in the bathroom. It feels like it's sort of like, if you remember the Logies, you weren't there. Mark, you do resemble a Logie, actually, the gold. You look like a gold loggie. You're tall, you're blonde. And I did once go home with Joan Rivers. Yeah, I've been compared to a gold loggie, but I'd love to get one, absolutely. Do you want to host them one day?

Oh, that is the dreams. But the thing... You know that you'll then be cancelled. Whoever hosts are you will definitely be destroyed. But that's, I mean, I think I'm on that trajectory anyway, so I sort of might as well go out with a bang. I don't know what this conversation was about, but I enjoyed it enormously and B, believe it is now finished.

So, Mark, hang on, you've got another podcaster going, don't you? What's next? I do, actually. You can catch me on News Fighters with Dylan Bain, and I'm sure there'll be another one minutes after that. So thank you for allowing me onto this one. Matt and Alex. You can go find, listen to Matt and Alex. I was on that one as well. Can you plug the Chaser report on some of those podcasts, mate?

Oh, I see this. Yes, absolutely. No, no, definitely. I kind of feel like I might not be invited on to some for a while. I sort of stop my load. But yeah, if Mama Mia calls, I'll give you a plug. All right, there we go. Our man in the podcast industrial complex, Mark Humphreys. Thank you so much. Thank you, friends. You've loved married at first sight. Well, there's a rumour about Sam and Innes in the sauna. So don't miss next season when we're making our couples' relationships more realistic than ever before. Spaghetti for the fourth nine a row, great.

Married for 20 years. Can you clean the gutters or at least yourself occasionally? Ten couples experiencing the tepid boredom of a sensible long-term relationship. We aren't having sex, but we have just re-watched all ten seasons of friends. Sometimes I fantasise about finding him in the bedroom. him, putting his clothes in the hamper. Which couples will continue not acting on their desire for someone better? I guess this is fine.

I can't leave. Who else will pick up my clothes? Married for 20 years. Brand new couples, tired old marriages. Tonight on 9. The Chaser Report. Less news. More often.

Just before we go, something I've never said on the podcast before, Gabby and Charles. Interesting news from New Zealand. What? The Governor General Patsy Reddy has come out and said that Megan and Harry discussed moving to NZ in 2018. What a bombshell. And then did they immediately do what everyone else does and decide, no, that's a stupid idea. They'd just been down to the Abel Tasman National Park when we sat down and had a drink. And they said that they could just imagine living in a place like this and wondered whether it would be theoretically possible, even possible, have a place in New Zealand.

And New Zealand said, well, of course, it's fine. So two options present themselves. One, they're incredibly drunk. And B, though, just being polite. What do you think? Because they definitely weren't serious. Come on. Well, I don't know, because I think the whole New Zealand thing is that they're also being polite.

Yeah. So maybe New Zealand don't actually want them there. But they've just been the nice people that they are. Yes, I think that's a far more likely scenario. All right, let's bring out the reviews team. Oh, yeah, it's Friday. Time for the reviews. You need to come up with a name for the reviews bit.

Friday, review roundup. Flip it's a lot. opinions. Friday hearsay. Friday feedback. There you go. Beautiful review here from Wally's overalls. Um, Gabby and Charles, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. Okay, so it's not an original opening line, Sue me. Though I live in SA and you mock us mercilessly, I think you should come over and visit and see what it's really like. Sincerely, George from Snowtown via Truro. Oh. I was on board until he mentioned Snowtown. I don't want to end up in a barrel. Thank you for that, George. I'd be happy to go to South Australia on the basis that it is not Sydney and has less COVID than

here. So I take back all the things we've ever said before. They were based on a time when Adelaide was clearly worse than Sydney at the moment. That is no longer true. Maybe you should take some COVID over to Adelaide with you when you go. Do we read out any more? Look, there are other reviews, but they are genuinely miserable reflecting the direction that the podcast has taken in recent weeks.

I don't know whether we want to continue with that creative direction because the weird thing is people are acknowledging that this is becoming ever more miserable by the day, but also the numbers are going up. Yes. So you're all miserable too, is the only thing I can conclude. Apathy, apathy pools. But to make sure that we lose all those followers immediately, how about a rendition of For the Longest Time by Billy Joel?

All right, ready? I'll start the bass part. Do, da, da, do. No, okay. Well, we practice this. Oh, there he goes. For the longest. For the longest time.

Latency. It does. fucking work when you're singing over the soon. Have you ever been in love before? Nope, but not the words. That's not the words. I don't know.

No, those aren't the words. No, if you said goodbye to me tonight. That is literally my wife and my song. Is it? Because you got the wrong words. Can we just tell you tomorrow we have a very special edition of the podcast, a Saturday one, the first one that we've done. And it's Alex are talking about a stunt that he did.

He did this amazing thing where we were. went to a thing called the Land Forces Conference. It's an arms dealer's conference, and he got in. It's a great story, so look for that tomorrow in your feed. If you want to add your reviews for us to read next week, go to Apple Podcasts and add it in there, five star, I appreciate it, but not necessary. Thank you to rode microphones for all of our lovely gear, and we're part of the ACAST Creative Network.

Catch you next week. See you. Bye.