The Chaser Report - Marrickville Hipsters Aren't Lovin' It | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

As the NSW election heats up, so do the prospective premiers as Chris Minns makes himself look hot and relatable. Meanwhile the residents of a Sydney suburb are hesitant to open their neighbourhood up to foreign cultural elements. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Reports. Domite with Mr Andrew Hanson. Well, hello there, Dummy. Hello. Hey, how things going from... It's nice to be here on the report.

From the road. Are you on the road or are you off the road? Yeah, I'm on the road here, Domi. Yes, look, I wrapped up, you know, did 15 shows in Adelaide in one of these wooden tents. And it was really great. The Adelaide Fringe Festival is very fun because you get to do your show in a sort of carni tent, which is kind of these wooden theatres that are incredibly old and portable. They're all from Europe.

I think the Netherlands. Somebody told me that the company who have them are onto a real thing because it's a very old type of lock that they all have. Oh. Specific keys that you need that no one else in the world has. A cany lock. So unless you're the person who runs. Yes, it's a sort of carny lock.

So if you don't own the actual wooden Dutch tents that go around the world's festivals, well, you can't get in. Presumably what they do. You can't even assemble them. They just detach one of their kind of rotten Carney teeth and use it to pick the lock. That's probably what it is, isn't it? Now, speaking of... I hope there are no Carnies listening.

Sorry, Carnie. That don't listen to podcasts. You can't tell me Carnies listen to podcasts. It's a very good podcast, wouldn't it? Yeah, earnestly nodding along to the podcast while they put together their roll-a-old. Stirl full of useful tips about how to, you know, have the basketball hoop so that they're oval-shaped so that the ball can't possibly go in. That's a trick I always like it that used to show.

Speaking of teeth rotting, Andrew, some bizarre news about the likely near New South Wales Premier Chris Minn's the Labour Leader. I think in an attempt to humanise himself, he's revealed a very odd habit in an interview with his wife this week. Also, a hipsa suburb is very angry about a 24-hour Macca's. opening up we'll get to that as well but first so chris minns i know you're no longer part of the new south wales scene henceau but there's a guy called chris minns who's likely to be the next premier and really following this new trend of buff labor leaders peter malanouskas in south

australia where you've just been uh accidentally on-purpose photographed in swimming pool with his shirt off lots of muscles oh so daisy oops i got a this isn't a dad bod this is a rad bod and then yes Chris Minn's also very male model Chesty Bonds. What's Dan Andrews doing, letting the side down? I know, he's hardly Instagram friendly, is he? Daniel Andrews, the premiere where I live. I mean, yeah, is this a trend? I mean, you know, I know that Hollywood actors are all now gorgeous

and, you know, body image is now really important. Is this something that's going to spread to all jobs? Do we all need to be buffed? Does a librarian also need to be gorgeous? Oh, I would have thought that you would get buff. Wouldn't you lifting all the books? I mean, I guess the thing is, for generations we've been objectifying women and talking about their appearance, and that clearly has been unfair.

One approach would have been to stop doing that and to not objectify anybody or talk about anybody's bodies, but instead, the world seems to have taken the approach. Let's do it to everybody. Let's do it to male political leaders as well. So yes, I certainly. Well, hang on, they're partly the bloominable. I mean, Chris Minns doesn't have. to be buff, surely.

I mean, hasn't it? He's got some choice in the matter, doesn't he, Dominic Peretti. I mean, for some reason, I haven't managed to see a photo of him with a shirt off, which is possibly why he's behind in the polls and looking likely to lose.

Yes, I think he should step up. He should step up. And world leaders are going to have to take note if this is the trend, aren't they, Tommy? I mean, we're going to have to see Biden doing some reps. Oh, I hope so. I mean, Vladimir Putin started this,

the shirt off trend. He's always been a stone house, isn't he? He's always been gorgeous, isn't he? riding different animals around and... Yes, shooting things with a shirt off. Shooting things. If only he'd left himself to that rather than attacking Ukraine, that could have been enough.

I think that's why he's won every election in by such a landslide. That and the fact that Russia's elections are not actually in any way of fair. But that's that or even if they were fair, surely, with the shirt off, that's all you need. So Chris Minn's... I can see why you'd want to do it as a leader. So Chris Min's, so what's he been up to? What does he do? You know how they come up with things that are supposed to kind of humanise them?

I mean, Scott Morrison had that absolutely hellish rendition of April Sun in Cuba on the ukulele. Yes, yes. That's sealed his doom in an attempt to humanise himself. And with Karl Stefanovic in the house. That's right. It must be very hard to pretend to be a human if you are a politician. I mean, we should cut them some slack. Well, see if this indeed Chris means to you.

You probably don't know much about him. Nobody does, really. He sat down for an interview. with Channel 9 as well. That's a place you go to be human, apparently. And apparently every night, after having a full regular dinner at home with the family, surely he's never home with the family, but when he is, he does it. And then after he's finished his full dinner, Hansen, he has a full bowl of cereal.

For dessert. For dessert, that's what he does. And she says he, Mrs. Minns Anna Minn says, he does it every night. The kids are taking it up now. It's sending us broke, she said, which I find very, very difficult. difficult to believe on an opposition leader salary. But anyway, apparently she went on the campaign trawling coughs. Must be eating some seriously expensive cereal, the men's family.

Like, is it gold flake cereal from the United Arab Emirates or something? I think these days, you wouldn't even need gold flakes. Just some sort of slightly fancy cereal. Doesn't slightly fancy musli cost $20 or $30 a box these days? Does it? Yes, yes. Granola? That's true.

There are granolas that are worth. their weight in gold. Absolutely. Maybe it's that. It could be. Apparently, she was out on the... She visited him in Coff's Harbour on the campaign trail, and the kitchen in the service department had every conceivable brand of cereal. So he's just eating every possible brand. So he's got a selection.

It's not always the same cereal every night. Look, I'm with him. Look, I don't do it every night, dummy, but I must admit, I don't mind a bowl of cereal for dessert myself. Seriously? I have done this quite often. Yeah, especially like the gluten-free special K, I think it's better than the regular special K actually.

Are you serious? Oh yeah, because, you know, the thing about cereal, don't know. Isn't Special K basically like SPAC fill? It's like the kind of thing you put in walls to insulate them, isn't it? Quite the opposite. It's like chips. Like most bowls, most cereal dummy is really just the same as chips, but with more sugar. Like if you look at the ingredients breakdown of a box of cereal, some of them, you look at the sodium levels,

and especially on a gluten-free special K, I mean, I've got salty crackers that I like to eat in the afternoon. They have the same amount of sodium in them as the gluten-free special K. Exactly the same. And they're salty crackers. It's not often you think to yourself, I'm sitting down. And often you sit down to cereal and you think, oh, this is just a bowl of sugar. It is.

I didn't realize it could also potentially be a bowl of salt. It's a bowl of sugar and salt. That's why they taste so good these cereals, especially when you pour the milk on. And that's why they make a good dessert too, I think, you know, it's the only other thing I can compare it to. Some Thai restaurants have those kind of sweetened potato chips that you can get for dessert. I don't have you ever tried those. No, I haven't. They like potato chips, but they go sugar all over them as well. Oh my goodness. And that's the same. How is that not sold in millions in every convenience store and the last? It should be. Oh, they're so good. They're so good. Yeah,

it should be mainstream. Um, so I, but isn't this something, isn't this whole thing of eating cereal all the time? Wasn't that a detail of Jerry Seinfeld's character in Seinfeld? It was. It showed just how dead he was inside. Am I missing out on something that's now fashionable? Are you and Chris Min on the vanguard of gourmet behavior? Or were all of you just broken husks of men? You've read a lot into Jerry's character there.

That's not the message I took from... Isn't that the whole thing? He's just meant to be... He wears the sneakers. He has cereal. He's just sort of like a man child? No. A man child. Yeah, that's different. Oh, well, I think that's different being dead inside.

I think he's all that he's having fun with his life. He hasn't grown up. He just gets to do it. stand-up comedy. In fact, not unlike you. Maybe Chris Minns is in the wrong job. Well, I'm not sure that my stand-up tour is quite as profitable as Jerry Seinfelds are when he does his. But, you know, I didn't see him at the Adelaide Fringe in a wooden tent.

You're in different parts of the market. You're at the, Andrew Hanson, is cheap, the name of your current show. Yes. He's in the charge several hundred dollars a ticket every time he bothers to do a tour, which isn't need to do because Seinfeld reruns. still make an absolute fortune. Well, this is the weird thing in Australian comedy is because Australians, you know, we assume probably correctly that anything that isn't Australian is better.

So we're all sort of willing, I think, to spend hundreds of dollars to see some American or British stand-up comic who doesn't actually deliver any more laughs per minute than somebody in a tiny cupboard at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. But they seem better, don't they, Domney? Because, you know, we don't trust. got an overseas accent, don't they? And that's, I mean, it must be funnier if it's in an American accent or a British. The British comics do very well down here.

Do you know who really killer, the Irish? The Irish comics. Oh, well, yeah, it's the accent advantage. It's called the accent handicap on the stand-up circle. Jason Byrne, who just comes out and free associates. I think he just basically makes it up. It doesn't matter. He gets distracted by someone in the front row of the audience, and that's the hour.

You know, you know, it's true. You know, once you have the, you know, the Irish sort of accent, you're on to a better show already, aren't you? Have you not? It's 50% better. I mean, just by having the voice. Why don't you do the Irish accent? Your, your Billy Connolly is famously very good.

And you could do it a whole hour as Billy Connolly. Well, I'm, I've been thinking, you know, they do those Elvis shows. And, you know, shows about, they used to do a Michael Jackson. one too. But I was thinking I could, you know, I could tour a ballet. I could do a ballet tribute. But he's alive. I've got to wait. It doesn't matter. I think you have to wait until he's

dead. And then, you know, then I can tour, and then I could just tour us. You should. I mean, look, I'd pack it out. Look, Heath Franklin's done so well out of being chopper. And admittedly not usually understood as a comedy character. But you can do very well. Yes. No, I'm, look at something that I'm I'm planning, Dommy.

Don't be yourself. I don't, I'm glad Billy's still around. Of course, the real Billy, of course. But, you know, one day. One day. Out of respect, of course, not out of the fact that it will make you have an absolute shitload of money. A bit of both. A bit of both, absolutely.

A bit of both. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. Now, look, speaking of things from overseas being better, here's a counter argument from the good people of Merrickville. I don't know if you've spent much time in Merrickville since it became hipster capital. It's like a little slice of Melbourne transplanted to Sydney's inner west. But the people there who dine usually on a, everything's in a warehouse, it's artisanal. They don't have normal houses in Merrickville. I don't think

everything's an artisanal warehouse. Yes, it is. Horrible places, bare brick spaces. There's the Bob Hawke Beer and Leisure Centre, which is like an 80s pub, but it's done with irony. So everything costs three times more. And there's round the corner from there and lots of craft breweries and coffee roasters. They're literally coffee roasteries and craft breweries on every corner in Merrickville. McDonald's wants to open up a 24-hour restaurant and the locals are absolutely furious about it and are trying to get it stopped. It's the opposite of what's going on near Melbourne. I know I got some family and I know people in a small country town near Melbourne.

Nice place in the Macedon Rangers. And it's... It's the exact opposite. Because they're a little country town, they've always been forgotten. You know, they've never really been noticed. And there's talk of macas opening up a macas there. Really? I know the town you're talking about. That'd certainly, that'd be a big change from the way they normally roll there.

It would be a big change, and they're excited about it. They're thrilled about it. Like the locals are absolutely over the moon. They're like, oh my God, we are on the bloody map here. We are on the map. There's a macas opening up. So, but not. Not the case in Marrick?

Well, it's quite funny, the objections people have written on the planning. What are their objections? Too many burgers. McDonald's is crass, trashy, nauseating and worst of all boring, says one resident. It will be mortifying to bring down the culinary tone with gross, weird, spongy junk. Spongy? Spongy. Spongy, yeah.

Spongy. That's not all. Well, they are, they are spongy. That's true, but that's part of their success. It's useful for soaking up all the fat. Look, I don't like to take the side of macas here, but this hipster complaining the macas is boring. I mean, have you walked into a hipster cafe?

They're the most boring. You have to stand waiting for your coffee for at least two and a half hours. And you get judged by your order. If you order the wrong thing, the look of pity you get from the barista or the bartender. Yes. You're not getting that at macas. At macas, you can order the weirdest thing possible, and they don't bat, Because they've heard it all before.

Is there anything weird? What weird can you order at McDonald's? Well, if you customize your order, you know. Oh, can you do that? Oh, can you do that? By ordering a Big Mac with no bun, no meat, no onion, no sauce. That's right. And the only, the only thing left was the lettuce.

And they don't think it's weird at all because everybody orders are very odd. No, they don't. You don't get judged. And they've got a play. They're not boring because they've got a playground in them. You know, I've yet to see. A lot of them do. Well, I haven't seen if the McDonald's in Marrickville would have one yet. I mean, there is some residents who are fans who want to give young people somewhere to hang out late at night.

So your young Maricvillians will be in McDonald's at three in the morning. But my favorite objection to Maricville is there's one resident from Sidonam, which is the next suburb along, who says, oh, Merrickville's really going down the drain. So they're going, oh, that's not trendy anymore. It's finished. It's mainstream. Move on to the next place. Well, Maccas would always set their sights on opening in a place that's going down the drain, I'm sure. I feel bad taking the side of Maccas, but then when you consider that the other side are these inner cities, hipster people. You're sort of tempted.

That's the one time you might actually side with the Berger Empire, isn't it? You know, maybe join forces with the clown. Yes, there's a bit of a kicker, though, in the final sentence of the article here from The Herald, which says McDonald's has more than 300 restaurants in New South Wales, including Marrickville Metro Shopping Centre. They're already there. This is the shopping centre that has a giant, I don't know if you've heard about this, they've got a giant mural in their most recent renovation of hot elbow in the women's bathroom.

Now, that is a hip-stop. You know that photo of Albo from when he was 20-something and good-looking with a mullet? Now, that is a hipster suburb. Like, there's an ironic sort of sense of humour there. It's a thirst trap. That's an inner city ironic sense of humour. Let's put a hot elbow. What does the men's bathroom have?

Does that have a hot, you know... A hot scomo. A hot scomo building a chicken coop. No, there was nothing. No, because you couldn't, because that would be objectifying. If you put something in the men's, they should have put hot elbow in the men's as well. Well, yes, that would be true balance. Just have hot elbow looking at you every time you use the urinal. As we heard extensively over the past.

couple of weeks. He's marched in Mardi Gras 30 plus times. Why not have Hot Albaugh in the men's. In fact, I'd install him in all bathrooms nationwide. A bit like we used to have sort of portraits of the Queen in every public building, Dommy. I think we should replace those. But very few bathrooms. Hot Albo instead of where the Queen

portraits were. It could be a little bit like Hot Albow is watching you in the sort of big brother. Yeah, yeah. I think that'd be great. Why don't we have hot elbow on the coins? There's been a lot of controversy about King Charles. They've taken him off the $5 note we heard the other day. I think an amazing step towards the Republic

and it would be hot elbow not the current elbow who just looks like another boring mid-laged man but hot elbow on the coins I think would be very popular it'd be a bit of a risk though because I think people would be tempted to put the coins in their mouths

they'd be a bit of a choking risk Oh can you imagine how insufferable Merrickville's hipsters would be they'd want to pay for everything with coins they'd be like oh it's an analogue currency I'm no I'm not tapping I'm not tapping I'm going to give coins coins

It wouldn't be called dollars anymore, though. I'm going to pay an albos, wouldn't it? I'm going to pay an albos. Oh, my God, it's a $5 albo. This coffee costs five elbows? In Merrickville, no way, at least seven. Seven, elbows. There you go.

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