The Chaser Report - Nina's Trip | Nina Oyama

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Nina Oyama joins Charles and Dom to share all the juicy details of her recent trip to Perth. Although it ends up being a cautionary tale about the hallucinogenic properties of red frogs. Plus, Charles unveils a revolutionary new way to not enjoy wine. Also featuring Australia's finest Rebecca De Unamuno impersonator, Gabbi Bolt. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Tuesday, the 15th of June. You may have noticed that we weren't here properly yesterday. That was a public holiday. We were too busy celebrating the Queen's birthday. Well, you know what I did over the long weekend? What did you do? I got my second jab of Pfizer.

Seriously? Yep, I am now fully vaccinated. That is such bullshit. I'm so much sicker than you. I got AstraZeneca the first day that you could. And it's 12-week wait. So you've lapped me. I've lapped you.

With the better vaccine, even though you're healthy, you bastard. Yep. And the best thing is that everyone says that on the second jab, you get all these side effects and you feel sick for a few days. Guess what? No side effects at all. You've got to be kidding. Yep, that's right.

Everyone says, oh, you know, that's when all the Bill Gates, you know, chip thing clicks in and you become magnetic. and everything like there, and you start being controlled by Bill Gates. But I can tell you that... No, no, no, Charles. Blue scooter, death. Please go to death. No!

Thank God I didn't get the Pfizer. On today's show, we're going to find out what the future of wine drinking looks like. Catch up with Nina Ayama, who's just back from a trip to W.A. Right now, let's head to the Chaser Newsroom and Rebecca Dayuna Muno. The postman for New South Wales Deputy Premier John Barilaro has been arrested on charges of stalking after he was seen hanging around John Barilaro's mailbox. It comes after New South Wales police arrested a producer on terrorism charges for producing mildly amusing YouTube videos about politicians.

Police say the postman was found in possession of several hypothetically suspicious and slightly late packages. A QAnon devotee is furious at the Four Corners report last night linking him to Scott Morrison. The devotee was devastated Q&ON would be linked to a group featuring prominent alleged sex offenders, corrupt millionaires and people sucking up to the global elites. Sky News host and former chief of staff for former Prime Minister Tony Abbott, Peter Credlin, has been awarded the Order of Australia for Distinguished Services to on-air retractions.

Among her achievements are apologising for incorrectly blaming Melbourne's South Sudanese community for spreading COVID and falsely accusing former Prime Minister Kevin Rud of harvesting data from parliamentary petitions. That's the latest news you can't trust for The Chaser Report. I am, actually Rebecca Dayunamuno. This episode of The Chaser Report

is brought to you by the long weekend. One of the few times you can get plastered on a Sunday without guilt. The Long Weekend, sponsoring the Chaser Report. Now, Charles, we've never before had a Western Australian correspondent on the Chaser report. No, and it's been something that nobody has missed. Yes, nobody has requested this. However, we do have one of our regular New South Wales correspondents, Nina Ayama, in W.A. Nina, hello. Hello. I'm not actually, I'm not in WA. I'm fresh from W.A. So you've been to W.A. this year?

I have been to WAA this year. I've been in the last week. Does that still count? Is that fresh enough? How long did you stay in Western Australia? Probably about 12 hours, but it was enough for me to experience. That's plenty. Look, I think going for an actual Western Australian is too much.

Yeah. And also, Nita, you have an outsider's perspective, which frankly, I'm looking forward to. What's it like? It's actually pretty nice. It's like a nice, like, little country town. So I went to Perth to do my comedy festival show in O'Amama. with me right now. And I pretty much like, I got on the plane and I forgot to drink water and I just had like

the biggest headache for the entire plane ride. And it's a five-hour chip. Did you know it's a five-hour trip to her? Yeah. But Nina, don't you have that smart water bottle that reminds you to drink? Isn't that a thing? No. I had to do it because the Bluetooth wasn't working.

The one thing. No, but you got the app, don't you? You got the app? Oh my God. Yeah. I forgot about that. Okay. Nina, you've got to get, put the app back on your phones

or you drink and you probably need another one to remind you to breathe maybe, I'm thinking. The other thing is, you know, that headache that you get when you don't drink water, that actually is a good reminder to drink water. But it's hard to just drink water on the plane. Like, I forgot to fill up my drink bottle beforehand because I went to the lounge and I got over-excited and I just spent all my time eating food.

And so I went to, because I needed to go to the lounge, I found a friend at the airport that they let me into the lounge So I was really excited But I got on the plane And like on the plane They don't just give you water And you can't fill up your drink bottle

So like whenever I'd ask for water The lady would just give me like a really tiny cup of water Oh okay And it just wasn't enough What airline were you flying? I don't want to give it away But it begins with a V Ah right

And this is the other thing It's like if you do a trip on this airline to Melbourne It's like a 90-minute flight, and they give you food. But if you do this same airline from Sydney to Perth, which is a five-and-a-half-hour flight, no food. No food. No food. So rough.

Yeah, you're really slumming it flying around Australia. What I'm really enjoying about this cross that gives a sense of what's happening in Western Australia is that we haven't yet gotten to Western Australia in the story. Well, okay, it's basically my experience of Australia, like I'm not going to like, like the entire time I was there, I was very delirious because I hadn't, like, I hadn't had any food or like water and I was just kind of like, I went to my Airbnb and I was like, cool, I'm going to get to sleep. And I went there and it was like 2 o'clock p.m. and they were still like cleaning the Airbnb. So I couldn't, you know, it's like sleep or anything. So this is my experience of Perth. It's just wandering around Perth.

like kind of dehydrated and like on like not like mentally well like you know when you're like you're tired and you're like starving and you're thirsty and like you don't know how to like be a person so I went to do the IGA and I was like I'm just to me as a food and then I'll do better but my like brain wasn't fastening properly so I just went straight to like the weird artisanal lollies section and I bought like $50 worth of like peanut brittle and honeycomb and these are like these red flog frogs that were like dipped in white chocolate like i just put all these like psycho treats i'm gathering that there's a flaw in this notion of nina to do a report because when nina goes to w a the thing is she's still nina

yeah it's right we're going to report about nina from w a that's right the same report about nina but in a different location with a different backdrop okay so and just you can fly away to half you can fly over the country but you can't fly away for yourself. I think that's what I'm learning. Isn't that it? That's sort of the moral of the title. But Nina, can I just ask, did you play at the Estor? Is that where you were? Yeah, I was in the Asthmael lounge, and I had two shows back to back.

And, like, I just didn't know how to function, so I decided to drink, like, three Red Bulls in a row. So you're dehydrated. And you just had caffeine. Right. So this is a medical emergency, basically. And sugar. Yeah. I think I should have had a heart attack, but I did. I told the bar lady, I was like, man, I'm, like, flying so high right now.

I haven't slept. I've, like, eaten, like, all just sugar and red bulls. And I think I had a riddle in as well, because I was like, I don't know. I've got to focus. Like, I was on everything. And she was like, man, you should have seen yesterday we had thirsty Merkin. She's like, you know, you're not even the highest person that's been in this week. The pro tip is clearly that when traveling cross country to Perth, the best thing to do is, rather than going to Perth,

you go to a completely alternative dimension in your head. And that way you don't have to engage with the Wesleyan's train. Yeah, and also you could just like follow around the band Thirsty Merck because then you'll never be the highest person that's been there that way. It's genius. I must say it, Nina, like you make it sound really rock and roll, but it is literally the world's tamest rock and roll story. And then I drank some Red Bull.

You sound like a 12-year-old. Well, I don't have the connections in Perth to like Warren crazy. And I'm not going to bring drugs on a fly. I have done that before. and it was fine. But I was like, you know what? Perth had stupid of us. But, Nina, what was Perth's favorite joke?

Was it different from other places you've played? Did they get something else out of your comedy style? No, I think I would have, yeah, don't ask me what happened at either of those gigs. She can't remember. Don't ask me. Don't ask me what happened at either of those gigs. I honestly, like, it was like two, it was like 7 p.m. and 8.30 p.m. And it was just like bang, like it disappeared from my brain.

She was just riding the peanut. Brittle, man, like, peanut bread or whatever. You want to know the craziest thing, though, is after that. So I bought really artisanal shit. Like, you know, when you go to, like, Harris Farm and there's, like, all those lollies in the clear containers. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was all like that stuff. And they make you feel like you're being healthy because they're from Harris Farm. Yeah. And it's also, like, it's handmade in fucking gherengong or whatever. Like, it's good. It's, like, got this vibe of, like, you know, just like a woman, like, you know, dipping stuff in a chocolate fountain. Like, it's real, I don't know.

It has, like, an energy. Yeah. But, like, when I was, so I had to fly from South for Rockhampton, and, like, on the flight there, I got out one of the little artisanal lolly things, and it was these chocolate-dipped red frogs, like, red frogs that had been dipped in white chocolate that I probably pay in, like, $50 for, yeah. And the guy next to me, because I offered it to him, because I was, like, quite rude to not offer your lollies around if he's going to eat a whole lollie thing. And so I offered some to him, and he said, oh, I actually, like, I know the woman that made this. and I actually organized distribution from Adelaide to Perth for her to stock those frogs in the IGA. Isn't that insane?

Wow! So you're going straight to the dealer. You sat next to the dealer. Yeah, I sat next to the frog dealer. I wish I sat next to a different type of dealer, but you know what? Vegas can't be Jesus. But this is the crazy thing is that I actually invented these folks.

I'm the one who told her you need to dip frogs in white chocolate. And I was like, that is insane. And so I was like, well, do you want one? And he goes, nah. like just straight out he was like no i was like what is i was like what's in these like is it bad like he just fully was like no way i'm not eating that stuff i've done a few kind of travel crosses with people in in the past um i can't say that i've had one which that was so light or details about the place and yet so rich of information about the snacks consume

which had nothing to do with the place in question nina you are as as always a unique treasure of our program i'm so sorry i'll bring something good next time You think there's going to be a next time. No, no, I just want the sweet hook up with the geringog frog lady. Hello, Lizzie from the House of Windsor here. Good-day, it's Skowmohy. Happy birthday, Liz Whiz. Oh, uh, it's not my birthday.

What? But it's the Queen's birthday long weekend. My birthday was in April. I know, but this has always been the day. We celebrate it in Australia. You know you can just change the date, right? But if we changed it for you, we'd have to change it every time a monarch died. But it's not my birthday.

We're not changing the date. Why the fuck not? We're Australians. But it's so insensitive. Exactly. Scott, you know what happened to Goff. What date would you like, Your Majesty? And now it's time for...

Welcome to the future. Yeah, this is a segment where I review really stupid products and see whether you want to buy them or not. So, Dom, yes. How often do you find yourself having this problem? Hey guys. What are we drinking? Well, I was going to open a red. And I've been craving a chardonnay.

Oh, see, now that's a problem. What are you going to do, open two bottles? What are you going to do, Dom? You're going to open two bottles? Usually, yes, that's exactly what we do. We just drink an extra bottle. That seems a perfectly sensible solution to me. No.

No, Dom, that is not the solution. That's inefficient. You can't just drink two bottles. But then you get twice as drunk. Isn't that a good thing? No, no. With this product, it's called Covey, and they've raised $6 million to solve this particular life life.

Eternal problem, really. Eternal problem of which bottle to drink. You can open as many bottles as you like. Tell me how, Charles. As good as wine is when you open a bottle, it only tastes that way for about a day. But not with Covey, because Covey has a super smart bottling and dispensing system

that keeps oxygen from touching your wine. Hang on a sec, Charles. I think you've forgotten the premise of this segment. Yes. What Welcome the Future was meant to be was Shithouse Bluetooth products. It's always been so far. Yes.

This sounds like a useful solution to a genuine problem. And you sure you want to proceed with the segment. Dom, I am absolutely certain. So basically it's a glove for your wine bottle. A glove. A glove. Right. The promises to lock in the oxygen or lock out the oxygen from your wine.

So you can just drink a sip of it if you want and it'll stay fresh, right? So that's the idea. It's got a touchscreen, of course. Of course. Because you need a touchscreen for your thing. And it also connects to social media. Of course. How does a glove connect to social media?

It's not very strange. Yeah, you're just connected to the Wi-Fi. I'm having trouble visualising this product, Charles. Well, it's just sort of... I know what a glove is and I know what a Bluetooth is. Well, it's like, it looks like it goes over your wine bottles. Okay. There is a flaw with that, which I'll get doing a sick.

Is it somehow, is it like a kind of wine condom? Yeah, it's like a wine bottle condom. Right. And it also sinks not just to your social network, but also to your Amazon account. No way. So that you can, it can just automatically reorder you the wine as it knows that you're drinking. That sounds like an absolutely perfect product, Charles, for people with a major problem with alcoholism. You finish the bottle, you're there, and it's cheaper, and one arrives automatically without you doing anything.

So, Dom, are you wondering how does this product work? I am baffled by how this works, yes, that's true. Really everything's internet connected these days, so tell me about how this works. This is the Kuwe bottle. It's a connected wine bottle, and when you insert the Kuwe refill into it, you can pour wine just like you would with a traditional bottle. Hang on, but yet what it actually is, again, is a wine condom. Yes, but, see, this is the real problem with the product,

right, is that wine bottles don't fit into it, right? Okay, okay, we're on track. This counts as a walk to the future. I don't know whether you picked up there, but you've got to, they sell cartridges of wine, right, which are their own proprietary shape. Okay. And so you can only fit those cartridges into the wine bottle.

Oh, Jesus, this is amazingly shipping. So instead of buying any bottle of wine from the world's amazing artisanal winemakers, you've got to buy their weird wines, pest dispenser cartridges. Yes, and guess how many? I mean, there's what, thousands, millions of wines probably in the world. Millions of different wines. Guess how many varieties of wine cuvay sells? Two?

A red and a white? Twelve, Dom. Twelve whole varieties ranging from $20 dollars to $120 U.S. dollars. So you're missing out on 99. 9.99, no, no, no, no, no, 9% of the world's wines. Yeah, yeah. The actual device you pay extra for. So it doesn't actually come with any wine, right?

Wow. So guess how much the actual device is? The dispensory thing costs. Yeah, without, without any wine. Given this, it doesn't have any wine involved, maybe 50, 60 bucks? Yeah, so it's $230 plus shipping. Without even having any wine. Without any.

Just the dispenser. Yeah. But think about it, because. Really, you've got an infinite amount of wine, don't you? Because you just get the cartridges, and then that's, you know, like it's essentially an infinite bottle of wine once you've bought it and you buy all the cartridges. This is like an espresso for wine. Yeah.

Except it doesn't. Yes, exactly. That's exactly what it is. It's espresso for wine except, and this is just the last thing I'm going to say about this product, there's just one tiny, tiny problem. Which is that some of the reviewers have found that actually as you put the cartridge into the cuvay, it actually exposes the entire cartridge to oxygen, thus completely ruining the entire concept that it's supposed to solve. So if it is a much more expensive way of getting corks wine.

Yes. Oh, the future's a wonderful place. Well, Charles, that's just about all we have time for in today's Chaser reports. But the one thing you could do if you want to help us out is go. to Apple Podcasts, specifically Apple Podcasts, and leave us a five-star review. You can leave how many stars you like, I suppose, but come on, five. So, Dom, people have been doing this. I'm proud to report, and I want to just do a bit of a review of the podcast reviews of the

Tase Report. Oh, great. Okay. So this one is from me, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, TV. And the title of the review is, because you're desperate for likes. and it's just a thumbs up, isn't that nice? Oh, that's so, so condescending yet true. That way. Next one is Needs More Astronauts.

This is from Jobi Trigg. And it just says, send Charles to space. Well, that's what I tend to think after I've worked with you. So that's nice. A brilliant show from Dr. Heinrich von Gittfinger. A respected authority in these matters. Love listening to the Jason while queuing for my COVID jab. There you go.

Oh, look, there's lots saying put Charles in space. I think that was one of the code words. Yeah, right, okay. But my favourite one is from Name Invalid on Tuesday, titled Nice, and it says, love it, especially love Charles, think he's hilarious and clearly a great boss. Probably very good looking too, not that I'd know because I'm certainly don't know him and definitely am not him. Charles.

Charles, are you name invalid? I think I'm name invalid. I think that they saw that my name was Charles First. And they went, oh, well, it's in value. You can't. Because I think I must have posted it from my actual name to count. Charles, are you at the point in your career? Yeah.

Where you go on the internet and post fake reviews of your own podcast. Yes, I have told. Oh, God. We'll be back tomorrow, but I understand if you won't be. We're part of the A-cast Crater Network. Geary's thanks to rode microphones. We're part of the A-cast, Crater Network. Poor Charles, he used to be somebody.

I used to be somebody. Remember that time you were nominated for a loggie? And you didn't win it? That was as good as it was going to get, old friend. I thought that was just the start.