The Chaser Report - Nina Oyama vs Los Angeles

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

Nina Oyama has returned from Hollywood and has plenty of embarrassment to share with the team. Over the course of this conversation Charles and Dom ponder how best to capitalise on Nina's misfortune, which Nina is more than thrilled about. Plus Nina shares all the inside mechanisms of Hollywood, and how to best prepare yourself for meeting an agent whilst hungover in an Uber. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to another afternoon edition of The Chaser Report. One of our final afternoon editions for the year, in fact. Charles First is here. Alex Avulovic is here. I'm Dom Knight. And our guest is Nina Ayama. We're going to talk about her adventures in L.A. in just a moment.

The Chaser Report. Now with Extra Whispers. Nina, welcome back. Hello. Thank you. Long time, no seeds. Where were you? I've been avoiding you.

I've been dodging your calls. I see Charles Berth come up on my phone and I'm like, swipe left. Is that the one to turn off? No, I'm kidding. So, wait a minute. Where have you been? What have you been doing? I've been in L.A. man.

I've been living the Hollywood life. And this is for work, is it? I've seen on Instagram, you and palm trees and sunny weather and like classic cars. Oh, I wish. No, I actually, I went to LA for like probably the world's stupidest reason because everybody was like, oh, you went for work. And it was kind of semi-true, like I've been working on this American show since June. But the real reason I went is because in June, the showrunners of the show I was working on told me to come and live in L.A. So I bought concert tickets to this musician called Julian Baker, who was playing at the

Wilton in L.A. on November 4th. And basically, the reason I went to L.A. in November, it was because I didn't know how to sell the tickets. So you thought you'd be financially ahead if you flew over to see the kick? It's just hard to sell the ticket because you have to like organize Benmo and then there's all these scammers. And then like I was online on the Julian Baker fan pages and every day the concerts looked so good. And then on like October 29th, the board has opened up.

And I was like, the first flight out to America was on November 1st. Oh, it's meant to be. Yeah, easy, easy. Like, if anyone ask, it's not because I'm a loser that likes Julian Baker, who is a musician that sings really sad songs. It's because I'm a cool Hollywood game player. Was it a good concert? Was it worth of burning thousands of kilograms worth of carbon and destroying the planet to see? Yes, it was worth every dead penguin and polar bear.

No, no. Well, I did do some Hollywood. things while I was there. I actually met the showrunners of the show that I'd been working on. But the other thing when I went to L.A. is I actually went with a girl who I had been dating for seven days. So it was like a lesbian mission. Yeah, you hold. Yeah, that's high stakes seven days in. Yeah. And did it work? Like, are you still going out? She doesn't like you, Baker. How did you, Charles? I won't dispose that, but I will say that on the first night we got there we got so drunk like we were like landed and we like immediately started

drinking um and i asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes so so suck it charles no no but this is the other thing is the next day i woke up and i was so hungover i was more hungover than i've ever been in my entire life like i couldn't find any of my clothes from the night before and when i went outside my pants were hanging over the balcony with a frying pan full of vomit and i have no memory of that entire night oh gosh and you're Yet you remember the conversation because, I mean, is that binding if you are all completely off your face and there's a fry pan of vomit? Because I would have thought that.

I don't know, but this is the thing is that day when I woke up, I woke up at like 9 o'clock and I had to have a meeting with the fancy showrunners in Studio City, which was like half an hour away. Wow. And so I pretty much had to get straight in the Uber to go there. And as soon as I got on the Uber, I just vomited all down my shirt and I vomited in my handbag. Oh my God. Yeah.

And I had to like, every time the Uber stopped, I would like, I would like, pull. my handbag out like I was you know draining a dam or something it was horrible what kind of character do you have in your show though because maybe that is perfectly suitable like is I mean yeah look the show I think I've talked about the show before is it's it's it is a bit of a filthy silly show it's kind of like the Australian version of Rick and Morty um but still but still you know like it wasn't ideal to be like meeting my showrunners when I was you know like covered in my own vomit. Like even if they knew I was a loose unit, it still is very bad. I mean, it can go either way. Either they think you're incredibly rock and roll and don't give a shit and they're like,

she's so cool, we've got to get on brand or yama. Or they're like, yeah, a little bit unprofesh. Well, the thing is, I think I saved it right, because when I got there, there was like, it was at this place called Arts Deli, which they had specifically brought me to because I said I like locks, which is like smoked salmon. And anyway, I, like, there was a little treat. next to Art Stellie and I went behind the tree and I figured out of my Uber I like vomited more and I had a little makeup bag that I didn't vomit on that had a bit of perfume in so I just kind of like sprayed my stuff with yeah I was just like cleansing myself of like my sins and then I had a jumper that also didn't get vomited on so I put that jumper on I put the vomit

t-shirt in the vomit bag and then I walked up towards them like I was fine like I was like Dan Benji hello um they looked at me like I was insane and they were just like we cannot believe that you're here and I was like yeah because I I came from Australia and they said no because you left us the most deranged voice memos at 5 a.m. this morning. Oh no. It turns out when I was really drunk, I had left them like the most embarrassing drunk girl like oh my God, Dan and Benji, I love you so much.

Like just the worst. Oh no. But also I had left them other messages that said, oh my God, you have to meet my girlfriend, Gemma. I love Gemma. Gemma is the love of my life. Keep in mind I've been dating this girl for six. seven days.

Nina. He's the love of my life. Like, we only became exclusive the night before we got on the plane. Like, this is how fresh that situation was. Nina, could I option your life? I'm thinking of like a you version of entourage that's like, still in L.A., but even Lusa. I think that would be amazing.

Well, I think if I have an entourage, I really need an E because E would make sure I didn't do that, behave that way. He's a character. Charles is confused because he thinks E is a drug in this, in this story. Oh, he's a character. He's the manager. No, no, the reason. I did have an E and I didn't know about it that way.

The reason, well, it would explain a lot of the messages, but why? Well, this is the other thing is, it gets worse, right? So I like, go to the meeting and the meeting is ultimately fine. They're kind of like, look, we know you're a bit of a loose unit. It's okay. And I was like, great. And then I go home and Gemma and we're both hung over as hell. Like, it's the worst hangover with both had.

And she goes, oh, I think I'm like a little bit anxious about this relationship. Like I'm not sure if I'm ready to be girlfriends. I know. I know. But we were still dating. So she was like, I'm still dating. And to be honest, like I felt the same. I was like, yeah, that was very terrible.

Yeah. You've got an exit. If there's a, if there's a frying pan of vomit, sorry the rule is it's not bunny. And like, if you're leaving voicemails on people's. you work with at 5 a.m., surely any court in the land would say that any commitment made was not binding. Like, if you'd gotten married, if you were Britney Spears and you got married that night, it would have been annulled.

So you can just, you can have that whole conversation struck from the record. I don't think Britney Spears has ever done something as loose as please. So then, but the problem is two days later, I then, me and Gemma, so we were invited to a big, like, dinner with all the writers of the show and it was like, bring your partner. you're plus one or your girlfriend or whatever. So they're like bringing Jenna. So I bring my ex-girlfriend to this like work dinner. And immediately I have to tell my showrunners that we're not girlfriends anymore.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And they're like, Nina, Nina, Nina. Anyway, so that was my trip to L.A. Still keen to option your life. But the problem, Dom, with optioning Nina's life, is, I don't think she's going to live that much longer. So if you want to do it, getting quick.

No, it would be easy to deal with the estate. We're less loose. Well, you're going to have to kill me first, Dom, because I'm not giving it up for free. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. Of all the things that I have enjoyed this year doing this podcast, I think it's the moments where Nina goes on planes. It's something about you and.

aviation. Yes. They're just like the Perth story and now this, they're a pair. Like the first movie. Maybe it's the hangover is more the option. First there's the Perth version, then there's the global version. Where are you going to go next? To space with Elon.

I'm going to get on the first SpaceX flight to Mars and I'm going to ask him to be my husband. He'd probably say yes. He's a strange man. Not that you have to be strange to say yes to me. No, not at all. Not at all. Wow. I will have you know that I have dated many normal people.

No, I'm just kidding. No one's, no one that I don't get me. So was it, what I'm gathering, Nina, is that at least you could write the trip off for tax. You met the showrunners. Yeah. So it was a business trip. It was pretty good. I did have a meeting with a fancy agent as well, which was pretty cool.

And are they going to take you? Or do they not take people with vomit? on their tubs. No, I actually didn't vomit on the way to that one, but I did somehow manage to get in an Uber and get really high in the Uber with the Uber driver because I told him that like... It was good, and it was bad because it was kind of like

this meeting was quite, I was a bit stressed about it because it was a very fancy agent. And then on the way, in the Uber, I made friends with the Uber driver, and I said, oh, I don't mind if you smoke weed in the car, which was probably like my first mistake. Like you shouldn't tell the Uber driver that they're allowed to smoke weed in the car.

But then he was like, he had this vape pen and he's like, I love smoking weed. Watch this. And he gets the pen out and he puts it in his mouth and then he breathes in for like three minutes. And that went on for like three minutes and then he did up all the windows because like he's got his little window controller in the car.

He like closed all the windows and then he blew smoke all around the car. The whole car was just like filled with weed smoke. You were inside an Uber bong. I was inside an Uber bong. Is that an option? Like you can choose Uber X or Uber deluxe or Uber bong? Is that?

Yeah, that's what I think. They've got Uber black. They need Uber green. That's what I'm telling you. Five stars. A Dutch Elon. Yeah. But anyway, so then I got to the meeting and I was like in great spirits.

And like every time this guy talked, I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was smiling more than I'd ever smiled in my life. I was wolfing down a bacon egg roll. Like, it actually could not have gone any better. So what I'm telling you, if you have a fancy meeting, Dom and Charles and Alex, just get an Uber driver that blows weed into your mouth. That sounds amazing.

Well, I read Seth Rogen's book this year, and he talks. He basically smokes absolutely every day. He's never not high. And he's had an amazing Hollywood career. So clearly, you're the next. Seth Rogen. Oh, I wish. That's my dream. But like every story is about how like after school, there was a 7-11 parking lot where he could get weed, like every moment in his life. I don't think he does not high. It's very impressive. I love L.A. I think we should all move to L.A.

I think so too, but I think it is the first place to go when like climate change stuff starts happening. Like it was on fire all last year, although I guess Australia was too. I will say L.A. COVID protocols are tighter than Australia's. Oh, really? Yeah, and everybody, I could never tell anyone I got the Astrosenica because they would just like run away from me. It was really intense. I just started lying about having Pfizer.

I didn't even realize that was a thing. So you're saying that, you know, they're really strict about COVID because your Uber driver basically spat out a whole lot of air around you and wound up all the windows and that was a great experience. Yeah, I was wearing a mask. And I sanitise my hands So we're at the end of the year It's been a fairly shitty year

What's it been like being out of... I like that you guys were like We want you to come back for one last episode At the end of the year And I feel like I told all these stories And you're just like I immediately regret this No

Because it's been such a narrative You spent so much of the year at home And we heard all the stuff about your neighbours Flatmates, the people next door You bin alley, the skateboarding And now it's like you've been let on the Let loose again kind of globally how are you feeling at this point?

I mean, how are you actually looking back? It's been a hell right, isn't it? Yeah, it's been like a roller coaster. Yeah, I've got nothing funny to say. I wish I could think of something. I think what we, the mistake we made was that we said, Nina, Nina, come back, be our girlfriend, just one last time. And it's now the next morning.

There's a pan of vomit in the anecdotes. Yeah. And I'm just like, sorry, guys, I don't feel like being your. girlfriend anymore. And the podcast studio is full of weed, weed smoke. You're not even here in here in Melbourne. How did this happen?

Oh, that must have been the joints that I gave Charles when he came over that one time. How's Melbourne, by the way? Because I haven't been there since the start of last year. Like, is everyone freaked out beyond belief down there? No, no one gives a crap. No one wears a mark. It is like even laxer than Sydney. Yeah, I was in Melbourne last weekend.

And it was incredible. Like, it's just, it's like they're. On edge. Like they're just so sick of everything. No one wears masks. It's like they've just gone screw it. Like that's what it feels like. It feels like they were trapped inside for so long.

They're just like, I don't even care anymore. Like give me the fucking Delta. I don't care. I just don't want to be inside. I was going to come down to Melbourne tomorrow and I just decided, nah, not worth it. You guys are stuffed. Yeah.

I don't know. Although Sydney cases are higher than Melbourne for the first time ever. So I reckon you should have gone down to Melbourne because now you're going to you're going to get it. And I feel like this conversation has, like every other conversation I've had this week, just basically jutted to a halt as we realize the absolute hell we're just slowly sliding back into. So, yay. It is scary, but I think that, like, all you can, you cut, there's just nothing you can do, you know.

As long as you just wear your masks and wash your hands and don't leave the house ever, you'll be, you'll be fine. If you, and if you don't have any friends, you'll be fine. I do feel pretty stressed. So you guys will be cool. I feel anxious. And I'm just wondering, can I get your Uber drivers? details, because I think I need one of those rides. Well, Nina, thank you for being part of the podcast this year.

It has been enormously fun hearing your adventures. And will you be our guest in 2022? Is that enough commitment or is that too much? Oh, look, guys, I'm kind of seeing other podcasts right now. So I don't know. All right. Yeah, I don't know. No, no.

I'm just kidding. We'll keep it casual. I'm super keen to be on the podcast. I'm actually going to live not in the country or technically in the country. I'm going to be doing something very fun for six months. that will meet I'm like far away. Technically in the country but not really. Wow.

Lord Howe Island. Yeah, I'm getting deported. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. Agues and Road microphones are part of the ACUS credit network. Catch you next time.