The Chaser Report - Mr Albo Goes To Washington

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

Dom and Charles reunite while Charles is at an airport in South Korea (sorry for the background noise) to catch up on news. Albanese met Donald Trump, where the two bonded over the fact that they'll lead their respective countries forever. Plus, Charles literally fights crime while in the UK.---Order the 2025 CHASER ANNUAL: https://chasershop.com/products/the-chaser-and-the-shovel-annual-2025-preorderListen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. We find our hero, Charles Henry Bergman Firth, in an airport lounge, returning from what I suspect he will at least tell us, was a triumphant tour of the UK. And did you go anywhere else somewhere? No, it's just the UK this time.

And then... And then other overseas trips, Anthony Norman Albanesey has had a trip to the US. Who had the more successful trip, I suppose we can ask ourselves, you or Albo? It's kind of hard. It's sort of, I mean, I reckon Alba. I mean, look, I don't know nothing about the detail, and I'm sure it's incredibly disappointing. But all the press, especially I'm in South Korea at the moment, and all the press in South Korea is just talking about was successful, Anthony Alvin.

meeting with Trump. Really? That's the only thing on the front pages. I'm sure they're enormously interested. And you can imagine, just before I left the UK, you know, I managed to see all the tabloids. I mean, the sun led with the mirror, like all the tabloid press. I mean, it was just absolutely pushed for the mills to go through the papers. Like Albonous, Albolicious.

I feel like Trump completely picked the mood of the Australian people perfectly. which is that he not only sort of when I get, Albo, for some reason you can just have what you want, but then also managed to also go, but isn't Kevin Love a bit of a deer? Which is what everyone also thinks about. He's sort of, you can see why he's so successful in the US. Well, this is the amazing thing about the trip. And we've talked about this before, that the Times really favoured Albo when he finally called the election, because he was apparently going to call it in January, I read today.

He was pondering going early, but then decided, no, look at it. Actually, no, he had the decision taken away from him by the cyclone. So he's like, well, I can't call on election while there's a cyclone. So that was in his favour, and that that kind of pushed the schedule back. But remember the cyclone was a nothing burger as well, remember? Like, remember the cyclone, he cancelled the election based on cyclone, and then it was like, A few houses in Lismore. But isn't that the best possible outcome?

Is he got to look, he got to look like he's being responsive. And then nothing bad actually happened to anybody. So it was a win-win. The point is Albo just seems to keep winning more than anyone expected. I mean, the range of possibilities for a Trump meeting, they're almost all humiliating or embarrassing in some way. And it seems as though not only did Albo, look like Trump's best mate, basically.

He kept calling him Anthony. He said, well, sort out of Orcus, all the things that they were worried about, we'll do the rare earth deal, all that stuff. But yes, Albo got to put Kevin Rudd back in his box. I mean, that must have been so delicious. Do you reckon actually Albo lined it up as a favour from Trump? Like, do you think that was one of the things on Australia's side? And can you also just, on the way out the door, you know, kick Kevin Rudd?

Well, I mean, I think what it... It'll play well domestically, you know. It was Andrew Clinell from Sky, so it was News Corp bringing back... I mean, basically, as people recall, do you remember Malcolm Turnbull and Kevin Run had that very long campaign against News Corp and really tried to get things of change and, of course, didn't at all? And then... But let's not forget, Cole Allen and Kevin Rudd going out to scores in the early days.

So it's been a bit of a love, hate. But no, this was news trying to embarrass... on the world stage and hey it kind of worked but even then Trump said all is forgiven when does Trump ever say all is forgiven maybe to J.D. Vance who did the same thing but other than that you know what I think it is no it's because but it's because I don't know whether you've read the orcas deal but the one detail that they did not change in the orchestra deal in sort of re-approving it was the fact that we're just giving out money and there's no guarantee that there's no There's no requirement on the U.S. to hand over any of the submarines to be able to.

Oh, we're getting them. Trump said we were getting them. No, we're not. No, no, no. Well, yeah, but in the text. He said. But he said we're getting them. Like, admittedly, the earliest time frame, apparently it's 2032.

So at the end of the third Trump term. He said peace was breaking out in the Middle East. So I think you need to. He says a lot of things. No, but look, Malcolm Turnbull wrote a really interesting op-ed, actually. within hours of that the main purpose of which seemed to be to remind everybody that he had also

been Prime Minister and met Donald Trump and that seemed to be the main text but he gave Albo's meeting 10 out of 10 and he praised Rudd and said we're an amazing job Rudd had done and that's fascinating too because I mean Rudd and Turnbull are so similar in many ways but do you remember the time when Turnbull stopped Rudd being UN Secretary General completely just vetoed at cold remember that

and they're mates now apparently they've both got properties in New York both want people to think better about their time as Prime Minister than perhaps they do. I'm presuming Malcolm Turnbull's the next ambassador to the US whenever Kevin Rudd finally finishes. So things are going just so well for Albanese. It's extraordinary. And meanwhile, I saw some polling in South Australia.

So it's 150 days till the South Australian state election. Look, I know every listener on this podcast will be absolutely. Yeah, I mean, it's male-bodied stuff, isn't it? That was happening. The Liberal Party is polling so poorly. I remember the figures, but it's something like 21% I think is their current pollity. Wow. That if an election was held using those figures, they would get, I think it was two or three seats in the parliament.

And Melanouskas, so Peter Menelanouskas just got some international award over the weekend. to being, like, leader of the year or something. So he's sort of, I mean, it's sort of becoming, like, a one-party state. Yeah. And then, and then Barnaby Joyce, that's the other thing that's... Let's get to that. So just the two-party preferred result. Now, I think it's actually a year away, Charles, the election, but there's two-party...

It's 150 days away. Oh, so, sorry, I beg your pardon. It's a 20-26 election. I was forgetting how close we were to. 2026 because my brain is melting. The two-party preferred in this poll from in-daily SA, 66 to 34. Yeah. That's extraordinary.

And the primary, the preferred Premier was 19 to 58. Yeah, the primary is even worse for the LIDG because the one nation, though, I think, is, yeah. And the other thing is, climate 200 is taking a big interest in it. Yeah, right. Which will further corrode. You know, like, they may not even pick up three seats. So in the poll. Malinowski's 58% of obviously the incumbent Premier, Tazia, 19% Vincent Tazia, opposition leader.

Who's Vincent Tarsia? Oh, right. He's the opposite. Here's the point. 23% Charles said, I don't know. So I don't know our polled Vincent Tazia. And according to this poll, the South Australian Liberals would lose all of their metropolitan seats if the election were held today. All, all of them.

So how's Susan Lee going? How's Susan Lee going? Well, I mean, she may be about to have Barnaby Joyce not being a problem anymore. I mean, he seems to be very much on the way out the door, as you say. Yeah, so that is actually genuinely, because the whole risk with Barnaby Joyce is, I don't know whether you've watched that. After the Libs Lost, I can't remember what the name of it, the ABC series. Nemesis.

That also has been series. And Barnaby Joyce came across as. Like, it was the most – you're talking about cognitive dissonance. Because every time Barnaby Josso opened his mouth, you just go, oh, fuck, I agree with him. Yeah, no, he's really smart. Like, he's a good politician. Didn't we say at the time of that that Barnaby, I should consider Barnaby Joyce as their leader? Which apparently, you know, one nation, maybe that they'll be doing that.

So, Charles, just to actually question about the polling. I've got the Morgan poll from a day ago here. Tea Party preferred 5743, are Labor 354. 5% primary vote in October, 1 Nation 12, Greens 13, Coalition 27. So, coalition together, is only slightly ahead of One Nation plus Greens. So this is the thing, if Barnaby Joyce, because the whole thing about, the whole brilliant thing about Australian politics is the far right party that, you know, could get real traction in Australia, especially as we've got things that preferential voting.

So, you know, voting one for One Nation doesn't necessarily lead to a way. and vote. No, the way it does in the UK. Yeah, yeah. So it could really catch on, especially in regional areas. The fascinating thing is, you know, Colleen Hanson just has repeatedly fallen out. Any rising star in one nation just, she immediately falls out either. Well, that's also true of Mark Latham.

The Chaser Report, more news, less often. And so the whole point is, you know, There's been this sort of 25-year block on the far-right actually gaining traction because one nation is the natural party of the far right in Australia. Yeah. And she's just not very good. She's just not great at all. She's good enough, and they're not so good that she's a threat.

I mean, but if you compare it to a Nigel Farage in terms of kind of message, media skills, or a lot of these other leaders, it's very difficult. I mean, obviously, compared to Trump, she's, I just can't imagine her getting, I can't imagine her getting 30% of the boat. But Pauline Hanson is getting old, right? Like, there may well be a conversation going on between her and Biden's Joyce, which is, I know I've fallen out with the last 35 rising stars in One Nation, but actually, I am genuinely retiring at the next election, do you want to take it over?

At which point, One Nation becomes, I would say, and you heard of you first, unassailable. Well, she denies this. That's putting a, one of the best politicians just from a completely bizarre sort of charisma perspective in charge of one notion. So Pauline Hanson told Skyne's, no, he's not going to be leading the party. But she is approaching 70, I believe, Pauline Hanson. So she, let me just check out. She may well, yeah, not want to run for the Senate again.

She's 71 actually. She's 71 as of May. So Barley Joyce's no spring chicken. either, but he's got a lot of mouths to feed. Like, I think one of the things is those sorts of people, like, we go, oh, wouldn't they want to retire and enjoy their time? I think the point about those people is, no, no, Barnaby's like 51 or something. Yeah, it's 58.

Yeah, no, Barnaby just looks 71. Yeah, because Barnaby's got a number of 10, 15 years. I've just discovered why I think this is going to happen now, which is that if, so apparently, if Barnaby Joyce, Barnaby Joyce currently gets $239 grand, plus super, if he were to become one nation leader, you get an extra 100 grand. So he would get $340. He needs it for me. He needs it for money.

He's got some of the money. He said that in the past that he's in it for the money. And so the problem is, I don't think Paul and Hanson, even if she did quit the Senate or whatever, is she the type of personality who would actually stand back or would she sort of, like is the point that, you know, we look at time and go, oh, okay, yeah, that'd be nice to retire. I wouldn't have to work anymore. But she goes, my whole point of living at this stage is being in the news saying horrible things about minorities. Well, Pauline Hanson's daughter has been...

Am I really a person? You know, if I don't... Relevant deprivation syndrome. Well, Lee Hansen, so Lee Hansen ran in Tazzy, Pauline's daughter, and lost Jackie Lambie got the final seat. ahead of Lee Hansen. But you'd imagine she'd run again, the name recognition, to continue the dynasty.

But Barnaby Joyce also has a lot of children who could run again. Do it. Just do it. Okay, so Charles, before you go, we're talking about overseas trips, talking about catching up on Australian politics. You've had just a quintessential London experience, which you want to share.

Yeah, just, so, you know, I've seen all the sites, went to Trafalgar Square, went to Lister Square, We're actually played in this discreet to sold-out shows. Went to the West End. Oh, yeah, played for it. Soled-out shows there. Sorry, anyway. Point is, you know, went to the British Museum,

sort of a whole of stolen jewels and artworks. Good idea for a podcast, huh? Yeah. Anyway, Quine is walking home from one of my sold-out shows on the West End at the Earth 9. Sorry, how many did you have? Well, in total six on the West End. Six sold-out shows? What in, like, 50s?

In, no, they were quite sweet. The Bloomsbury Theatre was like 5506 and... I saw a Southford. Southford went nuts for you unless that was AI. Yeah, 2, 1,800 Cedars both sold out. It's bugger all to do in Southford. So while we were there, we put on sale a return to like an encore in April this year at the Palladium, which is a 2,500 cedar on the list.

in and we sold it out in like three days. The problem was just going, what the fuck? Very nice. Anyway. Why are you still doing this podcast? I don't know. Anyway, point is I was walking home and the people who I was hanging out with said, oh, by the way, as you're walking home, you can definitely keep your phone in your pocket

because there's lots of swipes. I've heard this. Yeah, people grab phones on little scooters or something. Completely organized, yeah, yeah, on little bikes. Basically, they come up behind you on the bike and they swipe your phone. You know, so I'm walking home. I have my phone in my pocket, talking to my wife, and then my son falls me as well. And I think, oh, well, I'll merge the call.

So get my phone out of my pocket. I merge the calls. Before I know, the bike has come up behind me, swipe my phone. I had the amazing, you know, reflect of grabbing it back. It then smashed on the road, but I kept my phone, but I thwarted the thing. No, but the creepiest thing was. So this is a very organized activity, right? Like, in the immediate afterwards, I looked around and went, oh, my God, there's like three people on bikes.

All the swarming, like, flies really went for people to do. And then I walked over to these two police officers who were standing on the corner, right? Like, I ran over to the next week because I'd just go on, fuck you. the guy who tried to throw my phone. And I went, you're police, you know, like, aren't you going to chase that sort of thing, that guy?

And they went, no, we're not police. We're public safety officers. Oh. And they pointed to their thing. We're not place at all, right? And I went, okay, well, and then they went, and anyway, the guy didn't go that way. They went that way, right?

And pointed him in a different direction. I went, no, no, no, he definitely went that way. I saw it. And they said, no, no, we saw it. He definitely went that way. And then they ran away. Wow. And they were totally dressed as police officers, right?

Except they just didn't have the name police. They had public safety on their little hive's sort of. But they were like, curious. And they had the hats and it was like, I reckon they were part of the game. I reckon they were on the lookout pretending to be police officers. Like, it was so weird. It was the previous in the world. Yeah, I'm just doing some research into this.

So what is, what's happening with them, apparently? So last year, 80,000 phones were stolen in London. 80,000. And what they do is they wrap them in foil. They wrap them in alfoil and they bought a mile of... Yeah, 1.5 miles of Costco. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, yeah.

And they ship it to China. And so what it then happens, I don't understand what the grift is. Is it to make it into petrol? season, like they just it's just an overseas iPhone. Maybe there's not software. So apparently in China, the newest phones are worth five grand.

They don't come to China for a while. So there you go. Oh, right. Okay. And only 495 people were charged. And in fact, March 224 to February this year, 106,000 phones were stolen. And so very little has happened.

Wow. It's all line bikes. Unbelievable. A lot of them are then sold in shop as well, in dodgy, secondhand phone shops, by the way. Anyway, I sort of had a London experience. Yeah, you're quite essentially a London experience.

I'm trying to have a London experience now. I'm trying to book tickets for Wankanomics at the London Palladium. There are six seats left in the back row for the 21st of April. On the 20th of April, there's more, but probably only a couple of hundred. This is just extraordinary. You and James are Roeis. I think we're a bit bigger than noasis at this stage. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Who knew that the British were so into wankers? In fact, we should do an episode on Prince Andrew another time. All right, well, yes, flight's probably about to be called. Yeah, no, yeah, I'm just, yeah, they're mutually, I've got to go. All right, I'll see you back here. How long till they put one of those blue plaques on a building saying that Charles Firth and Jane Schleffle played a show there?

I reckon, well, we were playing venues where it was like David, so he played beer, queen, Freddie Mercky. So many wankers from the past. And I was saying, oh, yeah, maybe the Beatles played here. And then, James was going, nah, the Beatles didn't have paid here. And then it's like, oh, well, there's Paul McCartney, pokey. Oh, and John Lennon, phone. It's so good.

So, yeah. There you go. Yeah. Well, congratulations. And, yeah, we'll see you back here. Yeah, see you soon. Oh, wonderful. Well, we're part of the Aconon Class Network.

I'll see you later.