The Chaser Report - Newspoll Can't Draw Graphs

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

After a brief Rogan-esque intermission, the Chaser Report you know and love is back for 2022! Charles takes a look at the latest newspoll results for preferred PM and why he thinks that Scott Morrison should stay Liberal Party leader. Meanwhile John exposes Spotify's toll for spreading misinformation, and asks how many musicians it takes to tank a music streaming service. WARNING: May contain impersonations of James Blunt. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Tuesday, the 1st of February 2022. I'm Charles Firth and with me are Gabby Bolt, John Del Minicoe and Loughlin Hodson. Actually, it's Lachlan Rogan still, Charles. All right. Once a Joe, always a Joe. Oh, you're sticking with the facade. I kind of liked waking up feeling cleaned.

For people who don't know what Lachlan's talking about, yesterday we changed the name of the show. to the Joe Rogan experience, and it was a huge success. 11 million extra listeners tuned in. Yeah. Because when you search, this is honestly true, when you searched for the Joe Rogan experience on Spotify, we were the top result. We were literally the top Joe Rogan podcast in Australia.

I thought we had a really original name. I didn't realize it was already taken. What's even better about this stunt was that Joe Rogan's podcast is a Spotify exclusive, which means it's not on Apple or any. anywhere else. So if you were to search the Joe Rogan experience on Apple, before yesterday there would have been nothing. Yes.

But yesterday there was something. So people got genuinely mad at Apple for renewing the Joe Rogan podcast. I do think there's going to be lasting consequences and we'll probably not being able to broadcast. There was tweets straight away saying that they unfollowed because they thought it was actually a Joe Rogan experience and then refollowed when they saw our tweet that it was us. And people actually got really. really mad at Spotify for trying to push it on them.

They went, you know, it's just turned up in my feet. It's like the U-2 album all over again. I didn't ask for this. Yeah, we actually got contacted by our people at Apple and our publishers saying that, please don't do this, you will get banned. And as the producer of this podcast, wouldn't it be a shame if we had two weeks?

Oh, oh, no. Oh, no. Because Loughlin calls me just before we did the thing. late last night and he goes are we really going to do this we could end up with no podcast to do it and it was like best of both worlds yeah that's a fucking gift i'm not hearing a lot what i'm hearing is two birds one bigot you know what i'm hearing is that they're finally taking a stance about vaccine content and they're going to ban any joe rogan podcast that has pro vaccine and bring back new young and johnny mitchell so that's nice but so i would

like to say we got an 11 million extra listeners we had a very very very very pro-vaccine episode yesterday, I think I'm going to claim credit for 11 million extra vaccinated people. The next 11 million Americans who get vaccinated, that's on us. I was going to say, you can't get 11 million Australians vaccinated. That'll cause a whole another outage. Anyway, you know, stick around if you are here for the Joe Rogan experience, even though we're back to the Chaser report. We are going to have some Joe Rogan-themed content. We're going to talk about how Q is helping. save the world. And also, we've got a special segment about how Mayans invented Wi-Fi.

That's all coming up. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Day and Minow in the Chaser Newsroom. After leading the latest news poll for a preferred party, Labor have begun frantically writing their concession speech for their inevitable election loss. Opposition leader Anthony Albanese has marked the historic polling lead as a surefire sign of a failure and is already sprucing up his resume. In response to a Brisbane school sending parents a 16-page contract

requesting the right to expel LGBT-plus children, God has released a statement saying that this was not his intended interpretation of his book and that he'll keep sending plagues until this shit stops. A local BMW driver has

come out and publicly apologize today after they accidentally followed a road rule. This momentous occasion came as he accidentally tapped his indicator while making a turn, a move until now thought impossible. That's the latest headlines from The Chaser Report. I'm Joe, oops, sorry, force of habit. I'm Rebecca de Unumuno. But guys, big news yesterday was the news poll came out and it showed that the Labor Party is now 56% to the coalition 43%.

Morrison is in trouble. Oh dear. Oh, dear. Unless, of course, you read the Australian which actually publishes the news poll. The right one, yeah. And you look at the graph. And I don't know whether you saw it.

Did you see the graph? But the pie chart that showed 43% Scott Morrison is way bigger than 41% Anthony Albanesee. Yeah, yeah, that's right. So 41% in terms of pie charts when you're in a Australian graphic designer makes up about 30% of a circle, whereas 43% makes up about half a circle. Wait, sorry, are you, are you, is this for real? No, no, this is actually the graphic.

This isn't like a headline that. And I thought that I actually thought when I saw that graphic, I thought that somebody had made it up like as a joke, like that it was a prank going, oh, look, typical Australian. And then I looked at the Australian and it's absolutely true. It exists. What? Yeah. That is insane.

So even news court people were mocking that this was just egregiously bad. But I think the thing that this shows is that if, you know, people in the Australian are nervous and are wanting to sort of dodgy the polls to make Morrison look better, I think clearly there's some worry inside the coalition camp. I think people are getting nervous that maybe Scott Morrison is not the electoral genius. No. That they've cast him as for the last three years.

Yeah, look, I just think. the threshold for nervousness within their party doesn't exist anymore. Like if they weren't nervous at any point in the last three years with, I don't know, sexual assault allegations, pork barreling allegations, ICAC allegations, and now they're nervous. Oh, we'll lose the dude that leads all those allegations. Like, I don't think. Gabby, Gabby, this is a poll.

This is not some sort of matter of government and state and respecting women. Oh, right. This is an actual thing that means that they get paid more. in their job. Worst comes to worse, they can just sue news poll. Oh, sorry, I forgot money. I forget money is involved. Can I just ask, why are we still trusting, like, polls in today's age?

I think it's just to keep one, like, young intern very employed. Because, like, I reckon there's just a person that they've got making these charts going, oh, goody, it's election season. I'm going to use the bright colors. Someone absolutely lied on their resume when they said, I am a professional at Excel. Statistics editor I can draw a circle That would be a fucking great job though

I'd love it No when I When I was in my 20s I used to do those phone polls Like that was my job What like collect the information It's good mate It was like 15 bucks an hour

That is trash You are being exploited In the when Charles This is like This is back in the 60s Yeah this is back in the 1860s Sorry Tuppence You got tuppin's every again

You could buy eight houses with that Yeah sorry Well he bought yeah 16 But it was the worst job I've ever had by a mile. It was horrible because you had to talk to people and pretend that you like it. And the whole thing was, statistically, it was based on convincing people to answer this really quite long poll, which went on for about 15 minutes. Wow. And the way you did it was you got marked down every time somebody refused because it affected their sample.

Okay, so Charles, I've actually prepared a little or something. We're going to do a bit more roleplay. we're going to see how much of that job you still remember. So, you know, go on, go on, try. Well, I reckon I'll phone up, Gabi. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And John and I will tell Charles how well he's doing. Okay, all right.

Hello, hello, my name is Charles. I'm sorry, who's Charles? This is City Pole. Oh, fuck. I'm just wondering whether you'd like to do a quick two-minute survey. No, no, I really wouldn't. I've got things to do. Oh, come on, just, please, it'll take two minutes.

That's all it takes. Okay, fine. Okay, Charles, we'll just pause right that. You're doing, you're doing really well. You've, you've, honestly feels guilty for you. Great, yes. This is great. Guilty is your, you know, bedfellow when you're doing phone polling.

Just, just try and smile a little more. Yes, that's exactly what my instructor used to say. The more you, no, this is true. The more you smile, the more conversions you get. My radio lecturer at university for the brief time I was there also said, yes, you can hear a smile. I'm also surprised that she picked up a phone call. Great job, Charles. I don't know how you pulled that off.

Remember, this was many, many years ago. Sorry, yeah, it's landline. Yeah, this is landline. Anyway, sorry, scene. Fine, yeah, I'll answer you. Okay, first off, who would you prefer as Prime Minister? Anthony Alvonezzi or Scott Morrison? Sorry, Charles, I'm going to stop you right there.

Could you do that again, but maybe don't give another option? So could you just say, like, who would you prefer as Prime Minister? Scott Morrison. Yeah. And we're just because, you know, we don't want to skew the data here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, because people won't know who Anthony Albanese is, so there's no point wasting their time anyway.

Yeah, okay. Who would you prefer as Prime Minister? Scott Morrison? Who's that? Okay, so I'll say yes. I guess, sure. Okay, great. Thank you.

There we go. I think you've still got it in, you, Charles. You can still work for news poll. Well, if this podcast gig goes south. I feel like this job. trained you for podcasting. Well, actually, $15 an hour would actually pay more than this job. Yeah, I was going to say, it's pretty good.

There has been a bit of, you know, the news poll has sort of created a little bit of uncertainty in the coalition camp. People are getting worried about Morrison. And just in the last 24 hours, there has been a bit of a rumbling that maybe there will be a spill against Morrison and that they'll have to elect somebody else as prime minister. They're bringing back Tony Abbott. Christian Porter. Yeah, you know, I actually, I can't recall another time

where Scott Morrison's rumbling caused him nervousness. Sorry, that was me laughing, not mimicking another sound that Scott's gut might have made. You know that they actually include, everyone knows that the preferred prime minister is a bullshit indicator. Yeah. But they include it in because it gets good headlines. Because whoever is prime minister always gets preferred prime minister,

so it allows you to pretend that you're still popular. contest, yeah. I've still got it, boys. Who's your favourite podcast producer at the moment? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You go, well, anyone who's not Loughlin, who's...

Whoever's producing a rational fear. So I actually think it would be a mistake for the Coalition to ditch Morrison this stage. I think Morrison's a great campaigner. My message to the Coalition is he's a great campaigner, and it's not just that I want to see him having to get up on election night and concede defeat. wipe that smuggish smirk off his lying face. That's not my reason for saying that. Are you drooling at the mouth right now?

I am drooling. But what is your reason? If your reason's not to see him foam at the mouth at the loss, what is the reason? But also, who else are you going to put there? Actually, constitutionally, you can't have a potato running the country. So Dutton's out. Yeah, Dutton's gone.

That's a constitutional thing. Frydenberg. Did you say constitutional? Constitution. I think he said Greg. constitutional. Fridenberg can't? Fridenberg can't.

Well, Fridenberg could do it. No, no, no. He couldn't do it. You know why? He'd lose like 60 billion votes and not know where they went. So, yeah, I think we need Scott Morrison there. That's my message is ignore the polls, ignore the overwhelming majority of Australians who want to fuck Scott Morrison off.

Yeah. And don't listen to the polls. Let's just have Scott Morrison there. Yeah. It'll be great. He's doing great. And maybe just small more. That'll get you elected.

We can hear it when you don't. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. Now, John, you want to run us through some of the Spotify controversy? After the Joe Rogan experience talked about Spotify, there's been some updates. So Neil Young obviously left Spotify. Chappers too. And then Joni Mitchell has announced that she also planned silly Spotify. Do you know what's crazy about that?

That actually, I'm not joking. I switched to Apple Music when that was announced. Because Joni Mitchell makes up like 50% of all of my playlist. I went, fuck, I'm not losing that catalogue. It really did work. I went, I am not having Spotify anymore. Because that was the same with me and Neil Young. Yeah.

So now we've both switched. Swipped. Swapped. Swapped over. Can I be honest and say, I don't even know who Johnny Mitchell is. I don't know who any of these people are. Are you kidding? I'm sure I recognize her songs.

I just sing one of them What case of you? So if listens at home This is the angriest I've seen Gabby No, I'm sorry She is like the greatest songwriter One of the greatest songwriters of a generation They pave paradise and put up a parking

Oh my god That's a banger! Yeah, fucking Jesus Christ Anyway, so yeah I have Apple music now Because of Jenny Mitchell Like how Gabby left Spotify A lot of people left Spotify To the point where Spotify Claims their systems broke

and for a few hours people were not able to cancel their Spotify subscriptions anymore. This led to legal experts saying Spotify could get in trouble because there was no way to cancel your subscription, which is against US laws. Yeah, because that's what we should do. I was just going to say, oh sorry, can't unsubscribe

from the Chaser. You're here forever. The reaction for Spotify has been so big. Their stock fell 6% in one day. Which is over $2 billion US and roughly 4 billion Australian is how much is estimated. they would have lost in market value. They'll make a movie out of this.

It'll be the big short, too. So does that mean Neil Young is worth $4 billion to Spotify? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Neil Young is worth $1 billion to Spotify. Joni Mitchell is worth $3 million. Johnny Mitchell said, I'm pulling case of you, and every sad mid-20s girl went, fuck!

No, actually, I have a more fun game. What musician, just one musician, could pull out and tank the entire company? I reckon Paul McCartney. Really? Yes. What about Taylor Swift? She would tank it.

If she pulled all her music from the catalog, that would put Spotify bankrupt. Actually, you know who I reckon could do it? BTS. Oh, yeah, BTS would do it. You pull BTS from music. There are like a billion people. Sorry, sorry. I just need.

Look directly at Loughlin and I for like, what is a BTS? No, no, no, no. That's not what Charles is looking at us for. Charles is giving me a look of, okay, we're talking about BTS right now. very, very carefully, how do we not upset a hundred million people? No, what I've said is a very positive. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, John got it right. What is BTS?

No, don't say that. We'll get killed. Why? We're going to, Charles, genuinely? Genuinely, last time the Australian media talked about BTS, and it was an international controversy. Yeah. BTS is a music group.

They do quite, like, they do genuinely good. They do an incredible K-pop group. The fan base for this particular boy band is so. massive and so loyal that if they pulled their music from Spotify, I am serious, it would tank the company. They could kill, like the, the BTS army do and have just killed anything that the dare challenges them, which is why I'm sweating right now. So I feel, no, we're not going against them. What I would like to say is if you want to tank Spotify, all you're going to do is pull BTS's music. The solution is actually already presented itself to how we'll fix this. And it wasn't,

It wasn't us. It was a man by the name of James Blunt. Oh, yeah. Did you guys see his tweet? So James Blunt tweeted out yesterday. Unless Spotify removes the Joe Rogan podcast, James Blunt will make more music. Oh, God.

And release it on Spotify. And release it on Spotify, which is, which is... I think he should stop being so hard on himself. I think James Blunt's songs, whilst repetitive, are fucking bangers. I think he's beautiful. Sorry, Gabby. Did I disappoint you? Yeah, nice.

By saying that. I actually think we should get him on this show. And I could see on his face that he was fucking high. Sorry. Well, luckily the CEO has now made an announcement. He has come forward and said that they're adding a misinformation warning to the Joe Rogan podcast. They said that he is skirting the line of what isn't acceptable in terms of misinformation. That's a pretty fucking thick line.

Also, I'm glad they have a line of what misinformation is acceptable. I know I was going to say they're going to start putting that in like the Mamma Mia podcast or like what? Are they going to put it on our podcast? Oh, probably. All details in the Chaser report. Oh, fictitious.

We've got a sound effect for that. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser report. You know, we've got her ass is covered. They're prepared fucking everything, haven't we over here? I love it. Although the CEO did say one more thing.

It's very lucky. The exact quote is, we won't take on the position of being content censor. So, despite, Despite the fact that they've lost $4 billion, they've lost Joni Mitchell, they've lost Neil Young, they're going to gain James Blunt. As our good friend Dr. Noe used to say, why make billions when you could make millions? Well, that's all.

We've got time for today. Our gear is from Road Microphones. We're part of the A-Cast Created Network. Yeah. And... My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel.

Yeah, good. Well, doesn't have to do it. She smiled at me at the subway. She was with another round. Well, if we weren't banned for yesterday's episode, we're getting banned for that.